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17 years she left me


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17-year relationship break up

Having a hard time, I am 52 she is 44, we have been together 17 years, we moved from Mid West to Fl. We endured hurricanes and 3 moves in FL, along with several job changes...We finally get our dream home, and after one year she wants to break up, we lived in our new house for 6 months before it sold, I tried to fix our relationship. We also did, but the whole time a man in Az was convincing her to come out there, which she did, I had to leave the area I was so hurt.

She basically sold everything we accumulated over the years and left, I was never so hurt...

how she could be so rash, after being so loyal all those years, i still love her yeti hate what she did to me...i

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17 years is a long time so it's no wonder you're hurting. Unfortunately, it sounds like she checked out a while ago since she left for a man in AZ. That didn't just happen overnight. She was emotionally cheating. Sorry that happened.

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That is absolutely brutal man I'm so sorry you have to go through that. 17 years...and here i thought me losing my 3 year relationship was bad. I can't even imagine what you're feeling or going through right now. Absolutely devastating. I hope in time you will heal and be able to move forward I really do. I'll say a prayer for you.

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That is absolutely brutal man I'm so sorry you have to go through that. 17 years...and here i thought me losing my 3 year relationship was bad. I can't even imagine what you're feeling or going through right now. Absolutely devastating. I hope in time you will heal and be able to move forward I really do. I'll say a prayer for you.

 

I have been hard, I loved her we had just bought an awesome house, the guy she is with is divorced too,

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I have been hard, I loved her we had just bought an awesome house, the guy she is with is divorced too,

 

That's so messed up man. People have no loyalty these days its pretty sad. Makes you not want to trust anyone anymore. If you cant trust someone who youve been with for 17 years then who can you trust?

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That's so messed up man. People have no loyalty these days its pretty sad. Makes you not want to trust anyone anymore. If you cant trust someone who youve been with for 17 years then who can you trust?

 

what suck is I still love her and the hoildays are gonna be hard

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One day she will be alone and think of those 17 years she just let go........becouse as some of us know the grass isn't greener on the other side. You got to keep moving on and start breaking old habits that you had with her and start working on yourself. Good luck brother.

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...We finally get our dream home, and after one year she wants to break up

 

Maybe that had something to do with it. Sometimes when a mountain is conquered, people re-assess to see how they feel. Maybe once she had the dream home, she felt something was missing.

 

Ironically that is probably why dysfunctional relationships can last a lifetime, because the mountain is never conquered.

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BarbedFenceRider

Well, I know your in pain. But there is some good news...You're in the 50s! That means sexy silverback time bro. You obviously are successful if you can relocate hundreds of miles away and build a "dream house". That stuff is not for the timid. And I take it you never got married? Just live-in girlfriend?

And you should know, men age like fine wine, and women like milk. Just sayin'. You have plenty of time and opportunity to build new and healthy relationships. I'm sorry for your loss, but when you are ready...Excited to see a good guy win the long run. Best of luck, never look back.:D

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It isn't just women that quit, when the going gets tough. My exH of just two months shy of 17 years left me as well.

 

We had bought our house five years prior, had two children, and one child we'd lost.

 

He told me he wasn't in love with me on Sunday and moved out the following Tuesday.

 

This was in 2001, and he's been involved with one woman in the past 16 years and they didn't work out and he's been alone since.

 

So, it's impossible to know what's going on in a persons mind and with their emotions. I know we were working hard, trying to raise our children, both had full time jobs, but, dang, life's a struggle on any day. It just makes the easy days better, but he didn't look at it the way I did.

 

We bought a fixer upper, when we bought the house, and did a lot of the work ourselves, and our children were 9 and 10 years old so, there was a lot of back and forth from work, to our place where we were living to working on the house we purchased. Kids had homework, baths, meals, all in between us gutting this place, redoing electrical wiring, plumbing, everything. So we faced so many challenges, but we were five years in and he just threw in the towel, walked away from the property, kids, and started off on his own.

 

Years of trying to hold on to the house alone, I just had to move on and stop trying to rationalise, how a person does this to his family. I just had to believe what he said, accept it, and get on with my life.

 

I am sorry that you are going through this, MarkTorr.

Edited by skywriter
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MarkTorr,

 

I apologize for my long drawn out post above, but I wanted to add, to what posters have already suggested. Please, don't wait for her, get on with your life.

 

I made many poor choices over the years alone, but after being alone for 12 years I finally allowed someone else into my heart and I am happy in a relationship again.

 

By the way, I kept the house , kids, & property. It was a tough go, but possible.

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17-year relationship break up

Having a hard time, I am 52 she is 44, we have been together 17 years, we moved from Mid West to Fl. We endured hurricanes and 3 moves in FL, along with several job changes...We finally get our dream home, and after one year she wants to break up, we lived in our new house for 6 months before it sold, I tried to fix our relationship. We also did, but the whole time a man in Az was convincing her to come out there, which she did, I had to leave the area I was so hurt.

She basically sold everything we accumulated over the years and left, I was never so hurt...

how she could be so rash, after being so loyal all those years, i still love her yeti hate what she did to me...i

 

Wow Mark. I feel for ya. My ex left me at close to the 20 year mark. There is no pain in the world like that. None. Sadly, you are going to hurt for a while. There is no easy fix and the emotions you are going to go through are brutal.

 

You're going to hear "it gets better" a ton, and you are not going to believe a word of it. But do trust that as time marches forward it will.

 

It's been almost 6 years for me since d-day. I'm in my early 50's and I am having the time of my life now. I've got 25 year old girls making plays at me and I'm loving every second of it.

 

You will find out a ton about yourself in the coming months that you never knew existed. You will also find that women in their late 40's are an absolute pain in the a$$ and not worth the games. Yes, there are some great 40 year old ladies out there, but you're going to find out that if you have to play games, you would rather beat them at their own game until that diamond comes along.

 

Keep your head up! It does get better!

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I keep waiting for it to get better, she seems to be living the life with her new life, my life is in shambles, I can't figure out where to go, i feel stuck in life, all that work to get to that point

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I keep waiting for it to get better, she seems to be living the life with her new life, my life is in shambles, I can't figure out where to go, i feel stuck in life, all that work to get to that point

 

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. Do you have family/friend support?

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I keep waiting for it to get better, she seems to be living the life with her new life, my life is in shambles, I can't figure out where to go, i feel stuck in life, all that work to get to that point

 

Yup. Those feelings are absolutely brutal. It's like you have no clue about your life an hour from now, and here she is living a new life with everything planned out and hunky dory. What helped me a little bit was to realize that there is no absolute proof that everything is exactly rosy. That's your mind playing tricks on you. Your self-esteem is obliterated and it is a long and painful process to build it back up.

 

Trust me, it will build and when it does, the way you see things are going to be completely different. You will have trust in nobody for quite a while. But as you start to heal you will get there.

 

I wished there was a magic pill that I could have taken, but there is not. I had to man up, grit my teeth, and just breathe. Small steps became bigger ones and then one day everything just pops into place.

 

Come to these boards and vent. Don't try to carry the load alone. We've been through it and can give you some pointers...

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I don't want to go on anti depressants, i find it so hard in the morning's...she was so great to me all those years. I find it hard to force myself to do anything

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Mark,

I am very sorry that you are hurting so bad.

It is completely normal to feel like that, be patient with yourself , this will take a while.

Face the pain, dare to cry. DO NOT CONTACT HER !

THEN start focusing on yourself, fill up your schedule with activities ... this always helped me when I had a breakup. Join a gym, try yoga, meet friends, family, go on day-trips, dive into a hobby, read books, movies.. etc

Read posts up here, maybe help out others with your suggestions. Take it slow ... you will be fine.

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Thing is I really need to get out of this area we moved down here together and everything reminds me of her, we went everywhere together...I am not the most social person, on the other hand she was...i just can't figure out where to go...I have tried to contact her, foolishly. No reply...I just don't get it she wrote such loving letters and did such loving things for so long.

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Thing is I really need to get out of this area we moved down here together and everything reminds me of her, we went everywhere together...I am not the most social person, on the other hand she was...i just can't figure out where to go...I have tried to contact her, foolishly. No reply...I just don't get it she wrote such loving letters and did such loving things for so long.

 

How long ago did this happen, Mark?

 

Don't initiate contact with her ever again. She does not want to talk to you and it's only going to hurt you much worse, either the rejection from her ignoring you, or the words that come out of her mouth if she does talk to you.

 

Next, don't make any rash decisions right now. You're not in the greatest state of mind to make life-altering changes. You can certainly start to put a plan together to leave, but think it through and bounce it off others. If finances aren't a problem then maybe you can think about a little vacation for yourself - golfing, hanging out on a tropical beach, something.

 

If you have any family or friends to reach out to, do it. However, be careful not to inundate them with tales of woe. People can sometimes tire of hearing about relationship difficulties. If you read a lot around here you'll see that you are NOT alone by any means. People have been cheated on, lied to, abused, disrespected, tossed aside like trash, you name it.

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I left the house in June, I left my job, I planed on moving in with brother in another state, I felt even worse there, I am living in a area that is too close to where we were, I went from living in a 300k house to spare room jumping...she took our pets with her.

Edited by MarkTorr
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Fever of love
It is really hard, I had such a beautiful life, now everyday hard, I can't believe she could just walk away

 

How long ago was your breakup Mark? I hear myself in what you're saying. 22 yrs for me, 5 months ago. Its that state of shock feeling, just as if you had just been in car crash. You're not thinking straight. I'm still not thinking straight either, though I sometimes see glimpses of being rational these days. Still cuts to the bone though like nothing else in life though.

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BarbedFenceRider

Mark, did you get half of the money when your house sold? Or did you lose it? You mentioned she sold all the belongings. You receive that money as well? Or did she clean you out?

Edited by BarbedFenceRider
Fixed context of question. Clarification from earlier post.
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