why settle?

[primer]

In August I broke up with a guy I was with for almost nine years. He was not stable. He often threatened to break up with me or to move out. I felt like he had no empathy. Finally I told him to leave.

 

 

It's hard. We had fun together. We had common interests (outdoors, hunting, fishing, racing). There was just too much drama at home. I often thought he said things just to get a reaction out of me. He didn't drink too much and he wasn't physically abusive.

 

 

Now, when I talk to friends and tell them why I broke up with him, they start telling me their problems. One physically punches her husband; she said it is because when he drinks too much he makes her mad; her kids don't even like the guy. Another friend constantly complains because her husband is an alcoholic and you never know what kind of mood he will be in.

 

 

1.) I don't want to hear it. I got rid of my problem. Why don't they fix their problem instead of constantly complaining about it?

 

 

2.) Why do they live like that? I came to realize I couldn't live with the stress.

 

 

3.) Am I asking too much?

[d0nnivain]

You can't really know what goes on behind other people's closed doors. Some folks are so scared of being alone or change they cling to the most dysfunctional relationships because they can't do anything else. You have to trust when they want to change or when they have no choice, they will.

 

 

Until then just focus on yourself.

[primer]

You can't really know what goes on behind other people's closed doors. Some folks are so scared of being alone or change they cling to the most dysfunctional relationships because they can't do anything else. You have to trust when they want to change or when they have no choice, they will.

 

 

Until then just focus on yourself.

 

 

 

I know but I don't want to hear about their dysfunctional relationships. I took care of mine. They can do something about theirs or quit complaining.

[carhill]

OP, you're right, and you can apply the question asked in the topic to the topic itself.

 

With billions of people on the planet, why do we settle for the ones we choose to associate with?

 

Interesting, isn't it?

[miggyme1]

In August I broke up with a guy I was with for almost nine years. He was not stable. He often threatened to break up with me or to move out. I felt like he had no empathy. Finally I told him to leave.

 

 

It's hard. We had fun together. We had common interests (outdoors, hunting, fishing, racing). There was just too much drama at home. I often thought he said things just to get a reaction out of me. He didn't drink too much and he wasn't physically abusive.

 

 

Now, when I talk to friends and tell them why I broke up with him, they start telling me their problems. One physically punches her husband; she said it is because when he drinks too much he makes her mad; her kids don't even like the guy. Another friend constantly complains because her husband is an alcoholic and you never know what kind of mood he will be in.

 

 

1.) I don't want to hear it. I got rid of my problem. Why don't they fix their problem instead of constantly complaining about it?

 

 

2.) Why do they live like that? I came to realize I couldn't live with the stress.

 

 

3.) Am I asking too much?

 

 

ok so youre complaining about them complaining to us? lol

 

Might be time for new friends if u cant handle it. What im trying to figure it is why one friend is with a guy her kids dont like....smh...sorry but she sounds dumb. I always hear women with kids who date "we are a packaged deal" BUT those same women turn around and end up with a guy the kids dont like...but i thought yall was a packaged deal??? Meaning yall have to all agree on who mom is gonna move in with or date. Thats women for you though and thats a topic for another day. IM OUT

[stillafool]

It's because those women aren't as strong as you. Simple as that!

[Michelle ma Belle]

I understand.

 

Although I've vetted my friends considerably over the last several years, I still have a couple who seemingly have nothing but bad news to share whenever we are together.

 

As someone who has worked VERY hard since my divorce to rid my life of unnecessary drama and toxic people and situations, I'm fiercely protective of my mental and emotional well being including being around negative people and negative situations.

 

It's one thing if a friend is looking for help or guidance or advice about a difficult situation but another when they just go on and on and on with no regard for those of us listening or how much they sound like a broken record. I can't deal with people who continually complain about whatever yet do absolutely nothing to remedy their predicaments.

 

As a result, I tend to limit my interactions with those two ladies because of how draining they can be. Initially I've tried to 'help' but quickly realized some people just enjoy complaining and the attention it brings.

 

I don't have time for that.

[basil67]

It took you nine YEARS to make the decision, yet you seem to think they can do it tomorrow. Given what you've been through, I'm surprised that you don't remember how hard it can be to make the decision and work through the logistics.

[primer]

These people have been in their relationships far longer than I was. They were already married to their toxic spouse when I started dating my ex.

[carhill]

That's what they know. I've seen it go on for decades. Since we can't get inside the minds of others and read their thoughts, IMO just take it at face value, decide whether or not it's within your own boundaries of association, and then proceed.

 

We can't save the world but we can save ourselves. In the end, no one can save us. We all end up the same way.

[basil67]

These people have been in their relationships far longer than I was. They were already married to their toxic spouse when I started dating my ex.

 

It takes different people a different length of time.