Struggling to get over it

[confused83]

Me and my now ex broke up officially just over 2 weeks ago. I stupidly expected a text or phone call as we broke up because of an argument. It obviously is now sinking in that it wasn't just this argument that's ended it, it must of been coming.

 

I'm just struggling badly to get over it. I've deleted our photos off my phone and moved them onto my laptop so I dont look back, she blocked me on everything so I also can't see any of her social media. Everyday I wake up and feel like it's not getting any better, I drag myself to work where I just wallow, I come home and see the Xmas tree up with all the decorations we bought together still boxed up so the tree is rather bare, the house is quiet and seems lifeless. I feel completely fed up.

 

I visit my mates and even there I think about her, I try going for walks or the gym and songs remind me of her there, the pool area reminds me of our holidays etc nowhere seems like an escape. It feels like no relationship ever lasts anymore and I can't understand why as I'm the most forgiving person, never cheated, never intentionally hurt anyone but it feels like it is true what they say that nice guys finish last.

 

I'm athletic, good looking, outgoing, etc etc yet I'm now 34 with no kids and single. Some of my mates are married yet all the ones who aren't still have kids etc. This time of the year isn't helping as I usually love xmas, markets, etc and I've got nobody to share it with. It's really getting me down and everyday is a battle to keep myself positive. It takes 1 thing to put me back.. a tv show, a smell, a song, anything and I'm right back at missing her. I guess I can't believe she doesn't miss me the same way

[Downanddown]

Hang in there OP.

 

I'm 35 and single as well. Just out of a 6 year relationship. I'm 5 months post bu and still think about her constantly. This is life my man, we take risks to live others and it doesn't always pan out.

 

34 is not old. Take 6 months and work on yourself. You have plenty of time to start a family . I'm in the same boat. Moat friends are married with kids . It's hard during the holidays but better she left now and NOT while you were married with a child. Consider it a blessing. You will see that one day. It will just take some time.

 

Best of luck OP

[d0nnivain]

This time of year can be especially tough for a BU because you are surrounded by images of happy families & couples. You feel like the kid with his nose pressed up against the candy store window.

 

Do decorate your tree. There have been studies that show the twinkling lights can be cheerful. If you can't bear to put up the decorations you bought together go to a thrift store & buy more.

 

Surround yourself with supportive family & friends. Volunteer somewhere. Keep busy. Think about the blessings in your life rather than focus on the things you have lost.

[confused83]

It is the memories that are so tough. Everywhere I go and everything I do relates back somehow to a fun time we had. She was like my best friend and losing her I dont know who to speak to anymore. I have close friends but men don't tend to go to Xmas markets together or do christmasy things. I also don't really ring my mates if I hear something funny at work etc but a partner you tell everything to.

 

I miss her and the entire relationship everyday

[OutKast100]

Sounds a lot like my situation. My gf broke up with me about 5 and a half months ago and has not reached out to me once. I am also blocked everywhere like you. The first couple of weeks are a depressing nightmare.

 

It gets better after a while. It's understandable to want to read these forums and read comments of other people who are going through a similar situation. However, after some time I stopped with everything relating to ex discussions, ex videos etc. I just focused on the things which I have been doing before I met her and I started to think less of her and I began to appreciate the things which made me happy. I started to feel much better overall. Of course I still think about her everyday in some way, but it is unhealthy to obsess over the past and it will drive you crazy so you need to tell yourself to stop thinking about her whenever she's on your mind.

 

What really helps me a lot is to remember that the person who she was in the last few days where we communicated is not the same person as the one months before the breakup when everything was fine. She ended it, she wants nothing to do with me. She feels as though her life is better without me. So why the hell should I waste my life being sad over her? There are plenty of things in life which can make you happy and there are plenty of other women out there who will appreciate you. Just think about all of the negative qualities which she has and remind yourself that she does not want you. Another trick you can try which works for me is to imagine the perfect woman, one that you would prefer way more than your ex and how happy you would be to have her instead. Ya it might not be a reality now but it's definately possible that she could be out somewhere and in your future.

 

Like I wrote earlier, I just focused on other things and I began to think less about her. The problem is that it started to snow here for the first time this year and it triggered a whole bunch of memories which i had with my ex during the last holidays and it caused me to start missing her and thinking about her again. I will just have to follow my own advice and keep doing what i have been doing. Just remember that feelings change, one day you will feel better also, and one day you will feel indifferent towards her and thats when you know that you are completely over her. Just take it a day at a time and stay strong.

[SevenCity]

Hang in there OP.

 

I'm 35 and single as well. Just out of a 6 year relationship. I'm 5 months post bu and still think about her constantly. This is life my man, we take risks to live others and it doesn't always pan out.

 

34 is not old. Take 6 months and work on yourself. You have plenty of time to start a family . I'm in the same boat. Moat friends are married with kids . It's hard during the holidays but better she left now and NOT while you were married with a child. Consider it a blessing. You will see that one day. It will just take some time.

 

Best of luck OP

 

 

I’m 45 and single out of a 7 year relationship and it’s been a year and a half and I still miss her.

 

I haven’t put up so much a a wreath since it ended and wish I could just fast forward though the holidays.

 

I wish I had better advice but the only thing I can say as it has gotten more tolerable but it still f’in sucks.

 

This and last Christmas I will be/was with a girl but I’m at the point my where I would rather be alone than with the wrong one.

[confused83]

I just worry that I'm too old fashioned. I like to stick things out, make memories etc and it seems nowadays people seem to treat each other like nothing. A relationship seems to last through the honeymoon phase and the moment people feel content they mistake it for boredom and leave.

 

I've now had 4 relationships and none have lasted over 4 years. The 1st i enddd as she wanted to travel and i couldnt the past 2 ive had ended for such strange reasons, my previous 1 we was trying for children over xmas, by February she had left me saying she suddenly wasn't ready to settle down hmmm then this one, everything's amazing or so i thought and we suddenly have an argument and she leaves for good. I acted different with both break ups, the 1st I begged for her to not leave and she left an never spoke to me again. This 2nd one ive not begged I just walked away and agreed with her and.. She never called again. I'm going to focus on myself and make sure I'm somebody people can't leave so easily next time.