My ex hasn't contacted me in almost a year

[mariah24]

Hello everyone. So I spoke on/off with this guy for about 3 years since my senior year of high school. After the 3 years, he had started dating this girl for about a year and ended up reaching out to me back in 2016. He was living with this girl for a majority of their relationship. When he reached out he asked if we could meet up so he could talk to me about why we didn't work out all the times I tried to date him. He ended up telling me how he was no longer attracted to the girl he was dating and how he wanted to break up with her, but couldn't because he was living with her and would otherwise be homeless if he broke up with her. So he basically said he had to stay with her due to that reason and he told me him and her weren't even speaking anymore and that they slept in separate rooms. He said that she knew it was over between them, but that he was still living with her and her mom and grandma. So he lied to me a lot and I'll admit I did fall for them because I was very naive at the time. This all did occur about a year ago, but I'm only 21 now and was 20 at the time this all happened.

 

So after we met up, he basically kept calling me telling me to believe him when he said it's over between them, and to trust him. So I had agreed and he began coming over to my house almost every day and I had finally gotten my 1st car so I could hang out with him (which I couldn't do before because of my strict foreign parents). So we'd hang out and I'd drop him off on her street, a few houses down because he was still living with her, but he said he didn't want her to start drama if she saw he was dating someone so quick so he told me that's why he had me drop him off down the street. Again, now I realize I was so stupid for falling for it, but at the time I was so blinded by love/lust I don't even know.

 

I lost my virginity to him, and in February, I ended up finding out that I was 5 weeks pregnant with his baby. I was 20 years old at the time and he was 21, it was shocking to both of us when we found out, but originally we had agreed to keep it and we were happy. During the time from February-May he was acting very weird like one day he'd be like talking about the baby and we went to go look at strollers at Babies R' Us and then boom next week he'd text me to come over to his house (he finally had moved out of the ex's house and into his sister's house when I told him about the pregnancy) and would say stuff like "You should get an abortion because we're not ready for a baby" and then week after that he'd be rubbing on my stomach talking about picking out a name. So clearly he was ****ing with my head at this point because one day it was picking names and then a complete 180 the next day when he'd tell me to get an abortion.

 

During the time that I was pregnant, I caught him lying on multiple occasions. One day he was getting texts and calls from this contact that had a guy's name and I had asked him to unlock his phone to check something and a text came in where the guy contact was calling him babe. So I confronted him and come to find out, it was the ex who he had been living with. She ended up coming to his sister's house and trying to fight me. I also caught him a few weeks before that at her house and he tried to lie and say he was getting the last of his stuff from her house when I knew 100% that it was a lie. I had sat outside of her house for more than an hour because he was acting very suspicious with the way he was texting me that day and my gut told me to drive to the ex's house and I ended up catching him walking out after more than an hour being there. He had lied and said he was at the YMCA with his friend.

 

After both incidents, I still got back with him because he was clearly very good at deceiving me and making me think he was innocent. I also have to be quite honest, I stayed through all of the bs because of the baby.

 

In May, my parents ended up finding out that I was pregnant and he ended up changing his mind too about the pregnancy after we had a huge argument. So my parents and him both basically gave me no other choice than to get an abortion. Because my parents said they were gonna kick me out and then he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So I couldn't be pregnant, homeless, and jobless. So mid-May I got an abortion, which I think about and feel guilty about every single day since it happened 8 months ago. On the day of my abortion he ended up starting a huge argument with me outside of Planned Parenthood because he had asked to see my phone so he could call his boss and let him know he can't come into work because he had to drive me home from the abortion. I ended up finding out that he didn't call his boss but instead looked through my calls and messages to see if I was talking to other guys. He ended up seeing messages between this guy and I, where I basically told the guy about everything that had happened between me and the guy I was pregnant by. Because ever since he had moved out of his ex's house in February, I had to financially support him. He was living with his sister, but I had to pay for his clothes, food, and other stuff while we were together. I ended up spending well over $3K on him in the 4 months that we dated. He saw these messages where I told the guy about all of this money I wasted on him when all he did was cheat on me. The guy I was pregnant by started crying and saying how that hurts him that I told the guy his business about how he was unemployed and basically leeching off of me.

 

I apologized to him saying that I didn't mean to hurt him but that I really needed someone to vent to. Thinking about the abortion alone stressed me out and made me have suicidal thoughts. So because of an issue I had right before the procedure I went in unexpectedly and he ended up having my phone during the abortion. While I was in there, he looked through my phone and saw that I was texting my ex and flirting and going along with my ex's sexual texts. He got pissed and didn't speak to me the whole way home. Then when I finally got home he messaged me on Fb saying to never speak to him again because he saw my texts between my ex and I.

 

I'm going to sound dumb but 2 days after the abortion I kept calling him to apologize for everything when I wasn't even the one in the wrong. He ended up calling me a bitch and we haven't spoken since that day. It's going to be a full 8 month since we've spoken in 2 days.

 

After he called be a bitch, I hung up on him and blocked him on everything. In July his ex who is now his girlfriend AGAIN....she messaged my friend on Fb saying how I need to stop lying and saying I had sex with her bf and stuff when he told her I only bought him stuff, which is ridiculous! The texts that he saw on the day of my abortion were texts from 3-4 days prior to the abortion, which I don't see why he was about them because it was while him and I were broken up and also HE CHEATED ON ME throughout our entire relationship, with his ex....

 

I find myself still thinking about him and the baby every single day since the abortion. I feel guilt every single day about getting the abortion, because I wanted to keep the baby but I basically had no choice but to abort it. Again, I haven't heard from him since the middle of May when we spoke on the phone and he called me a bitch. I have him blocked on all social networks. He has not reached out to me at all in these past 8 months.

 

I want to hear what are some thoughts on the situation? Do you think I'm in the wrong and reach out and apologize? Do I try to continue on with my life and not think about him?

 

I have to be honest, it really hurts me that he hasn't reached out to me since the abortion. Instead, he just went straight back to dating his ex who he cheated on me with during my pregnancy. All I want to hear is "I'm sorry for putting you through all of that". I'm a good person and I gave him my all. I was even going to have our 1st child, and he just treats me like I'm nothing. I'm not even worthy of a sorry. He continues to live with the ex and post pictures with her. Meanwhile, I'm still single and I cry every single day thinking about the abortion.

[preraph]

You've just go to 1) forgive yourself. And 2) it's completely over with your ex, and you've got to accept that and let that go. He's done. You made your own choices and he made his. The fact that the two didn't exactly line up and agree just tells me it was never going to work between you anyway. So be glad you have a fresh start. If you can't get past it, get in some counseling to vent it all off, but just keep making your own choices. Don't do anything you can't live with going forward, and don't expect a man to come to your rescue. Work hard, get past this anger, and rescue yourself. Heal. You have to want to.

[mariah24]

Thank you so much for that, I really appreciate it!

[Purepony]

Sorry you had to go through this, this guy is clearly a scumbag!

 

First off don’t call him or anything instead be glad and appreciate yourself for keeping your composure.

 

Keep him blocked and stay away from looking at his social media so you can move on from this and a few years from now you’ll look at this thread and be glad you did

[mariah24]

Thank you so much, I appreciate that a lot!

 

It really hurts, because even after all of the horrible things that he did to me, I thought he'd man up and apologize to me. All the current girlfriend encourages him to do is smoke with her all day and he's not even in school or anything. I was so good to him and encouraged him to consider school again, find a job, stop smoking. He ended up hanging out with my best friend's boyfriend in July because they play basketball together sometimes. He was telling my best friend's boyfriend how he thought it was "gonna be forever with me, but I started acting crazy" all because I caught him multiple times in lies and how I was "good for him and was pushing him down the right track" but he's "gonna try and make it work and not mess it up this time" with the current girlfriend.