What Can I do to move on?

[Anml]

My guy and I broke up after a fight about a month ago. A little background- We were together 7 months (which I realize isn’t incredibly long), he has been divorced for a few years and has a five year old child from that relationship. The fight was stupid and I feel both of us overreacted. Our relationship had already been on the rocks, we went out to dinner and talked and I felt like we both aired out our issues which mainly are communication issues and I felt we were both on the same page and were going to work at our relationship. He broke up with me the next day through text after I was offended that he told me it was inconvenient for him to come see me and then have to wake up early to goto work in the AM (he lives about an hour away from me). I took offense to this because since the start of our relationship we have both alternated turns making the drive to sleep over each other’s houses, so to me it was like why is it all of a sudden inconvenient 7 months later? A few days later I had texted him to let him know he was on my mind- I figured if I gave him a few days to cool down we could talk. He responded. With “I need time” and “just want you to know I never meant to hurt you”. It made me feel like he had met someone else or something so I called him out and He told me he hadn’t talked to anyone. Which I believed because he had been very honest and open with me since day one about himself and his past, I’ve trusted him. I ended the conversation with telling him that I would be treating this as a breakup and that I need the continued silence to move on and find someone else, but if he ever had a change of heart and wanted to discuss trying again I would want to know and willing to discuss. A few more days went by and a friend had sent me a screenshot- him with a dating app profile. So obviously this made me upset as he tells me he needs time and meanwhile he’s on a dating app? His profile was the same bio and pictures as when I met him so I thought maybe it was his old profile and he just never deleted the actual profile, only the app. But it was still embarrassing to have a friend send me that when I hadn’t even told anyone we had broken up yet. I confronted him about it and his response was “last time we spoke you told me you were going to find someone new, I’m not really using it so”. It soon turned into a texting war and he eventually sent to me “I told you how I feel about everything and where I’m coming from. I felt like I was starting to check out a bit which is why I felt it was best to push the pause button at the time that I did. I’d be willing to talk but the next couple days don’t really work for me. I need time to think. Alls I ask of you is to respect my time and space and when I’m ready to talk to you we can talk.” To which I replied ok I understand. It has been a little over three weeks now since I have spoken to him. I ended up making a dating profile and saw him on there myself- he had changed his pictures and profile so I know he’s active on it. Which makes me wonder how long he’s really been active on it. He’s cheated on his past two relationships but was upfront with me when we first started talking. He had never shown any red flags that I had seen in my past relationships that I was cheated on in and hadn’t given me any reason not to trust him which is why I decided to give him a chance. I soon deleted mine because I’m not ready to Date again. Last Saturday he must have tried to creep on my social media account because I had gotten a follow request from him and when I went to check it out it was gone. I sent him a text a couple days ago (which I know I shouldn’t have even bothered-I was drunk) saying that I didn’t know him “needing time” meant getting to know other people. Obviously no response. I just want to get over him and move on. At this point it’s crystal clear where I stand in his life and how little he cares about me. I’m so angry over it all. He’s such a jerk. It really baffles me how much the person you think you know can be so different. I just can’t help but feel sad and anxious knowing he was so quick to just move on without even having a conversation with me to properly end things. Any advice would be greatly appreciated ?

[Zahara]

I just can’t help but feel sad and anxious knowing he was so quick to just move on without even having a conversation with me to properly end things. Any advice would be greatly appreciated ��

 

There are those that jump into dating soon after an ending because it helps them fill the gaping hole they're experiencing after a break-up. I don't think it necessarily means that they never valued you but essentially using it as a coping mechanism. And maybe he wasn't quick to move on -- most times dumpers are already contemplating and processing an ending way before it actually happens. And when the axe drops, the dumpee is then shocked by the sudden decision to end things. You said the relationship was already on the rocks, so I am pretty sure on his part, there was something brewing there in terms of its longevity.

 

As to only deleting the app on his phone -- if his profile is still up, then what stops him from checking/browsing online? He's cheated on both his ex girlfriends -- all sound pretty shady to me. Plus 7 months and relationship already on the rocks, doesn't sound like it was going to have any lasting power either.

 

I think you dodged a bullet here. Block him. Delete his number. Tell your friends not to feed you information about him. You'll get over this. Just stay strict NC and be gentle with yourself.

Edited December 12, 2017 by Zahara

[d0nnivain]

Give yourself some time to grieve the loss of something you cared about: the relationship. Listen to your intellectual side that you know it's over & you know all the reasons that is for the best. Then keep yourself busy & self sooth by surrounding yourself with supportive family & friends.

[N2017]

Dang... I feel for you.

I was in a situation with a guy similar to this for around the same amount of time. I think mine did not escalate as far as this (I didn't sleep with him, I didn't drunk text him), but there were similarities where after making me feel like I was important to him and he liked me so much then he went into silent mode and then told me to move on or he didn't want to see me anymore, of course after I had developed feelings for him.

 

All I can tell you is that at this point you are going to want to talk to him, and I understand. You're either gonna want him to show you in some way that he cares and wants you back and he's not the jerk he looks like right now or you're going to think of a million different ways to carve him a new one and make him regret hurting you.

 

My advice from personal experience: don't. Don't look at the dating app or the social media or any of it, focus on something you love doing or your school or your job, whatever you spend your time doing. You're not going to forget about him instantly and you'll think about him often. But that thinking will lead you to eventually realizing not only in your mind but more importantly in your heart that this is not what YOU want, because he has no hope and the person you thought he was was fake. You'll then focus on becoming a better you rather than focusing on whether he thinks about you, whether he cares about you, what he's doing, why he's doing it, etc.

 

I can't say that I am totally emotionless and neutral when it comes to him, it's been a month where I have purposefully cut off contact and ignored any of his attempts to reach out. But I don't spend my time crying over him, I'm not really angry anymore, and I don't even care if he's seeing anyone. You have to know that you did everything to show love and care toward that person and it takes a real idiot to make enemies with a person who voluntarily shows love and care toward you. If you are justified in who you are and take all the time you are spending on him and channel it to yourself, then I can guarantee you will move on quickly, and he'll probably notice. But it wont matter