Can anyone vouch for blocking after months of NC? **Updated**

[TheOnlyOne73]

Hello,

 

I was the forced dumper and have been in absolutely zero contact for over 8 weeks. I haven't heard from him either in this time. I am slowly getting better, and have become more confident in the fact I have no desires to initiate contact with him ever again. The thought of not seeing or speaking to him ever again doesn't unsettle me. I am getting closer to forgetting his existence. I don't want him to find out how I am doing either, not now or in the future.

 

I don't have Facebook, but I do have WhatsApp. I removed him from my contacts after the break-up, and recently I have been considering whether to block him aswell.

 

Does blocking really help you move on and heal faster, or does it create more anxiety? Will he think that I hate him? My problem is that I'm not sure I would be able to ignore contact from him (should that ever happen). I don't realistically see him making contact again since he hasn't so far. I don't want to give him the option of trying to find a replacement for me, then coming back to me because he didn't find anyone. I don't want to be a back-up plan. It would be his own fault and his loss for not valuing me in the first place. It would be too late.

 

He told me not to delete his number when we were breaking up, but I did anyway because I know it off-by-heart. He said he would "never delete mine." This may be entirely true since he knows he couldn't ever find me on Facebook because I don't have it, he also tends to hoard loads of numbers he never uses because he rarely clears things out haha. Don't see why he said this if he never contacted me again.

Edited December 26, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73

[d0nnivain]

I grew up dating in an era when blocking was not an option. The technology simply didn't offer the feature but there were far fewer ways to get in touch.

 

I blocked a friend on social media & appreciate the fact that I can't see her posts, although occasionally she pops up untagged in a photo. We have at least 60+ mutual friends.

 

It's not a requirement. In the moment I clicked "block" I felt momentarily better but now I just don't think about it. I never had the desire to reach out.

[CeciliaCylara]

It took me about 3 months of NC after deleting his contact on FB to finally block him about two weeks ago. Personally, I feel just leaving him deleted was me still clinging on to hope that my ex will reach out to me one day if he's still able to check up on what I do.

 

However, I never checked on his in the meantime and was able to heal to a point where I felt okay to detach from him permanently. If he was tenacious enough to want a second chance, he'll find a way, but who he is now, I no longer want anything to do with. I need to focus on me now and I don't want any reminders of the past to pop up in my social media and block my progress.

[TheOnlyOne73]

It took me about 3 months of NC after deleting his contact on FB to finally block him about two weeks ago. Personally, I feel just leaving him deleted was me still clinging on to hope that my ex will reach out to me one day if he's still able to check up on what I do.

 

However, I never checked on his in the meantime and was able to heal to a point where I felt okay to detach from him permanently. If he was tenacious enough to want a second chance, he'll find a way, but who he is now, I no longer want anything to do with. I need to focus on me now and I don't want any reminders of the past to pop up in my social media and block my progress.

 

Do you also feel that the length of NC and not hearing from him contributed to your decision to block and detach permanently?

 

Do you think he kept you unblocked for the same reasons, in the hope you would reach out to him one day?

[CeciliaCylara]

Do you also feel that the length of NC and not hearing from him contributed to your decision to block and detach permanently?

 

Do you think he kept you unblocked for the same reasons, in the hope you would reach out to him one day?

 

I feel having a prolonged amount of distance does bring clarity. I've "weaned" myself off the drug of love and was able to see my past relationship for what it really was: toxic. So yes.

 

I believe he knows deep down what he did to me was wrong, but is too sick to confront his personal issues, let alone me. I think he kept me unblocked just to be able to check on me since I was a significant part of his life, but the most he'd do is just lurk than to ever reach out. I'm not having that. If he wanted me gone, he lost the right to keep that connection to look into my life. If he really wanted to reach out, he'd find another way.

[Been]

Yes blocking is the only way. Out of sight out of mind. And it also sends a clear message that your not going to "wait" - your healing.

I had an ex like yours. I didn't block the number and like every two months the ex would shoot me some random text. And I would respond.

Then we would hangout. And it would be fun. And then the ex would not text me for a couple of months.

So one day i got to thinking what was the point of having my ex's number? We weren't really friends. They only contacted me when they wanted to. Then it hit me- I was holding out hope that eventually my ex would miss me and take me back even though I knew that would never happen. That I was OK with being an option. And by allowing my ex contact I was basically saying hey I'm still available to you should you change your mind. Screw that. So I blocked the number.

About 4 months went by and I'm at a bar. Somebody taps me on the shoulder and I turn around and its my ex. My ex starts telling me how they have been trying to contact me but can't. I tell them that's because I blocked you. Look on my ex's face was absolute shock. And I'd be lying if I didnt tell you of made me feel so good.

[magnesium]

As BEEN has pointed out, blocking someone permanently feels good, because through this act you regain back some of your power which you have been giving away to someone who doesn't deserve it.

 

With this shred of self-respect and dignity you can hold on too by removing this person from your life, you can take the time to use your pain of hurt and loss in a positive, constructive manner to change and improve yourself.

 

To put it simply, when the good times are good, we (humans) don't change because we are happy with the results, and when the bad times are bad, we (humans) are forced to either evolve and elevate, or get crushed (play victim).

[Bromeo]

I think he kept me unblocked just to be able to check on me since I was a significant part of his life, but the most he'd do is just lurk than to ever reach out. I'm not having that. If he wanted me gone, he lost the right to keep that connection to look into my life. If he really wanted to reach out, he'd find another way.

 

This right here. Previously I felt the same, “if she could only see me online, then she will miss me...”

 

Rubbish.

 

Now I wholeheartedly concur with the above. My block game is 1000. She lost any right to my life.

[TheOnlyOne73]

I feel having a prolonged amount of distance does bring clarity. I've "weaned" myself off the drug of love and was able to see my past relationship for what it really was: toxic. So yes.

 

I believe he knows deep down what he did to me was wrong, but is too sick to confront his personal issues, let alone me. I think he kept me unblocked just to be able to check on me since I was a significant part of his life, but the most he'd do is just lurk than to ever reach out. I'm not having that. If he wanted me gone, he lost the right to keep that connection to look into my life. If he really wanted to reach out, he'd find another way.

 

But if he knew you had blocked him, maybe he thought "she really wants nothing to do with me, I wouldn't want to cause anger/resentment by reaching out" and therefore he didn't try to reach out?

[stillafool]

Hello,

 

I am slowly getting better, and have become more confident in the fact I have no desires to initiate contact with him ever again. The thought of not seeing or speaking to him ever again doesn't unsettle me. I am getting closer to forgetting his existence. I don't want him to find out how I am doing either, not now or in the future.

 

 

 

Considering you have no desire to speak to him ever again don't worry about him trying to find a way to reach you. It seems that you have all avenues blocked anyway and that's a good thing so you can push forward.

[TheOnlyOne73]

Yes blocking is the only way. Out of sight out of mind. And it also sends a clear message that your not going to "wait" - your healing.

I had an ex like yours. I didn't block the number and like every two months the ex would shoot me some random text. And I would respond.

Then we would hangout. And it would be fun. And then the ex would not text me for a couple of months.

So one day i got to thinking what was the point of having my ex's number? We weren't really friends. They only contacted me when they wanted to. Then it hit me- I was holding out hope that eventually my ex would miss me and take me back even though I knew that would never happen. That I was OK with being an option. And by allowing my ex contact I was basically saying hey I'm still available to you should you change your mind. Screw that. So I blocked the number.

About 4 months went by and I'm at a bar. Somebody taps me on the shoulder and I turn around and its my ex. My ex starts telling me how they have been trying to contact me but can't. I tell them that's because I blocked you. Look on my ex's face was absolute shock. And I'd be lying if I didnt tell you of made me feel so good.

 

Is keeping the lines of communication open really signalling that you're allowing yourself to be an option, even if neither of you have contacted each other in 2.5 months? If one of you has made contact then I would say yes, that is allowing yourself to be an option. But if neither of you are actually doing anything, is there a need to go to an extreme such as blocking?

I agree with not having their number on your phone, I deleted his on the day of the break-up.

[Gr8fuln2020]

When I was utterly determined to nix my ex out of my life, I not only blocked her, but I also deleted all of her information. Emails, phone number, address...deleted and after some time, forgotten. If you only block, there is always the temptation to 'unblock.' If you really want to work towards eliminating someone from your life, do a whole-sale wipe of all existence. For months after, I was unable to email or text/call or send snail-mail even if I wanted to.

[TheOnlyOne73]

When I was utterly determined to nix my ex out of my life, I not only blocked her, but I also deleted all of her information. Emails, phone number, address...deleted and after some time, forgotten. If you only block, there is always the temptation to 'unblock.' If you really want to work towards eliminating someone from your life, do a whole-sale wipe of all existence. For months after, I was unable to email or text/call or send snail-mail even if I wanted to.

 

I have deleted his phone number, email, address (but still remember where he lives), removed him off my contacts on Skype, but I HAVEN'T blocked. An additional problem is that I know his number off by heart despite deleting it, I can't just make myself "forget" it....it's going to take time

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have deleted his phone number, email, address (but still remember where he lives), removed him off my contacts on Skype, but I HAVEN'T blocked. An additional problem is that I know his number off by heart despite deleting it, I can't just make myself "forget" it....it's going to take time

 

I understand. Delete anyway. You are right, time will help you to forget him all together, if that is what you desire. In this day and age, it is so easy to find someone again. Good luck.

[TheOnlyOne73]

I have deleted, but should I block, which is what I was asking in the first post of this thread??

[Gr8fuln2020]

Block and delete provided that is what you want, right?

[TheOnlyOne73]

Ughhh I don't know, why does it have to be so confusing? I hate this

[TheOnlyOne73]

Regarding amicable break-ups where a split was decided to be the best option by both parties, has anyone never spoken to their ex again after the time of the break-up and stayed NC indefinitely?

 

 

Did this hurt you more and make you wonder why they never reached out/how they moved on so quickly, or did it help you move on and forget them?

[Throwawayaccount12]

My ex has blocked me off everything. I originally had her blocked back, but it's too tiring to fight the thoughts and emotions. I.e., what if she unblocks me and sees I've blocked her?

 

I've just deleted her. Basically, I'm still rejecting her by not reaching out. Blocked or not.

[Been]

Ask yourself why you WOULDNT block an ex's number.

You already said you two don't talk so it can't be because you communicate.

You have no kids togeather.

You were never friends.

The only reason why you don't go all the way- because you still cling to the hope that one day he will contact you. And that isn't healing.

[TheOnlyOne73]

Ask yourself why you WOULDNT block an ex's number.

You already said you two don't talk so it can't be because you communicate.

You have no kids togeather.

You were never friends.

The only reason why you don't go all the way- because you still cling to the hope that one day he will contact you. And that isn't healing.

 

 

 

Thanks Been for giving me the telling off that I needed.

 

I think it's because I wanted to rub it in his face should he ever reach out that I was in the process of pursuing a prestigious career, and make him feel a sense of loss/regret for what could have been. Silly, I know.

[trustyourself]

If you want to block him to heal, by all means, do so. Don’t do it out of pettiness and to rub it in his face. :/

 

He hasn’t contacted you in 8 weeks? My ex reached out to me 5 months after the breakup. Completely NC. I was shocked. I blocked her as it was just breadcrumbs.

 

The decision is yours. Good luck!

[TheOnlyOne73]

If you want to block him to heal, by all means, do so. Don’t do it out of pettiness and to rub it in his face. :/

 

He hasn’t contacted you in 8 weeks? My ex reached out to me 5 months after the breakup. Completely NC. I was shocked. I blocked her as it was just breadcrumbs.

 

The decision is yours. Good luck!

 

No I meant I wanted him to reach out so I could rub it in his face.

 

Mine's been 9 weeks NC now. Did you ever hear from her again after blocking her?

 

Why didn't you block her in the 5 months of no contact?

Edited December 31, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73

[basil67]

I've been reading this thread of yours http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/642538-how-do-people-do-immediately-post-break-up-weeks-follow-2.html

 

While you initially were the dumper, he quickly agreed with your decision and so you have a mutual breakup. As you both recognised the relationship needed to end, I see no reason to assume he will contact you again.

 

Yes, I know he said that stuff about keeping each other's numbers, but to me, it's the soppy stuff people just say when a relationship ends. I wouldn't put much significance on it.

 

Chances are he's well and truly moved on and won't be bothering you. If he does contact you out of the blue, having left him unblocked doesn't signal that you're open to anything. It simply signals that you didn't need to block him in order to recover.

 

All that said, there's no reason you can't block him if you want to.

[TheOnlyOne73]

I've been reading this thread of yours http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/642538-how-do-people-do-immediately-post-break-up-weeks-follow-2.html

 

While you initially were the dumper, he quickly agreed with your decision and so you have a mutual breakup. As you both recognised the relationship needed to end, I see no reason to assume he will contact you again.

 

Yes, I know he said that stuff about keeping each other's numbers, but to me, it's the soppy stuff people just say when a relationship ends. I wouldn't put much significance on it.

 

Chances are he's well and truly moved on and won't be bothering you. If he does contact you out of the blue, having left him unblocked doesn't signal that you're open to anything. It simply signals that you didn't need to block him in order to recover.

 

All that said, there's no reason you can't block him if you want to.

 

 

Which part has led you to conclude he's well and truly moved on, the long period of no contact? Bear in mind I've been in strict NC all of this time aswell, yet haven't "well and truly" moved on after almost 3 years together.

 

Based on the nature and circumstances of the relationship, some of the things he said/did in it, the fact it ended suddenly without him being prepared (I was prepared as I had been detaching for months), and what I know of his experiences during the last break-up when I asked him about it once we got back together, I struggle to see how he could have "well and truly" moved on already after 2.5 months. If anything, he may be thinking that I have moved on, because usually I was the one fighting for him and trying to make amends whenever we argued, whereas this time I have done absolutely nothing.

 

In the past when he ended it with me, he still contacted me after the relationship ended because he "missed me", and also met up with me for coffee a few times. That was also a scenario where he wanted the relationship to end, and thought it needed to. He came knocking on my door asking for another chance after almost 3 months of being broken up. This time round there has been nothing from either of us, and it's been 2.5 months so far.

Edited December 31, 2017 by TheOnlyOne73