Send ex a happy birthday message

[Rko28]

Hi everyone.

 

Regulars will know my story I’m sure. Im now just over 5 months broken up with my ex, I’d say a solid 5 months of that has been complete NC.

 

I still miss her and think about her every single day. Of course it’s not crippling anymore, and the nightly dreams have stopped to now and again. The only time I feel sick is when I think of her with someone else. But end of the day I am still in love with this girl.

 

Apart from the week or 2 after we spilt I’ve made no attempt to get back with her (her brother said to move on as she doesn’t care for me anymore)

 

So my question here is that it’s her birthday tomorrow. Do I drop her a happy birthday text? I don’t even know if she’s in the country as she was due to go travelling for a bit. Her brother and I are good friends and he’s joining her travelling over Christmas but he’s not mentioned if she’s left.

 

Is it worth a happy birthday Text? Or just let it go?

[Buriall]

Let go buddy, dont hold on

[Highndry]

Hi everyone.

 

Regulars will know my story I’m sure. Im now just over 5 months broken up with my ex, I’d say a solid 5 months of that has been complete NC.

 

I still miss her and think about her every single day. Of course it’s not crippling anymore, and the nightly dreams have stopped to now and again. The only time I feel sick is when I think of her with someone else. But end of the day I am still in love with this girl.

 

Apart from the week or 2 after we spilt I’ve made no attempt to get back with her (her brother said to move on as she doesn’t care for me anymore)

 

So my question here is that it’s her birthday tomorrow. Do I drop her a happy birthday text? I don’t even know if she’s in the country as she was due to go travelling for a bit. Her brother and I are good friends and he’s joining her travelling over Christmas but he’s not mentioned if she’s left.

 

Is it worth a happy birthday Text? Or just let it go?

 

Absolutely not.

[chinadiary]

I did. He replied. We had a brief text convo. He was polite and distant. It made me feel awful.

 

Next year I won't.

[Rko28]

That’s my fear too but I think I’d be able to accept the rejection like that and something I might need in order to say, you know what, screw this girl.

Not hearing off her for 5 months should’ve already done that.

 

I’ve now been apart from her longer than I was with her for

[Highndry]

That’s my fear too but I think I’d be able to accept the rejection like that and something I might need in order to say, you know what, screw this girl.

Not hearing off her for 5 months should’ve already done that.

 

I’ve now been apart from her longer than I was with her for

 

Look at it this way - that text is more likely to annoy her than anything else. Do you really want to be THAT guy? You are clinging to some sort of hope that your text will stir something inside of her, make her go "oh, how sweet" when "GROSS, I wish he didn't have my number" is the more likely outcome.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Highndry

[Buriall]

That’s my fear too but I think I’d be able to accept the rejection like that and something I might need in order to say, you know what, screw this girl.

Not hearing off her for 5 months should’ve already done that.

 

I’ve now been apart from her longer than I was with her for

 

Do you really genuinely want to wish her a happy birthday or you want to get back with her? whats your intention..?

[elaine567]

This was not a girl who was "confused", she made it crystal clear why she broke up with you, so stay away.

 

Nothing good will come of this for you.

[Beachead]

That’s my fear too but I think I’d be able to accept the rejection like that and something I might need in order to say, you know what, screw this girl.

Not hearing off her for 5 months should’ve already done that.

 

I’ve now been apart from her longer than I was with her for

 

I would say no. She will most likely act distant and cold and it will hurt real bad.

 

BUT, if you think you're ready for it and are doing this to hear it for youself because it'll light a fire under your a$$ and help you move on, then do it. I've done the same to help myself move on from an ex. Afterwards, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I left knowing I tried my best and this girl was the one that gave up. Walking away, was easy after that.

 

Goodluck in whatever you choose.

[Rko28]

The more I think of it the more I think it’s a terrible idea.

I think she would think it’s pretty weird that I remember her birthday to begin with and like has been said before she may think why has he still got my number when he’s deleted me off social media and all that.

 

2 reasons why I thought about it...

1: it May stir something in her and we her talking again and get back together, crazy when she’s going away for 4 months I know and massive wishful thinking.

2: for her to be distant, even horrible or no reply perhaps, as the poster above says, to finally tell me enough is enough, get the hell moving along.

 

As it stands now though I won’t be sending her any happy birthday Text

[Highndry]

The more I think of it the more I think it’s a terrible idea.

I think she would think it’s pretty weird that I remember her birthday to begin with and like has been said before she may think why has he still got my number when he’s deleted me off social media and all that.

 

2 reasons why I thought about it...

1: it May stir something in her and we her talking again and get back together, crazy when she’s going away for 4 months I know and massive wishful thinking.

2: for her to be distant, even horrible or no reply perhaps, as the poster above says, to finally tell me enough is enough, get the hell moving along.

 

As it stands now though I won’t be sending her any happy birthday Text

 

That's great you're not sending it. Listen to your logical side, not your emotions. She left you, which means she didn't want you anymore. Her brother then told you she wants nothing to do with you, further confirmation that she's not interested. Do you really need any more verification that she's not interested? No, you don't, but you're in denial so you're not thinking rationally when you start justifying that text. You're engaging in some sort of magical thinking where the end result is that she comes back. She's not coming back, she told you that more than once.

 

You're not alone, this site is littered with dumpees like yourself who are making the same mistakes. It's worse to try to reach out to the dumper than it is to never, ever contact them again. You look stronger, more attractive in their eyes when you completely cut contact and move on, as hard as it is. If you are having a hard time on her birthday, write an email addressed to nobody as if you're writing her, then save it or throw it away. This is what I have done in the past when I felt urges to contact my ex, though my urges have more to do with giving her a piece of my mind than wanting her back. It helps to type the stuff out, at least that's what I've found.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Highndry

[SpecialJ]

It doesn't seem like a good idea to send it because you admit you're still hung up on her. If you were mostly over it and ready to see if you could be friends, and she expressed a prior interest in being in touch again one day, I'd say go for it. But in your current situation, it sounds like best case scenario might be a brief thank you acknowledgement from her and that's it. Keep focusing on yourself and moving forward instead.

[Stercrazy]

She doesn't deserve a "Happy Birthday" anything from you. You owe her nothing.

[ExpatInItaly]

1: it May stir something in her and we her talking again and get back together, crazy when she’s going away for 4 months I know and massive wishful thinking.

That's all this is. She doesn't have those feelings for you, so your message would not "stir" anything.

 

2: for her to be distant, even horrible or no reply perhaps, as the poster above says, to finally tell me enough is enough, get the hell moving along.

You don't further confirmation to move along. 5 months of radio silence from her after a very clear break-up is more than enough to signal that you need to let it go.

 

I am glad you're choosing not to send the birthday message. As much as you hope, you won't be able to handle the rejection of a short or cold reply - or no reply at all. This thread indicates you still have lingering hope, so contacting her isn't a good choice for you.

[elaine567]

Also, you are now 35 not 25, pining after a woman who is not coming back is a complete waste of your time and energy and you will regret the time wasted so much in the future.

You need to get your act together and soon.

There is a "myth" that men are basically attractive at any age, but that only applies to those who have their act together.

Time to take stock and stop chasing the impossible dream that is this girl, and get your life back on track.

I do not know why but you apparently still live in council accommodation with your mother and brother, why is that?

There may be a great reason for that, and kudos to you if there is, but if not, then few women really want a man who is still living with his mother at 35.

[Rko28]

Also, you are now 35 not 25, pining after a woman who is not coming back is a complete waste of your time and energy and you will regret the time wasted so much in the future.

You need to get your act together and soon.

There is a "myth" that men are basically attractive at any age, but that only applies to those who have their act together.

Time to take stock and stop chasing the impossible dream that is this girl, and get your life back on track.

I do not know why but you apparently still live in council accommodation with your mother and brother, why is that?

There may be a great reason for that, and kudos to you if there is, but if not, then few women really want a man who is still living with his mother at 35.

 

I have been going on a few dates in the last week, multi dating trying to find the right fit for me. I’m ready to find someone and know there is someone that will give me the feels she did. One of these dates came close but she didn’t feel a spark, the next one I didn’t feel a spark and the last one, well there’s going to be a 2nd date.

 

As for living at home, yes there is a reason so please don’t be so judgemental about that.

 

For the record, I’ve not sent a happy birthday text

[alterest]

I see no problem in seending happy birthday/christmas/new year/whatever. But don't expected nothing about it. If you send expecting that she/he look at it and suddenly change her/his mind about both of you, then you are doing it wrong. You do what you want, but don't do anything trying to reach some kind of reaction, you are going to be frustraded about it.

Be sincere with you and with the reason that you want to do that. If you have any doubt about do it or not do it, then don't do it.

[Rko28]

I didn’t send a text in the end and I’m glad I didn’t.

 

I over heard her brother talking about her today, she left for her 4 month travelling trip yesterday. He’s talking about it openly now how he’s going to meet her on her travels and how their other sister has gone with her for 2 weeks.

 

It’s all just suddenly felt very real that it’s over, in a good way I’m sure but today I’m reliving it all over again.

 

Even though I haven’t bumped into her in the 5 months we’ve been broken up there has always been that chance I would, now with her being the opposite side of the world I can relax now knowing I won’t be seeing her.

 

In some ways I’m sad the hope has gone, in other ways I’m being stupid in thinking that time travelling and discovering herself she may see what we had was good.

 

Then there’s the other side of the coin knowing she will be meeting lots of single males eveybsingle day all on their travels and want that can lead to....

 

Feel like I’m back to square one and I’m so angry with myself I can’t let this go fully even after all this time

[d0nnivain]

Feel like I’m back to square one and I’m so angry with myself I can’t let this go fully even after all this time

 

 

You are not at square one. Anger is a more productive emotion than sadness. Whatever you are feelings will dissipate faster then it did when you actually at square one. Plus you can pat yourself on the back for not sending the text.

 

 

Hang in there.

 

 

Remember you have now been apart from her longer than you were with her. It does get easier over time.

[Rko28]

You are not at square one. Anger is a more productive emotion than sadness. Whatever you are feelings will dissipate faster then it did when you actually at square one. Plus you can pat yourself on the back for not sending the text.

 

 

Hang in there.

 

 

Remember you have now been apart from her longer than you were with her. It does get easier over time.

 

Thank you, and thanks for the advice not to send it, I’m sure if I did especially with her going away I wouldn’t have got a reply so possibly feel even ****tier than I do now.

 

I’m sure I’m over the worst of it and like you said, I’ve been apart longer than I was with her.

 

I just can’t figure out why I’m not over her, my 1st ever love who until my recent ex was the best girl and best relationship I’d been in didn’t hurt this long after we broke up.

 

At what point do I start thinking I have a problem here?

 

Christmas is coming and of course loved up couples, movies and songs. Not a great time

[d0nnivain]

It could be the season. I hate this time of year because I hate staring at all the things I don't have.

 

 

 

 

I don't think you have a problem. Love & healing are not linear or logical.

[trustyourself]

I just can’t figure out why I’m not over her, my 1st ever love who until my recent ex was the best girl and best relationship I’d been in didn’t hurt this long after we broke up.

 

At what point do I start thinking I have a problem here?

 

 

Honestly, I know what you mean. I have been married and divorced, had 3+ year relationships, and my most recent one was an on and off 1.5 year relationship, and it is by far the hardest I have ever had to deal with. Still not over her. Think about her every day. I even know she is dating someone else now. I know I have to let go. I will. I hope!!