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Day 1 after Breakup


tommy.is.my.name

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tommy.is.my.name

My ex and I just broke up last night. We had not been seeing each other that long. Only 3 months. I am 37 and she is 34. We both are single parents to daughters aged 2 and 3.

 

We hit it off really fast and quick, with a lot of passion. She always said I made her feel safer than anyone ever has, and our sex was the best sex she has ever had. We spent 3-4 nights a week together. She would stay at my place or I would stay at hers.

 

Our daughters became friends. She became close to my daughter and me hers. Just last night, her daughter was laying her head on my lap while we were hanging out.

 

Anyway, about 2 weeks ago I noticed a change in our relationship. She just wasn't that into it anymore. The main issue that sparked this was the way I have been handling my daughter staying overnights with my ex.

 

I have been the primary parent for the past year, but recently my ex has been asking to have my daughter over 3 nights a week. Which would be fine, except that the guy she moved in with has pending felony domestic violence charge against his ex, which is going through the court system now.

 

So, the lady that I was seeing started losing attraction for me because I was too passive in my handling of the situation. When I was trying to let the court system work it out. She was scared that if her daughter was in a situation and I did not act fast enough, then she could be in danger.

 

It hurts a lot. She has texted me several times today but I have not replied. Don't know if I should. We never fought and really were a pretty damn good passionate match.

 

Below are the string of texts she sent me today, in which I have yet to respond. Any advice guys?

 

 

 

"Well that is very kind of you. I wish I had more to say but it feels outside of my control. I’m not sure how you are not angry with me but I sure am grateful."

 

 

 

 

 

"I’m grateful for the way you treated me and pursued me and were romantic and always considerate. I want that. Don’t lose those parts of yourself. And you’ve gone through a lot of changes since 3 years ago. Completely going off of all those meds to becoming a father to trying to provide for her from a far to now being the main parent and all the responsibility. And I think wha you learned and said you regretted about not bringing the over nights up sooner, and your texts there after, were phenomenal. I think you’re stepping into a knew era of parenting. You got that book too. You’re owning it and now owning your authority in this situation and its a new start. A fresh one. I really believe in you."

 

 

 

 

 

"you don’t have to respond and I’ll stop bugging you after this but I don’t want you to think that I was not affected by this because I was playful in my snap. I am mourning the loss of this relationship truly is a loss. I know we did the right thing but you definitely meant something to me and I have nothing but good things to say about you. Today I have to cry let it out workout but I also understand we did the right thing. People can’t help how they feel and I am mourning today but also accepting myself just as I am."

 

 

 

 

 

"I threw up this morning randomly."

 

 

 

"I’ve lost my companion and someone I could rely on. You meant a lot to me and I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I don’t regret it bc I gave something promising a chance."

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Her texts are strange, emotionless and somehow it always circles back to her, she talks a lot about herself. Do you think she is a narcissist ?

Not to mention that these kind of people always flip the table in a way to feel simpathy for them, even if they are not the hurt party. Master manipulators !

I would not answer, she broke up ... if she wants it back she has to say so.

Why would she get into your business with your ex ?

She has been barely dating you, maybe 3 months ?

Narcissists are controlling, users, lacking compassion and manipulating. You know her better.

Edited by Captivating
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Scarlett.O'hara

Personally, I wouldn't respond. She has made it clear that she thinks breaking up was the right decision, and is talking to you in more of a friend tone, so what's the point in responding?

 

At the moment she just sending random thoughts as she has them. Perhaps she is just used to texting you throughout the day? Whatever the reason, it isn't your problem anymore.

 

If nothing else, backing off and refusing to engage in random chitchat will give her a chance to see what life is like without you in it.

 

Unless you want to be friends straight away, avoid contact.

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tommy.is.my.name

Captivating: funny that you mention narcissist. She complained to me about her last bf that was a narcissist. And those kind of people bothered her a lot according to her. But, I️ did wonder if she was one herself just based on her bringing it up on a few occasions, and little other things. I️ don’t think her text were unemotional though. Or maybe you’re seeing something I️ can’t right now because I’m hanging on to straws.

 

Scarlett: I️ haven’t replied. And am doing this so I️ can get over the breakup. At this point, I️ know I️ didn’t make any major mistakes, do whatever the problem was it’s on her side. I️ feel like she’s the type of person that once she feels like she’s falling for someone she starts analyzing everything in order to protect herself. She told me as much about a month ago. I️ guess in a way I️ am hoping she realizes how much good I️ had to offer in her life, by not having me around anymore.

 

Highndry: I️ guess that could be a possibility

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tommy.is.my.name

Still have not responded. It’s the next morning, she texted yesterday around 10 am then noon. God I just want to reply with this “I respect your decision. Wish you well.”

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You can send it if you think it would make YOU feel better.

If you want to annoy her, don't reply :)

 

Exactly. The only reason to respond to a dumper is if it's in your OWN best interests.

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tommy.is.my.name
You can send it if you think it would make YOU feel better.

If you want to annoy her, don't reply :)

 

Well, I sent it around 3pm this afternoon. It’s now 8pm. No reply. Have a 23yo chic coming over. I know it’s stupid but I’ve gotta do me

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tommy.is.my.name

So, I’m thinking about posting a pick on instagram, of the sushi we are about to eat, with the 23yo legs slightly in the pic. I unfollowed the dumper but she still follows me. Thoughts?

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So, I’m thinking about posting a pick on instagram, of the sushi we are about to eat, with the 23yo legs slightly in the pic. I unfollowed the dumper but she still follows me. Thoughts?

 

she's under your skin or you wouldn't be doing this. It's what happens when one replies to a text "for *our* own good". It seldom is. We're all masters at manipulating....ourselves.

Edited by whatnot
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So, I’m thinking about posting a pick on instagram, of the sushi we are about to eat, with the 23yo legs slightly in the pic. I unfollowed the dumper but she still follows me. Thoughts?

 

Tommy, Tommy :)

You like games. :)

No legs required on the photo ... just the sushi photo with a short caption ... let her fantasy do the rest. :)

Keep posting 2-3 photos a week, various stuff outside of home ... she will wonder how come you are living your life like nothing happened, who are you with etc.

She will be curious and will investigate every tiny pixels of the photos, so make sure there is no toilet in the background :)

Try to move on though .. this might be fun for 2 weeks but will get old...:)

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If she broke up with you last night and you're on a date tonight, it's safe to say she didn't mean much to you. Seriously, less than 24 hours and you're on a date?

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tommy.is.my.name
If she broke up with you last night and you're on a date tonight, it's safe to say she didn't mean much to you. Seriously, less than 24 hours and you're on a date?

 

She meant everything to me. I fell in love with her. The first person I felt this with in 6 years. I have had mane random casual relationships but have not felt this. I feel broken inside. I’m in the bathroom right now type my thhs as the other girl is outside. And I feel horrible. But, I’ve got to move on, I want my ex back like nothing else. But I’ll be damned to be the one left sulking in the corner

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