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Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 7th November 2017, 6:10 PM   #1
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Should I send it?

My boyfriend and I have recently broke up. He has been dealing with a lot and has been very negative, but I was always the positive one trying to help him cope when he needed support the most. I love him and before he broke up with me for unknown reasons (still) he told me "i love you, this is all my fault. i'm sorry" and then blocked me from everything. I would love to get him back, but right now i don't feel as though he wants to be back together due to everything he is dealing with. I wrote him this letter. i'm not looking for a response, I just want him to know that i love him, support him and will always be here if he ever needs anything.. should i send it? The situation in itself was a complicated one in the beginning, as you'll see from the letter, but in the end he was recently planning our future and where we would move once i finished grad school (1 week before we broke up).


" Although I know you may never read this letter and understand that you may never want to hear from me again, I needed to send you this as closure. I donít expect an answer from you, but I needed to let you know exactly how I feel before you and I become just a memory.
First and foremost, I want to say Iím sorry. I have made mistakes throughout this relationship that only pushed you further away and within the past three weeks, Iíve really set my mind to acknowledging and understanding where I went wrong. As I mentioned on the phone the last time we spoke, I know I held our past over you, when I was in the wrong the whole time. I felt as though, during your senior year, you were mine because I wanted you to be. Which I know now wasnít the case, nor should it have been. You and I were on different paths and had different mindsets at the time and it was wrong of me to hold that over you when we got back together. I have now realized that and sincerely apologize for ever putting you through that, because I know it couldnít have been easy on your part. I know I havenít been the best to you lately. I know I couldnít put in the effort you deserved from 4.5 hours away and for that I also am sincerely sorry. You deserved the appreciation and effort that I was willing to give while you were in Utica, in Pennsylvania. The surprises, the genuine things that I used to do, you still deserved to this day. I have no reason for not being the person you wanted me to be, no excuse as to why I may have changed throughout the past few months, but I wanted to let you know I have recognized this recently and wish I could rewind time and show you how it really feels to be cared for by someone who loves you immensely.
I want to let you know that I will always support you in every decision you make and will always be just a phone call or text away if you ever need a friend. Between everything youíre dealing with from *****, to grad school and job hunting, I will always have your back and support you with every dream you have. You have so much potential and as I have said time and time again, you will be successful with everything you want and do in life. Your determination and motivation when it came to things and ideas you wanted was one of the main reasons I fell for you. Your motivation to complete any task, head on, knowing that is what you wanted was astonishing to me. It was a motivator in itself to stand by your side and it gave me the confidence to be who I really wanted to be. Whether you continue on this journey of grad school, or find your dream job, I want you to know that I will always support you, every step of the way.
Before I go, I want to thank you. Thank you for being the amazing person that I fell head over heels in love with. The person who was not only my motivator, but my confidence booster. The person who wouldnít let me feel bad about myself, who wouldnít let me get down when something went wrong. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most, through all the good and the bad times. Thank you for supporting me throughout my dreams of becoming an OT, even though you said I was weird for wanting to work in trauma. And thank you for showing me what it really feels like to be loved. You truly showed me how someone should feel when they are in love and I donít think Iíll ever be able to thank you enough for that.
Iím sorry this letter has gotten so long, and if you ended up actually reading this far, I appreciate you hearing me out. I attached a letter I had written to you a long time ago, but was too scared to give to you when we got back together. Please do me one last favor Ė donít ever sell yourself short of your amazing qualities. You have so much going for you and have so much potential to be the remarkable person I know you will become. Good luck with everything life throws at you and I hope some day you find the woman of your dreams. Show her your heart and let her see how amazing it is to be loved by such an incredible man. I love you.


This is the letter I wrote awhile ago:
i want us to figure this relationship together. and if along the way, you want to let go for awhile so you could determine your next steps and your future plans; if there are things you need to settle outside us, then go. do what you must. i will not force you to stay. i will not insist for your presence to remain by my side no matter how much i want you to. i will not give you an ultimatum either. i will not compel you to choose me. i will allow you to fly, as high as you can, as far as you can. it doesnít matter how many things can happen in the span of time that we are apart. those who love truly, trust truly. and i trust that if you love me, youíll come back. love is not a set of chains i have to put on you just so youíll stay with me. love is freedom and i opt to give you the freedom to fly without my chains binding you. i want to release you from me. and if our love is real, it will endure. parting is never easy, nothing is really easy when it comes to love. itís something we both have to work hard for. however i will not wait for you. i will grow as well, figure out my life, my future. in the process iíll love you, still. and if one day, we see each other again and feel the same ignition, the same spark, the burning fire in our hearts that tell us weíre made for each other, then letís do it again. letís risk it. letís gamble on it. when you come back, i know youíre whole. i know that iím not something to occupy your holes, but iím an addition to you, a beautiful soul. when you come back, iíll be humble and accepting. we will lay down our weaknesses and mistakes out in the open so we can begin with the healing. if we truly love each other, then there will be forgiveness. when you come back, iíll love you entirely. ill love you more than the aches, the tragedies. the misunderstanding. the separate roads we took, more than all the hardships, ill love you above all these, always. i do believe that destiny has its way, if you are meant for me, youíll be with me and iíll be with you. because in the end, when all is said and done, no matter how many times we went out of our way, how far our paths went, how many people we met, how many years it took, how many obstacles weíve undergone. no matter how many turns we made that produced great distance between us, even if weíre halfway around the globe, true love will prevail. if they truly love you, theyíll always come back."
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Old 7th November 2017, 6:25 PM   #2
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Ew. No please donít send that. You are putting him on a pedestal and making yourself completely in the wrong esp when you have no real idea on why he broke up with you. Stand up for yourself, you did things because you believed in them at the time. Perhaps you made some mistakes but you donít have to bow down to him and beg. Coz thatís what youíre doing.

He broke up with you. Walk away with dignity. Show that youíre ok getting on with your life if he doesnít wanna continue with you. You donít need him. Maybe you want him but you donít need him.

And in all honesty, if you really do want him back, he is probably more likely to want to reconcile and he sees that you are absolutely independent and cool with moving on. The mind of ďwell, his loss!Ē Etc.

Donít send him anything. Respect his poor act of breaking up with you and cutting off all ties without a proper result or discussion. Youíre better than that.

Good luck
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Old 7th November 2017, 7:36 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebeccaever View Post
My boyfriend and I have recently broke up. He has been dealing with a lot and has been very negative, but I was always the positive one trying to help him cope when he needed support the most. I love him and before he broke up with me for unknown reasons (still) he told me "i love you, this is all my fault. i'm sorry" and then blocked me from everything. I would love to get him back, but right now i don't feel as though he wants to be back together due to everything he is dealing with. I wrote him this letter. i'm not looking for a response, I just want him to know that i love him, support him and will always be here if he ever needs anything.. should i send it? The situation in itself was a complicated one in the beginning, as you'll see from the letter, but in the end he was recently planning our future and where we would move once i finished grad school (1 week before we broke up).


" Although I know you may never read this letter and understand that you may never want to hear from me again, I needed to send you this as closure. I donít expect an answer from you, but I needed to let you know exactly how I feel before you and I become just a memory.
First and foremost, I want to say Iím sorry. I have made mistakes throughout this relationship that only pushed you further away and within the past three weeks, Iíve really set my mind to acknowledging and understanding where I went wrong. As I mentioned on the phone the last time we spoke, I know I held our past over you, when I was in the wrong the whole time. I felt as though, during your senior year, you were mine because I wanted you to be. Which I know now wasnít the case, nor should it have been. You and I were on different paths and had different mindsets at the time and it was wrong of me to hold that over you when we got back together. I have now realized that and sincerely apologize for ever putting you through that, because I know it couldnít have been easy on your part. I know I havenít been the best to you lately. I know I couldnít put in the effort you deserved from 4.5 hours away and for that I also am sincerely sorry. You deserved the appreciation and effort that I was willing to give while you were in Utica, in Pennsylvania. The surprises, the genuine things that I used to do, you still deserved to this day. I have no reason for not being the person you wanted me to be, no excuse as to why I may have changed throughout the past few months, but I wanted to let you know I have recognized this recently and wish I could rewind time and show you how it really feels to be cared for by someone who loves you immensely.
I want to let you know that I will always support you in every decision you make and will always be just a phone call or text away if you ever need a friend. Between everything youíre dealing with from *****, to grad school and job hunting, I will always have your back and support you with every dream you have. You have so much potential and as I have said time and time again, you will be successful with everything you want and do in life. Your determination and motivation when it came to things and ideas you wanted was one of the main reasons I fell for you. Your motivation to complete any task, head on, knowing that is what you wanted was astonishing to me. It was a motivator in itself to stand by your side and it gave me the confidence to be who I really wanted to be. Whether you continue on this journey of grad school, or find your dream job, I want you to know that I will always support you, every step of the way.
Before I go, I want to thank you. Thank you for being the amazing person that I fell head over heels in love with. The person who was not only my motivator, but my confidence booster. The person who wouldnít let me feel bad about myself, who wouldnít let me get down when something went wrong. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most, through all the good and the bad times. Thank you for supporting me throughout my dreams of becoming an OT, even though you said I was weird for wanting to work in trauma. And thank you for showing me what it really feels like to be loved. You truly showed me how someone should feel when they are in love and I donít think Iíll ever be able to thank you enough for that.
Iím sorry this letter has gotten so long, and if you ended up actually reading this far, I appreciate you hearing me out. I attached a letter I had written to you a long time ago, but was too scared to give to you when we got back together. Please do me one last favor Ė donít ever sell yourself short of your amazing qualities. You have so much going for you and have so much potential to be the remarkable person I know you will become. Good luck with everything life throws at you and I hope some day you find the woman of your dreams. Show her your heart and let her see how amazing it is to be loved by such an incredible man. I love you.


This is the letter I wrote awhile ago:
i want us to figure this relationship together. and if along the way, you want to let go for awhile so you could determine your next steps and your future plans; if there are things you need to settle outside us, then go. do what you must. i will not force you to stay. i will not insist for your presence to remain by my side no matter how much i want you to. i will not give you an ultimatum either. i will not compel you to choose me. i will allow you to fly, as high as you can, as far as you can. it doesnít matter how many things can happen in the span of time that we are apart. those who love truly, trust truly. and i trust that if you love me, youíll come back. love is not a set of chains i have to put on you just so youíll stay with me. love is freedom and i opt to give you the freedom to fly without my chains binding you. i want to release you from me. and if our love is real, it will endure. parting is never easy, nothing is really easy when it comes to love. itís something we both have to work hard for. however i will not wait for you. i will grow as well, figure out my life, my future. in the process iíll love you, still. and if one day, we see each other again and feel the same ignition, the same spark, the burning fire in our hearts that tell us weíre made for each other, then letís do it again. letís risk it. letís gamble on it. when you come back, i know youíre whole. i know that iím not something to occupy your holes, but iím an addition to you, a beautiful soul. when you come back, iíll be humble and accepting. we will lay down our weaknesses and mistakes out in the open so we can begin with the healing. if we truly love each other, then there will be forgiveness. when you come back, iíll love you entirely. ill love you more than the aches, the tragedies. the misunderstanding. the separate roads we took, more than all the hardships, ill love you above all these, always. i do believe that destiny has its way, if you are meant for me, youíll be with me and iíll be with you. because in the end, when all is said and done, no matter how many times we went out of our way, how far our paths went, how many people we met, how many years it took, how many obstacles weíve undergone. no matter how many turns we made that produced great distance between us, even if weíre halfway around the globe, true love will prevail. if they truly love you, theyíll always come back."


I'm know you feel the urge to send it. I am currently dealing with a break up as well. my ex girl left me after 3 years together. she left 2 months ago, and I tried to get her back. I wrote letters, emails and more and it doesn't work. All it does is bother them. They want nothing to do with you and it's a messed up feeling. If you send it, expect a no reply or a reply that will hurt you more. He knows you love him dearly. You may say that you don't expect a reply, but deep down you would want one as I did. If this is truly your last time, then you can send it, but after that I would go no contact for good.
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Old 7th November 2017, 7:57 PM   #4
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Bad idea. Do not send those. Nobody is that good of a partner and it comes across as extreme groveling. You said he left you, yet you've penned a letter that only an extremely remorseful dumper would concoct.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:01 PM   #5
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I hate this about our generation. No, I am not looking for a response. I wrote this letter to let him know that although he is dealing with a lot, i am still always there for him. Our generation is based off of social media and loveless relationships, when I know this boy loves me. I know he is hurting as much, if not more than I am. and in reality, it's ****ty that he blocked me and left me because he is hurt. I know him better than anyone else, even all of you (clearly), because he has been my life for so long. Honestly I guess by writing this, I made up my mind on if I want to send the letter or not. In the end nothing matters other than you and the other person in the relationship. and even if we aren't in a relationship right now, I know some day we will be. Because, love always prevails. always.

Thank you both for responding and to anyone else who may respond. I did not mean this post in an offensive or mean way. I just kind of let all my feelings out. Thank you, again.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:04 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
Bad idea. Do not send those. Nobody is that good of a partner and it comes across as extreme groveling. You said he left you, yet you've penned a letter that only an extremely remorseful dumper would concoct.
I don't feel as though I am a remorseful dumper, since I actually did not end it. Our last phone call we had I said "tell me you don't love me and don't want to be with me." we sat in silence for five minutes before he could say something and the only thing he said was "i love you." as i mentioned above, he really is dealing with a lot and we are young. We both need time to grow. Writing this letter put a lot of things into perspective for me. if we do love each other as we say we do and if we are meant to be, we will be together.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:05 PM   #7
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Bad idea. Do not send those. Nobody is that good of a partner and it comes across as extreme groveling. You said he left you, yet you've penned a letter that only an extremely remorseful dumper would concoct.
May I ask why you say no one is that good of a partner?
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:19 PM   #8
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If you love and respect him, then no matter how hard it is for you (he blocked you for a reason) I suggest not sending it mainly because of that. I have sent a letter in the past and it is the one thing I regret the most. I suggest that if he unblocks you or you hear from him, then let him know how you feel if you really want. I'm sure he already knows how you feel about him, but by blocking you he is telling you that right now he does not want to hear from you. It's to help him get through this time. I think you should respect that or risk that chance of pushing him away for good. Just something to think about.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:30 PM   #9
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If you love and respect him, then no matter how hard it is for you (he blocked you for a reason) I suggest not sending it mainly because of that. I have sent a letter in the past and it is the one thing I regret the most. I suggest that if he unblocks you or you hear from him, then let him know how you feel if you really want. I'm sure he already knows how you feel about him, but by blocking you he is telling you that right now he does not want to hear from you. It's to help him get through this time. I think you should respect that or risk that chance of pushing him away for good. Just something to think about.
If i haven't posted anything online negatively or towards him in any way and since he broke up with me, why did he block me? shouldn't it be the other way around?
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:33 PM   #10
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I was the king of trying to work it out.

After she broke into my home with her friends to get her things after she left without a word.

Twice.

I sent emails, wrote poetry, sang karaoke voicemails, bought gifts, the whole gambit of desperation.

Nothing worked, and she only got more "bothered".

This went on for several months, until she lowered the boom on me one evening, which sped my moving on nicely.

In my defense, she played hot/cold games until I thought I was going crazy. Lol

If you spend any time on this forum, you will find dozens of people with stories just like yours and mine.

Safe yourself some pain, and don't be me. Walk away cleanly, and leave him be.

Ps after I finally told her what I thought of her, and began proper no contact, then emails started.

And the likes on Facebook, etc.

She's been blocked for months. Seriously, read my thread for what not to do.

Be safe.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:40 PM   #11
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May I ask why you say no one is that good of a partner?
I do not mean this in a hurtful manner as you sound like a wonderful, loving gal, but the letter is extremely obsequious to the point where you appear like a sycophant, not his partner. It has painted him as almost godlike, like he has no faults when in fact he obviously has many, like for instance completely casting your feelings aside and blocking you out of his life.

I would recommend no contact, sitting back and letting all the feelings come to you, because then I think when you re-read those letters you will see exactly what I mean, especially if you develop a little loathing which is quite possible.

Last edited by Highndry; 7th November 2017 at 8:42 PM..
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Old 7th November 2017, 9:53 PM   #12
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I do not mean this in a hurtful manner as you sound like a wonderful, loving gal, but the letter is extremely obsequious to the point where you appear like a sycophant, not his partner. It has painted him as almost godlike, like he has no faults when in fact he obviously has many, like for instance completely casting your feelings aside and blocking you out of his life.

I would recommend no contact, sitting back and letting all the feelings come to you, because then I think when you re-read those letters you will see exactly what I mean, especially if you develop a little loathing which is quite possible.
Truthfully, from what I wrote, I was stating that I do understand that I had things to work on because initially i didn't really accept that. i'm not putting him as a god-like individual, because i know he knows we both have things we need to work on to make it work. but thank you for elaborating on your answer. may I ask though, does anyone think he will ever come back.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:16 PM   #13
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Wow. Now that was one long letter!

I agree with the others in that you should not send it. I think we have all been there thinking that a letter like this will set things along the right path. I mean, action, even if it is futile or counterproductive (such as sending the letter), feels very therapeutic.

But sending letters like this after being dumped never works out. And the tone of the letter is all wrong--too obsequious and just way way too long.

It sounds like it is his loss. He'll come to that conclusion much faster though if you just leave him be.
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Old 7th November 2017, 10:19 PM   #14
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Truthfully, from what I wrote, I was stating that I do understand that I had things to work on because initially i didn't really accept that. i'm not putting him as a god-like individual, because i know he knows we both have things we need to work on to make it work. but thank you for elaborating on your answer. may I ask though, does anyone think he will ever come back.
There is always a possibility of a reconciliation, but I promise you those letters will only hinder that chance. Keep them under lock and key, and see how your own feelings progress over the course of the next few months. It's surprising how they can change. Longing can turn to anger and even feel like hatred. If you get to that point, you would be so unhappy with yourself for sending that. You will understand in time. Take care of yourself in the meantime. Most of us guys would be lucky to have such a thoughtful, loving gal as yourself.
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:29 PM   #15
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You are in too much pain right now to see things clearly. As time goes on, I guarantee your tone towards him will change along with your feelings. Someone who loves you deeply enough would not break up with you and treat you like he did no matter how much crap he's going through. He either found someone else and/or doesn't care about you as much as you care about him.

If you send that letter, I promise that you will surely regret it at some point. You will never regret not sending it.

Please love yourself and hold on to your dignity. Go no contact and move on without another peep from your end.
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