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-   -   Do I even deserve my new boyfriend? Feeling so guilty. (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/647882-do-i-even-deserve-my-new-boyfriend-feeling-so-guilty)

annalu 3rd January 2018 4:15 AM

Do I even deserve my new boyfriend? Feeling so guilty.
 
I have been with my BF for about 4 months now. I broke up with my ex almost a year ago after a 2 year relationship. My BF is an incredible man - he makes me laugh, he is considerate, attractive, extremely smart, and gets along with my friends and family. Looking at my relationship with him, I realize that the past 4 months with him has been better than my entire 2 year relationship with my ex (filled with drama and games).

The problem is that I still get upset when I see my ex with his new GF. It's not even that I want him back - it just hurts for some reason. I hardly see them in person but I see them all the time on social media. And if I was single I would just accept my feelings and let them fade. But since I am with someone new, the feeling of guilt is overwhelming me. I love my new boyfriend and care for him so much, and although I would never tell him about how this affects me, having these feelings make me feel undeserving of him. I know I would be devastated if he felt this way about his ex. Am I just some idiot who can't get over the ******* guy and see the amazing man in front of me?

Any advice at all would be really helpful. I know that I should focus on the present and let go of the past. I don't wish my ex to be miserable, and I know that he and his new GF deserve to be happy. I just wish that I could let go completely.

Flove 3rd January 2018 4:33 AM

I might not be able to offer much advice because I'm in a similar situation. Love my new man, don't want my ex back but still feel bad about my old relationship (and I miss my bad boy ex sometimes..).

What I did do was cut all contact, in real life and social media. It's good to wish your ex the best, but that doesn't mean you have to be reminded of his existence all the time. Especially on social media it's quite easy to avoid an ex.

Try to enjoy the little moments with you current bf and think of them when your mind wanders. But really avoid him as much as you can though. No need to have him around anywhere.

HumanMachine 3rd January 2018 5:06 AM

How about showing some respect to your new partner and removing your ex from social media?

basil67 3rd January 2018 5:27 AM

Unfriend your ex from social media. No triggers = you getting on with your new life.

annalu 3rd January 2018 5:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanMachine (Post 7501541)
How about showing some respect to your new partner and removing your ex from social media?

I removed him a long time ago. Blocked his number, all social media. We have many mutual friends and they often post photos of him and her when they are together.

basil67 3rd January 2018 5:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by annalu (Post 7501552)
I removed him a long time ago. Blocked his number, all social media. We have many mutual friends and they often post photos of him and her when they are together.

Ah, well that makes it tricky. Are the mutual friends very close to you? Do they know how you feel?

Have you considered telling them how the posts make you feel and asking them to block you from seeing them? It's a totally reasonable request on your part.

annalu 3rd January 2018 5:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by basil67 (Post 7501556)
Ah, well that makes it tricky. Are the mutual friends very close to you? Do they know how you feel?

Have you considered telling them how the posts make you feel and asking them to block you from seeing them? It's a totally reasonable request on your part.


A few of them are very close to me. However, they do not know how I feel. After the breakup him and I were very mature and kept everything civil. I have never said anything about him and his new girlfriend and he has never commented on my relationship either. Unfortunately, these posts are on instagram, which does not have an option to block me from seeing them without removing me. I'm starting to believe the only way to avoid this feeling is to stop using social media.. :(

HumanMachine 3rd January 2018 5:51 AM

A social media free life is a good life :cool:

annalu 3rd January 2018 5:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanMachine (Post 7501560)
A social media free life is a good life :cool:

I'm starting to think so too.. but as a 20 year old girl I have to admit it won't be easy :lmao:

HumanMachine 3rd January 2018 6:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by annalu (Post 7501561)
I'm starting to think so too.. but as a 20 year old girl I have to admit it won't be easy :lmao:

I’m a 25 yo male, deleted all social media 4 years ago after my long term relationship broke down. Haven’t looked back, much better ways to spend your time than looking at someone else’s dinner. ;)

basil67 3rd January 2018 6:32 AM

No, just stop using the social media which you find bothersome. And make sure to tell your friends why you made the decision.

bluecastle 3rd January 2018 8:23 AM

I think you need to find a way to talk to your current boyfriend about this. What you are describing is nothing to feel guilty about—it's just being a human with a complicated past and emotions, and you should be accepted for this. If you don't talk to him about it you're not showing him the full you, and without that it's going to be hard to sustain a rich and rewarding relationship in the long run.

frigginlost 3rd January 2018 11:48 AM

How long after the breakup with the 2 year relationship did you get in a relationship with the new guy?

ZayKayWill 3rd January 2018 12:00 PM

It honestly sounds to me like you still have some lingering feelings for the ex. Why did you end it if you don't mind me asking?

annalu 3rd January 2018 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frigginlost (Post 7501725)
How long after the breakup with the 2 year relationship did you get in a relationship with the new guy?

I met him previously through my best friend, but we did not start dating until 8-9 months after my ex.


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