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Is there a chance with no contact?


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Hi people,

Long story short, I have been with my gf for 9 months now and things were perfect for the first few and even just a month ago we enjoyed a lovely few days holiday. Things became tense though at the start of December which coincided with my gf changing job to a more stressful role. Suddenly silly rows became frequent and I started getting needy traits (which actually killed a previous relationship). Despite this we have had 2 or 3 really good nights together, the last being 2 weeks ago where my gf was all over me, very loving and we spent all day and night in each other's company. After that contact became rare, any loving stopped and after a final catch up night after a few days space with no contact my gf finished with me, saying she was anxious and miserable and putting the blame on me.

 

I feel pretty hopeless going from hearing my ex tell people how amazing I was, to telling me she wanted to live with me (this just a month ago). I know that as my behaviour became more needy and in her words intense as her affection and contact dropped off in the past month but really felt that we could sort things by easing up, giving each other a bit of space etc.

 

Things just got heated when we met at the weekend, as I went to hers with high hopes of rekindling things and making up yet she was anxious, rigid and very guarded, complaining a lot about her work stress. After she told me to leave we spent 2 hours texting back and forth with her gradually getting angrier and angrier and continuing the following morning.

 

She went from saying she needed me to back off and give space before half an hour later saying it was done and she didn't want to try. she then blocked me on all forms of contact, although left me on facebook as a friend but restricted it so that I cannot see her posts but she can see mine. During the arguing over text I made a silly comment about deleting me on fb if she meant what she said so she removed any reference of me but then said it was hidden so no one would notice.

 

I know right now she is blaming me for her current anxiety and stress, yet she is also extremely stressed in her work and I still feel (also she has never admitted this) grieving the death of a very close family member.

 

 

I know that whatever I say now is going to push her further away, so I guess no contact is my only hope but struggle to leave things alone when for 6 months or so I had the most affectionate, caring gf who would do anything for me and keep in constant contact genuinely caring about me.

 

She sounded like she was done, but then we have never had more than 2 days space from each other so even though she is very angry and has blocked me out now, 2 or 3 days after the fall out, is there a chance she will mellow, how much space do I give?

 

Thanks everyone

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You give her all the space in the world & leave her completely alone as she had repeatedly asked you to. Your behavior is dangerously close to running afoul of the law. Stop bothering her.

 

 

She is not going to come back. Even if she had been willing to catch her breath from the work stress, your failure to give her that & pissing her off now has her angry at you. From her perspective there will be no looking back longingly; it will be more of thank heaven's that disrespectful, pushy, selfish p.i.t.a. is out of my life.

 

 

You can't use NC to manipulate somebody into coming back. It's not about absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's about your healing.

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Thanks guys,

To be honest, she hasn't exactly pleaded for space or anything and it was actually her idea to have a date night a week ago and then my suggestion which she agreed to that we met up over the weekend.

The text row that followed after I went home was a mutual dialogue that initially started out with her asking me to back off but as I tried to persuade for 30mins by text she became angry and hence the blocking.

 

 

I just feel that the work stress, grief and other factors (of course our relationship as well) is having a serious effect and I have effectively been shut out. I spoke with a close family member at the time and just said that I cared for my gf and was here for them, and they told me they understood that but right now I should back right off and wait for my gf to see how she feels without pressure. My gf was less than happy with the text and told me not to again, so I apologised (by email as the only contact still not blocked) and told her I was here if she wanted to talk but would back right off now.

 

 

I'm trying not to read too much into things, but the fact my gf and her close family members have kept me on say social media when she could easily cut all ties and never have anything to do with me again, coupled with her initial comments of not wanting to do anything that grabbed public attention from friends suggests she is still in 2 minds.

 

 

If I go dark now, will the anger fade, and the good memories of me come back once she feels less stressed and pressured?

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IReallyLovePuppies

Making a few assumption here and apology if I'm wrong..

 

During her stressful time with her new work and death of.. Closer family friends? - did you do anything to help her unstressed or did you just ignore it all whole concentrating.. as you said, your neediness on her?

 

Regardless.. Move on.. but if you did not do anything to help her out during her time of needs.. Sorry bro, you have a lot of growing up and 'giving' to learn before you go into another relationship.

 

Events like these are learning experience.. Take from it and make yourself a better person.

 

Wishing you the best

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Texting is one of the worse ways to try to have an emotionally laden conversation. Deep subjects like that need face to face communication so you can look in her eyes & assess body language.

 

 

Whether she will regret her decision based on your silence has to do with how "done" she is; how stressed she is about work and how much that last exchanged angered her. I wouldn't hold out hope. It will only delay your healing.

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I’m like you in the sense that in any kind of distance I get insecure and end up pushing, well I clearly pushed my ex away.

 

I think I’ll always be needy and will probably need a needy partner otherwise it might not work.

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I know that whatever I say now is going to push her further away, so I guess no contact is my only hope but struggle to leave things alone when for 6 months or so I had the most affectionate, caring gf who would do anything for me and keep in constant contact genuinely caring about me.

she sounded like she was done, but then we have never had more than 2 days space from each other so even though she is very angry and has blocked me out now, 2 or 3 days after the fall out, is there a chance she will mellow, how much space do I give?

 

Thanks everyone

 

There are rare exceptions as to when NC is not a good idea, but this sounds like one where you need to let your ex cool off. Things are still raw and she needs time to process and reflect.

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I don't see how you can possibly think she will want to get back together with you. She's told you it's over and she's blocked you.

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Yes she will. Know from experience.

 

She'll either mellow out and find she doesn't want or mellow out and want peace with you and to see you again.

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So tonight, I went to deactivate my facebook account and as soon as I did, I received a short email from my ex asking how I was. I have also noticed she has unblocked me on one form of social media.

 

 

I haven't responded yet, but surely it's a sign that the anger is starting to cool and she is wondering what I'm up to?

 

 

Think I'm best to leave it still and see if she reaches out again.

 

 

Any opinion would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

Thanks

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So tonight, I went to deactivate my facebook account and as soon as I did, I received a short email from my ex asking how I was. I have also noticed she has unblocked me on one form of social media.

 

 

I haven't responded yet, but surely it's a sign that the anger is starting to cool and she is wondering what I'm up to?

 

 

Think I'm best to leave it still and see if she reaches out again.

 

 

Any opinion would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

Thanks

 

I would answer her but don't overdo it. Sounds like you were smothering her and she took the space that she needed. If you wait for her to reach out again, she will likely be angry. In the future, don't smother and be needy. It's a relationship killer as you already know.

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Thanks for the advice people...so i left things overnight and sent a simple short email first thing this morning just saying i was ok thanks, asking how she was and left it at that.

 

I can see her fb page now and she still has our joint pictures and posts up so I'm not really sure what to make of it all.

 

I really want to reach out, see if we can talk etc but i know right now i must resist, and still give things time and my gf plenty of space.

 

Just hope that the fact she has made contact and unblocked me on fb is a sign that she maybe open to eventually trying again.

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OK, so it's almost a week since my ex finished with me now and although I've kept myself busy with work and the gym, seeing friends and having my son it is still no easier.

I had an angry message from her on Monday after she found out I had spoken to a close family member, for which I apologised and went quiet to start no contact. Then after 2 days without a word and shortly after deactivating my facebook account I had an email simply saying "Hi, hope you're OK". I left this over night and replied yesterday morning just saying I was OK, and asked how she was. She replied yesterday afternoon saying she was glad I was OK and that she was ok. I replied last night just saying I was glad to hear she was OK and asked how her week had been.

So far, no response but I'm really hoping her initial contact is a positive sign. I just have these fears that maybe there's someone else, maybe she is keeping me as a comfort blanket.

 

 

I really want to reach out and suggest talking if she'd unblock me on the various messengers she's blocked me on but I know right now I cannot push it and that 6 days is really no time for anything major to change or her anger to cool right of.

 

 

Would just really like some guidance from anyone who has been in the same situation as to how I play it now, how to ease my thoughts etc. I've planned myself a fairly busy weekend to keep myself active and keep updating my fb so my ex will see that I'm not moping (she unblocked me on fb on Wed).

 

 

Thanks guys.

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Learn about a concept called bread crumbs.

 

Her messages are not an indication that she wants to reconcile. Sorry.

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CantTakeMySmile

I've planned myself a fairly busy weekend to keep myself active and keep updating my fb so my ex will see that I'm not moping (she unblocked me on fb on Wed).

 

 

^This sounds like a game.

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Thanks for the advice people...so i left things overnight and sent a simple short email first thing this morning just saying i was ok thanks, asking how she was and left it at that.

 

I can see her fb page now and she still has our joint pictures and posts up so I'm not really sure what to make of it all.

 

I really want to reach out, see if we can talk etc but i know right now i must resist, and still give things time and my gf plenty of space.

 

Just hope that the fact she has made contact and unblocked me on fb is a sign that she maybe open to eventually trying again.

What Is happening now is the pre-"she's with someone else after 2 weeks of our break up" phase.

She's asked for space but you must assume this relationship is over for now, she's not a kid but many are, not the first time she's been in a stressful situation example work or school, I can bet it's not the first time she's been stressed in your whole relationship, but why does this time differ?, why is it suddenly, you become a burden?, why do you become the constant factor in her stressful life that can't be managed or changed?, why do you become the enemy?all leads to feelings changing, now you are the sudden reason she can't be happy even though in reality you're not, you may be part of it but solely?, No

You will suddenly see when she starts hanging out that Oh! Where is the stress from work we were talking about?, The irony of love.

NC is a good start but you must really, deeply let her go, don't be afraid to block if you find yourself constantly checking on her or waiting for her to write you.

I never had that chance because I was blocked but anyways, I suggest to send her a message one more time, a call will be better, no begging, air your mind , apologize for anything you've been doing wrongly-and get on with your life.

It won't be easy but you can always come here, vent , read and read other stories, it's mind blowing!

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You shouldn't be talking to her relatives when she's asked for space. That's high on the stalkery scale: If she won't talk to me, I'll use her relatives to get information and get to her that way. Whether that was your intention or not, don't do it. She was right to be mad about it.

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