He blocked me on all social media after we had an amazing evening

[Missye]

I met him on tinder. We have mutal acquaintances so I swiped right. I was a bit unsure as his grammar was horrible. I decided to take a break from dating so I told him. I said my mental health is not so good and he was understanding and later messaged and said if I ever need to talk he is there.

 

Decided to meet for coffee and beach as friends. Realised I really liked him and we decided to go on a date later. He would always message me, tell me he could see me becoming his girlfriend and he wants a serious relationship that lasts forever .

 

He saw my insta post about me feeling crap and he said he wants to help me feel better. And that he can make me happy and I could make him happy. Our date was on Saturday but he wanted to see me sooner so we met after work and walked around the city, he held my hand we kissed and cuddled at the opera house. Talked for ages. Then went for dinner. We then went to hyde park and cuddled.

 

We went on maybe 8 dates in two or three weeks. He messaged all the time and our dates were fun. He said I come across a bit like I have a wall and he said he is unsure about me though, due to my wall and being a bit distant. So I tried my hardest and was more open to him. But I was always very affectionate and caring. I paid for all our dates.

 

But him saying he wants to get to know the real me before we commit got me anxious. He kept assuring me he wants to be with me.

 

Our texts became sexual with mutal pictures sent etc. So on tuesday I booked us a room as he lives with family until Jan and so do I.

 

It was a nice room in Bondi and he cooked for me. First time we had sex too. He was so lovely and we watched david Attenborough in bed and cuddled. I asked if he wanted to go to bowling on the weekend and he said yes.

 

The next morning I felt sick due to what I ate before and I was a bit more quiet. He asked what was wrong and I said I am worried he will lose interest now, now most guys did after we had sex. He got a bit annoyed but still hugged and kissed me. Said I have to relax and just enjoy the present.

 

He said we will keep seeing each other- go on the bowling date and he has feelings for me. He told me not to worry.

 

Messaged me during the day to ask how I was. Then his texts became shorter and colder. I knew he was at a bbq but he normally always sent photos and texts even when he was super busy.

 

At midnight I asked if he was Ok as he didnt text. Next morning he said ' I am ok' and I asked how his night was.

 

I then saw he blocked me on all social media. And i messaged wishing him all the best and sorry for all the drama on Wednesday. He never replied.

 

I feel like a psycho as during our talk in the hotel I suddenly felt the urge to vomit due to feeling sick ans had to run to the bathroom. And I playfully tickelt him and play fought like we do usually because he was teasing me.

 

Now I wonder if I came across as a nut case and scared him.

 

 

 

He was open to me that he had anxiety attacks before. Even before our first offical date he messaged me saying he walked out of work with anxiety and was crying. And he often cries because of anxiety and other personal issues.

 

So me being open about feeling insecure should have not been a big deal. He wanted us to be open. And he said he is a positive person and does not need drama in his life. But he is the one who has anxiety!

 

I'm far from negative but just had fears, like everyone else.

 

I'm not in a good state at the moment.

[heartbrokenlady]

He's used you I'm afraid. A horrible thing to do.

 

Not your fault. He's a ****.

[stillafool]

How did he use her? She booked the hotel and wanted sex as much as he did. I think he decided you two weren't compatible and didn't have the balls to tell you this to your face so he blocked you. Maybe get some help for your anxiety before you decide to date again. I don't believe he was crying. Men are saying that a lot lately after they break up or go missing. Nah.

[Nadine123]

He used her by being extremely nice to her, knowing that she had issues, and then he bailed.

 

Look, guys (not at all) will act like angels just to get into your pants. Once they get what they want, bail. I had the same issue and I posted it about it here and most people here helped me learn that sleeping with a man too soon isnt a good idea. As much as your good intentions were, we just dont come across like that sadly.

 

Learn from this experience and dont trust people so easily. I know it hurts but work on self-love and development and you will attract the right people in your life.

[Begoz]

He wasn't serious. Probably not a good idea to have sex with someone until they are fully commited.

[stillafool]

He used her by being extremely nice to her, knowing that she had issues, and then he bailed.

 

 

Aren't we all nice to those we want to date? Is there some contract that if we go on a date and are nice to each other that we are now obligated to be in a relationship even we find out through dating that we're not all that attracted to each other? Maybe he didn't understand the extent of her issues until they started dating. People are expecting too much, too soon from a few dates.

[Nadine123]

Aren't we all nice to those we want to date? Is there some contract that if we go on a date and are nice to each other that we are now obligated to be in a relationship even we find out through dating that we're not all that attracted to each other? Maybe he didn't understand the extent of her issues until they started dating. People are expecting too much, too soon from a few dates.

 

We the obligation to be compassionate human beings. She isn't expecting too much, she was expecting to be treated with respect and decency. Even if he didn't understand the extent of her issues, he could have atleast have a proper conversation with her or simply tell her that it wont work, not block her like a coward.

[heartbrokenlady]

How did he use her? She booked the hotel and wanted sex as much as he did. I think he decided you two weren't compatible and didn't have the balls to tell you this to your face so he blocked you. Maybe get some help for your anxiety before you decide to date again. I don't believe he was crying. Men are saying that a lot lately after they break up or go missing. Nah.

 

 

 

He used her for sex. It's obvious and an unpleasant thing to do. Unkind.

 

Be a man. Tell her if you're not interested.

[HumanMachine]

He used her for sex. It's obvious and an unpleasant thing to do. Unkind.

 

Be a man. Tell her if you're not interested.

 

She didn’t have to have sex with him though did she? Why is it always the guy that uses the girl for sex? He decided that he wasn’t prepared to carry OP’s baggage, simple as that.

[heartbrokenlady]

She didn’t have to have sex with him though did she? Why is it always the guy that uses the girl for sex? He decided that he wasn’t prepared to carry OP’s baggage, simple as that.

 

 

She thought they were in a relationship.

 

He knew about her baggage before he slept with her.

 

He used her. It was unkind.

[Missye]

The thing is, apart from my insecurities I am all good. I didn't cling, I didn't go nuts by sending him 100s of texts or demand we see each other. He was the one to text more and ask me out on our dates. He isn't working so he has more time and I dont due to two jobs.

 

I told him I am going through a rough patch and said lets be friends. But he was all like 'I want to help you feel confident and love yourself' he said he wants to make me happy and feel beautiful. I never asked for that. I like the way I look lol. I just felt stuck in a rut due to work and having to live at home for a while. So he was the one who wanted to be a white Knight.

[HumanMachine]

She thought they were in a relationship.

 

He knew about her baggage before he slept with her.

 

He used her. It was unkind.

 

Apologies if i’m missing something here but where does she think they were in a relationship?

 

He tried dating her with the baggage in mind and decided he didn’t want to take it on. Yes he could’ve acted differently but I don’t think he used her.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think he used her.

 

Missye -- you totally overshared. A new BF is not your personal psychologist. It wasn't his job to fix all of your mental health issues.

 

When you said you didn't want a BF because you weren't in a good place mentally, you needed to stick to that decision or you needed to hush about whatever stuff you had going on. Instead you ramped everything up with him, had sex then freaked out.

 

You had known the guy for the 3 weeks. The morning after you had sex for the 1st time you got sick to your stomach. You believe it was because of something you ate. When he asked what was wrong you lied to him. You didn't tell him you think you had a touch of food poisoning. Instead you went on & on about how now he's gonna drop you. You left him with the impression that his lovemaking caused you to throw up. If you had told him it was something you ate & kept your insecurities to yourself, he would not have bolted

 

Until you learn to keep your own counsel & not overshare every insecurity you fear stuff like this will happen over & over because you drive these guys away. I get that this guy shared with you too which is probably what made you more comfortable telling him all these things. But in reality it made him run because he was barely keeping his **** together & he didn't have the strength to hold you together too.

 

You have to fake confidence especially when you are feeling scared & insecure at the beginning of a relationship. Nobody, especially another broken person, wants to think they are going to have fix you & help you.

[heartbrokenlady]

Apologies if i’m missing something here but where does she think they were in a relationship?

 

He tried dating her with the baggage in mind and decided he didn’t want to take it on. Yes he could’ve acted differently but I don’t think he used her.

 

 

Eight dates. And he goes awol after the sex date? Please, give me a break.

 

Do not insult our intelligence.

 

Even then, he has every right not to see her again. But ghosting her and blocking her on social media? That is horrible, bad behaviour.

[HumanMachine]

Eight dates. And he goes awol after the sex date? Please, give me a break.

 

Do not insult our intelligence.

 

Even then, he has every right not to see her again. But ghosting her and blocking her on social media? That is horrible, bad behaviour.

 

Do not insult our intelligence? Excuse me?

 

You appear to have eluded the “she thought they were in a relationship” part?

[elaine567]

I don't know about how men feel, but if I had dated a guy for 8 dates, had a great night together and in the morning he implied I had just used him for sex, it would leave a bitter taste in my mouth too.

 

He already thought she had put up a wall between them, accusing him of using her for sex was probably the last straw.

[Nadine123]

She didnt accuse him of anything. She said that she was stressed out he's going to bail. and surprise he only decide to bail after they had sex? comeon now.

 

Whatever OP's issues were, she deserved to be treated like a human being. Instead of properly speaking to her, or even sending her a text telling her it wont work, he chose to run away like a coward. Honestly good riddance, the last thing you would want in your life is a douche like him.

[d0nnivain]

Whatever OP's issues were, she deserved to be treated like a human being. Instead of properly speaking to her, or even sending her a text telling her it wont work, he chose to run away like a coward. Honestly good riddance, the last thing you would want in your life is a douche like him.

 

This I agree with. He should have been more gracious about it.

 

That said he bailed not because he was using her for sex but because she overshared & lied. Let's not forget that the morning after sex she got sick. She didn't tell him it was something she ate. He inferred that his bedroom skills made her ill. What was he supposed to do with that other than run?

[BC1980]

He used her for sex. It's obvious and an unpleasant thing to do. Unkind.

 

Be a man. Tell her if you're not interested.

 

Women need to take responsibility for themselves and stop blaming men for their poor decision making. Stop sleeping with men you've known for a few weeks and expecting things to turn out any differently. She wanted the sex just as much as him. If you make the decision to sleep with a man you barely know, you suffer the consequences. If you want an actual relationship with a man, act in that manner. Don't book a hotel room with a man you've been dating for two weeks and expect it to turn out any differently than it did.

 

The only thing the guy did wrong was ghost her. Is that a nice thing to do? No, but it happens. Yes, he should have texted her back and said he was no longer interested. We all deserve at least that. But he didn't use her. OP needs to make better decisions next time. A lot of young women fall into this trap, so it can be a learning lesson.

[BC1980]

Missye -- you totally overshared. A new BF is not your personal psychologist. It wasn't his job to fix all of your mental health issues.

 

Good advice. There are plenty of people you can confide in but not a dude you knew for a few weeks. Confide in a friend or family member. It's burdensome to share all of your baggage when you should be having fun and getting to know one another.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wanna know why YOU paid for all the dates! Didn't that bother you?

[Nadine123]

Noone is saying she shouldnt take responsibility. If some of you remember, a similar thing happened to me and I now understand that my actions were wrong.

 

However, the way he treated her afterwards was unacceptable. No women wants to be treated like that. Also, I know alot of men who have one night stands with women, or have sex with them after a couple of dates, and still treat them with a dignified way afterwards, whether they want them or not.

[d0nnivain]

I wanna know why YOU paid for all the dates! Didn't that bother you?

 

Oh I missed that little tidbit the 1st time.

 

It does add an element of using for the free dinners / hotel room BUT it also speaks to the OPs state of mind. Missye -- you said he accused you of putting up walls. You said you tried to be open which may have been part of the oversharing. I suspect -- because I have done it -- you were using the money is power approach. You paid; so you felt like you were calling the shots & thereby keeping him at arms length. Then you made arrangements & paid for the hotel room so you could have sex. The you let your insecurities lose saying you thought he was using you for sex.

 

Ugh.

 

I meant what I said in my 1st response: slow down. Do not disclose all your hopes, dreams & fears up front. There is no need to trust somebody with all of that early on. Keep your own counsel. Act confident. Then hopefully even if things don't work out the man will have enough courtesy to speak to you rather than ghosting.

 

At this point you also need to be angry not weepy over the poor treatment you received.

[Missye]

Oh I missed that little tidbit the 1st time.

 

It does add an element of using for the free dinners / hotel room BUT it also speaks to the OPs state of mind. Missye -- you said he accused you of putting up walls. You said you tried to be open which may have been part of the oversharing. I suspect -- because I have done it -- you were using the money is power approach. You paid; so you felt like you were calling the shots & thereby keeping him at arms length. Then you made arrangements & paid for the hotel room so you could have sex. The you let your insecurities lose saying you thought he was using you for sex.

 

Ugh.

 

I meant what I said in my 1st response: slow down. Do not disclose all your hopes, dreams & fears up front. There is no need to trust somebody with all of that early on. Keep your own counsel. Act confident. Then hopefully even if things don't work out the man will have enough courtesy to speak to you rather than ghosting.

 

At this point you also need to be angry not weepy over the poor treatment you received.

 

 

Mate he was the one who was oversharing at first. Told me about how he walked out of his job because he had an anxiety attack and was crying at the beach. This was just before we met! I didn't lie to him about feeling sick. I told him before and he made me tea and was good about it

 

I was overworked because I have two jobs. He shared with me all his fears and things going on in his life. And I liked it

[Nadine123]

Mate he was the one who was oversharing at first. Told me about how he walked out of his job because he had an anxiety attack and was crying at the beach. This was just before we met! I didn't lie to him about feeling sick. I told him before and he made me tea and was good about it

 

I was overworked because I have two jobs. He shared with me all his fears and things going on in his life. And I liked it

 

As I said, some guys will do/say anything to get itno your pants. Take this as a learning lesson and listen to some of the great advice here