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Urgent what do I do [update]


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Pumpingiron34

So it's been a month and a few days in my new relationship I don't know what to do. As of the last week everything has gone down hill not sure I know how to explain it but I'll do my best. She basically found her cousin over dosed 2 years ago dead. A close cousin she lived with.

 

Now she just goes randomly distant and cold and explains this is apart of who she is, she's gets massive anxiety attacks and it ends up with her getting extremely nasty with me then having me drive her home bc she doesn't feel good. Then will usually apologize like crazy later on and beg me with her life to stay with her. I orginally had an idea she was hurt about this but she concealed it enough that I didn't know it was this bad. I feel terrible for her and try my best to comfort her but it's no dice. I'm often left feeling lonely and very confused.

 

Which leads me to saying I can't be with her then her crying for me saying things like she can't lose me and her cousin. I do have strong feelings for her but I'm so confused and hurt on what i do. Do I dump her and feel horrible or do I stick to our orginal plan where we both agreed we will make it work.

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I can understand you are confused, and as you said you have strong feelings about her. When in love you are usually willing to make it work even if it would be for the best to break up and move on with life. I think you need to ask yourself if you are okay being hurt by this person and even more so if you think this is something you can live with for long time. There's no guarantee saying that she will be better nor is there saying that she won't be either.

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healing light

What does she do when she gets "extremely nasty?" Sounds volatile and abusive when I read that. If she's behaving this way a month in, I can't imagine how she would be a year in when the skeletons come rolling out of the closet. Right now should be the honeymoon period.

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Pumpingiron34
What does she do when she gets "extremely nasty?" Sounds volatile and abusive when I read that. If she's behaving this way a month in, I can't imagine how she would be a year in when the skeletons come rolling out of the closet. Right now should be the honeymoon period.

 

Extremely nasty as in will snap at me. Such as one time I was saying goodbye to her late at night as she got in her car and she said something crazy so I jokingly called her cu cu and she said I don't like ****ing being called that. Than I gave her a sorta like omg face and she punched her window. I was totally like blown away than she opens her door apologizes and I say it's fine relax just go home. Go into my house and Bam she comes in and breaks down crying.

 

There's more instances but that's one I can think of. Another thing is how the first few weeks together she was literally blowing my mind in the bedroom. Now I feel weird even mentioning sex or shell snap and say that's what my exboyfriend use to do to me but I'm super confused bc she was basically humping me every chance she got. I feel like I got sucked in.

 

You might ask why the hell am I still with her. Well she's beautiful and when Ive tryrd to end it bc of her unpredictable behavior she crys her eyes out and tells me shell do anything to keep me in her life such as see a therapist again or try medication

 

I really don't know what to do, I was in such a mentally strong place alone an felt I finally found someone who was awesome and than this all just showed up. I finally just fully recovered from my last night mare relationship and now here I am.

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Sounds to me like one of the personality disorders (BPB / Bipolar). If so, don't count on there being much possibility of this ever changing.

 

Personally, having dated someone like this before, I would never do it again. Some people with these conditions do manage to get them under control, but it tends to be rare.

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Pumpingiron34

Ugh it totally is bi polar isn't it? I'm totally in denial bc I promised I wouldn't give up on her but WTF kinda relationship is this. I just got off the phone with her and now she wants to go up North to spend the night with her family to work on her self. Cryed her eyes out bc she doesn't want me getting mad at her but she wants to see me before she goes. I'm not mad but like wtf it's something everyday and just consist of her wanting to see me than some excuse to leave and go somewhere. Feel like I'm a prisoner she's visiting. She says sorry I'm not like all over you I'm battling my depression. I just thought usually in the first month of a relationship you wanna spend as much time together. Then she guilt trips me with I thought you were gunna be there for me, you have no idea how hard I'm trying and all this other stuff.

 

I thought I was bipolar but no I'm definitely not. This is just the strangest **** ever and I feel terrible bc I want it to work so bad but I think it's a fantasy at this point

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BarbedFenceRider

Borderline / Bipolar....You can't fix this. Therapists have mentioned that the patient has to be 110% committed to treatment and it is around 5 years just to make headway into regaining normalcy in their lives...

 

Run.

 

Side note: I almost did the same. Years ago I was dating this girl. Ends up becoming a stripper and hooked on drugs. I bailed and she went nuclear. I literally had her hanging from the chandelier screaming. I left, crushed my phone and never looked back.

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Pumpingiron34

I'm not sure I can live the rest of my life unsure of what's gunna make her snap and scared of being intimate with her bc idk what mood she's in. Now she's comming over and I know she's going to be so nice, real me back in then flip Tommorow. Idk if I can handle this

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She is hurt and probably needs professional help to deal with the grief and anxiety she is going through. You can care about her and you can love her but it doesn’t mean that you are ready to sacrifice your sanity, health, mental, and spiritual self to be with her, or does it. You have to decide if the relationship is worth your time. If you choose to leave, don’t drag it on because she is already forming attachments to you and if you prolong it, it will only make things worse for both of you. If you decide to stay, you should be in it through the good and bad knowing that she is not in a good place right now. If she gets the help and support she needs, she can change and be a better person but you have to decide if you want to invest time in the relationship until she gets there.

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Pumpingiron34

I couldn't do it. I ended it with her last night. The emotional unstability was to much to bear. I tryed and tryed but I couldn't build trust with her knowing how unpredictable she was when mad. I feel horrible and am definitely hurt. Her ups and downs were destroying my sanity all for what. Getting help wasn't her first priority instead it was more like I told you how I am and you said you were fine with it. I was untill she really showed me how angry she could become. I begged her to try new medications and her reply was only if she doesn't have to take them all the time. She's diagnosed bipolar, she's been to therpy for 13 years but am I supposed to just say ok punch your car windows whenever you want. Not to mention the suicidial threats. I too have suffered from depression and anxiety but I got a hold of my life with medication and counciling and I'm glad I did because that's no way to live. I wish I could of helped her but I seen only a future of me destroying myself with her. I couldn't bare to watch her bite the sides of her fingers any more and bleed. Any inspiration would be helpful

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Congratulations, you have made the right decision. It gets to a point when you’re with someone that has mental issue where you realise there is simply nothing else you can do for this person. All you can do is let them move onto the next guy who will experience the happy nice person turn psycho. Stay strong and keep your mind busy!

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SO GLAD you got out of it.

 

It may be an unpopular, or an least not very empathetic opinion - but mentally ill people can make you crazy. Don't get sucked down that hole - sounds like you escaped mostly intact.

 

Its amazing sometimes what people are willing to look past in the name of "shes hot and the sex is wild". You shouldn't have put up with her behavior for a moment.

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Pumpingiron34
SO GLAD you got out of it.

 

It may be an unpopular, or an least not very empathetic opinion - but mentally ill people can make you crazy. Don't get sucked down that hole - sounds like you escaped mostly intact.

 

Its amazing sometimes what people are willing to look past in the name of "shes hot and the sex is wild". You shouldn't have put up with her behavior for a moment.

 

Yea that's why I looked past it in my last relationship for that reason and guess what I got? Stabbed in the heart mercilessly. I almost got sucked in again but once I realized the crazy sex was nothing more than a fish hook and suddenly stopped it all seemed to framiliar. So I was just left with she's hot. It's now very obvious why " all her relationships fail( punches window)" I almost wanted to be the white knight again but, honestly I don't see anyone being able to tolerate her behavior unless she gets help. Her depression was to contagious. I'm in tact but very disappointed and feel tricked in a way.

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Pumpingiron34

Yep so as you all know my first break up after 5 years ended in hell and me ghosted. My recent post was about the 2nd girl with bipolar who took everything for me to dump because she was well crazy. She ended up coming back let’s say 15 days or so of no contact. Begging crying to me she missed me and a hole buncha other bull****. How she was acting bad bc she missed her ex and slept with him when we broke up.

 

But here she was now literally begging me to try again. So what did I do?? My big heart assumed she was really going to try this time. I started getting very close with her this last week again. I was finally happy. Nye she goes to her gfs house and I went out to a bar, fine a little mad she didn’t wanna spend nye with me but it’s all good. All night long she was acting shady with me being unresponsive and distant. 330 am hits last night and she says sorry I can’t be with you again.

 

Over and over and reverses getting back together because of me, when it was her that cried and begged me. My heart finally reached complete emptiness I never felt the true feeling of being completely numb to reality. I lost It and swallowed all my prescription pills I woke up two days later my family found me. I can’t help but feel completely humiliated now and am still very hurt. I feel socially out of touch with every one and hopeless.

 

I can’t believe I got fooled into taking her back. Just to have her switch on me. I’ll be honest I was so tired of the games there wasn’t any fight left in me. Idk what else to say I feel lost and very confused. The games that have been played with me I can’t help feel like it’s every girl I meet.

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Very very sorry that it happened that way. She sounds like a waste of breathe and you definitely need help. Did your family check you into suicide watch? Have you started therapy? You need to start helping yourself now because you are in such a scary spot right now.

 

Prayers you have the strength to continue on. Theres so much better out there than just that girl.

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HumanMachine

No female is worth your life.. especially a bipolar scumbag who should be banned from dating.. stay strong man, i’ve been in your position (apart from the suicide thing). Bipolar people are DANGEROUS. Block block block!!!

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Hey, man. I can relate somehow with your story. My recent ex is bipolar too and when she broke up I think about take my life, but I didn't, cause I know the pain will fade away eventually. Mine didn't back to her ex, but in two weeks she made me feel and act pretty weak and I did things that I don't usually do (like be needy and so on). She consumed my soul and happiness in just two weeks, and we stayed together for around 11 months. Everything was wonderful and shinny and in only two weeks everything ruined.

 

What I can say to you? I understand why you did it and I do feel sorry for you. Your life worth much more then her and always believe in that, cause is true. killing yourself won't bring her back and you only cause pain to those around you and you eventually find someone else to love. I know how much pain you are dealing right now and for what I read this is the same feeling that others have for their bipolar exs, but this will fade away.. believe.in that.

 

Improve yourself, block her from your life, do not accept her again and go see a counselor, you really need it. Remember that there a lot of people that love you deeply and want to be at your side, so embrace those who does love you and work to find someone who really deserve what you wanna give. Everytime you think about suicide remember that there are people who wants to be with you and love you and no one worth that

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Wow I'm sincerely really saddened to hear what happened but glad your alive even though I know your in a lot of pain right now so words might not get through that much - I should know having been in a really dark place myself- and still fighting to win the battle but is really hard--- I try to think of it like two steps forward one step back, three steps forward four steps back, five steps forward one step back and that helps me remember recovery isn't gonna be in a neat progression or straight line -- I'm not sure if it helps you think of it that way- to be easy on yourself and just take care of yourself and try to start fighting the battle , which is what it is-- just if you try to do little things taking care of yourself over time you'll start feeling better and stronger... your not alone and the feelings you have that are so intense now will believe it or not begin over time to lift and be replaced with better feelings and hope and you will be ok if you keep fighting

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Are you getting treatment now?

 

 

Please find somebody to talk to about all the overwhelming things you are feeling. You shouldn't make a permanent decision (death) to solve a temporary problem (heartbreak)

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Aiuta le mani

Hey, I am sorry to hear that you have to go through this! Before anything else, please know that your life is very important! Please do not hurt yourself! Your feelings at this moment are not more valuable than your life and your health! There is not much that you can do about other people changing their mind but you can have the right attitude and make the right decisions for yourself! Take action and look for help! Find a counselor or therapist that can help you and take back control of your heart and mind! Please let me know if you need help to find someone to talk! I do not know if you believe in God but I will be praying for you to find strength and support!

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You must start seeing a psychologist. This type stuff has happened to most of us without it driving us to suicide, so she's not what's made you that vulnerable. it's something within you that needs worked on. Get better. Do it right. Get in therapy with a real psychologist.

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