Just broken up with / need to vent

[azaleas]

So my boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday. For reasons that really don't make a lot of sense to me. It was a short relationship (we were only together a few months) but I really, really liked him. I did not see this coming. Up until the day he broke up with me, he was doing and saying all the right things. All of my friends and family who saw him interacting with me told me he was very obviously super into me. I even met a bunch of his extended family on Thanksgiving, which he told me was a huge step because he's never been at that stage before, but that I was "special". I thought we were a really good fit together, which is why it was such a shock yesterday for him to tell me that he didn't think we were a good long-term fit and that he may have been forcing things too much. And I know it's hard to get you, the reader, to believe me, but the way he interacted with me all throughout the relationship prior to the break up did NOT seem like somebody who was merely forcing it or faking it. We never even fought or argued at all.

 

Anyway, I didn't cry or beg or plead. I made that mistake when my very long term ex broke up with me. I walked him to his car, hugged him, and let him go. But I did peak out at him when I got back inside my house. He stayed there for awhile before driving off. And it looked like he may have been crying. Should I have fought for us harder? I don't know.

 

I haven't contacted him since that time yesterday, nor has he reached out to me. I know I shouldn't contact him, but it's so hard. Nobody likes to feel rejected. What I want more than anything is for him to reach out to me, and tell me what a stupid mistake he made. But what scares me is I know it's not likely to happen. He wouldn't have let me go if he weren't sure. He wouldn't have said we are not a good long-term fit. But yet, I still hold onto this stupid hope.

 

And then the other thought going through my head is how I think I am going to die alone. Even though our relationship was short, I really thought this was it. I'm starting to think I'm just not meant to get married and have kids, like all my friends are doing. Everyone says oh, this will just make room for the guy you are really meant to be with, but that's so much easier said than done. I mean, where is he? What do I have to do to meet him?

 

I met my now ex via online dating, after a string of dates with guys that went nowhere. So now I have to go back to that again? Just to potentially have my heart broken all over again? I'm sick of it.

 

Also -- and this is random -- but my now ex was really, really good in bed. And it's weird to go from really great sex to none at all. I almost have considered reaching out to him to propose some no strings attached sex, but yes, I know that's a stupid idea.

 

So if you have any advice about, idk, anything, I'd appreciate it.

[Purepony]

How old are you ?

 

Well you have taken the high road, he broke it off and you haven’t concatcted him. I applaud you for that because many can’t seem to grasp or understand that.

 

Bravo! Stay strong and focus on you in the meantime and yes the sex could have been that good but if you do the nsa you’ll destroy any chances of ever getting back together because men don’t respect those kind of women enough so preserve your dignity

[blackpajamas]

No contact sucks, but it's necessary. You have to realize that the old relationship you just got out of is gone. It's not coming back. I'm having the same problem myself. You have to start thinking about becoming a better version of yourself so if he should come back, or the next person that comes along, will want to be with you.

 

Obsessing and grieving are part of the end of a relationship. It sucks, but you have to just fight through it. I've been hitting the gym a lot and the endorphin release helps. Finding someone your close to, to vent has helped me too.

 

I hope you feel better.

[nolove126]

What ever you do, do not contact him ever. You walked away without begging, pleading, etc which most people fail to do. In the next few days or even weeks you will want to reach out, dont. No contact means no contact. The strongest negotiating position in all human interaction is being able to walk away and mean it. He unilaterally changed the terms of your relationship not to your liking, so you do not take that bad deal. You walk and never look back. Never want someone that doesn't want you. Time is your most precious gift. When people treat you well, you give them more of your time, when they do not, you give them the gift of missing you.

 

I was dumped twice by the same girl 3 weeks ago. Not fun. I thought things would work out but it really takes two. It hurts like a bitch as I am still piecing myself together.

 

If he reaches out then it is up to you whether you want to reconcile, but what ever didnt work out the first time, 99.99% of the time it will not work the second time. I am living proof. Unless, something drastically changes, it wont work. Hang in there and vent on these boards, it helps alot.

[Aarontmarshall]

Hi there,

 

Firstly, well done for not going down the begging, pleading road. I went down that road with my ex a year ago and trust me, it is by far the worst thing to do. So well done for that! Now, keeping NC will be your only option here. That is not to try and win him back, it will be to heal yourself. Do the usual things whilst going through NC. Hit the gym, go out with friends, pick up a new hobby and vent on here. Having someone to talk to about your problems is good. Don’t ever think that you won’t ever find someone else because this is simply not true. You have a lot going for you and no guy is the boss of your life. If you wish to speak more, do let me know. I love to help.

[azaleas]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

I'm still not doing well today. I keep going over things in my head. The reasons he gave for the breakup... they just seem minor and not to make much sense to me.

 

I have dated more people than him, and I think we were a good fit based on our interactions, common interests, and natural chemistry... which all of my friends told me was very apparent. Not to mention the sexual chemistry. He on the other hand, is inexperienced at dating and I think he has some grandiose, perfect, unrealistic idea of a good relationship and in a moment of doubt got scared and called it off without even giving us a chance.

 

But what scares me is that he's not going to realize this until he dates some other girls and realizes that this perfect relationship he seems to be looking for is unrealistic, and that what we had was a really good thing..... But who knows how long that will take? If ever?

 

I don't know what to do. I've been debating writing him some sort of email or something to get some closure. Since I didn't put up a fight when he left, I really didn't get all that much closure. I'm still struggling to understand why. Even if he doesn't reply at all, I kind of want to get my thoughts across to him. Would this be a terrible idea?

Edited November 28, 2017 by azaleas