Dealing with a complex situation

[joemesina]

Hello all, I need help on how to deal with this situation.On November of last year my ex girlfriend of a 7 years relation dumped me, I was trying until June of this year to get her back, all my attempts where in vain.

 

Finally I decided to move on after no success was achieved, I was trying to get on with my life, everything started to get a bit better, when suddenly in September I meet this new girl, we had a lot in common, we started to go out, and after a few weeks she became my girlfriend.

 

This new girl is very sweet, kind, she has a very relaxed attitude, and shares a lot of the family values that I have and seems to have fallen head over heels in love with me, we have a great time when we go out together and I have been very happy with her.

 

This girl was a virgin at 27 I am 32, due to the fact that she used to be a nun a couple of years ago, then she started a relation with some guy but he cheated on her, because in that time this girl didn't wanted to have sex, now with me thing have gone more physical but she still has to learn alot, she is very innocent.

 

Now the problem comes, that yesterday I asked her for sometime because I still think of my ex, I continuously stalk my ex on social media, but I think I am just obsessed with her.

 

Since a couple of weeks ago I wanted to contact my ex, I know she is single, I dont know if I still love her or maybe I am just just obsessed because she had a great body and I miss a lot of things we did, but also there were bad things that made us fight a lot.

 

I felt very bad on asking my new girlfriend for some time apart because I do have some feeling for her and she cried alot, but I do not want to break her heart, I need to have my head straight on knowing what I want and what makes me happier, I dont know If I should contact my ex, continue with my new girlfriend, or just be alone.

 

Thanks

[sdraw108]

Your problem is you never went NC with your ex. It's been over a year but you've continued to try to win her back, and when that has failed you've continued to stalk her online, thus keeping her memory fresh in your mind. If you'd gone NC you'd probably be fully over her by now, but you're not. And now you're dating someone new. Ideally you shouldn't have done that, but these things happen. You need to realize that it's over between you and your ex. Stalking her on social media achieves nothing positive. Stop doing it.

 

You've caused a great deal of damage by telling the new girlfriend that you need "time". You need to have a hard think about what exactly it is that you want here. If you want to be with the new girl, then don't waste any time. Go back and apologize for being an idiot, and commit yourself to the idea of her 100%. If you don't think you can or want to, then make it a clean break, and spend a few months with true NC until you have moved on, before you try to date again.

 

What you shouldn't do is continue to string her along with excuses about needing "time" and "space". Nobody deserves that kind of wishy-washy nonsense.