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Compulsive liar asked me to marry her while cheating the whole time???


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So, I had been dating this 27 year-old woman for three months and from how she treated me, things seemed great. She was extremely affectionate, was the first in the relationship to tell me she loved me, would spend all weekend at my place with me, would spend at least a couple days a week with me after work, would call and text me morning noon and night, and even asked me to marry her two weeks ago. She even claimed I was her "best friend" and gave me a lock and key that she said were symbolic of me "having her heart and the only key for it."

 

This past Sunday morning, though she usually kept her cell phone hidden under her pillow at night (claimed she didn't want me to see family drama), it slipped out from under her pillow. Seemed like it was fate, as it woke me up vibrating and was practically right in front of my face. It was a message notification from someone on Tinder! I found out she had been using Tinder the whole time we were together and had AT LEAST two other boyfriends! Needless to say, I sent her packing and made it clear I never wanted her to contact me again.

 

She claimed she cheated because she had it set in her mind that I was cheating. She claimed to me months ago that her first and only "serious" relationship was with a man who physically abused her and cheated on her for the entire four years they were together. She used him as her excuse as to why she is "messed up" and was convinced I was cheating. However, considering how bad this hurt her, if she truly cared about me, I am at a loss as to why she would do the same exact thing to me?!

 

I treated this girl like gold. Took her out to dinner regularly, complimented her constantly, did all I could to ensure her I was being faithful, cooked for her, gave her massages all the time, was extremely affectionate, yet I got completely screwed over.

 

It's just hard for me to understand how someone can do this type of thing to another person. I couldn't cheat. I would feel way too guilty. Why ask someone to marry you when you are cheating on them? It makes no sense to me. I have never been cheated on like this in the past and just don't understand why she played such sick and twisted games with my heart. She was definitely a compulsive liar, but that doesn't explain the cheating. Would appreciate any feedback, as I am just about as confused here as I am heartbroken.

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She's unbalanced. After knowing you for a mere 90 days she is talking about marriage knowing you are not her only BF.

 

 

Good bye & good riddance .

 

 

Sorry she did this to you but geeze . . . you are better off without her.

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She's unbalanced. After knowing you for a mere 90 days she is talking about marriage knowing you are not her only BF.

 

 

Good bye & good riddance .

 

 

Sorry she did this to you but geeze . . . you are better off without her.

 

So most likely this is a mental instability that I will never be able to make sense of then, eh?

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Oh, and she claimed she would've stopped cheating once we got married, because apparently in her mind, being unfaithful is ok as long as you aren't married yet? I just do not get it at all...

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Oh, and she claimed she would've stopped cheating once we got married, because apparently in her mind, being unfaithful is ok as long as you aren't married yet? I just do not get it at all...

 

You will never be able to to understand it but accept that there are people out there that are emotionally dysfunctional.

 

You need to see this as a blessing -- thank goodness you caught her 3 months in rather than later.

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The red flags where flapping well before that phone vibrated.

 

Talk of marriage after 3 short months? I love yous?

 

Read up on "love bombing" and how it's rarely a good sign.

 

And I agree with others, she has issues, major issues a s does not sound capable of a healthy relationship at this time.

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Not everyone has the same heart as we do. You really dodged a bullet with this one. I hope you heal in a timely manner and find someone who deserves you.

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Thanks so much for all the feedback. Great point too that I at least found out now rather than further down the road. I just never dealt with this type of betrayal from someone before, which is a large part of what is making it so hard for me.

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She is a manipulator. Pure and simple. When she got caught she didn't shoulder the blame- it was YOUR fault as she thought you had started to cheat so she started. When that didn't work she switched to the "I'm a victim of past bad relationships" that's why I did it.

She doesn't have any mental issues- she has no morals. Its all about her wants and needs.

Hell I dated this woman for a year. She talked of marriage and suggested we go to relationship classes to "strengthen" our relationship. I agreed and for two weeks I went to this stupid class. The whole time she was seeing her ex boyfriend. She all the sudden didn't have mental issues- she was just a snake in the grass and this is how she operated- someone who has no morals can do ANYTHING and justify it.

Your ex is a person that love bombs to quickly establish themselves in your life quickly because if she took it slow you would begin to see holes in her personality and actions.

If someone is constantly telling you how awesome you are in most cases you will gloss over any red flags that you see because hey your the greatest according to her.

Had you dated her for a couple months longer she would have started to be critical of you and you would have gotten confused trying to figure out where YOU went wrong. You got lucky you. found out sooner then latter.

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She is a manipulator. Pure and simple. When she got caught she didn't shoulder the blame- it was YOUR fault as she thought you had started to cheat so she started. When that didn't work she switched to the "I'm a victim of past bad relationships" that's why I did it.

She doesn't have any mental issues- she has no morals. Its all about her wants and needs.

Hell I dated this woman for a year. She talked of marriage and suggested we go to relationship classes to "strengthen" our relationship. I agreed and for two weeks I went to this stupid class. The whole time she was seeing her ex boyfriend. She all the sudden didn't have mental issues- she was just a snake in the grass and this is how she operated- someone who has no morals can do ANYTHING and justify it.

Your ex is a person that love bombs to quickly establish themselves in your life quickly because if she took it slow you would begin to see holes in her personality and actions.

If someone is constantly telling you how awesome you are in most cases you will gloss over any red flags that you see because hey your the greatest according to her.

Had you dated her for a couple months longer she would have started to be critical of you and you would have gotten confused trying to figure out where YOU went wrong. You got lucky you. found out sooner then latter.

 

You make some excellent points here. You hit the nail right on the head when you say she is a manipulator and refused to shoulder the blame. She tried to make it anyone's fault but her own. I don't even think she felt guilty at all for it.

 

Definitely a lesson learned on my part as to how much someone can *pretend* to care about another person when in actuality, care so little.

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Yup! She lied to you. But, she was basically lying to herself.

 

She had to convince herself that you had to be cheating on you to justify their own cheating. Let me ask you this. Before you found out the truth, did she accuse you of cheating or looking too hard at another girl and little stupid things like that? If the answer is "yes", then that was only her looking to ease her guilt about what she was doing to you. Easier to cheat on some if you're made at him or they thing you're doing it to them.

 

You dodged a bullet my friend.

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Yup! She lied to you. But, she was basically lying to herself.

 

She had to convince herself that you had to be cheating on you to justify their own cheating. Let me ask you this. Before you found out the truth, did she accuse you of cheating or looking too hard at another girl and little stupid things like that? If the answer is "yes", then that was only her looking to ease her guilt about what she was doing to you. Easier to cheat on some if you're made at him or they thing you're doing it to them.

 

You dodged a bullet my friend.

 

Oh, she was EXTREMELY possessive. She was always talking about how she was afraid I was going to go back to my ex, asked me to block any numbers of women who were friends of mine, and even got upset when a friend of mine on FB posted our "friendiversary" on her page.

 

She did snoop through my phone a few times as well, but never found anything. I told her my lock code and made it clear she could go through my phone at any time, as I had nothing to hide. The only times she actually would though is when I wasn't around. However, in doing this, I don's see how she could've possibly convinced herself I was cheating, as it was clear as day she was the only one.

 

Like you said, I think she was just trying to delude herself to feel better about her own cheating. With how I gave her attention all the time, it still does confuse me as to why she would cheat. I guess maybe it was a protection thing, like she couldn't get hurt as bad (or at all) if she had other men too. I'll never really know, but the more I look back and reflect, the more I realize that I certainly did dodge a bullet on this one. No matter what I did, she always would have been afraid of me cheating and would always have done things behind my back as a form of self protection for herself, at my expense of course.

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