Mx12345 Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 I’ve been debating reaching out to the guy I dated exclusively for three months. It’s been three full weeks of NC and five weeks since the breakup. We broke up because he got distant but said everything was fine. Then my friend saw him with an active profile on Match, that he denied using even though for the next few days he was active on and off. Then after breaking up for the next two weeks twice he got in contact saying he missed me and we scheduled to meet and twice he cancelled on me right before we were supposed to meet. Finally I put my foot down and told him to not contact me again. Anyway about a week after we stopped talking I found out through some FB stalking that he had been dating someone else the entire time. I even messaged her and she confirmed it although she says they were not serious. I also discovered that he had been talking to multiple other girls when we dated on social media. This was a guy who was very religious, would constantly talk about how he hated liars and cheaters, and would talk about what a good/nice guy he was, but how women had always screwed him over in the past. While we broke up over the Match thing, I discovered what a flat out liar and horrible person he truly was after the fact. I want so desperately to reach out to him to tell him what a terrible person he is and that I know he was seeing that other woman the entire time we were exclusive. And how he lied the times he claimed to be doing something else when he was really with her. I know it seems pointless at this point but I want him to know that he didn’t get away with it, I found out. Maybe a deep part of me wants him to be sorry. I know that sounds stupid. Should I reach out? Link to post Share on other sites
flooded Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Men are dogs, girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mx12345 Posted December 28, 2017 Author Share Posted December 28, 2017 I guess I’m waiting on an apology I’m never going to get. And because I would never in a million years do anything like that to a person, I’m having trouble grasping how someone can’t be sorry for those actions and that behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 I guess I’m waiting on an apology I’m never going to get. And because I would never in a million years do anything like that to a person, I’m having trouble grasping how someone can’t be sorry for those actions and that behavior. You are right, huge hipacrit this guy. I say, why not get it off your chest. You know about the girl and all his lies and he is not a good person. Go into it without expecting apology... I doubt he gives you that. But, maybe he will feel like a real butt hole after that, which would be well-deserved. And perhaps it would help to give you closure. But he will likely try to tell more lies around it before saying he's sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
rubyjuly Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 I’ve been debating reaching out to the guy I dated exclusively for three months. It’s been three full weeks of NC and five weeks since the breakup. We broke up because he got distant but said everything was fine. Then my friend saw him with an active profile on Match, that he denied using even though for the next few days he was active on and off. Then after breaking up for the next two weeks twice he got in contact saying he missed me and we scheduled to meet and twice he cancelled on me right before we were supposed to meet. Finally I put my foot down and told him to not contact me again. Anyway about a week after we stopped talking I found out through some FB stalking that he had been dating someone else the entire time. I even messaged her and she confirmed it although she says they were not serious. I also discovered that he had been talking to multiple other girls when we dated on social media. This was a guy who was very religious, would constantly talk about how he hated liars and cheaters, and would talk about what a good/nice guy he was, but how women had always screwed him over in the past. While we broke up over the Match thing, I discovered what a flat out liar and horrible person he truly was after the fact. I want so desperately to reach out to him to tell him what a terrible person he is and that I know he was seeing that other woman the entire time we were exclusive. And how he lied the times he claimed to be doing something else when he was really with her. I know it seems pointless at this point but I want him to know that he didn’t get away with it, I found out. Maybe a deep part of me wants him to be sorry. I know that sounds stupid. Should I reach out? First of all sorry for all this... in dating someone a short duration there can unfortunately be big things unknown to the other person... if I were you I would maybe at the most message him that although you were hurt by discovering his lies, that you were fortunate to find out what kind of person he is before it went any farther. Then determine not to talk to him anymore period and take care of yourself and be good to yourself. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 I'm going to tell you something that will help you out -they already know what they are and one of two things will happen when you tell them- 1. It isn't their fault and outside circumstances "make them do it" like their past relationships, bad childhood etc. 2. They will deny it even when you present the facts to them. I dated someone like you did that turned out to be horrible and basically LIED about everything. When I confronted that person all they did was attempt to tell more lies and when that didn't work they somehow became the "victim". I know you want to tell them what a horrible person they are but please trust me when I tell you you are wasting your time. The best thing to do is to go NC and learn from it. People are never going to admit that they are a bad person regardless of the proof that you have- YOU knowing what they really are is enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mx12345 Posted December 28, 2017 Author Share Posted December 28, 2017 This was the basis of the two weeks after the breakup. He kept swearing he didn't have a paid Match account and couldn't send or receive messages, yet my friend kept seeing him active multiple times. Why keep going back to a dating site if you cant send or receive messages? And even if you are just looking through the profiles, you are supposed to be exclusively dating someone! That YOU initiated! I posted about it in another thread and someone said he was gaslighting. After reading up on it, that was exactly what he was doing. I was presenting him with facts and he just kept denying it. That is the reason Ive gone this long without confronting him about the other woman. I have a feeling he will somehow turn it all around even when I tell him she confirmed it. I guess I just feel completely blind sided. Ive started relationships before where there was a red flag here or there but I ignored them. This guy had no red flags. I felt 100% at ease with him. When he said he was going running with a friend, I had no reason to think he was doing something else. Turns out he was seeing her. I keep thinking he will contact me to apologize. I guess I need to let that go. I need to stop racking my brain with How can someone who is deeply religious and talks about how they hate liars and cheaters, turn out to be such a liar. I'm a very logical person, and the logic doesn't make sense to me, and its eating at me. But I'm not a terrible person so of course it doesn't make sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 1) He doesnt care if you think he's a bad person or not. If he cared, he wouldnt have lied or done all of this to you. 2) He's moved on and doesnt care. You sending all of this will show that you are still butthurt and thinking about him. Save your dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
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