Mixed Signals? Or am I just going crazy

[johnwill1294]

Hey everyone, I posted here several weeks ago about my ex gf breaking up with me this past August. It's been an extremely rocky few months with a ton of ups and downs for me emotionally but just as I started to feel really good about myself a sequence of events occured that kind of has me questioning everything again.

 

Ill summarize the background. She broke up with me two months ago from a 3 year relationship, was kind of being a jerk at the time acting ilke it was all my fault, even though she clearly broke up with me for another guy. I graduate college in December, she graduated last May. She was extremely adamant about staying friends but I told her I couldn't and have been extremely distant since the breakup and overall it's been a really bad time trying to get over this. When I finally found this anger at her for doing what she did to me, i was able to stop blaming myself and truly start moving on. However the following series of events kind of threw a wrench into my progress. Had been NC for over 30 days prior to this.

 

1. My suspicions of her with another guy were confirmed when i saw pictures of them on facebook and I blocked her from all social media because I didn't want to see any of that to harm my progress. (Felt great to do this btw, this didn't hurt anything)

 

2. I discovered that she was offically dating this guy via a mutual friend. (Also was kind of a relief to hear this because it confirmed everything I thought and I could stop wondering)

 

3. Received a text from her saying "You really blocked me on all social media" and found out that she sent a mass text to all of our friends whining about how I blocked her.

 

4. Heard that she was coming up this past weekend to where I go to college to be at a halloween party with the new bf that I was also going to. She had sent a text to my friends prior thinking that I was going to make a scene and yell at her there even though I had no intention of doing so. I could have avoided the party but I didn't want to let her stop me from having a fun time so I went anyways. The new BF didn't show up because he "ditched" her. The party wasn't that awkward we said hi and how are you to each other and that was about it. I left to go to another party with some friends about an hour in and didn't say bye to her.

 

5. About 30-40 mins later after I left I receive a text from her saying "I wish youd at least be civil with me :(" I mean i was literally the definition of civil, I said hi and how are you. I ignored the text, then got another one shortly after "At least let me buy you a drink at the bar" and ignored it. I later found out that she drove 40 minutes back to her house bawling her eyes out that night (she was planning on spending the night at a friends) because she was so upset about me not talking to her much.

 

6. The next day she sends me a really nasty text about how i owe her money because I changed the password to my netflix account that she had put a gift card on. (I didn't do this intentionally I just forgot to tell her the new password. The text was really nasty with her saying "I'm so happy I broke up with you because youre an ass" which is so out of line considering I didn't really do anything. I felt obligated to respond to give her the new password. She kept sending more texts berating me where I finally gave in and said "I don't hate you, I'm not being immature, I just don't want a friendship with you", and she kept sending more stuff saying how shes gonna give me back all the gifts I gave her because why should she want anything to do with me if I want nothing to do with her. She then accused me of getting rid of her gifts, I told her I still have all of them. She then apologized and said that she "Still loves me, cares about me, and thinks about me every day" which was touching but not what I wanted to hear, she has a new boyfriend telling me those things does nothing good for my well-being. I told her I love her too but I need to love myself and that involves not having her in my life. She said "Sorry I hurt you" and I didn't respond and am starting NC again.

 

If you took the time to read all of that, what do you think? It’s difficult because I had this idea burned into my brain that she was happy without me, that she didn’t care or think about me, and to see the way she reacted when she saw me kind of changed my perspective on everything. Why would she get so upset if she didn’t care about me? Why would she get so upset if she was with a new guy and happy? Is something wrong with her new relationship? Does she realize she made a mistake? The questions are endless. Or could it be nothing? Maybe she just feels guilty and just wants to be my friend still and is upset that I won’t do that. It’s like the tools I used to help me feel better (anger at her) was built off untrue ideas that I had accepted as the truth. Yes she still broke up with me for another guy, she still has been really immature and inconsiderate, but this human side I saw of her this weekend really had an effect on me. I didn’t think she cared about me, I didn’t think that me simply not talking to her much would cause her to be that upset that she had to drive home. I don’t understand, I’m just in a state of confusion about what she’s feeling right now. I don’t want to get my hopes up for reconciliation of our relationship but I can’t help but think and even hope for it when I witnessed this emotion from her in which I haven’t seen since the original breakup. It’s been over two months now, why is she now acting like this? I don’t want to waste effort in trying to figure this out because she IS still in a relationship, and it might just be nothing, but this whole thing is just a huge wake-up call to me and I’m not sure how to handle it. I just feel the urge to talk to her and explore what is happening, but at the same time, if there is some hope, or something happening, I can’t be the one to initiate it, it has to come from her, she has to realize this on her own and take the actions on her own for it to happen. I was content before with accepting my suspicions as the truth, but now it's all changed and my mind is racing again. I'm still better than I was a month ago but I definitely consider this a setback.

[NopeNah]

I'd guess she was lonely and looking for a friend to hangout with. It's kinda funny when I look back on my ex that brought me to this sight and the selfish games she played, after leaving me for another guy. I look at it like a kid that doesn't want to play with a certain toy until another kid starts to play with it. Seems like you handled it in a mature fashion and good job on not meeting for a drink. I wasted a lot of time/emotional energy with that crap. Just don't get too caught up in the 'what ifs' those really slow down your recovery:cool:

[johnwill1294]

I'd guess she was lonely and looking for a friend to hangout with. It's kinda funny when I look back on my ex that brought me to this sight and the selfish games she played, after leaving me for another guy. I look at it like a kid that doesn't want to play with a certain toy until another kid starts to play with it. Seems like you handled it in a mature fashion and good job on not meeting for a drink. I wasted a lot of time/emotional energy with that crap. Just don't get too caught up in the 'what ifs' those really slow down your recovery:cool:

I appreciate the reply. I don't think she was lonely, I think it just really bothers her that I won't be her friend after the breakup, she wants everyone to be fine with everything she does. It's just annoying because I really was convinced she didn't care at all about me and because of this stuff she told me, I know that she does now and it has all these thoughts of getting back together rushing through my head.

[dumbass2]

She cares about herself. She can't put herself in your shoes. She left you for another guy. I'll bet that if her boyfriend was at the party, you wouldnt be hearing from her. She's upset that you still aren't fawning over her. She wants you to still want her even though she doesn't want you and tossed you aside for something better in her eyes. She's being selfish wanting to have her cake and eat. She doesn't get the right to have you around as she wants and still receive the kind of attention and support you give someone in a relationship. Be strong and go back to NC. You don't want to be her buddy. She made the choice to break up, not you. You owe her nothing.

[ExpatInItaly]

I honestly think her "bawling her eyes out" was more to do with the new boyfriend ditching her that night, than it did with you not talking to her, despite what she claims. I think she was upset about being solo, figured she'd try to ease her sorrows by looking for attention from you, and had a childish meltdown when neither you nor her current guy were there.

 

My sense is that perhaps things aren't so peachy with New Guy, and she's projecting her anger onto you - possibly because she fears she won't be able to fall back on you if New Guy hits the bricks.

 

I don't see any of what you posted as signs she cares about you, though. She cares about her ego and having someone around to pay attention to her. Please don't read into her recent butt-hurt behaviour as a sign she still has feelings, because you will likely wind up very disappointed.

[johnwill1294]

I honestly think her "bawling her eyes out" was more to do with the new boyfriend ditching her that night, than it did with you not talking to her, despite what she claims. I think she was upset about being solo, figured she'd try to ease her sorrows by looking for attention from you, and had a childish meltdown when neither you nor her current guy were there.

 

My sense is that perhaps things aren't so peachy with New Guy, and she's projecting her anger onto you - possibly because she fears she won't be able to fall back on you if New Guy hits the bricks.

 

I don't see any of what you posted as signs she cares about you, though. She cares about her ego and having someone around to pay attention to her. Please don't read into her recent butt-hurt behaviour as a sign she still has feelings, because you will likely wind up very disappointed.

 

I don't see it as her having feelings for me again but just the fact that she tells me she still loves me and thinks about me every day was just somewhat eye-opening because I thought she just didnt care at all, I don't think she would have said any of that if she didn't care about me at all.. I know a lot of it is her ego but but idk. I just feel like she might be starting to realize she made a mistake. Not saying she wants me back, and honestly I really don't wanna start hoping either because it's unhealthy, but I can't help but think about it.

[Been]

People amaze me. She breaks up with you for someone else she started seeing behind your back but wants to be friends with you. Not exactly what someone does who respects you much less wants to be a friend.

Instead of suffering and watching her new relationship unfold from afar you block her to move on.

During this time not once does she tell you how she misses you and thinks about you.

Then she is going to show her new boyfriend off at a party at a school you attend. It backfires and he stands her up.

And she's mad at you for not wanting to be friends. And NOW she thinks of you all the time.

So basically she rolled out on you thinking the grass is greener but it wasn't and YOUR the bad guy because you didn't leave the door open for her to comeback in.

I'd love to tell you to take her back but here is the simple truth. She's only telling you how she misses you because her plan A failed and if you were to ever get back togeather you would have to contend with the fact that you are a back up plan waiting for her to find someone she deems worthy enough to leave you for. And she will do it behind your back.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't see it as her having feelings for me again but just the fact that she tells me she still loves me and thinks about me every day was just somewhat eye-opening because I thought she just didnt care at all, I don't think she would have said any of that if she didn't care about me at all.. I know a lot of it is her ego but but idk. I just feel like she might be starting to realize she made a mistake. Not saying she wants me back, and honestly I really don't wanna start hoping either because it's unhealthy, but I can't help but think about it.

 

And what about her current behaviour is loving, exactly? She says a lot of things, but her actions sure indicate otherwise.

 

I guarantee you that as soon as things improve with her new boyfriend, you won't be hearing "I love you" and "I think about you every day" anymore.

[TheOnlyOne73]

This woman doesn't care about you to the extent that she claims, or as much as you care for her. Any woman who truly cared about their man wouldn't a) plan to leave their man for someone else behind their back and b) proceed to disappear for 2 months with no sign of remorse. She doesn't want you, she just wants the attention and the satisfaction of knowing you still want her. She is looking for an ego boost and tries to fall back on you when there is no one else around to comfort her.

 

She had "grass is greener" syndrome but is realising her new guy isn't all he was cracked up to be now that the newness of their relationship has worn off a little bit.

 

She may very well be telling the truth when she said she thinks about you everyday, and misses you and your old relationship, but in reality that means nothing given your past history of events and the manner in which she left you. If she misses you, then tough. She made her bed and now she should sleep in it.

 

I wouldn't call it "mixed signals", but rather her using you as her toy so she can take pleasure in rejecting you all over again. Re-entering this relationship would lead to you experiencing a constant fear of her leaving you again for someone else, since the trust and security has been broken. Stay strong, and don't fall for her games, let that become the new guy's problem.

[Vanity1]

Whoa this girl sounds like me.

Its called attachment !

And wanting attention.

Were you guys having problems in the relationship before she dated someone else?

[Vanity1]

She cares about herself. She can't put herself in your shoes. She left you for another guy. I'll bet that if her boyfriend was at the party, you wouldnt be hearing from her. She's upset that you still aren't fawning over her. She wants you to still want her even though she doesn't want you and tossed you aside for something better in her eyes. She's being selfish wanting to have her cake and eat. She doesn't get the right to have you around as she wants and still receive the kind of attention and support you give someone in a relationship. Be strong and go back to NC. You don't want to be her buddy. She made the choice to break up, not you. You owe her nothing.

 

I need to know why she left him for another guy.