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My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. She broke up with me because she was no longer happy with the state of things. We got together our senior year of high school, and everything was amazing until I left for college. I was still in state, and I visited twice a month or so. But even then our relationship became simply raw emotion and lust. During that year that I was away for school, I neglected our relationship, and I pushed her away after she had got me to open up. I entered a dark place because of school, and as a result she changed along with me.

 

When I returned from school to stay for a year, things were more or less the same because of all the pain we put each other through. She finally broke up with me because she was unhappy and things weren’t moving forward. After two weeks of talking after the break up, she met me to talk. I told her that I realized all that I had done wrong and apologized. She told me that it was both of us and neither was solely to blame, but that she couldn’t be with me. Everything that I had become for the worse I changed, but she said her love had changed. So I walked her home, and during this whole event together she was crying. She told me she couldn’t believe this was real. As we arrived to where we were to part, she turned to me and I pulled her into my body and placed her head on my chest one last time. One last hug. When I began to pull away she looked up and kissed me. Why, I do not know. We parted ways and I’ve begun no contact to move on.

 

During the time before we last saw each other, she told me how she didn’t know if she could be with me. It was never a concrete no. And once we met I kept getting mixed signals. I do not know if she is just unsure and confused or if she definitely no longer has faith in the possibility of us being together. She believes in people coming together again. I am just unsure of all of the mixed signals. The kiss, the hugs, the tears. We are both each other’s first love, our first everything. I have learned a great deal from the relationship, but I personally feel as though we can continue and grow from it together, so I am here to gather everyone’s advice on my situation. I have gone Nc for a week now, and my birthday is coming up in three weeks. Any advice would be great, thank you.

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It's time for you to move on. You have a lifetime ahead of you and many possibilities. This first relationship is a foundation to build on and there are many other girls out there to meet. I'm a believer in the idea that a closed door opens a new one and great opportunities await you once you go through that door. You are at a great time in life to see what else is out there. Stay NC with this girl. For your birthday, do something with friends, family, or treat yourself to something you enjoy doing. It will do you a world of good to distance yourself from this girl to clear your head. Take advantage of the alone time. It will put you in a better place for when you meet the next one.

 

The first love is the hardest one to step away from when it runs its course. It's a necessary step in your personal growth. In the weeks and months from now, you'll see a difference in how this looks. No contact is the key.

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The kiss, the words - they mean nothing. When a woman starts with this routine, you're out. The best thing to do is be strong and walk away with your head held high. No "I love you more than you'll ever know" or any of that sappy crap is going to do anything for you. No begging, no pleading, no apologies, just walk.

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I agree with walking away. All that crap she's saying means nothing.

She's just being dramatic and such.

And a woman or anybody for that matter can cry st the drop of a dime.

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I understand where you guys are coming from. That’s why I started no contact and was adamant about not seeing or talking her the last time we met even though she wants to be friends. I told her that. I will not reach out to her. I am distancing myself from this phase of my life to move on, but what I don’t know is if she contacts me what should I do? Everything that has happened has just confused me. That is why I brought up my birthday. Knowing her, she will say something. Not to say I am hoping for it or want it. But if it does happen, I wouldn’t know what to do.I would love to get a woman’s perspective on all of this.

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I understand where you guys are coming from. That’s why I started no contact and was adamant about not seeing or talking her the last time we met even though she wants to be friends. I told her that. I will not reach out to her. I am distancing myself from this phase of my life to move on, but what I don’t know is if she contacts me what should I do? Everything that has happened has just confused me. That is why I brought up my birthday. Knowing her, she will say something. Not to say I am hoping for it or want it. But if it does happen, I wouldn’t know what to do.I would love to get a woman’s perspective on all of this.

 

Make it impossible for her to contact you. Block her on social media, her number and her email. Trust me, you DO NOT want to hear from them after you’ve made great progress with NC. A simple “happy birthday” could potentially set you back to square one. I’ve been in your position and it’s horrible, stay strong.

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I have blocked her off of everything. She still has my number and I have hers just in case we need something from each other. I also want to see if she will contact me because I honestly want to get back together. The past 12 hours have been full of extreme temptation to text her and ask her what she’s doing. Maybe ask her out. I just want an opinion preferably from a woman what her actions say. She’s confusing me, and that confusion is what’s driving my temptation to break no contact. It’s barely been a week today.

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I have blocked her off of everything. She still has my number and I have hers just in case we need something from each other. I also want to see if she will contact me because I honestly want to get back together. The past 12 hours have been full of extreme temptation to text her and ask her what she’s doing. Maybe ask her out. I just want an opinion preferably from a woman what her actions say. She’s confusing me, and that confusion is what’s driving my temptation to break no contact. It’s barely been a week today.

 

You don’t need an opinion from specifically a woman, because believe it or not, they don’t all share the same thought process and feelings.

 

You say you’ve blocked her on everything yet she is still able to call you? You don’t need anything from each other.. block her and move on with your life, I can assure you she is already months ahead of you in the healing process.

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I don’t need it, but I would greatly appreciate it just because I would like to hear it from their perspective. Not to say that I don’t appreciate your guy’s advice because I do. It has calmed me and encouraged me to keep nc for my own health and happiness, but I’m human and I wonder and question you know? Especially after these confusing turn of events.

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Honestly, since you are the dumpee and want her back, it's going to be very hard for you to ignore her if she contacts you on your birthday. If she does, just reply back with a "thanks" and that's it. If she wants to go further with meaningless chit chat, just tell her that this is going to be difficult for you and unless she wants to try again right now, then it is best that you two are not in contact. This is going to be a process and I know a dumpee just can't go full NC this early on. You must have boundaries and not allow yourself to give her attention when you aren't getting what you want. You don't want to stay in contact just to have her in your life any way you can. After a while you'll start looking at things logically and not just with the heart. It will take some time and you can't just force yourself to forget her and move on. Doesn't work.

 

Mixed signals and confusion means you both need time apart to get a better perspective on things. It could be that many months down the road when emotions aren't so raw, you two could be in contact again, or you may find that it really was for the best and you've moved on. Bottom line is that you two do need time apart with NC fully implemented at some point soon

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Dumbass2 thank you for your input. I agree with everything you said. It’s just difficult when the temptation to contact her runs rampant haha. I know that when a woman breaks up with you that they’re ahead of the healing curve. I myself feel like I am okay. Not sad, but not totally happy. There are highs and lows, and during my lows are when the temptation to Text her really kicks in. The confusion and questions I have sometimes kills me. But I constantly tell myself not to think about it and I try to occupy my mind with the gym, friends, or a book. I think I’m in a good place which is also enticing me to contact, but I know from all the input from people here and my friends that I should wait some more.

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I'm telling you from experience BLOCK her number.

The only reason why you haven't is because your holding out some slim chance the two of you will talk again.

I'm telling you right now don't do it. Improve yourself work on yourself but for now DO NOT have any open lines of communication with her.

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I'm not seeing any mixed signals. Hugs, kisses and tears does not change the fact that she has broken up with you. It is hard for her too given that you had something that was special. you're unable to process or accept the breakup at this point so you are searching for signs of hope.

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What do you want to know? If the fact she kissed you meant anything?

 

It was the last Waltz.

 

My ex? I slept with him the last time I saw him - and never spoke to him again.

 

Sometimes a last kiss... A last something is closing of the door, not the opening of one.

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Scarlett.O'hara

The kiss was an affectionate goodbye because what you had did matter to her.

 

However, it doesn't change the fact that the relationship is over. Her feelings have changed now and she is moving on. When a woman feels that way, there is usually no going back.

 

In some ways it can be harder to accept a breakup when things don't turn ugly, but I can't see any evidence that in what you have written that she regrets the decision to end the relationship.

 

You need to give yourself more time to process and accept that the breakup is permanent. Part of that will involve resisting the urge to contact her.

 

Hang in there. It will get easier in time.

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You guys are all right. I’m holding onto hope and over analyzing just to find comfort in things that mean nothing. Thank you. I’ll use what you guys have said to fuel my no contact and to not forget why I’m avoiding her. Do you guys have any other tips for me? Anything would be helpful. I will block her number btw been.

Edited by Alo2008
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My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago, and I have been NC for two weeks now, but every couple days or so I have dreams about her. These dreams are so intense and upsetting. I can feel the emotions I’d feel if that situation were actually happening, and when I wake up my heart is pounding ridiculously from all the stress and emotion these dreams put me through. This doesn’t only happen with dreams though. Sometimes when I think of her at random times my heart will beat so intensely and out of rhythm as if I just ran tens of miles in seconds. I know it’s because of the break up because this has literally never happened before. I’ve been healthy my whole life with absolutely no heart problems. What do you guys think about these occurrences? And if you guys have any suggestions as to how I can prevent dreams about her that would be much appreciated.

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What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. A lot of people have dreams, or nightmares, about their ex EVERY night. I'm not aware of any way to prevent them. Don't worry about it too much, they will dissipate over time.

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I understand that the dreams are normal, but the physical strain it’s literally having on my heart is what’s bothering me. I don’t know if that’s normal. I’m not sure if it’s the dream itself or the stress from the split. I just wanted to see what you guys thought about it.

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That feeling of lonelyness before you fall asleep.. that instant gutting feeling of missing them when you wake up

 

Yeah that lasts

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That feeling of lonelyness before you fall asleep.. that instant gutting feeling of missing them when you wake up

 

Yeah that lasts

 

 

I hate it. :(

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Yep. It's heartbreak.

 

When I lost an ex a few years ago, I lost a good 10 pounds myself. Had irregular heart beats that would feel like it was beating out of my chest as you described. My chest felt heavy and it was hard to breathe. I slept all the time during the day but couldn't sleep at all in the night. At best, 2-3 hours. She'd be on my mind well into the night. The moment I woke up, thoughts of her would flood into my mind. She would come back every few months trying to reconnect for what I knew were selfish reasons and I would still let her. Nothing happened and it always ended in a fight. Broke my heart each and everytime, prolonged the agony and the emotional damage it did to me was irreperable. That's what happens when you let someone who's no good for you stick in your life for too long. The damage can be permanent. Hopefully for you, you will make a full recovery.

Edited by Beachead
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It sounds like anxiety and a bit of panic. You could go to the doctor and get a temporary prescription if it's that bad.

 

If I were you, I'd focus on the negative things about her. It helps. Rather than put her on a pedestal, you need to firmly place her in the ditch where she belongs.

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Fever of love
My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago, and I have been NC for two weeks now, but every couple days or so I have dreams about her. These dreams are so intense and upsetting. I can feel the emotions I’d feel if that situation were actually happening, and when I wake up my heart is pounding ridiculously from all the stress and emotion these dreams put me through. This doesn’t only happen with dreams though. Sometimes when I think of her at random times my heart will beat so intensely and out of rhythm as if I just ran tens of miles in seconds. I know it’s because of the break up because this has literally never happened before. I’ve been healthy my whole life with absolutely no heart problems. What do you guys think about these occurrences? And if you guys have any suggestions as to how I can prevent dreams about her that would be much appreciated.

 

 

Absolutely normal- I was in the same boat as you at first, and didn't have a clue what was happening physically- insomnia/nightmares, hammering heart as if I had just ran a marathon- for days on end.

 

Went to the doctor, and was prescribed beta blockers, seemed to help. It's all kind of ongoing though. The heart arrhythmia has calmed down, but buckle down for a long ride with the psychological stuff, like dreams etc.

 

Good luck.

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