Maybe I Have Been Fooled

[jjgitties212]

Hi all. You might recall my story from previous posts as my other user name.

 

So I think it turns out maybe things have been more interesting in my wifes life than I thought.

 

Things were sort of getting a little better between us and I have been trying to be a better husband and more attentive. But perhaps its a little too little too late.

 

So today I was working on her phone because she asked me and I stumble across the messenger history.

 

She seems to have been texting some co-worker at work for a while now. From what I can tell by the history, this has been going on until at least June of last year. Possibly longer.

 

I won't bother posting all the text content because whats the point. But I read through the back and forth banter. Lots of texts from him with things like "I love to see you smile", and various subtle jokes like "I can come over right now with wine". To be quite honest, there are also lots of texts from her to him which totally come across as flirting. She has been texting lots of stuff about the types of drinks shes having, how much she is partying, there is even a text from her to him with a painting of a naked woman riding a man in bed. the guy is married. she mentioned him casually once before and said they are friends and his wife is constantly having babies.

 

After I saw it I approached her as calmly as I could and flat out asked, are you having an affair with X? she denied it. I asked her, are you thinking of having an affair with X. Once again she denied it. She claims they are just friends. I pretty much told her, I read those texts, you are totally flirting with this guy and i think this guy totally thinks he will get into your pants. I told her, I seriously doubt he is that interested in hearing about texting about your girls night outs and seeing what cocktails and drinks you are constantly drinking. He's only texting because he thinks one thing is going to happen.

 

In the text history I also discovered that a few months ago about a work party -- she kind of lied to me. There was lots of confusion and discussion about how she will get there and how she will get a ride back. I was supposed to drive her there and pick her up. Afterwards the story changes from she will get a ride there but I will pick her up. Afterwords at 1am I got a text from her that she was getting a ride with someone else. In the first version of the story, the person giving her the ride was some female co-worker. After reading these texts, I see that the guy offered to give her a ride there, but she got a ride with another co-worker to the party. But this guy stayed all night and gave her a ride back home after the party. I think she got home at 1 or 2am. Also that particular text from him to her the day after was strange "how are you doing party girl.i hope you have forgiven me or do i have to expose videos of the abuse. thank you for hanging out with me".

 

Another thing she lied to me when she denied it is that she sort of insinuated the guy is ugly and old and not her type at all. i looked him up. he's not old at all. he looks like a guy that has little 1 and 2 year old kids. hes in his mid 30s or so i guess. also be his texts, you can tell hes not old. hes into fairly contemporary music and smokes up. i also wouldn't call him ugly. not brad pitt but not ugly at all.

 

Anyways, long story short, she once again denied everything. Yadda yadda.. threw back some stuff at me like how i have female friends I go out with and she should be able to have male friends. it is true, i do have a female friend i have known for 30 years and she also knows my wife and has been to my wedding. i don't stay out with her until 2am and i don't send her pictures of people in sexual positions.

 

anyways, so here i am deciding what to do. forget about it, let it slide and wait to see what happens next? start preparing to pack the bags? start preparing to go to marriage counseling?

 

quite franking, i have not been going through periods lately of not being the happiest in this marriage and have been having lots of thoughts about divorce. so i am not even sure if i want to go to counseling. i am also wondering that perhaps the feeling is mutual. i dont know.

 

after i approached her and asked her these questions and she denied everything, we didnt get into a fight. she held my hand and cuddled in bed before going to sleep.

 

here i am awake wondering what to do next.

 

what i am more worried about is, what else is there and are there others? to be quite honest, i am a bit aloof and its probably not that hard to sneak things by me. i am wondering if are there lots of other things or places i should look for confirmation?

 

what my gut is telling me?

well, i kind of felt there was something a little different about her in the last quarter of 2017. she seemed more energetic and more into work stuff and she also did different things in bed. she didn't seem as tired and out of it as usual.

 

my gut is telling me, she is either seriously considering having an affair or this guy is grooming her (or they are grooming each other) for an affair.

 

anyway, that's my story.

 

 

addendum

one more thing. i remember that guy. she had gone on a work trip with a bunch of other co-workers and i picked her up when she came back. that guy was there and i recall weird vibes from him. he didnt say anything. but i recall weird vibes and looks.

Edited January 18, 2018 by jjgitties212

[Thingsfallapart]

Lol accidentally stumbled on the message history ?

 

Jokes aside

 

What are the videos that have been mentioned? What videos is he joking about exposing and what does she need to forgive him for the night after the ride home?

 

Sounds like they could possibly be having a fling of sorts already...

 

But what do I know? I’m just a guy on the Internet...

[jjgitties212]

Lol accidentally stumbled on the message history ?

 

Yeah, I know. well, i suspected something was up. she has been glued to her phone a lot more than usual. i always thought it was her other female friends. which is true. but its also this guy as well.

[Thingsfallapart]

To be honest Mate, I’ve been in a similar situation which was posted months ago on this board.

 

Chances are if you think something is happening it is.

 

Your sub-conscious picks up a lot that you don’t register, however it lays in your mind occasionally giving you hints and gut feelings.

 

So how about the videos? Have they been sending sexual videos to each other or something?

[jjgitties212]

To be honest Mate, I’ve been in a similar situation which was posted months ago on this board.

 

Chances are if you think something is happening it is.

 

Your sub-conscious picks up a lot that you don’t register, however it lays in your mind occasionally giving you hints and gut feelings.

 

So how about the videos? Have they been sending sexual videos to each other or something?

 

no idea man. just the sexual paintings she sent to him. with the text context, "how to make your marriage interesting"

 

tomorrow is going to be a **** day at work. i got no sleep and i have to deal with so many a-holes at work.

[gonebibi]

If shes anything like my ex, she will deny it until she cries and makes you feel bad for asking the question.

 

Sounds a lot like what my ex did, started texting a lot with someone else(a lesbian) they were just friends and things progressed from their until it came to a head and she left me for this girl after denying anything was happening for 2 months.

 

If you think something could be happening, then go with your gut feeling imo.

[jjgitties212]

To be honest Mate, I’ve been in a similar situation which was posted months ago on this board.

 

Chances are if you think something is happening it is.

 

Your sub-conscious picks up a lot that you don’t register, however it lays in your mind occasionally giving you hints and gut feelings.

 

So how about the videos? Have they been sending sexual videos to each other or something?

 

I read your post. Mine is sort of similar but not as extreme. what was weird with me was in the last quarter of 2017 i had a lot of bad night sleeping where i had dreams my wife was asking me to have affairs, or she was having an affair and i found out, or we were talking about affairs. they were just stupid dreams.

 

but also at the time, i was dealing with my own EA with a much much younger girl. we didnt have sex because i sort of let it fizzle out before it got to that, but i was in a really messed up emotional state for a while in late 2017.

[Thingsfallapart]

Well, good luck.

I think you need to be careful with how you deal with it. You don’t want to accuse her wrongly because that will push her towards the other guy.

 

You need to find out what time she left the party and how long she was with that guy on the ride home in his car. Talking as a guy that has had affairs, the chances are that he is grooming your wife, he probably tried something like kissing in the car and your wife refused him and that’s what he was talking about forgiveness and he is telling your wife he is in an unhappy sexually boring relationship and that’s what the pictures refer to... But his married sex life is probably ok but it’s just a way to groom women to have an affair...

 

Be careful and don’t accuse her of anything until you have solid proof because talking from experience women who cheat will deny deny deny until the cows come home...

[jjgitties212]

You need to find out what time she left the party and how long she was with that guy on the ride home in his car.

 

thats a great idea. now how the hell am i supposed to find that out. i go around asking her co-workers i barely know.

[Thingsfallapart]

You saw the texts and messages calculate the times of the messages.

How long was the drive home etc

She got home at 2am?

Chances are the guy asked if he could park somewhere to talk to her about how unhappy he is in his marriage, tell your wife he wants someone like her and then tried to kiss her or more... but at least if he is talking about forgiveness it means your wife rejected him. But he would have amped up his efforts since then.

 

Also if your wife has an iPhone, you need to see what photos are in her deleted section

Edited January 18, 2018 by Thingsfallapart

[bluecastle]

I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is: Do you want to be in this?

 

It's clear that your marriage has been suffering for some time, and neither of you are as happy as you'd like to be. Whether she's flirting with an affair or having one is kind of beside the point in the big picture. Bottom line is she's seeking validation elsewhere and keeping things from you and nothing good is going to come if that behavior keeps up.

 

I think marriage counseling is needed. But it has to be something you both want to engage in, with a shared outcome to work toward. This could be the moment that makes you two stronger, or it could be the beginning of the end.

 

But only you can know which of those outcomes appeal more in your gut.

[William]

Good morning,

 

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