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Getting over a Cheating ex-GF


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So here is my story:

 

I lived in Brazil for the last 2 years. Met a girl back in April and we dated casually. I left Brazil in August to Travel across Europe for two months before coming back to start a new job in New York (where I am from) in October. Right before I left we agreed to become boyfriend and girlfriend and to try long distance and then she’d come to New York in January. She comes from a poor family so I helped her or financially. Paid for English clssses for her, her passport and a visa. The type of visa she was getting was a girl friend visa.

 

Ok as I was traveling she kept accusing me of cheating on her. I agreed to change my flight and cut my trip short to spend my last week with her before I go back to work. Shortly after she’s broke up with me saying she couldn’t trust me. We don’t talk for a week and then I spoke to her again and I asked her if she was seeing someone cause it made no sense. She said she met someone but that it was just a friend. I got mad cause I thought she had been cheating on me cause she said she met someone. She said no and it was a friend.

 

I go to Brazil for a week and she’s acting strange. But her family throws a huge bbq for me and everyone in her family knows me as her boyfriend. And we agreed to get back together before I left back to the states.

 

I go back to the states and she continues to act flakey. She won’t add me back on social media (I had deleted her when we broke up while I was in Europe but tried to add her again). She kept saying she would add me but never did.

 

I tried breaking up with her her a few times cause I told her I thought she wansnt interested or seeing someone else. She would deny it and ask to work it out.

 

Eventually I saw on her Instagram account some guy who would always flirt with her. I broke up with her again and two days later that same guy puts That he’s in a relationship with her in his Facebook.

 

I reach out to him and find out that they had been dating the whole time and how he knew about me and told her to tell me that she wasn’t seeing anyone. She also told him that I was just a crazy friend and that we never were together and she told him that I just made it up to everyone that we were together.

 

When I confronted her she denied it but then said she did it cause I betrayed her first. When I asked when and with Who she said “I don’t know but I now you did it”

 

Right now I’m really depressed. They are together and she posts Pics if them. She looks happy and pretty and says she loves him. And it really hurts me. I don’t want to be with her, but it hurts that she did this and looks happy now.

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trustyourself

I have experienced this before. It’s a classic guilt transference. She was messing around on you, and to ease her guilt, she convinces herself she is doing it because you are too.

 

Sorry man. That really sucks.

 

Also, don’t judge a persons happiness by social media. That is all a farce. I was talking to a female friend the other day who told me she was miserable and sad, and three hours later she posts a selfie with all these ‘I’m so happy’ hashtags. It’s all a facade.

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Jeff2233,

 

It does suck. But it is just part and parcel of growing up and becoming a genuine, true adult. It's a big deal...but it's not a big deal...it's just part and parcel, etc., etc.

 

YOUR part in this experience of yours is to not let stuff like this depress you or get you into thinking that you are not valuable and important and special in your own right.

 

Some people will use you and try to get out of you your money and your affection and your time and attention. That is on them. It will come back to them in this lifetime or in some other lifetime (Karma). YOUR part is to let Karma take care of these kinds of people, and to not let it depress you and to not want to take or see your own revenge or vengeance.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Just because other people are on their own path to their own negative consequences or destruction, does not mean that you are not special and important and valuable. Focus on how you can be all of that, without letting those other kinds of people persecute you or get you down.

 

Wishing you all the best.

 

PS: Don't follow these types of people on social media. That is unhelpful and non-constructive for your own self-esteem.

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IReallyLovePuppies
How do I get over this? It hurts so much. I feel this pain every day and think about them together.

 

You dodged a bullet mate.

 

The hurt and shock will be there for a while.. But you'll grow out of it. But what the hell are you still looking and checking up on her on social media.. Stop that **** right now.. you can't heal an injury by poking it all the time..

 

You are in the States.. women there are plenty.. Gorgeous and most are really nice. Don't go looking outside.. Find someone closer to you and enjoy life.

 

But seriously.. Stop stalking her on social BS.

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I’m trying my best. I don’t think she used me for money cause she would fight with me when I offered to help. I just wish I understood why she did this to me and was so cruel when I found out. She was not apologetic at all. Just accused me. It’s like she was mad At me for finding out.

 

I asked her many times if she was with someone else. I told her insider want to get hurt like this. But she didn’t give a damn. It hurts so much.

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Of course she's mad you found out. After I did a timeline in my head about my ex and her new "love"( I ended it due to gut feeling)...She texted with some small talk and I flipped it straight to dates,times,behavior,ect..Suddenly it was "well..that doesn't matter now! All I want is you.." Uhmmm..Hard pass! Nobody wants to caught/labeled as being a cheat,even if she'll never see you again, she got caught.

 

If you want the hurting to stop asap,stop touching the flames. Block her and do not look at her social media. it's over. It's over is hard to accept,but what else can you do?

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I’ve stopped looking at her stuff, but I still feel like this depression is overwhelming. It hurts so much. I lived her and would have done anything for her and for her to deceive me like this it hurts so much.

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