Reconciliation success or failure?

[iflipburgers]

Hi All,

 

Has anyone got any successful or un-successful reconciliation stories they can share?

 

Be great to hear your experiences

 

Thanks

[d0nnivain]

I only tried it once. He dumped me. I begged, pleaded & cried. All the stuff you shouldn't do. We got back together. It lasted less than a month because the trust was gone.

 

In college my roommate's BF dumped her. They'd been together since 7th grade. It was awful. He wanted to play the field. He came back about two years later. She made him beg & kept him at arm's length for about a year. This summer they will celebrate their 27th wedding anniversary.

 

My friend's son got dumped by his HS GF for being an immature jerk. After 4 years out of college the reconnected at a friend's party. They are getting married this summer.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Huge huge failure (after divorce). Pretty much the biggest mistake of my life and now I live my romantic life by two mantras:

 

Forgiveness does not equal reconciliation.

 

An ex is an ex for a reason.

[HumanMachine]

I will let you know in a week..

[iflipburgers]

Huge huge failure (after divorce). Pretty much the biggest mistake of my life and now I live my romantic life by two mantras:

 

Forgiveness does not equal reconciliation.

 

An ex is an ex for a reason.

 

Sounds like you had it pretty tough! could you possibly provide more detail i.e. did the original breakup cause the divorce in the end? Can a relationship be long lasting if a breakup has happened at some point?

[iflipburgers]

I only tried it once. He dumped me. I begged, pleaded & cried. All the stuff you shouldn't do. We got back together. It lasted less than a month because the trust was gone.

 

In college my roommate's BF dumped her. They'd been together since 7th grade. It was awful. He wanted to play the field. He came back about two years later. She made him beg & kept him at arm's length for about a year. This summer they will celebrate their 27th wedding anniversary.

 

My friend's son got dumped by his HS GF for being an immature jerk. After 4 years out of college the reconnected at a friend's party. They are getting married this summer.

 

Some mixed stories there! Sry your didnt work out! Hopefully you meet somebody where this is not a scar on your new relationship.

[bluecastle]

I've done it twice, with mixed results.

 

Broke up with a big love when I was 25 because I knew I just wasn't emotionally available. It was such a hard decision, as I still saw us together but just didn't have the tools.

 

She reached out a month or so later, and we got back together quickly. A part of me knew I hadn't gotten the time I needed, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity. We were together around another year—lots of good times, but ultimately things just fizzled out. Not a sad story, though. We ended on good terms, learned for real we weren't right romantically, and today (13 years later) we're best friends.

 

The second time was a very toxic relationship that I ended just before turning 30. I ended that one, she came back, and we kind of pretended we were "cool" just sleeping together without a label. That lasted for a year, and was essentially a retread of the same toxic dynamic, only more toxic because I was also seeing other people thanks to the "no label" clause while she was thinking we were on the path to getting back together for real. Ended explosively with lots of bitterness that lead to us not talking for years. And yet, because the world is crazy, we recently got back in touch and...who knows?

 

Unlike many people on here, I'm a big fan of reconciliation, or at least trying. Deep love is rare and precious, and the older you get the more you come to realize that connections you didn't have the tools to respect and cultivate were seriously special. If both parties sharpen their tools, sometimes they can meet on a new plane. Maybe it's not "forever"—nothing is, after all, in the grand scheme—but it's more growth and connection and, ultimately, more clarity.

[d0nnivain]

Sry your didnt work out! Hopefully you meet somebody where this is not a scar on your new relationship.

 

 

The story I shared with you about me happened more then 25 years ago & I had plenty of other relationships before I met DH. That had no impact. I even have a civil professional relationship with the guy who dumped me.

 

 

It was the only time I tried the reconciliation thing. Usually I was just 'done' so by the time I made the thoughtful decision to break up, there was not dithering, hence no reconciliation.

[Gr8fuln2020]

She effed-up. I dumped her. I left. NC for months. Divorce. She waited. Couldn't get a hold of me. She moved on. I came back. We flirted with the idea. Too late.

 

In the end, it would have been for all the wrong reasons and after deciding to go NC (for good this time, hopefully) feel ambivalent about it all. I move forward.

[blocker]

Successful reconciliation that lead to another break up a year later .... which brings to dealing with a break up again as we speak! This time I am not fighting for it.

 

First time, I was broken up with, fought, plead and promised for about a week for him to re-consider us. We had a lot of amazing moments and times in the last year! But it seemed to me that eventually that same issues found their way back in our relationship -- but worse this time around.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Sounds like you had it pretty tough! could you possibly provide more detail i.e. did the original breakup cause the divorce in the end? Can a relationship be long lasting if a breakup has happened at some point?

 

We reconciled a few years AFTER divorce, and the divorce had originally occurred after several separations and attempts to get back together/make it work.

[alterest]

I was with my ex for almost three years and she dumped me. I begged, pleaded for around 7 months and she destroyed my heart by giving me a chance and a week later broke up again, using my account to play with a guy that she was interested and so on. After she did the account thing I broke up all contact with her and start to improve me and a month later she begged to a reconciliation. I take her back to my life and four months later she broke up again for some reasons. I had improved myself, she didn't. From time to time she try to talk to me, she get angry after I start to date another girl (my current ex and my suffer reason) and after a while she reach me out to be friend and so on.

It's a success history? I guess it is, cause she is nuts AF. Reconcilitions only work if the flaws are repaired, and for that you can take "can't accept the other" as a flaw.

If you want to know: The second break up was much more painful, but with lesser duration.

[HumanMachine]

I will let you know in a week..

 

13 days. She reached out to me 13 days ago via a ridiculously long letter, in which she promised she had changed, realised how she can’t be without me and how she cries everyday. We met for a chat and she seemed completely different, a new person. She promised me she will prove to me that she has changed.

 

We gave it a go and it failed, the other night she changed plans on me (unannounced) because her friend wanted to see her. This was a major issue before, as soon as her friend popped up any plans with me were cancelled. I could have a weekend planned for us but if friend popped up she’d call the whole thing off. “My friends will always come first”.

 

We went back to the exact same spot we met 13 days ago, and it was like I was sat with a completely different person. Cold, heartless, disinterested. I said I was done and her response was “okay”. I dropped her home and now it’s time to start NC again.. fun!

[GoreSP]

Broke up and got back together with my ex about 4 times.

 

That was 12 years ago. We just reconnected (as friends) and laugh about it now but yeah, getting back together with your ex is like swallowing your own vomit.