EX-gf spreading terrible rumors

[Young mind]

Hi guys,

I would really love some input or similar experiences to understand this,

My gf of 2.5 yrs broke up with me in September, it wasn’t the cleanest break as I begged and pleaded and blew up her phone to come back, but as we all know that never works,

October we spoke a bit because it was her birthday, she told me how much she missed me and how her birthday was so empty without me, I wrote her a little bit more and then she told me she will block my messages because “she can’t see me like this”, I said okay, 2 weeks later she blocked me on Facebook, on the same hour she posted pics on fb with her new boyfriend or partner on holidays, I was so confused as I didn’t understand I’m not an irrational person so I don’t believe she blocked me to protect my feelings, I wrote her again and she didn’t answer, 1 month later November she blocks me again on Instagram even though we are not following each other, this blew my mind, as what could possibly be going on,

December her new boyfriend updates his relationship status and she doesn’t ,

I know I shouldn’t be spying but to be honest though it might go against all the norms I feel I moved on, and I would just like some outside opinions as to what all of this might mean.

[springy]

I don't get the sense that she's hiding from you. It sounds like she is trying to move on and possibly trying to spare your feelings as she moves forward with the new guy. You have not moved on or all the social media stalking and even this post wouldn't exist because you wouldn't care at all.

 

It's best to go complete no contact when you have been dumped (especially if they are seeing someone else). You have tried to reconcile so she knows how you feel and where to find you if she wants to communicate. In the meantime really try to stop looking at her activity.

[Young mind]

I don't get the sense that she's hiding from you. It sounds like she is trying to move on and possibly trying to spare your feelings as she moves forward with the new guy. You have not moved on or all the social media stalking and even this post wouldn't exist because you wouldn't care at all.

 

It's best to go complete no contact when you have been dumped (especially if they are seeing someone else). You have tried to reconcile so she knows how you feel and where to find you if she wants to communicate. In the meantime really try to stop looking at her activity.

Thanks for the reply but yeah I can say I did move on, but we all know or if you could imagine anyone posting here it is all seeking answers to a behavior which is entirely strange, it is easy to say move on, go NC but in reality emotions are not some set of codes we can push anytime , I know the rules, NC and all but sometimes clarity might be nice, I’m someone who likes to understand every single detail, might not be the norm but I would like to know

[springy]

Thanks for the reply but yeah I can say I did move on, but we all know or if you could imagine anyone posting here it is all seeking answers to a behavior which is entirely strange, it is easy to say move on, go NC but in reality emotions are not some set of codes we can push anytime , I know the rules, NC and all but sometimes clarity might be nice, I’m someone who likes to understand every single detail, might not be the norm but I would like to know

 

Yeah we all want clarity but when it comes to things like this you can't ever really know unless you go to the source. The source is unlikely to tell you the real reason even if they do talk to you...so that's why the general advice is to 'move on' and once you do, you will not give a flip about what she's doing.

 

I can imagine seeking answers because I was once that person. I knew I was over it when I stopped caring but that took time. Your other option is to keep tracking her, keep trying to figure out what/why/how/who/when/where, over analyzing everything, etc...keep your wheels spinning but not really get anywhere. For me that behavior was pure torture. I'm not trying to be a jerk - I've just been there.

 

I realize emotions can't be turned off in the blink of an eye (I happen to have two or three of them ). It was sheer will and determination to get over someone who didn't want me, to move on, that helped me stay the nc course. As for emotions - those took time to catch up.

 

I don't support rebound theory too much anymore - especially in the case of the dumper. I was sure my ex was rebounding, but 5 or so months into the relationship she fell pregnant, then a couple years later she fell pregnant again...and here we are almost 5 years down the road. They are still together. You just can't know what will happen. It's impossible to say. But I understand this is still quite fresh for you...

 

Nothing wrong with you coming here asking - I just put in my $0.02. I'm sure others will chime in. Good luck.

[Marc878]

She probably met him liked it and moved on from you to him.

 

You can't understand because you are projecting your feelings onto her.

 

She doesn't have those feelings for you hence her other man.

 

You'll keep yourself where you're at until you cut all contact and move on like she did.

 

Cut out the needy clingy behavior it just make you look bad.

[sdraw108]

If you still feel the need to know all the details, then you haven't moved on. Conversely, if you've truly moved on then you wouldn't care in the slightest what she is doing or who she is dating, other than mere idle curiosity perhaps once or twice a year (and probably not strong enough to actually bother trying to find out). Allow me to quote from the NC guide:

 

you can see them in the arms of another loving partner, completely happy, and holding their child - and think to yourself, "Meh... that reminds me....I need some sweet peppers and tomatoes."

So, my advice to you is to implement NC properly until you have moved on (by my definition, not yours).

[alterest]

Perhaps she talk to you with no intention or she still liked you at that time but she met someone new. So what? You have nothing to do and keep in contact with her lead you to misery and pain. Stop to talk with her and move on. If she change her mind she will look after you.

But look, don't hold any hope... It's pointless. You have no control and holding hope is a one way expectation... It lead you to nowhere.

Stop spying her, you don't move on yet.

[Young mind]

Thanks to everyone for the feedback, yes I understand and moving on is clearly the only option for me, but ofc regardless of how we look at it, moving on after this long time together is quite difficult.

I accept the situation and hopefully I should soon be on my feet

[ExpatInItaly]

She might also have deleted/blocked you at the request of her new boyfriend. Many people don't love their partners keeping exes on social media, so she may have done it out of respect for him and their budding relationship.

[Young mind]

I would like to give my opinion about the most popular subject on the web, This is not a happy ending where I say I got my ex back but I believe I’m happy without that outcome,I’m not trying to discredit already established opinions but would like to make a revamp.

First, this might be long and you can skip to relevant parts.

My story:

I met my ex-gf in a uni party and it was instant attraction, I was nice and I opened her like a flower, she kept telling me she couldn’t stop thinking about me and how I hugged her, spoke everyday, went on several dates had sex quite quickly too, she had a bf at that time, I didn’t know because we spoke on WhatsApp , she dumped him very quickly and he didn’t take it well, wrote her everyday and stalked her, even got into a fight with me once at a party which I handled well and he backed off, she was loving it, I get to the point where I tell you women fall in love 1 million times, you just need to be the best guy at that moment and she’s automatically in love, the new shining you, the rebound!, I wasn’t free of my own baggage as I also broke up with my gf at that time cos she cheated , so we were both Rebounds, I use this term because it really does exist, although most of the time subconsciously.

Everything was great , slept with each other everyday, told me she loves me and wants to marry me everyday, some other popular quotes “ I never found anyone like you”, “you’re the best thing that happened to me”we had few fights here and there but nothing groundbreaking.

Fast forward to Sept this year, she becomes distant, this is at the 2.5 yr mark, this is when you hear the popular “ I’m so busy with everything “ you start to wonder when did everything become so busy all of a sudden.

Last week of September , we get into a fight while talking on Facebook, she stops talking, I wait for her to come back from her weekend I went over to her, she tells me to move on, I was distraught, I pleaded beggged, all to no avail, we all know, never works.

Same month I realize she has talking to her coworker or boss. I ignored everything, I blew up her phone, wrote her everything I could possibly think of, still nothing.

October, blocks me on messenger cos she says she can not see me like this.

November, blocks me on actual Fb, same hour posts pics with the coworker and the posts kept coming every weekend in one city or the other.

I was devastated

Blocks me on Instagram even though we weren’t following each other.

Today is almost 3 months of NC.

I can tell you it gets better, I still think about her because there are 1 million triggers but it gets better.

My advice:

People advocate Block her , move on like some sort of ABC to break up, but I believe there is no ABC to break ups, ‘relationships coaches’ feed off poor souls with this ABC approach.

Take the time to grieve, don’t rush it, if you’ve been dumped after a LTR, you could say to yourself many times I moved on but it just will only come naturally, take that time!

Try to take things slowly, do no over work yourself in the aim of filling your day so you can ‘forget’, all you’re doing is suppressing emotions which will surface quite soon enough, rather have a balanced schedule, work on your relations with family and friends which you lost .

Make a plan for your future , set goals for a week, try to accomplish them, now set more goals for a month and work towards them.

Gym is great, releases endorphins which may make you feel great and calm, but what about when you arrive home and alone again, all comes back.

Try to make a balance and try to take things slowly, they say time heals all wounds and this is true.

Will your ex come back, there is a chance but I believe when they do so you just won’t be on the same level, you would have moved up so high with your life , you are able to scrutinize all the choices you have.

Lastly, whilst I commend everyone who posts on this group, I also would like to ask for some empathy while answering others, it may seem boring to see the same questions over and over again” how can I get my ex back “ but this question are coming from a point of desperation and sadness, NC and MOve on! Is a fair advise but try to also add tips on how they can move on, makes it a whole picture not some emergency guide.

Thanks for reading the long story, if you have any inputs or advice, you’re welcome.

[Young mind]

How is everyone coping today, remember the days preceding Christmas when our hearts where all up fire, desperate for that Christmas message from our lovely ex who discarded us without second thoughts?

Where are we now?, can we all see that these moments come and pass and we only get stronger every day?.

They were probably having the best time of their lifes, maybe their new partner was introduced to their parents, it was all bliss, while we were sulking in our heads, isn’t it time to accept and realize we don’t need them to be happy?

New year is coming, as we have strolled past the ugly Christmas, we must in the new year.

Acceptance and moving on is key!

These feelings will come and surely quickly will they pass , don’t let it deter you from being the best version of yourself you could ever be.

[HumanMachine]

Today marks 40 days no contact. I asked her 40 days ago if she wanted to work on our issues and move forward, she replied “I love you but i can’t be in a relationship with you right now”.. i told her I couldn’t be anything less than her boyfriend, to which she shrugged her shoulders. I told her that this would be the last time she would ever see/talk to me, hugged her and left. I changed my number and blocked her email addresses on day 1.

 

This Christmas period has knocked me for 6, I really miss spending time with her.. going to the store and buying food, going for a drive.. the little things.

 

Importantly I have maintained NC although I must admit I have been close to dropping her a message, but why? Why should I? She let me walk away that day. I can’t embarrass myself by messaging her “I miss you”, she’s more than likely with someone else as I type this. It hurts but it’s life.

 

Fortunately next week Christmas/NYE will be a distant memory and I will be focusing on work and my goals for 2018.

 

[Young mind]

Today marks 40 days no contact. I asked her 40 days ago if she wanted to work on our issues and move forward, she replied “I love you but i can’t be in a relationship with you right now”.. i told her I couldn’t be anything less than her boyfriend, to which she shrugged her shoulders. I told her that this would be the last time she would ever see/talk to me, hugged her and left. I changed my number and blocked her email addresses on day 1.

 

This Christmas period has knocked me for 6, I really miss spending time with her.. going to the store and buying food, going for a drive.. the little things.

 

Importantly I have maintained NC although I must admit I have been close to dropping her a message, but why? Why should I? She let me walk away that day. I can’t embarrass myself by messaging her “I miss you”, she’s more than likely with someone else as I type this. It hurts but it’s life.

 

Fortunately next week Christmas/NYE will be a distant memory and I will be focusing on work and my goals for 2018.

 

That’s the way it goes mate, hang in there!

[1fish2fish]

8 mths post breakup and didn't respond to his Christmas breadcrumb. I've been working hard on my self awareness and self worth, and friends have even noticed. They comment on how "well" I'm doing, and how far I've come. Which is true, I have.

 

I have great goals for 2018, both large and small, and I'm excited to see what blooms from the bullsh*t that fertilized 2017.

 

But today I just found out the ex got a job in the next state over and will be moving there next week. My tears surprised me. I guess it's the final death of the dream we both shared of moving to the mountains together. Dreams are the hardest thing to die, aren't they? Even though the ex was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive, we still had dreams once upon a time.

 

This, too, shall pass.

[HumanMachine]

That’s the way it goes mate, hang in there!

 

Thanks man

[todreaminblue]

I spent xmas with both my long term exes and my family and i gained a new perspective on an ex i hadnt seen physically for 11 years i was so passionate for him we were together a long time...........im glad that i did gain a perspective....because i see we are so different ..i hadnt really noticed before how judgmental he is on others.....and its really off putting.....i care for him still...but the passion is well and truly gone....i dont know if its because i feel for another guy which i did.....or because i finally am just over him.....it doesnt really matter ...i am just happy.....

 

i had a towel in the kitchen while i cooked the xmas ham because i sweated my guts out....I cooked the turkey christmas eve and wrapped presents for my granddaughter till 400 am christmas day......and i survived christmas so yay for deb.......we had a beautiful xmas lunch no alcohol for anyone ...thanking god above for that......all in all this christmas exactly as it was ...i needed to have it and i feel a bit blessed actually......that my passion i had for my ex...is bye byes.....because he doesnt deserve to have that passion.....deb

 

 

i have to add I hope everyone here on loveshack had a good christmas and it went well for everyone....deb

[TheOnlyOne73]

Today marks 40 days no contact. I asked her 40 days ago if she wanted to work on our issues and move forward, she replied “I love you but i can’t be in a relationship with you right now”.. i told her I couldn’t be anything less than her boyfriend, to which she shrugged her shoulders. I told her that this would be the last time she would ever see/talk to me, hugged her and left. I changed my number and blocked her email addresses on day 1.

 

This Christmas period has knocked me for 6, I really miss spending time with her.. going to the store and buying food, going for a drive.. the little things.

 

Importantly I have maintained NC although I must admit I have been close to dropping her a message, but why? Why should I? She let me walk away that day. I can’t embarrass myself by messaging her “I miss you”, she’s more than likely with someone else as I type this. It hurts but it’s life.

 

Fortunately next week Christmas/NYE will be a distant memory and I will be focusing on work and my goals for 2018.

 

 

In a similar situation to you HumanMachine, except today marked 63 days no contact. Was helpful hearing a male perspective after a long period of NC, thanks Stay strong

[Young mind]

Hi all,

As I write/vent ,I can not express the anger I feel, I would like outside opinions

As to why my ex gf, would take the cheap route to spread silly rumors about me and our break up, I mean has someone else been in this situation?

I have posted about my break up last Sept, she dumped me, I'm getting to a better place and accepted and move on, only to hear today from a friend who heard from another friend, that my ex said various damaging things about me, including I repeated physically abused her, I mean what's the rationale about that, she was the dumper, she was with someone else few weeks later, I mean I begged so I should be the angry one.

I mean I can't even imagine, what's the point?, another blow to me? The final blow?

What's the rationale everyone?

[preraph]

Have you ever hit or pushed her or restrained or blocked her from leaving?

[Young mind]

Have you ever hit or pushed her or restrained or blocked her from leaving?

 

Absolutely nothing, I never laid a fine or raised my voice, even in the moment of the break up, I basically wrote her 1 million messages, begged in person, I mean everything, nothing abusive , she blocked me and even wrote me that she can't see me like this, I mean there's no reason for this, I basically treated her well, but the reason for our break up was definitely not physical abuse, she just said she was unhappy due to our many arguments, I mean a classic

[Unearthed]

I went through something similar my ex also spread rumors about me after a few months of NC just like you. I reacted to it though and eventually broke NC found out some horrible stuff and basically burned the entire bridge. From my experience its their way of trying to get us to react to feed their ego and hurt us one more time. You can either choose to be angry and react or keep doing what your doing and find your own happiness. Make the right choice man.

[mayonnaise]

Just leave her alone. I've been at the same situation 5 years ago, the funny thing was it was the other way around. I suggest speaking or explaining only about your part to your closest ones, the ones you trust. Because they're the only ones who matter most. Plus, this is probably just her guilt or something that's trying to encourage everyone that she's the victim here. The ones who know you won't believe her, and those who believe her, don't matter anyway.

 

In time, the truth will reveal. Like mine, he used to tell everyone how much everything was my fault, etc. He used to tell everyone I was a bitch, called me names. I ignored him anyway. Just told my bestest friends about the whole case. In the end, no one believed him because everyone knows what he really is. Plus, later on he came begging to come back, ignored him even more. Lol

 

Unless, it'll get worse like getting a lawyer or something, then that's another story. But for now, just ignore her. She just wants your attention.

[Been]

Went through the exact something. And like you I didn't know that person was going around spreading lies until someone mentioned it to me and the worst part is they were TOTAL lies- nothing was even close to the truth.

I think she did it to justify to herself the break up even though she was the one that had been unfaithful/lying. Its easier to lay the blame on someone else rather then take any responsibility for your actions. And if someone treated you right and you screwed it up its easier to tell lies to cover up things you don't want people finding out. And its a lot easier to do when the person your lying on isn't there to tell there side.

Have you ever seen someone lie and lie and they actually begin to believe the lies after awhile?

And don't confront her because I can almost assure you she will deny having said certain things.

The truth will always surface eventually. Of your a good person and you know you didn't do any of those things people will eventually know.

Don't let her cause you to react in a negative manner because you will just be playing into what she wants- a reaction.

[Goodguy05]

She's angry and she's trying to gain ur attention

[healing light]

I think she's doing it to cover up any speculation about how the relationship ended since she entered one right on the heels of your breakup. She probably didn't want to get the rap of being the bad guy and feeling guilty about that to your mutual friends, so instead she came up with this whopper.