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I broke no contact with an email...


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NewPageTurner

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, No one likes reading a novel and I could use some insight.

 

So here goes, my ex gf and were together for 1 month shy of 3 years. Lived together for over 2 years. I was 23 when we got together she was 19, now 27 and 23. She was also a virgin when we got together if that matters.

 

Long story short, our relationship encountered a lot of ups and downs. I'm divorced with 2 son's, now 7 and 9. She was in their life for over 3 years which to me is significant.

 

I'm the only guy she's ever been with in any way, sexually, lived with, etc. It meant a lot to me. Our relationship did encounter some significant turning points.

 

Fast forward to May of this year. She packed her stuff and moved out. We encountered a period of little to no contact for about 3 weeks, then she started to come around. Then for 6 months, we consistently saw each other at least every day or so, sex was still consistent, but I was removed from all social media, her family didn't know she was still seeing me, I was essentially a secret.

 

On 11/8/17 we had sex, made a sex tape (which we did often) went out to a movie, dinner, and even went shopping. 3 days later she just dropped me. Decided she had enough of the back and forth and that she was ready to "move on with her life." Told me she planned to join the Navy after the 1st of the year.

 

I decided to stop begging and pleading to continue though my heart is still 100% committed to making it work.

After 2 weeks of her refusing to reply to my texts, or requests to see me, I went to her work. I needed closure. Of some kind at least. We talked for 3 hours. There was tears, kissing, hugs, rubbing, all of the embracing that we normally shared, but she wanted it to be done.

 

I told her that once I said goodbye, I would stop chasing her. I told her that I loved her and did not want this to end, but because this is what she wants, I would not reach out any more.

 

Fast forward now to Christmas Eve. 23 days since I've last seen her (12/1/17). I have researched this no contact rule and have ruthlessly fought to keep it. I miss her so much. Being the holidays, I'm missing her even more. I want to message her, and I assume I shouldn't.

 

I want her back. But I don't want to beg. I want to mean something and matter. After all, we were friends for 4 years, and lovers for over 3. Doesn't that count for anything?

 

Admittedly I still ask family members about her social media updates, and think about her literally every single day. It's even effecting my sleep.

 

I don't want to let go.

 

Any advice?

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I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, No one likes reading a novel and I could use some insight.

 

So here goes, my ex gf and were together for 1 month shy of 3 years. Lived together for over 2 years. I was 23 when we got together she was 19, now 27 and 23. She was also a virgin when we got together if that matters.

 

Long story short, our relationship encountered a lot of ups and downs. I'm divorced with 2 son's, now 7 and 9. She was in their life for over 3 years which to me is significant.

 

I'm the only guy she's ever been with in any way, sexually, lived with, etc. It meant a lot to me. Our relationship did encounter some significant turning points.

 

Fast forward to May of this year. She packed her stuff and moved out. We encountered a period of little to no contact for about 3 weeks, then she started to come around. Then for 6 months, we consistently saw each other at least every day or so, sex was still consistent, but I was removed from all social media, her family didn't know she was still seeing me, I was essentially a secret.

 

On 11/8/17 we had sex, made a sex tape (which we did often) went out to a movie, dinner, and even went shopping. 3 days later she just dropped me. Decided she had enough of the back and forth and that she was ready to "move on with her life." Told me she planned to join the Navy after the 1st of the year.

 

I decided to stop begging and pleading to continue though my heart is still 100% committed to making it work.

After 2 weeks of her refusing to reply to my texts, or requests to see me, I went to her work. I needed closure. Of some kind at least. We talked for 3 hours. There was tears, kissing, hugs, rubbing, all of the embracing that we normally shared, but she wanted it to be done.

 

I told her that once I said goodbye, I would stop chasing her. I told her that I loved her and did not want this to end, but because this is what she wants, I would not reach out any more.

 

Fast forward now to Christmas Eve. 23 days since I've last seen her (12/1/17). I have researched this no contact rule and have ruthlessly fought to keep it. I miss her so much. Being the holidays, I'm missing her even more. I want to message her, and I assume I shouldn't.

 

I want her back. But I don't want to beg. I want to mean something and matter. After all, we were friends for 4 years, and lovers for over 3. Doesn't that count for anything?

 

Admittedly I still ask family members about her social media updates, and think about her literally every single day. It's even effecting my sleep.

 

I don't want to let go.

 

Any advice?

 

Are you in good terms with her? If yes, send a short greeting if you really mean it, not for reconciliation. In my case, I won't send anything. I didn't and I don't want to, but I don't know your background story. For your question:

"Doesn't that count for anything?"

Yes, it counts. But counts for good thing and bad things, so you can't define anything by that.

My 2 cents, keep NC, improve yourself and start to move on. She broke up, she want to split things with you so she need to make the move to regain you. There's nothing you can do right now. Just focus on you and accept everything ends. Maybe she back in the future, but if you keep that hope you never be able to move on.

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I dated my ex for 7 years and she walked out with no tangible reason. I tried to reach out and got no reply to my requests to see her again.

 

So no, once a woman decides she doesn’t want you the time you spent together means nothing.

 

Stay in NC.

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"I told her that once I said goodbye, I would stop chasing her. I told her that I loved her and did not want this to end, but because this is what she wants, I would not reach out any more."

 

Don't make a liar out of yourself! You said you would stop chasing her, so stop.

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It sounds to me like family pressure, her very young age, wanting to join the Navy meaning distance and you do have some baggage that for a woman your age wouldn't be as big a factor. But thinking of a 19 year old being with a divorce father of two can be overwhelming.

 

If you truly care for her let her go, she has goals that will be more difficult for her should she maintain a relationship with you. My guess is you could eventually woe her back, but then you run the risk of resentment and anger down the road for holding her back.

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I don't want to let go.

 

Any advice?

 

Let go, if she want to reach you, she will.

 

You will do to yourself only more pain by reaching her.

 

Good luck, this is hard. Even after month, i still want to text my ex wife to seek some closure but it's pointless.

 

You have to be strong and focus on yourself. The first week are pretty hard, my sleep was pretty ****ty too, i was dreaming about her every night but after sometimes, it did stop, i guess the healing part is doing his job.

 

So be braveful, this is a rough path but you will do it !

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healing light

First, rest easy that this is normal--it's only been less than a month since you guys have been over. There is no time frame for grief, but I would be worried about you if you were not experiencing what you describe if you truly loved her.

 

That being said, you were her first and met her when she was young, so there is most likely a part of her that wants to explore other experiences (she may also feel too young not only for settling down, but also for acting as a replacement mother). At her age, I always wanted to be with only one man in my life but I know other women don't necessarily share that sentiment, so you don't know that she doesn't want to experience other partners, in which case nothing that you could have done could have prevented her departure so far. This is not to say that she'll never come back around, but I think your best shot for that right now is to keep your space and your word about not pursuing her. Let her miss you and see what life is like without you.

 

In the meantime, I hope you get through the holiday season alright. Tough time of year for breaking up. I would suggest taking up some kind of hobby to turn to for when you miss her.

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NewPageTurner

Thank you all for the advice. This is killing me. I honestly had high hopes she would at least send a merry Christmas text, but she didn't. I hate this feeling so much. I just miss my girl..

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NewPageTurner

My gf of 3 years and I have not seen or spoke to each other since December 1st. I keep repeating a few mantras in my head to try and cope with this, such as "Dent those that deny you" and "The biggest bargaining tool we have is the ability to walk away and mean it."

 

I didn't want to end. I wanted to fix and rebuild and keep what we had. I'm so tempted to reach out to her every single day that passes. I know it's an illusion of action, that if I do something MAYBE she will do something back.

 

I'm plagued wondering who she may be talking to now that she isn't tied to me, and I fear the longer we go without communicating, the more she will forget me and what we had and eventually become interested in another guy.

 

Am I crazy here? I know these posts are common, but I just needed to vent. Holding strong in NC is so hard but the consensus I've gathered from people is that if I wasn't the one to end it, chasing is a weak position.

 

Any positive vibes would be great.

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If she is the one who ended it, nothing you can do or say will change her mind. You can break NC & beg but she won't come back & you will feel worse.

 

NC is supposed to help you heal & get over her. So far it's not working for you.

 

When you give in a reach out she's either going to ignore you or hurt your feelings all over again. Maybe that is what you need to go forward.

 

Best wishes.

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Hi,

Of course you're crazy- you're going through the early stages of a break up where crazy comes out to play ! We've all been there.

 

You're not ready to accept what no contact truly is meant for right now, I know this because I remember the sheer panic when I read the words 'move on' etc. The thought of no contact being anything but a temporary thing made my blood run cold, so I faced it one day at a time.

 

It's easy with every day that goes by with no contact to think of the most outrageous images of the great time they're having...because I didn't go full no contact if I saw my ex online late, I was convinced he was having enthralling, flirty chats with someone. I could have drove myself to insanity.

 

You have to just stick with no contact, in this panic stage it won't seem like it's serving any kind of purpose- but it is.

 

My ex did get in touch and for the longest time ever, I took anything I could, contact was always for his benefit and never mine and each time left me feeling worse than the time before.

 

This period, despite what you think will make you stronger for any situation that arises, whether it be the dreaded moving on or having an objective conversation should she get back in touch eventually.

 

As you gain control of your emotions you will become stronger, I promise.

 

I'm three years single now and am ridiculously content. I know who I am. And am happy with myself and am really proud of myself and what I've learnt through this.

 

So from one crazy to another- stick with it- for YOU.

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NewPageTurner

Today is 30 days since my ex and I had our final "goodbye" conversation. It was emotional and I hated it. I did not want to walk away but after 6 months of hot and cold, indecisive behavior from her, and no real signs if change to move forward together, she said she wanted it to end because she is "tired."

 

I told her I would not reach out. With tears and losing my composure I kissed her goodbye and told her I wouldn't bother her anymore even though we were together for 3 years. I'm blocked on all social media, she said she did that so she can move forward without seeing my face.

 

I want her. I just want to be with her. We said goodbye on December 1st and it has been so hard. I've been sick mentally and physically missing her literally every single day.

 

The only way I would be able to reach out to her would be to send an email through gmail. That's the only place I'm not blocked to my knowledge.

 

Should I say Something?

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No you shouldn’t. She ended it with you and is clearly not interested in reconciliation. You said you wouldn’t contact her again - stick to your word. You will look weak and needy if you reach out.

 

No contact is incredibly hard.. healing is a slow process.. it takes time.. do not contact her

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No you shouldn’t. She ended it with you and is clearly not interested in reconciliation. You said you wouldn’t contact her again - stick to your word. You will look weak and needy if you reach out.

 

No contact is incredibly hard.. healing is a slow process.. it takes time.. do not contact her

 

Is there never a time I can reach out?

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Is there never a time I can reach out?

 

She ended it so no; you told her yourself that you wouldn’t contact her. So far you’ve stuck to your word, she knows the score so she’d reach out to you if she wanted contact.

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NewPageTurner
No. Never reach out.

 

I know it may sound cheesy, but when you love someone and you know it is very real, never is a long time to just not do anything..

That just seems so dead endish.

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I know it may sound cheesy, but when you love someone and you know it is very real, never is a long time to just not do anything..

That just seems so dead endish.

 

She doesn’t feel the same way about you. With time you will get over your feelings for her.

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What is there to say? She said she wanted out. She left you. It's been a month & as much as you wanted her to come back, she hasn't.

 

You can reach out now because you want to. It will not cause you to get back together. She will reject you all over again. She will see you as beneath her because you are begging. You will get hurt again. But if you need to rip off the scab from the little healing you don't know you have done, by all means, let her stomp all over your heart one more time & let her take away your last shred of dignity. You will only prove to her that she made the right decision especially because you said you would not bother her & now here you are bothering her. You are not a man of your word.

 

I really hope you find the strength to resist reaching out but if you don't, I hope the latest kick in the teeth will move you forward toward more complete healing. Best wishes.

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Today is 30 days since my ex and I had our final "goodbye" conversation. It was emotional and I hated it. I did not want to walk away but after 6 months of hot and cold, indecisive behavior from her, and no real signs if change to move forward together, she said she wanted it to end because she is "tired."

 

I told her I would not reach out. With tears and losing my composure I kissed her goodbye and told her I wouldn't bother her anymore even though we were together for 3 years. I'm blocked on all social media, she said she did that so she can move forward without seeing my face.

 

I want her. I just want to be with her. We said goodbye on December 1st and it has been so hard. I've been sick mentally and physically missing her literally every single day.

 

The only way I would be able to reach out to her would be to send an email through gmail. That's the only place I'm not blocked to my knowledge.

 

Should I say Something?

 

Well, mine broke up telling how great am I and that we may be together in the future. I tried to keep in touch with her and I only got polite but cold response. At the end she called me abusive because I went to her house to return her stuff after a fight we had, just because I said I want to talk to her and she said to me that I was imature and I made everything hard to her. She is bipolar, she was in stressful situation, she was (or is, don't know) unmedicated and didn't went to any therapy. She went from deeply love to anger and ingoring me.

 

Sooo, my two cents for you: Don't send anything. You are hurt right now and these holidays make everything worst. I know cause I really want to talk to my ex too. But you won't find what you are looking for. And you are looking for acceptance and reconcile, and you won't have it... At least not right now. She already know that you are open to her and if she want to reconcile she will reach you.

 

Your ex already blocked/deleted you on everything (as mine did to me, include on games plataforms) so you have an idea what you could take from it. If you can't see I will tell you: You will take nothing... She will ignore you, she will hurt you and she don't want anything.... Spare your mental health. If you see that you are overthinking about her just stop what you are doing and do something else. But don't talk to her. Neither send her happy anything... You only hurt yourself.

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I know it may sound cheesy, but when you love someone and you know it is very real, never is a long time to just not do anything..

That just seems so dead endish.

 

It is very hard, and it's very final. I understand, and I'm sorry. I would say to give yourself a year before you decide if you want to reach out. The fact that she blocked you on social media to move on means she really wants to move on. It's hard to block someone on social media, so she's serious about it. If it helps, you will look incredibly weak to her if you try to reach out. The more you chase, the more they run away.

 

You have to push through this, and keep telling yourself that this is permanent. You are moving on. It doesn't mean you will never speak to her again in your entire life. You might at some point. But not right now. Breaking NC is just a way to live in denial and delay moving on.

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It is very hard, and it's very final. I understand, and I'm sorry. I would say to give yourself a year before you decide if you want to reach out. The fact that she blocked you on social media to move on means she really wants to move on. It's hard to block someone on social media, so she's serious about it. If it helps, you will look incredibly weak to her if you try to reach out. The more you chase, the more they run away.

 

You have to push through this, and keep telling yourself that this is permanent. You are moving on. It doesn't mean you will never speak to her again in your entire life. You might at some point. But not right now. Breaking NC is just a way to live in denial and delay moving on.

 

I can't stand the thought of her moving closer and closer towards someone else. She gave her chastity to me and it hold so much weight on me. I feel like by not doing anything at all, she may think I don't care anymore.

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I can't stand the thought of her moving closer and closer towards someone else. She gave her chastity to me and it hold so much weight on me. I feel like by not doing anything at all, she may think I don't care anymore.

 

Full responsibility never lies on one person. That's the point of a relationship, two people working together towards similar goals in companionship.

If you ever feel like the outcome is solely in your hands, it's not. It takes two and she has just as much say in it as you do, yet she's not doing anything.

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I can't stand the thought of her moving closer and closer towards someone else. She gave her chastity to me and it hold so much weight on me. I feel like by not doing anything at all, she may think I don't care anymore.

 

Truth is most people break up so that they are free to date other people. Bottom line.

They can dress it up in all different ways, but essentially that is why they do it.

 

Some may take a while to take the plunge and others will rush headlong into a new relationship.

As the dumper she holds all the cards, she owes you nothing.

Most dumpers are just so done, by the time they split that whether you care or not will not worry them one iota, sorry to say.

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