chinadiary Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 Hi, I've had a couple of threads on here about my break-up so I won't go into details about it. My dilemma is, I'm broken hearted. Most of us are on here. The last time I had experience of this was 35 years ago. I've had 2 other relationships break down, but I was the dumper then and I was no longer in love by the time they finished. I've met a guy, a really nice man. He likes me, as a potential gf. I have ZERO interest, due to my current heart-break. If I could wave a wand, and be 2 years down the line, to be in the right place to get with him, I would but... So, the question. HOW LONG does it take to get over this s**t? I'm nowhere near right now. I'm no longer at the crying at the drop of a hat stage, although I AM at the welling up with tears if something triggers me (even at work) stage. I'm no spring chicken and it's very annoying that I have the opportunity of someone I'm really compatible with when it's the wrong time for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 It must be different for women, because as a guy I find that a potential new love actually helps me forget about the ex, the pain, etc. Now, mind you, this is only after an appropriate period of time has elapsed since the breakup. But the lingering pain is soothed by the excitement of the new relationship. I think you should do your best to explore something with this new guy. You may be pleasantly surprised. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chinadiary Posted November 12, 2017 Author Share Posted November 12, 2017 I don't think it's specifically different for women. But it's different for me this time. My last heartbreak, in my teens, I did exactly that. Went out, found someone else. But this time, it's not the same. I went through so much with my ex. Dealt with a potentially fatal cancer, five major surgeries. I just feel like the bond with him is unbreakable. I do WANT to move on but I don't know if I can. And I definitely can't bring myself to be with someone else at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 (edited) Hi, I've had a couple of threads on here about my break-up so I won't go into details about it. My dilemma is, I'm broken hearted. Most of us are on here. The last time I had experience of this was 35 years ago. I've had 2 other relationships break down, but I was the dumper then and I was no longer in love by the time they finished. I've met a guy, a really nice man. He likes me, as a potential gf. I have ZERO interest, due to my current heart-break. If I could wave a wand, and be 2 years down the line, to be in the right place to get with him, I would but... So, the question. HOW LONG does it take to get over this s**t? I'm nowhere near right now. I'm no longer at the crying at the drop of a hat stage, although I AM at the welling up with tears if something triggers me (even at work) stage. I'm no spring chicken and it's very annoying that I have the opportunity of someone I'm really compatible with when it's the wrong time for me. There is no set time period. Could be a few months. Could be a few years. If you were dumped and the breakup came out of nowhere, it could take several months just to accept the relationship is over. If you saw the break up coming or you were the one that did the dumping, chances are you'd be more prepared emotionally, so it would take less time. I personally believe you can only heal up to a certain point by yourself. After that, being with someone new is what will take care of the rest. If you heal well enough to the point where you can get through the days without being triggered. Where you can talk to people and feel curious or excited of a potentially new relationship. That's the moment you'll know your ready for something new. Right now it sounds like it's too soon for you. If you jump into it too quickly, you may him and yourself. Edited November 12, 2017 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
toomanyquestions123 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 I dont think you are ready to start a new relationship now ! It is not fair for you and for him... How long have you been single ? There is no time frame to the healing process. It depends on the intensity of the relationship. Its been 6 months now since my ex and i broke up, i still dont feel like i got over the pain which is weird. I thought by this time i would be completely over him. I believe that during the moving on process you will need your time alone and then after a while a right guy shall come and make you forget completely. Enjoy your time alone !! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts