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Right Person At The Wrong Time?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 9th November 2017, 6:34 PM   #1
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Right Person At The Wrong Time?

Hi All,
I recently met a wonderful, kind and honest man online. We are both in our early 30s and in transition periods in our lives. Through our conversation before meeting, he had mentioned he was leaving for Europe at the beginning of next year for an undetermined amount of time. I hesitated to meet him due to this caveat, however I figured what the hell it probably wouldn't amount to anything anyway.

Of course, I was wrong and our first date lasted 6 hours. We continued to see each other multiple times a week and were in constant communication. We proceeded to be intimate and a few weeks later he started to pull away. I gave him space and finally was able to get him to communicate to me why he was distancing himself.

He told me that once we became intimate that he realized he couldn't just casually date someone and he was starting to really care for me. That coupled with the knowledge of him leaving has caused him to decide to break things off. From my POV I was open to continue dating and to see what happened in the next couple months and cross the LDR bridge when it happened. He feels it would be too difficult and he is also trying to figure out where he belongs. (His move is not work related, he is looking to experience life, travel, etc.) He has apologized for pursuing me and found it very difficult to let me go.

I have respected his wishes, however I am pretty sad about it. While we only dated about a month he left a lasting impression on me. And we both agreed that if circumstances were different we could see ourselves dating long term. It almost would have been easier if he had just told me he met someone else, etc.

Does anyone believe in meeting a possible right person at the wrong time? I am starting to be grateful for this experience as he helped me heal from a bad break up earlier this year, but it still stings. It has been very bittersweet for me and any words of wisdom are appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Last edited by FireworkAtNoon; 9th November 2017 at 6:37 PM..
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Old 9th November 2017, 6:44 PM   #2
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Welcome to LS.

My .02 as a grizzled old-timer and male? That's pretty smooth. Supposedly knows he's leaving, goes for it, gets it then well, I'm leaving so, disclaimer.

Since you and he saw a lot of each other, I'm sure he gushed on about his prospective move with pictures, the places he was going to live, his travel arrangements, you know just ordinary stuff. He did, didn't he? That move sounds pretty exciting. I'd be excited.

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Old 9th November 2017, 6:50 PM   #3
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So, is he still active on the dating site?
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Old 9th November 2017, 6:53 PM   #4
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Thanks for replying, CarHill and the welcome. He is moving and I have seen proof of it. I promise you that he was not using me. He is actually a decent guy (which makes the situation that much harder.)

Dumbass: No, he has removed his profile.
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:03 PM   #5
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Yep, this is a tough one and does just sound like bad timing. At least he was upfront about it so you knew what you were getting into and it also sounds like he ended it in a mature way. I don't get the feeling he was just looking for sex since he seemed to be upfront with you. If he was or does get right back on the dating site, then I would change my thinking.
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:17 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireworkAtNoon View Post
Does anyone believe in meeting a possible right person at the wrong time? I am starting to be grateful for this experience as he helped me heal from a bad break up earlier this year, but it still stings. It has been very bittersweet for me and any words of wisdom are appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Absolutely. I'm going to respectfully disagree with Carhill and say that he was just on a dating site for a bit of fun, but then caught feelings and realised that just wasn't going to work given he was moving and wanted to do so without commitments.

I feel that if you could take one thing away from this, it's that there are decent, mature guys out there who will be upfront. He's not the only one. I'll bet leaving was tough for him too, but for him it was the right thing to do.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:52 AM   #7
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This is unfortunately an easy trap to fall into. I've fallen into it. Oh, this can't go anywhere for a distance-related reason. Wait, we really click, so why aren't we giving it a proper chance ... ?

I think the most important thing to remember is you were both approaching this completely with no expectations, which actually changes the dynamic of getting to know someone. It was a fun thing, that then got intense because you had a limited amount of time together. And while the connection is real and I'm sure the feelings are too, you two are still in the honeymoon period, where everyone is on their best behavior, and you haven't gotten to the real part of the relationship. It's kind of a fantasy, because you can project all these possibilities.

I'm sorry you're hurting and that he didn't end up on the same page as you. And yes, right person wrong time can be a thing. However, I think you've got the right attitude in appreciating it for being a wonderful time that helped you move on from some past pain and maybe reminded you that decent people you click with exist.

Don't count on him coming back, but if it's meant to be, it's not impossible. If he has no plan and no job, then he also has passport timing and budget restrictions But the reality is, you've been dating at a moment that isn't quite real life for him, and if he did come back he might not be the exact same person when he isn't on his way out and is putting down roots and a routine again, etc. So if you can hold on to the good without holding on to the possibility that he could have been the one if the circumstances were different, you'll probably be happier and more open to continuing to live your own life. And if it is meant to be, then you'll find out at some point!
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Old 10th November 2017, 6:40 AM   #8
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i believe every one you meet good and bad ..however fleeting however long....relationships that work or dont work all these have a purpose....a higher power at the helm......we may not know the design or the purpose ...one day it will make sense ...

i think you just have to appreciate what time you had for now...you may realise later on that relationship led you to another more right for you person......that he gave you more confidence healed a hurt or was simply pleasurable when you needed to feel pleasure.....maybe you needed to feel that intensity to recognise a deeper longing in you......no one on here knows really nor do i ...nor do you...so you let it go and remember all the good you can.....as much as you can that makes you happy.....and who knows what people you set free or let go come back....some do because they are meant to ..some wont and they are not meant to ...the one thing you will know then is that person who comes back, is meant to stay ....

you can live life open to any possibility .believe what you feel in your heart...fill your heart with dreams and hope and good intentions........your skies will open up ...and the world doesnt seem so small and finite.....but huge and endless.........best wishes.......deb
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