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Text ex gf happy birthday?


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My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago, and during that time my birthday passed and she wished me a happy birthday. I’ve continuously showed her that I am here for her and am open to rekindle, but she has not since she’s become emotionally unavailable. We haven’t talked in three weeks although I did get her a gift for her birthday in advance and told her happy birthday/ merry Christmas in advance since I had a feeling we weren’t going to be talking. Her birthday is the 24th. Should I text her?

 

*i gave her the gift and told her happy early birthday/Christmas the last time I saw her which was two days before we last talked. She initiated contact during those conversations after. Haven’t talked since.

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My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago, and during that time my birthday passed and she wished me a happy birthday. I’ve continuously showed her that I am here for her and am open to rekindle, but she has not since she’s become emotionally unavailable. We haven’t talked in three weeks although I did get her a gift for her birthday in advance and told her happy birthday/ merry Christmas in advance since I had a feeling we weren’t going to be talking. Her birthday is the 24th. Should I text her?

 

*i gave her the gift and told her happy early birthday/Christmas the last time I saw her which was two days before we last talked. She initiated contact during those conversations after. Haven’t talked since.

 

No OP. The answer will always be no to this question.

 

This will be some tough advice.

 

She broke up with you and for a reason which she felt was justified. If she wanted to still talk, you'd be talking. If she wanted you in her life, you'd be there. She knows you want to rekindle and she chooses to stay away because she doesn't. If you go and try to wish her, she'll be cold with you and it'll make you feel pathetic. The more you try to reach out, the worse it'll be. Believe me.

 

When broken up, don't waste your energy reaching out. It's honestly pointless. Especially on Birthdays, Christmas Holidays or other special times. Your silence will do more for you and her than you could ever do remaining in contact at this point. It'll let the dust clear and will help both you and her work through emotions and gain clarity about the relationship. Right now, neither of you are thinking straight. You should keep her blocked off of social media so you don't see any status updates or updated pictures. The reality here is you two will not be friends in the immediate future. It may be possible after a long time but not right now. Why? Should they start dating someone new, they'll stop talking to you because they wouldn't want to cause friction in their relationship with their new significant other. Plain and simple. If she wants to be friends, you say no. Why? Because there won't be anything genuine about that friendship. Dumpers typically will use the word "Friendship" to beguile you into helping them soothe whatever guilt/doubts/anxiety they feel from initiating the breakup. If not that, they will likely use you as a safety net until they meet someone else. Usually it's both. They have everything to gain from that play and you dont. There is nothing genuine about being friends after a breakup. To be true friends, both of you would need to allow time to grieve and relearn how be happy without one another. Only then can you come back and have a real friendship. You don't want to learn this the hard way. Trust me.

 

It's extremely painful and not easy and that's why all your energy should be redirected back to you. You'll need it for when the grieving begins as the number of days you haven't heard from her climb and you start to feel the reality of the breakup. That's not to say she won't ever reach out to you again, she may after some period of time of not hearing from you. But don't bank on it. Consider them gone forever at this point. Your best move is remain in no contact and focus on you. Don't do it for her either. Do it for yourself and let the silence do the rest.

 

I learned all this the hard way through many experiences

 

Goodluck

Edited by Beachead
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Since she texted you HP, I assume you want to text her. I would probably do the same in your shoes but just know LS members are like psychics. We'll warn against something bc we can 'see' the aftermath in situations like this..

 

Since SHE ended it, its best to leave her on ignore. Birthday or not.

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Thanks guys for your quick responses. I have been of the mindset of not texting her happy birthday given that I’ve already told her where my feelings stand and I even got her a gift early. The only reason I was unsure was because of the fact that she did go out of her way to text me happy birthday. I feel as though me not sending her something would be immature in a sense or wrong even tho I already gave her a gift and she knows where I stand.

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Thanks guys for your quick responses. I have been of the mindset of not texting her happy birthday given that I’ve already told her where my feelings stand and I even got her a gift early. The only reason I was unsure was because of the fact that she did go out of her way to text me happy birthday. I feel as though me not sending her something would be immature in a sense or wrong even tho I already gave her a gift and she knows where I stand.

 

Or you can look at it as the fact that she texted YOU on your birthday not long after breaking up with you is unfair or wrong. I mean how fair is it to reach out to someone you hurt with a simple "HP" when they will, of course, be hoping for more.

 

She got her gift, which is more than she should ask for. I think you're all good.

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Thanks guys for your quick responses. I have been of the mindset of not texting her happy birthday given that I’ve already told her where my feelings stand and I even got her a gift early. The only reason I was unsure was because of the fact that she did go out of her way to text me happy birthday. I feel as though me not sending her something would be immature in a sense or wrong even tho I already gave her a gift and she knows where I stand.

 

I know you feel that way. I would too. But, it's not your business anymore to care about what she feels. She gave that privilege up when she ended it. You have to care about what you feel now. Even if she gets upset or angry, she will quickly realize it happened because she ended it. Let her come to these conclusions on her own..the impact will be far greater.

 

Goodluck OP

Edited by Beachead
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I’ve never understood the obsession with texting an ex happy birthday, do you genuinely want your ex to have a ‘happy birthday’? I certainly don’t.

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What you're hoping for is to reconcile with her.

 

Let's be brutally honest here... you don't really care that it's her Birthday, it's just an excuse to get in contact with her and possibly some sort of potential to initiate further conversation from there.

 

It's a bad idea, and I do not recommend doing so; from my own personal experience.

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I genuinely do hope she has a good day because we broke up with the understanding of how we hurt each other emotionally recently. Nothing evil like cheating or lying. Our problem was miscommunication. While I am keeping my options open, my motive in telling her happy birthday is mostly because she told me happy birthday. I feel as though since she told me, I should have the decency to tell her. But at the same time, she knows how I feel. It’s a feeling of obligation versus redundancy in my head. On the one hand, I tell her happy birthday because I do genuinely wish her that, but I know that me texting her that will not lead to reconciling because she is emotionally unavailable. On the other hand though, if I don’t I feel like I’ll come off as an ******* since she told me. I guess I should just stop caring about what she thinks and leave it be. I think I’m settled on not texting her.

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All you did was show her your an option for her.

No don't text her happy birthday. When you break up with someone guess what? You chose to remove yourself from my life so you don't get to share any of my life events with me.

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stockyoldfrump

Have to echo the people who say this is not advisable.

 

Beachead was very astute in her/his assessment of this dynamic. When we're heartbroken or longing, even our best intentions are actually very selfish. We think we're doing something purely out of decency or consideration but, even if we hope to act out of those motives alone, there is always another part of us that is hoping that somehow things will go back to normal if you can just say or do the right thing. This is unavoidable, regardless of how noble you are logically.

 

If it's any comfort, tell yourself that - quite simply - you don't know what the future holds. This is true in the purest sense. She might reach out one day in the future or you might bump into her unexpectedly or you might end up at a party together and find that you're able to talk. One day you might be friends. Hell, there's the crazy off chance that one day you might fall back in love. Crazier things have happened.

 

But nothing good is going to happen now.

 

Anything that does happen between the two of you will need to happen between two completely different people. Whether it's a friendship or a pleasant acquaintanceship, it will be rooted in newfound appreciation for the people you will be after a significant period apart. The people you are now are not compatible with each other. Even if you could be, there's too much pain and bad blood to make it realistic. You have to accept that and let it go.

 

If you need, tell yourself that it's temporary. That you will reach out again one day in the distant future. Maybe in three years. Maybe in five. Odds are, by that point, you'll have no desire to. Tell yourself you're keeping your distance for her. After all, when you're someone's "friend" despite wanting more, it's not only painful for you but it will inevitably be difficult, inconvenient and annoying for them. By bowing out entirely, you're sparing her that burden. Whatever you tell yourself, it needs to be so powerful and so completely believed that it transcends the lure of reaching out. Because that option leads only to pain, embarrassment and setback that is far more intense than what you've endured so far.

 

One day she may be in your life in some way. Maybe not. But you need to act as though the person you were with is dead and distance yourself from her that entirely. For you and for her.

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Would you text a stranger Happy Birthday?

 

 

I really don't understand why you are still in contact & why you bought her a present.

 

 

Are you reaching out because you want to reconcile? If you are not, then you best just leave it alone.

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The way I would best describe it is I’m keeping my options open, and to me she is an option. I am currently dating and meeting new people. I am not hung up on her because I know that things won’t happen between two people unless they’re both open to it. I know she is emotionally unavailable currently. I am literally only questioning whether I should text her because In my eyes she took the time to text me. However, like I said, I am pretty settled now on not texting her given that I’ve already done more than enough with the gift. She knows where I stand, and I know where I stand. I am open to future possibilities with anyone that I meet and feel worthwhile and compatible with me.

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stockyoldfrump
The way I would best describe it is I’m keeping my options open, and to me she is an option. I am currently dating and meeting new people. I am not hung up on her because I know that things won’t happen between two people unless they’re both open to it. I know she is emotionally unavailable currently. I am literally only questioning whether I should text her because In my eyes she took the time to text me. However, like I said, I am pretty settled now on not texting her given that I’ve already done more than enough with the gift. She knows where I stand, and I know where I stand. I am open to future possibilities with anyone that I meet and feel worthwhile and compatible with me.

 

I'm going to push back on this and say that she's more than an option to you, whether you acknowledge it or not. If you weren't emotionally hung up on her or were treating her as a casual possibility as you do other women, you wouldn't have posted on an online forum about something as mundane as a birthday wish.

 

If you weren't hung up on her you would've either decided to send the text or not, thought very little of it, and not really fretted about what it meant, indicated, or otherwise.

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I genuinely do hope she has a good day because we broke up with the understanding of how we hurt each other emotionally recently. Nothing evil like cheating or lying. Our problem was miscommunication. While I am keeping my options open, my motive in telling her happy birthday is mostly because she told me happy birthday. I feel as though since she told me, I should have the decency to tell her. But at the same time, she knows how I feel. It’s a feeling of obligation versus redundancy in my head. On the one hand, I tell her happy birthday because I do genuinely wish her that, but I know that me texting her that will not lead to reconciling because she is emotionally unavailable. On the other hand though, if I don’t I feel like I’ll come off as an ******* since she told me. I guess I should just stop caring about what she thinks and leave it be. I think I’m settled on not texting her.

 

You don't owe her a happy birthday because she wished you one. Think about it logically. Are the two of you going to play happy birthday tag for the rest of your lives? Someone has to stop reaching out at some point. How will you feel next year when she doesn't wish you a happy birthday?

 

Birthdays and holidays are things you have to get through in the beginning. There is no need to reach out because of a birthday or holiday. It just reminds you that you are not together anymore. That's all it's going to do. You need to continue on with the transition to detachment from your ex.

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I am literally only questioning whether I should text her because In my eyes she took the time to text me. However, like I said, I am pretty settled now on not texting her given that I’ve already done more than enough with the gift. She knows where I stand, and I know where I stand. I am open to future possibilities with anyone that I meet and feel worthwhile and compatible with me.

 

 

Since you already gave her a gift, I don't think you need to mirror her gesture of texting you. You have already done more.

 

 

If she's emotionally unavailable, that is the end of this.

 

 

You may also think she's only an "option" because you are open to future possibilities with anyone you meet but you are kidding yourself. The fact that you got her a present & care about whether she will be upset because you didn't text, indicate that you remain invested in her. If you suddenly started dating somebody that person won't understand or tolerate your continued connection to this EX.

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Stockyoldfrump you have a point, and I can admit you’re right in a way. She is more than an option, but I’m not pining for her or need her. I just have a lot of conflicting thoughts in me, and I felt like posting about it would clear things up a bit for me. It has. I’m not going to text her.

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Since you already gave her a gift, I don't think you need to mirror her gesture of texting you. You have already done more.

 

 

If she's emotionally unavailable, that is the end of this.

 

 

You may also think she's only an "option" because you are open to future possibilities with anyone you meet but you are kidding yourself. The fact that you got her a present & care about whether she will be upset because you didn't text, indicate that you remain invested in her. If you suddenly started dating somebody that person won't understand or tolerate your continued connection to this EX.

 

You nailed it !

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Stockyoldfrump you have a point, and I can admit you’re right in a way. She is more than an option, but I’m not pining for her or need her. I just have a lot of conflicting thoughts in me, and I felt like posting about it would clear things up a bit for me. It has. I’m not going to text her.

 

That's a good decision. I think you will just end up with more pain if you text her. I understand wanting to text and ex happy birthday because I remember wanting to text on special occasions. It's just hard to move on and disconnect from a person you one shared everything with. Birthdays, holidays, ect. are traps. That's all they are. They mark the passage of time and remind you that you're not with your ex, but don't fall into the trap.

 

Pretty much every poster on here that has texted an ex on a special occasion ends up hurt because they don't get the response they wanted from their ex. They end up getting a response like, "Thanks, hope you are doing well." That kind of response hurts more than silence.

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The way I would best describe it is I’m keeping my options open, and to me she is an option. I am currently dating and meeting new people. I am not hung up on her because I know that things won’t happen between two people unless they’re both open to it. I know she is emotionally unavailable currently. I am literally only questioning whether I should text her because In my eyes she took the time to text me. However, like I said, I am pretty settled now on not texting her given that I’ve already done more than enough with the gift. She knows where I stand, and I know where I stand. I am open to future possibilities with anyone that I meet and feel worthwhile and compatible with me.

 

How do you see her as an option when she doesn't want to date you any more?

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That's a good decision. I think you will just end up with more pain if you text her. I understand wanting to text and ex happy birthday because I remember wanting to text on special occasions. It's just hard to move on and disconnect from a person you one shared everything with. Birthdays, holidays, ect. are traps. That's all they are. They mark the passage of time and remind you that you're not with your ex, but don't fall into the trap.

 

Pretty much every poster on here that has texted an ex on a special occasion ends up hurt because they don't get the response they wanted from their ex. They end up getting a response like, "Thanks, hope you are doing well." That kind of response hurts more than silence.

 

The universal ex response to anything you have to say when they no longer care and simply want you to go away. Bang on.

 

It's single handedly the reason why I don't bother reaching out on special occasions or in general with exes after a break up. I don't want to hear that generic crap come out of their mouth.

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The universal ex response to anything you have to say when they no longer care and simply want you to go away. Bang on.

 

It's single handedly the reason why I don't bother reaching out on special occasions or in general with exes after a break up. I don't want to hear that generic crap come out of their mouth.

 

I got a response like that from an ex, and it hurt so badly at the time. It just reinforced the reality that I wasn't with him anymore. It was a generic message that he would have sent to anyone. I was no longer special. It stung, but lesson learned. I'd rather hear nothing. Just complete radio silence is preferable.

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I got a response like that from an ex, and it hurt so badly at the time. It just reinforced the reality that I wasn't with him anymore. It was a generic message that he would have sent to anyone. I was no longer special. It stung, but lesson learned. I'd rather hear nothing. Just complete radio silence is preferable.

 

Exactly. Just don't even bother. Atleast the silence is genuine.

Edited by Beachead
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