How often do they come back? Heartbroken...

[heartbroken4life1]

So my ex boyfriend broke up with me 4.5 months ago (we were together for 2.5 years). We were fighting a lot because he became super close friends with a girl who used to be my best friend (also his friend at one point) but she was really mean and would call me things like anorexic, comment on my make up, clothes, bragged about a book on how to emotionally manipulate people, called me "quiet and diminished", and she would call him a lazy selfish communist and other insults. Anyways, she did all this about 2 years ago and we had all cut contact with her then but she came back and apologized to him so he decided to be friends with her. I did accept it initially but I felt as though I cannot trust her because she is incredibly manipulative and essentially was only trying to break us up as revenge. (she gets revenge on people/has for years). He would hang out with her and I got angry and yelled him for it because I couldn't understand why the hell he'd be so friendly with a girl who bullied me and put me through hell for so long so I, out of anger, told him it was her or me and wanted him just cut her off after he hung out with her. He did but didnt tell her he was cutting her off just blocked her, and then regretted it and felt bad he hurt her so she got pissed and told him not to contact her anymore and was crying about it and stuff saying she was his best friend and I cant choose his friends, but i think this situation is different...idk. He was angry at me for it so a few months later I felt bad and messaged her and got her to be friends with him again which sucked because now they got even closer and she wanted revenge on me(hence breaking us up).

She convinced him I was awful and horrible because everytime they hung out (and never invited me) me and him would argue (mostly initiated by me) I dont care if he has female friends (he has a lot that were all great) but this one girl I just couldn't accept because she had bullied and been horrible to people for years and then realized she had no friends then went to him.

Well, we argued about all of this for about a year and he grew closer to the girl and she really overstepped her boundaries inviting him to go to the beach with her and her family (not me), amusement parks, texting each other constantly, etc. where she never invited me just him given the past and since we still hate each other. Then they would post photos of each other on instagram and stuff and it was just too much. i felt like I was just the second girlfriend even though he swore they were only friends and he just loved me and wanted a future with me.

We broke up 4.5 months ago and he said he's sick of arguing over it and he can be friends with whoever he wants. He even had a sleepover with her to get me to break up with him (which didn't work because I was trying for months to not get mad when they did **** together). 2 months after the break up he messages me and says he misses me and he was saying he's not sure how he feels about me but he cares about me we talked little and ended up sending each other photos..if you get what I mean..but he said that I got the "wrong impression" and the photos meant nothing and we are never getting back together. but it happened again only this time he cut me off and I found out its because he's trying to date her because he's "suddenly" in love with her (after only 3 months of getting out of 2.5 year relationship with me??) and cut me off to pursue her. He posts a bunch of lovey stuff even they aren't officially dating. I feel like he just used me...

 

I guess was I wrong to be so upset he would hang out with this girl?? I dont want to be that controlling girlfriend and he has lots of female friends but this one is just ughhhh she's not good news but she's busy telling him how great and better off without me he is and he listens to it thinking that shes so sweet and great and ****.

I cant tell and i didn't want to hurt him but I couldn't stand him hanging out with someone who had been so cruel to me and my other friends for years..He's convinced she's all changed and **** but she's so good at manipulating its just..ugh. My other friend told me she's just going to act like she's dating him to hurt me (she's also been requesting me on social media, my guess would be because she wants me to see all pictures she posts of them together cause fml)

He was such a nice guy before all this but now he's just not...

I guess in some ways I do want him back but he's a crush on her and idk if its reciprocated but I'm upset and idk what to do. he messaged me months ago saying he missed me, the photos, maybe wed get back together, etc. but then said he's reminded of all the arguing about it and he hates me for making him cut her off (which was only for like 48 hours), and that he so happy without me and his relationship with her feels so equal and great and **** like that and then tells me i never really cared about him and I hardly knew him and just going overboard. Ugh just i think i want him back but what do i do?? and was this break up my fault?

Advice??

[d0nnivain]

The break up wasn't your fault. He chose to hang out with the mean girl. He has now changed. Even if he came back, which is unlikely, he won't be the same person, the guy you miss & want. Let it go.

[Rahcelle]

Why would you want to be with someone who believes another girl's words over yours? Also, if this mean girl truly hates you and makes you feel this way, why is he friends with her? Yes, typically it's not a good idea to control who your boyfriend is hanging out with/who he can be friends with. However, in this case if he's not considering your feelings then he's not worth it at all.

 

Be grateful he's gone. I don't know if he will come back or not, but trust me it is never worth it even if he does. If you do let him go, years from now you'll look back and realize the break up is for the best.

[sdraw108]

Ok, you need to be aware of something. He didn't just "suddenly" fall in love with her. He's been cheating on you with her. If not physically (highly likely) then definitely emotionally. Don't believe his lies.

 

Also, you've not been controlling at all. On the contrary, you've gone out of your way to allow him to have this so-called "friendship" even though it's cost you!

 

If my girlfriend told me that she doesn't want me hanging out with another girl, because that girl has bullied her in the past (but is fine with my other friends), I don't have any doubts as to who would get priority. At the very least I would reduce contact with the friend to a bare minimum, out of respect and consideration.

 

Forget him. You can do better.