LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Breaks and Breaking Up

Get together with ex;


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Like Tree23Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 25th October 2017, 3:31 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 22
Question She kissed me the last time we saw each other as we parted ways

My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. She broke up with me because she was no longer happy with the state of things. We got together our senior year of high school, and everything was amazing until I left for college. I was still in state, and I visited twice a month or so. But even then our relationship became simply raw emotion and lust. During that year that I was away for school, I neglected our relationship, and I pushed her away after she had got me to open up. I entered a dark place because of school, and as a result she changed along with me.

When I returned from school to stay for a year, things were more or less the same because of all the pain we put each other through. She finally broke up with me because she was unhappy and things werenít moving forward. After two weeks of talking after the break up, she met me to talk. I told her that I realized all that I had done wrong and apologized. She told me that it was both of us and neither was solely to blame, but that she couldnít be with me. Everything that I had become for the worse I changed, but she said her love had changed. So I walked her home, and during this whole event together she was crying. She told me she couldnít believe this was real. As we arrived to where we were to part, she turned to me and I pulled her into my body and placed her head on my chest one last time. One last hug. When I began to pull away she looked up and kissed me. Why, I do not know. We parted ways and Iíve begun no contact to move on.

During the time before we last saw each other, she told me how she didnít know if she could be with me. It was never a concrete no. And once we met I kept getting mixed signals. I do not know if she is just unsure and confused or if she definitely no longer has faith in the possibility of us being together. She believes in people coming together again. I am just unsure of all of the mixed signals. The kiss, the hugs, the tears. We are both each otherís first love, our first everything. I have learned a great deal from the relationship, but I personally feel as though we can continue and grow from it together, so I am here to gather everyoneís advice on my situation. I have gone Nc for a week now, and my birthday is coming up in three weeks. Any advice would be great, thank you.
Alo2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 12:26 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: North Texas
Posts: 101
It's time for you to move on. You have a lifetime ahead of you and many possibilities. This first relationship is a foundation to build on and there are many other girls out there to meet. I'm a believer in the idea that a closed door opens a new one and great opportunities await you once you go through that door. You are at a great time in life to see what else is out there. Stay NC with this girl. For your birthday, do something with friends, family, or treat yourself to something you enjoy doing. It will do you a world of good to distance yourself from this girl to clear your head. Take advantage of the alone time. It will put you in a better place for when you meet the next one.

The first love is the hardest one to step away from when it runs its course. It's a necessary step in your personal growth. In the weeks and months from now, you'll see a difference in how this looks. No contact is the key.
Alo2008 likes this.
BryanP37 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 12:35 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 514
The kiss, the words - they mean nothing. When a woman starts with this routine, you're out. The best thing to do is be strong and walk away with your head held high. No "I love you more than you'll ever know" or any of that sappy crap is going to do anything for you. No begging, no pleading, no apologies, just walk.
Highndry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 8:31 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 721
I agree with walking away. All that crap she's saying means nothing.
She's just being dramatic and such.
And a woman or anybody for that matter can cry st the drop of a dime.
Been is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 11:14 AM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 22
I understand where you guys are coming from. Thatís why I started no contact and was adamant about not seeing or talking her the last time we met even though she wants to be friends. I told her that. I will not reach out to her. I am distancing myself from this phase of my life to move on, but what I donít know is if she contacts me what should I do? Everything that has happened has just confused me. That is why I brought up my birthday. Knowing her, she will say something. Not to say I am hoping for it or want it. But if it does happen, I wouldnít know what to do.I would love to get a womanís perspective on all of this.
Alo2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th October 2017, 11:32 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alo2008 View Post
I understand where you guys are coming from. Thatís why I started no contact and was adamant about not seeing or talking her the last time we met even though she wants to be friends. I told her that. I will not reach out to her. I am distancing myself from this phase of my life to move on, but what I donít know is if she contacts me what should I do? Everything that has happened has just confused me. That is why I brought up my birthday. Knowing her, she will say something. Not to say I am hoping for it or want it. But if it does happen, I wouldnít know what to do.I would love to get a womanís perspective on all of this.
Make it impossible for her to contact you. Block her on social media, her number and her email. Trust me, you DO NOT want to hear from them after youíve made great progress with NC. A simple ďhappy birthdayĒ could potentially set you back to square one. Iíve been in your position and itís horrible, stay strong.
HumanMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 11:10 AM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 22
I have blocked her off of everything. She still has my number and I have hers just in case we need something from each other. I also want to see if she will contact me because I honestly want to get back together. The past 12 hours have been full of extreme temptation to text her and ask her what sheís doing. Maybe ask her out. I just want an opinion preferably from a woman what her actions say. Sheís confusing me, and that confusion is whatís driving my temptation to break no contact. Itís barely been a week today.
Alo2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 11:38 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 416
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alo2008 View Post
I have blocked her off of everything. She still has my number and I have hers just in case we need something from each other. I also want to see if she will contact me because I honestly want to get back together. The past 12 hours have been full of extreme temptation to text her and ask her what sheís doing. Maybe ask her out. I just want an opinion preferably from a woman what her actions say. Sheís confusing me, and that confusion is whatís driving my temptation to break no contact. Itís barely been a week today.
You donít need an opinion from specifically a woman, because believe it or not, they donít all share the same thought process and feelings.

You say youíve blocked her on everything yet she is still able to call you? You donít need anything from each other.. block her and move on with your life, I can assure you she is already months ahead of you in the healing process.
Alo2008 likes this.
HumanMachine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 11:52 AM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 22
I donít need it, but I would greatly appreciate it just because I would like to hear it from their perspective. Not to say that I donít appreciate your guyís advice because I do. It has calmed me and encouraged me to keep nc for my own health and happiness, but Iím human and I wonder and question you know? Especially after these confusing turn of events.
Alo2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 12:33 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,699
Honestly, since you are the dumpee and want her back, it's going to be very hard for you to ignore her if she contacts you on your birthday. If she does, just reply back with a "thanks" and that's it. If she wants to go further with meaningless chit chat, just tell her that this is going to be difficult for you and unless she wants to try again right now, then it is best that you two are not in contact. This is going to be a process and I know a dumpee just can't go full NC this early on. You must have boundaries and not allow yourself to give her attention when you aren't getting what you want. You don't want to stay in contact just to have her in your life any way you can. After a while you'll start looking at things logically and not just with the heart. It will take some time and you can't just force yourself to forget her and move on. Doesn't work.

Mixed signals and confusion means you both need time apart to get a better perspective on things. It could be that many months down the road when emotions aren't so raw, you two could be in contact again, or you may find that it really was for the best and you've moved on. Bottom line is that you two do need time apart with NC fully implemented at some point soon
Alo2008 likes this.
dumbass2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 12:42 PM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 22
Dumbass2 thank you for your input. I agree with everything you said. Itís just difficult when the temptation to contact her runs rampant haha. I know that when a woman breaks up with you that theyíre ahead of the healing curve. I myself feel like I am okay. Not sad, but not totally happy. There are highs and lows, and during my lows are when the temptation to Text her really kicks in. The confusion and questions I have sometimes kills me. But I constantly tell myself not to think about it and I try to occupy my mind with the gym, friends, or a book. I think Iím in a good place which is also enticing me to contact, but I know from all the input from people here and my friends that I should wait some more.
Alo2008 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 8:25 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 721
I'm telling you from experience BLOCK her number.
The only reason why you haven't is because your holding out some slim chance the two of you will talk again.
I'm telling you right now don't do it. Improve yourself work on yourself but for now DO NOT have any open lines of communication with her.
Alo2008 likes this.
Been is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 8:42 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,318
I'm not seeing any mixed signals. Hugs, kisses and tears does not change the fact that she has broken up with you. It is hard for her too given that you had something that was special. you're unable to process or accept the breakup at this point so you are searching for signs of hope.
smiley1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 8:44 PM   #14
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 3,990
What do you want to know? If the fact she kissed you meant anything?

It was the last Waltz.

My ex? I slept with him the last time I saw him - and never spoke to him again.

Sometimes a last kiss... A last something is closing of the door, not the opening of one.
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th October 2017, 9:18 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Scarlett.O'hara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 918
The kiss was an affectionate goodbye because what you had did matter to her.

However, it doesn't change the fact that the relationship is over. Her feelings have changed now and she is moving on. When a woman feels that way, there is usually no going back.

In some ways it can be harder to accept a breakup when things don't turn ugly, but I can't see any evidence that in what you have written that she regrets the decision to end the relationship.

You need to give yourself more time to process and accept that the breakup is permanent. Part of that will involve resisting the urge to contact her.

Hang in there. It will get easier in time.
Scarlett.O'hara is offline   Reply With Quote
 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:00 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.