Jump to content

Unfriended after one month, then a month later blocked - thoughts?


Recommended Posts

So my Ex and I broke up at the end of Nov 2017. In the middle of Dec she Unfriended/Unfollowed me on Instagram but I could still see her on WhatsApp (I.e. see if she was online and her photo). The last we spoke was on the 16th Dec (exactly 1 month ago). Today, whilst scrolling through I see that she has totally blocked me on Facebook (can't search for her), instagram has changed from 'Private' to 'No photos yet' and WhatsApp I can't see her photo and whether she's online or not (Assume she's blocked me).

 

I know she has potentially been seeing someone from her work, but I only know this through using a friends phone to look at her instastories (she hasn't posted any photos of them but has removed photos of us together). All I know is she's been with this guy a few times for a double date drink, a concert and a meal.

 

I'm initally gut wrenched and felt terrible. I have NOT contacted her for a month in anyway so i don't understand why she'd do this? The last we spoke was that we both needed more time to process our feelings - she dumped me.

 

The only two reasons I can think of this are:

 

1) She's struggling to move on and doesn't want to be tempted to visit my open social media accounts.

2) She's started a new relationship and deffintely doesn't want me to find out - even though this is still possible?

3) She's trying to play mind games? (Provoke me to reach out and SMS her?)

 

Really interested in peoples thoughts?

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile

It could be any of those scenarios, or maybe something completely different. You will never know someone else's mind.

Have you thought about just asking her? If she has blocked you and you can't ask, then there is your answer.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you're sadly likely correct with your first guess, that she is dating someone and doesn't want you to find out the hard way or make herself look bad to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

what i don't understand is that by defriending me I can't see any of her profile anyway, most of her stuff is private and not public so I don't understand.

 

I've not contacted her in anyway at all - so I'm a bit confused as to why I've been carte blanch blocked - I seriously think that it's more to stop her looking at my rather than me looking hers because before today, I couldn't see anything anyway?

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile
what i don't understand is that by defriending me I can't see any of her profile anyway, most of her stuff is private and not public so I don't understand.

 

I've not contacted her in anyway at all - so I'm a bit confused as to why I've been carte blanch blocked - I seriously think that it's more to stop her looking at my rather than me looking hers because before today, I couldn't see anything anyway?

 

 

Knowledge is power! Ask her why.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I guess I'll never truly know - it just doesn't make sense that she's done it now - exactly 30 days after we've not spoken and she moved the last of her things from my house!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Knowledge is power! Ask her why.

 

As much as I'd love to reach out to her I'm not going to do that. I want her back but she dumped me and she should reach out to me. Maybe this is a sub conscious way of trying to provoke a response?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It could have nothing to do with you and just in her process of moving on and break the ties.

 

Yup, very true! It could be just another way to help her move on? (struggling or not).

Link to post
Share on other sites
Knowledge is power! Ask her why.

 

This defeats the purpose of NC.

 

The real solution is to stop checking whether she has you blocked etc. on social media. Delete the accounts and wipe her from your phone. It should no longer matter to you what her reasons are.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile

Try not to sweat it. It is just social media after all. I think the 30 days is purely coincidental.

 

 

There is a chance that she is trying to move on... and if that is the case, then she is making the right choices.

 

 

I don't know her, but unless she is normally passive-aggressive, then I don't think she would do it totally to provoke a response. Because, in reality, after finding out you were blocked, it would probably be very unlikely for you to contact her again. I mean, if I were blocked, there is no way I would reach out.

 

 

Also, unless you check daily, then she may have done this a while ago.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile
This defeats the purpose of NC.

 

The real solution is to stop checking whether she has you blocked etc. on social media. Delete the accounts and wipe her from your phone. It should no longer matter to you what her reasons are.

 

 

 

I totally agree with this. The reason "WHY" doesn't matter.

 

 

But, if someone is going to analyze this to death, then I think it would be better to get the answer. Plus, the answer may solidify the fact that the dumper has moved on, and that will help the OP.

 

 

I like to know all the information about a situation so I can make a decision. No Contact is to move on, so if finding out the truth helps one move on, I say go for it. I am not a believer in NC just for the sake of counting days.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile
This defeats the purpose of NC.

 

The real solution is to stop checking whether she has you blocked etc. on social media. Delete the accounts and wipe her from your phone. It should no longer matter to you what her reasons are.

 

 

 

It helped me a lot to deactivate my social media, that way I couldn't look and I didn't have to block etc. Try to deactivate for a few months.

 

 

I will probably get back on eventually. It has been a year I guess.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not so uncommon, mine blocked me on fb a month after the breakup, both pictures with her new man, blocked me on instagram a month later, "no posts yet", even spreading some false rumors about our break up, just shows you it wasn't so rosy for her.

It all points to a new man definitely in the picture, not wanting to hurt you or just trying to keep you in the dark or hiding it.

I wouldn't worry about it because you will never find the answers you're looking for, try to move on with the Most important thing, your life

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Whatever her reason, she either a) doesn’t want to talk to you at the moment or b) is trying to get a reaction out of you.

 

If a, you need to respect that and if b, you need to ignore her childish games.

Either way, don’t contact her for now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Whatever her reason, she either a) doesn’t want to talk to you at the moment or b) is trying to get a reaction out of you.

 

If a, you need to respect that and if b, you need to ignore her childish games.

Either way, don’t contact her for now.

 

You're right, I'm not going to reach out!

 

I check fairly regularly, i just so happened to be using WhatsApp and accidentally scrolled too far down and saw that her name had the generic blank photo next to it which got me curious. It then lead me to check everything else.

 

I desperately want her to reach out to me (because I desperately want her to want me) but like I said, she dumped me and i accept that it has to be her to make the move, she's the one who's dumped me and didn't want to be in a relationship with me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile

 

 

 

I just wanted to know if she fell out of love or if it was over fighting etc.

 

 

I am a firm believer that you can't fabricate feelings, so if that is the case, it is probably best to just move on, and not hang on to hope.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Mate, I read that story and it echoes from start to finish, first I must commend you for handling this so maturely, quite fitting of your age.

You see I was with a woman like that for almost 3 years, ended in September, I was devastated to say the least when she broke it off, asked the same questions, how could she say, I was her rock, her everything, best thing that ever happened to her and then walk away?

Fascinating isn't it?, I would like to point out somethings we learn from, you will just like I did, anxiety or attachment issues as you have read online, no doubt might be part of it, is the best thing you could ever offer someone,and you did this out of love and admiration, but we have to accept that as long as the other person is not truly happy within themselves, they will always seek external validation, one day they are happy, the other day, no so happy, the next not sure what makes them happy.

I was with a woman like that, I assumed so kind of protective role, I was there to solve every single problem, even when she would cry while cutting a potato because she was sad, I rushed to grab the knife and took her to bed and cuddled her, so many such instances, because I put her on this stage where my responsibility was to make her 100% happy, but was she?, she isn't and probably will never be, that is exactly what you did.

Your ex sounds like someone who is unsure about everything in her life, and you can't change that, more specifically people don't really change that much, she was the same before you met, and your love and protection wasn't still enough to satisfy her unending search for happiness and fulfillment.

I am very pleased by the way you have analyzed the whole break up, you seemed very informed, this will be hard as the only thing which will prevent you from healing is your ego, you have to break that ego yourself the second time and move on.

As you must have read online, and here, try to focus on the most important things in your life and have solace in the fact that you did your best, these people never change, no matter what she says or how much she cries, you shouldn't be surprised when she's with someone else in 2 weeks.

Live your life to the fullest, vent here anytime you need and consider this forum as your free psychologist.

Cheers

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks for all the comments and opinions so far.

 

Young Mind, firstly thanks for reading my story, i know its a long read but you know, i used it as an opportunity to get it all out of my head and onto paper. I often come back and read it actually - still to this day I don't understand.

 

I'm trying to take solitude and get on with my life. I'm getting there and I think I'm being too hard on myself to be honest but I just don't want to feel like this. I've read other stories and I'm concerned that it takes so long to get over someone. I don't want to waste my life mourning something like this, it pains me that it still has control over me!

 

I'm still just really confused as to why she'd block me rather than just leaving the status quo with being 'unfriended'. I can't see any logical reason why you'd do it. I can't see any of her photos, I can't see any of her status', I can't see any of her InstaStories. I've not blown up her phone with text messages and I've not even been in touch!

 

I can only think that it's her playing games and wanting to provoke a response because I can still get in touch (email, calling, SMSing etc) or, that she's really trying to stop seeing anything to do with me (like Facebook suggestions or what have you)?

 

She defriended me on Facebook and Instagram on the 13th December, removed a load of photos of 'us' and some memories from Instagram on the 4th January and today on the 17th she's blocked me.

 

I'm actually going to a councillor (i guess you'd call it therapy in the US) to talk through things, I'm hoping that's going to help me deal with some of my past before this relationship too. As you've pointed out, it might be that I decide that I tried my best but for my piece of mind I have to try.

 

THank you for all your help so far guys!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do not contact her. If someone has gone through lengths like this (blocking you on all their social media) it means that they don't want to hear from you. That's not a game.

 

Your relationship is over. Best to let go and rid of any ideas or to hold onto hope she'll come back to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So my Ex and I broke up at the end of Nov 2017. In the middle of Dec she Unfriended/Unfollowed me on Instagram but I could still see her on WhatsApp (I.e. see if she was online and her photo). The last we spoke was on the 16th Dec (exactly 1 month ago). Today, whilst scrolling through I see that she has totally blocked me on Facebook (can't search for her), instagram has changed from 'Private' to 'No photos yet' and WhatsApp I can't see her photo and whether she's online or not (Assume she's blocked me).

 

I know she has potentially been seeing someone from her work, but I only know this through using a friends phone to look at her instastories (she hasn't posted any photos of them but has removed photos of us together). All I know is she's been with this guy a few times for a double date drink, a concert and a meal.

 

I'm initally gut wrenched and felt terrible. I have NOT contacted her for a month in anyway so i don't understand why she'd do this? The last we spoke was that we both needed more time to process our feelings - she dumped me.

 

The only two reasons I can think of this are:

 

1) She's struggling to move on and doesn't want to be tempted to visit my open social media accounts.

2) She's started a new relationship and deffintely doesn't want me to find out - even though this is still possible?

3) She's trying to play mind games? (Provoke me to reach out and SMS her?)

 

Really interested in peoples thoughts?

 

Well first, this is VERY soon after your break up so all of this is going to be so raw. I understand.

 

Second, I think you were enjoying FB stalking her to a certain degree, and now she has cut off that drip feed to you so now this means it's really over in your mind.

 

Third, it's possible she's seeing someone else and that is why she doesn't want you on her social media, but it's also possible that she realized that you can still see her and decided to finish button that up. I am not seeing anyone else, but I plan to block my ex-bf soon. It's over and I just want him totally out of my life. It creeps me out and angers me that he's silently FB stalking me.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Well first, this is VERY soon after your break up so all of this is going to be so raw. I understand.

 

Second, I think you were enjoying FB stalking her to a certain degree, and now she has cut off that drip feed to you so now this means it's really over in your mind.

 

Third, it's possible she's seeing someone else and that is why she doesn't want you on her social media, but it's also possible that she realized that you can still see her and decided to finish button that up. I am not seeing anyone else, but I plan to block my ex-bf soon. It's over and I just want him totally out of my life. It creeps me out and angers me that he's silently FB stalking me.

 

Would you say it's still very soon? I guess it feels like time slow marches by rather than races when you feel like this!

 

The way we left it in the middle of December was that we both needed more time before we spoke/saw (not that we ever agreed to do either) - we just left it at that. It's all very brutal and cruel but I guess there's no other way - no good byes, no all the best, no thank you's - just a 'I still need some time' and 'so do i' and that was that. To me, part of me will always hope until I guess I meet someone else.

 

I think you're right about this drip feeding - maybe now I *can* move on. It deeply pains me that I still feel pain and that I feel this way.

 

Thanks for the help so far!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...