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So... I slept with my ex


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Hi all, advice needed.

 

Split with my ex girlfriend (of 6 years) about 5 months ago. Contact has been minimal since day 1 of the split. We have hung out maybe 3 or 4 times, in our social circle of friends. She was really hating on me, so I kept my distance and left her to it. We have both been seeing other people, nothing serious for me, I think she is maybe seeing someone at the moment but not sure how serious it is. She did bring him to a night out a week ago, so presumably more so than not.

 

This weekend was our communal friendship groups Xmas dinner, which we have every year. We hung out most of the night, we had a great time, she invited me back to hers and we spent the next 24hrs in bed together.

 

So, this has inevitably sparked some confusion for me. I still miss her a lot. No other girl has really made feel like pursuing anything further. I guess I am not ready to properly move on, I am still being held back by hope of reconciliation. My ex girlfriend is unaware of any of this, I haven't said anything of this nature to her (or anyone else for that matter) since we split, I have just tried to move on with my life.

 

I am wondering what to do now. Should I tell her how I feel? I guess I have no idea how she feels about this and what her motivations for this are. One half of me feels like, did this just happen because it is easy? Or do I stand a chance of actually getting somewhere?

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allgoodthings1
Hi all, advice needed.

 

Split with my ex girlfriend (of 6 years) about 5 months ago. Contact has been minimal since day 1 of the split. We have hung out maybe 3 or 4 times, in our social circle of friends. She was really hating on me, so I kept my distance and left her to it. We have both been seeing other people, nothing serious for me, I think she is maybe seeing someone at the moment but not sure how serious it is. She did bring him to a night out a week ago, so presumably more so than not.

 

This weekend was our communal friendship groups Xmas dinner, which we have every year. We hung out most of the night, we had a great time, she invited me back to hers and we spent the next 24hrs in bed together.

 

So, this has inevitably sparked some confusion for me. I still miss her a lot. No other girl has really made feel like pursuing anything further. I guess I am not ready to properly move on, I am still being held back by hope of reconciliation. My ex girlfriend is unaware of any of this, I haven't said anything of this nature to her (or anyone else for that matter) since we split, I have just tried to move on with my life.

 

I am wondering what to do now. Should I tell her how I feel? I guess I have no idea how she feels about this and what her motivations for this are. One half of me feels like, did this just happen because it is easy? Or do I stand a chance of actually getting somewhere?

 

 

Who broke up with whom?

 

 

Honestly, if you want her back I would treat her like a brand new lover. I would let her bring up all the emotional stuff and just continue to act cool and collected around her. You wouldn't tell a first/second date how much emotion you have toward that person. I don't think this is an exception.

 

 

Having said that, if you do follow this path you need to be aware that it is a potentially treacherous one. There is every possibility in the world that she sees this as a mistake and will pull away further. Or, she could see what she's been missing and may come back to you.

 

 

Also, you need to consider if both of you have actually changed. Have you actually made any real changes to your life that would prevent future relationship breakdowns?

 

 

Good luck.

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She broke it off with me, though it has to be said we were both unhappy at that point. I was certainly considering it and thus was not surprised when it came about. There was no fighting to get each other back etc... we just got on with it.

 

In terms of change, I believe we have both progressed with our lives since that point. We both look better, treat ourselves better, and have proved ourselves to be fully capable of living great lives without each other. Most importantly, I think we both know what went wrong after personal contemplation. I have owned up to my mistakes and realize how my actions were affecting our previous relationship, I don't think I will be falling into the trap of repeating them again, ultimately I want to be a better person.

 

I guess I cant speak on behalf of my ex, so I wont. I have no idea why this happened, what she is thinking etc...

I just don't want to miss out on the chance to be with her by sitting back and waiting for nothing to happen.

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Let her know what you want and don't settle for anything less. You can't handle and don't seem to want just a FWB situation which might be what she wants.

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  • 1 month later...
IReallyLovePuppies

What allgoodthings said is correct.

 

Treat and court her like a new lover.. ask her out to movie.. Dinner, just don't ask for commitment until you know she's warm up to you.

 

Good luck!

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Another question might me why do you want her back?, 5 months is a long time but did you analyze the relationship, why it was ' unhappy '?, has anyone owned their part to the unhappiness?.

Is it just sex?, Is it the revamped ego, of banging your ex gf again?. Is she really worth trying again?

Ask several questions about the break up, before trying again, IMO, once lost, it can't be gained anymore, if you try again it wil be completely different.If those issues aren't talked about, 1 million dinners and blah will never change anything.

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Don't say anything trust me on this. If she wants you back she will let it be known.

Judge her actions not her words. You said she was hating on you and then she slept with you which really doesn't make sense.

Sometimes an ex will sleep with you because they know they can. Don't put yourself out there until you know her motive.

And 5 months isn't a lot of time for the both of you to all the sudden change things that caused the break up- it isn't even half a year.

I had an ex contact me after 7 months out of the blue. I was shocked because like yours she had been hating on me. We slept togeather.

Then she wanted to get back togeather and I was all for it as well.

3 months latter we are done. What I hadn't take into account when she contacted me was- she had a messy break up with the man she dated after me and then she tried to date someone else and got flat out rejected. Not to mention the holidays at this time were right around the corner.

So in her mind since she had dumped me she had a pretty good chance of success of getting me back.

I'm not telling you not to go back with your ex- I'm telling you to be very wary of her motives and really ask yourself WHY does she want you back?

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