very complicated situation - want her back - and

[jake0457]

Hello everyone and thank you for your time and honest advice. I know there are some things I need to do on my end and some things I could use advice and help with. I know that i am going to come off as a complete douche, an ass, anything you may want to call but just hear me out and give me some honest advice. I am being completely honest and forth coming. I really do want her back.

 

First off this girl is my "step" cousin, my father and her aunt started seeing each other 10 yrs ago and are engaged but not married.

I am 29, she is 23. we started a friends with benefits thing 5 yrs ago. I was in a relationship. things turned into us being great together and being true love but I never left my current situation. she never dated anyone but I didn’t leave to be with her. For starters I grew up in an abusive household mother was an emotionally abusive drunk and father wasn’t home; to not argue with her. so it all fell on me. so i was afraid of being alone, in this friends became very important to me. I am also come from a financially established family and I too have a good career and I work very hard to keep that type of lifestyle.

 

I didn’t leave to be with her, first, because she was younger than me and I didn’t think it would ultimately work.

I also ended up getting into debt early in our relationship due to a real estate transaction gone sideways and always wanted to be finically secure and out of debt.

 

Then I was afraid of leaving because I wanted to mitigate the loss of friends.

At one point I was ready to leave about a 2 years ago but then found out a couple months later my girlfriend still from the beginning who I never left who also has all the positives that I thought meant a lot to me in life (great family, wealthy background, great career, funny, tons of great friends, etc.) became pregnant and I felt like I had to purpose and stay but still loved this other girl (who stayed with me) my girlfriend later one miscarried and at that point I was worried about my family since they had so much money invested into the wedding and I just stuck my head in the sand and went through with it (5months ago).

 

This girl stayed with me even though I went through with it and we were still so happy together but things were much harder. Just over a month ago she called me and wanted to have some space. I agreed because I knew its what she needed. After not talking to her I realized that I don’t care what I lose so I asked for a divorce, I called her to let her know what I did, she still says she loves me and is in love with me but said she talking to someone and they aren’t that serious but says she likes him and they are dating. I don’t know how serious this could be he just graduated high school, is a first semester freshman at college and is 19.

 

She and I had breakfast Monday and she said she still loves me and wants to give me a chance but doesn’t know when, she still asks about me all the time, but doesn’t call or text me at all. She says she is still in love with me. I told her at breakfast that I love her and I just want her to be happy and when I said that she started tearing up and said it meant a lot to her to hear that. I wanted to email to call or text saying I had a great time but refrained was that the right call? When should I reach out? what should I do to get her back? Obviously I know I still have to go through with the divorce.

 

Thank you all – sorry for this being so long – let me know if you need any additional info

Edited November 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[lolablue17]

If after she tries (dating, sex) some 2-3 guys, she eventually wants you back, and you say yes. Can you estimate from 1-10 how much respect will she have for you? How would you respect a man who agrees to that, if you would have heard it about another man's story?

 

Not much I guess. So, how much can a relationship last (If you take her back) when she feels zero respect for you?

[sdraw108]

I think you need to sort your life out. You've made some pretty terrible decisions. A FWB while you were in a relationship, you went through with a wedding when your heart wasn't in it, then you divorced her so you could chase after the FWB girl, and for some reason you think you could have any kind of normal relationship with this girl (who knows you were cheating on your girlfriend/wife, and is seeing other people).

 

I'm sorry if I come across as harsh, but you need a wake up call. Forget this girl. You're wasting your time, and even if you're not it's going to cause you grief. Spend some time looking inward to work out the reasons why you've behaved like this, make some improvements, and then find somebody new to start a healthy relationship with.

[sdraw108]

If after she tries (dating, sex) some 2-3 guys, she eventually wants you back, and you say yes. Can you estimate from 1-10 how much respect will she have for you? How would you respect a man who agrees to that, if you would have heard it about another man's story?

 

Not much I guess. So, how much can a relationship last (If you take her back) when she feels zero respect for you?

 

It's even worse than that, because he was cheating on his girlfriend/wife the whole time with this girl. So the respect was already close to zero even before she sleeps with others!