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Anyone been in love with someone who has mental issues?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 1st November 2017, 11:13 AM   #16
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Yes.... but he loved drowning in his mental issues more than me.
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:37 AM   #17
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My EX was bi-polar manic depressive. A condition of us dating was he had to stay on his meds. After we broke up, he dated somebody else. He went off the meds & killed himself.

My husband loves me despite my depression & anxiety.

Here this girl had a lot of trauma. She tried dating you for 4 months. Then she said she didn't feel anything for you. That is not necessarily a function of her mental health. Lots of people fall out of love. 4 months is quick. You are still in the try out stage. She decided you weren't for her.

You need to leave it at that.

Don't love her from afar. Go NC. Stay away from her. Lick your wounds. Heal. Date someone else. You will be fine.
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Old 4th November 2017, 9:07 PM   #18
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My best "girl" friend is also best friends with the girl I am speaking about. She went over her house yesterday, and out of the blue she started showing our best friend letters that I had written her after we broke up. Our best friend said she was making fun of them, making fun of me for being so "mussy".
When I heard about this, it felt like a knife through my heart. Our best friend told her she did not wont to hear her making fun of how much I cared about her.
What neither of us can understand is why I out of the blue she would show her these letters. It is like she is searching for approval that she did the right thing and just dropped me. I really do not know what is going on in her head, but unfortunately I know what is going on in mine. And that as crazy as it may sound even after hearing all of this I am still in love with her. I am just so confused and keep thinking maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I just was not good enough for her.
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Old 4th November 2017, 10:11 PM   #19
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My ex has depression and is bipolar. She broke up with me some weeks ago saying that she need space and she need to heal herself. She wanted to take a breake, but she thinks that is going to be unfair to me, so she broke up. She also said that we could get back together in future, but no one knows how future going to be. She also pointed some issues that started to bother her (minor issues, must say. And I think that she saw thoso things due depression) and told me to improve myself, learn more about me and after she heal herself we maybe, if me and her want to, we can back together. I'm pretty lost right now, and I know the problems with this kind of illness and that is pretty hard to deal with... But I don't care.
Entered in something between NC and LC but I let her know that I will be there if she need anything...
Did your partner broke up with you? Or you have problems right now?
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Old 4th November 2017, 10:12 PM   #20
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i don't know about being in love but i dated a schizophrenic for 4 months. One of the most interesting/perceptive/brilliant/talented people I believe I've ever known.

my sister has OCD (the kind where gloves are needed to touch anything and constant hand washing). She's been married now for 25 years with one child.

Most (even doctors probably) would not believe this....but....she has....for the most part...tamed this beast with religion and spirituality. One of the bravest human beings I know. completely gave herself....(and continues to)...She no longer derives any security from temporal things. complete dependence on things....not of this world.

She's my hero
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Old 4th November 2017, 11:29 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by alterest View Post
My ex has depression and is bipolar. She broke up with me some weeks ago saying that she need space and she need to heal herself. She wanted to take a breake, but she thinks that is going to be unfair to me, so she broke up. She also said that we could get back together in future, but no one knows how future going to be. She also pointed some issues that started to bother her (minor issues, must say. And I think that she saw thoso things due depression) and told me to improve myself, learn more about me and after she heal herself we maybe, if me and her want to, we can back together. I'm pretty lost right now, and I know the problems with this kind of illness and that is pretty hard to deal with... But I don't care.
Entered in something between NC and LC but I let her know that I will be there if she need anything...
Did your partner broke up with you? Or you have problems right now?
Mine broke up with me. I still believe to this day she was in love with me, but she did not know what to do with those intense feelings, seeing the only relationships she had known were abusive physical and mental. On her good days all I know is we were so happy together.
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Old 4th November 2017, 11:51 PM   #22
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Mine broke up with me. I still believe to this day she was in love with me, but she did not know what to do with those intense feelings, seeing the only relationships she had known were abusive physical and mental. On her good days all I know is we were so happy together.
That is bad... Know how you feel. She said something similar as my ex (like she need to improve herself alone, to you improve yourself in this meantime and that you maybe could reatach in future)? I read in some forums that depressed people sometime do end relationship out of nowhere, and they use some minor issues (cause everyone in earth have them) to break up. Sometime they are trully issues, sometimes they are not. Just the person knows and sometimes the dumpee can see a little part about the truth.
Have you been in NC since then? Have your partner tried to talk to you?
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Old 5th November 2017, 4:47 AM   #23
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Nope, she has not tried to talk to me. I hear small details from our friend about her. How her ex-boyfriend took his truck and rammed the side of her new car when she was gone on a trip out of town. Or, how the lunatic guy threatens to break in and rape her daughter.
I know our mutual friend checks on her all the time, but she says when she goes and checks on her and leaves, being around her makes her depressed. It is almost like she is afraid to take that step toward getting some mental help.
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Old 5th November 2017, 8:07 AM   #24
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Nope, she has not tried to talk to me. I hear small details from our friend about her. How her ex-boyfriend took his truck and rammed the side of her new car when she was gone on a trip out of town. Or, how the lunatic guy threatens to break in and rape her daughter.
I know our mutual friend checks on her all the time, but she says when she goes and checks on her and leaves, being around her makes her depressed. It is almost like she is afraid to take that step toward getting some mental help.
Maybe she is afraid to deal with all those things... When we're going to face our problems we need to face our problems. And for her this could be very difficult cause her story life and with depression. Maybe she need to do everything by herself (like my girlfriend said she need to do). She is taking the meds? She is going to a therapy?
For what I read, the best thing you can do now is show that you are there for her, show how supportive you are, how you care and leave her dealing with her own problem, as she requested (or bahaved, in your case). If she talks to you, be polite, funny, supportive (if the conversation requires that), but avoid initial contact, for your own sake. But I don't know if initial contact from time to time could be good to show that you are no angry and so on (any thoughs, folks?).
You may think about her and about her health, but you need to think in yours. So the best thing we can do is to move on, trying to be happy and if and only if our partners come back trying to back together we take that time to think and see if we want another relationship with them. In that mean time there's nothing we can do. If you trying to talk to her all the time you're going to push her away and away. And I think you don't want that (cause I don't).
I'm yet pretty confuse how to properly deal with all of that, but I think the only difference between that situation and other situation is that in that situation (if you want reconcile) you should show support, put no pressure on them, leave them alone, if they talk to you you should answer with short answers but long answers if they look after you seeking some support... But don't forget to heal yourself, reconcile is not something that will occur, so in the worst scenario you need to be well with yourself to move on at any time.
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Old 6th November 2017, 9:34 PM   #25
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She is on disability, but part of her being on disability is that she sees a psychiatrist but so far she refuses to see one. She takes her meds religiously but on the flip side she abuses her pain pills and Adderall.
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Old 7th November 2017, 12:01 PM   #26
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She is on disability, but part of her being on disability is that she sees a psychiatrist but so far she refuses to see one. She takes her meds religiously but on the flip side she abuses her pain pills and Adderall.
Ned, you sound like a decent guy.

Save yourself. Your quality of life is going to continue to decline if you keep in contact with her.

You are no match against her addiction to pills.

I've been there too, so I can relate to your experience.

Run, and don't look back.
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Old 8th November 2017, 10:39 AM   #27
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Yes, I've had experience, although not bi-polor specifically. I don't want to write a tome here, but I will give you a couple of key concepts that you should try to accept and integrate so that they guide not only cognitive realizations, but emotionally as well.

First, it wasn't about you. They attach through extreme neediness and the unrealistic hope that someone else will be the solution to their issues. You just happened to be an object in the right place at the right time, and when they asked who is willing to sacrifice his own happiness to assuage my misery, you raised your hand. Your rationalization is that they will be so appreciative of your sacrifice that they will be caring and forever loyal. But when you fail to absorb all of their misery and make them whole, it's your fault and you are no longer useful.

Secondly, your susceptibility is based on not believing deep down that you are worthy of being loved just for who you are, so you sign on as caretaker and savior, and are willing to settle for just getting a little tiny bit of appreciation in return for the huge sacrifice. It starts out feeling like appreciation, but in the end, you don't even get that and it is replaced with resentment and distain. Then, if you don't deal with it and become aware of the why and how, it ends up reinforcing your sense of unworthiness... you made the big sacrifice and accepted the role, but ultimately you weren't even good enough for scraps in a one-sided deal.

The answer is to get into therapy and let go of that sense of failure. Figure out why you don't feel worthy... of being loved by a healthy person who will appreciate you and love you in an other-focused way, reciprocate by meeting your needs as well, and love you wholeheartedly without this warped expectation that you need to be perfect in order to be worthy. It's a process, it will take time and work. Shift your focus now and learn to love yourself so that you don't have to make a deal to accept a dysfunctional arrangement.
Good grief you just defined me in my last relationship to a T.

I dated a man who started out fantastic. He was a BRILLIANT musician, charismatic, attractive, intelligent, and ambitious as well. We had the most intimate conversations. He was gentlemanly, kind, funny... Unfortunately after about 3 months I began to learn that he also suffered from substance abuse, low self esteem, suicidal thoughts and depression. His father killed his mother and committed suicide about 6 years ago, which has obviously had a lasting impact on him.

I took on the role of caretaker. I let him cry to me, complain about his life; I let him call me up at midnight drunk as a skunk and moaning about how all of the women in his life betray him. I listened to him as he said he felt he could never love someone again, and that he was destined to be alone. I walked on eggshells around him because even the slightest criticism he took to heart and overanalyzed. I couldn't talk about things that bothered me because I didn't want to upset him. The whole time I told myself "Yes. You can fix him, show him how to love again." I did things like come to his house and walk his dogs, wash his dishes, cook him food, all in hopes that these gestures would make him love me.

No. No. I reread one of my old journal entries and in it I said "I am his emotional sponge. Every day he dumps on me I feel like a little part of me dies inside."

The only person who can fix an unhealthy person is THAT person. And that's only if they want to. When I finally suggested to my ex that maybe he needed therapy he blew up at me and ultimately ended the relationship. He blamed me for everything and never once apologized. It sucked.

I'm not saying all mentally ill people shouldn't date... just be really, really cautious if you know you're dating one. I am still reeling from this relationship and it will take me some considerable therapy and time to recover from it.
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Old 8th November 2017, 10:48 AM   #28
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I was under the impression that you attract the health of a partner that is similar to your own.
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Old 8th November 2017, 10:51 AM   #29
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I was under the impression that you attract the health of a partner that is similar to your own.

I don't know about that. My wife seems pretty sane.
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Old 8th November 2017, 11:01 AM   #30
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I was engaged to a woman who is bipolar and hears voices but she hid it well for the 4 years we were going out together by taking medication. Since we did not live together or even go to the same school, we only saw each other on weekends. Then after high school I was away in the Army so I saw her one weekend a month.

She ended up cheating on me when I was in the Arm and she figured that it was safe to come off of her medications. She not only cheated and lost me, she became a drug addict which is basically self medication, went to live on a commune hoping for the peace she was seeking but ended up with a child by one of the several men she was passed around to as they were stoned all the time. No DNA testing back then. She got married, used the husband to support her child and then divorced him to marry a woman she was cheating on him with.

Having had relationships with bi women only, I know that you need to be suspicious of girls as well as men. Most men are fine if their girl spends a lot of time with her girlfriend, goes clubbing, and even on vacation with her. Ad some mental illness and it can ruin your life too. My second relationship was also with a bi girl with mental illness. She was a sex addict that had to have sex with every man she met. She needed the validation that she was still as hot as she was as a cheerleader. I ended it when she asked my friends to gang bang her. Months later she called me up and was going back to the farm she came from. She recognized her problems about sex addiction and leaning more towards women then men, which is why she dated a lot of men to overcompensate. She wanted me to impregnate her before she went home. She did not want a man in her life though. My lesbian niece is the same way. Had kids but does not want a man involved in her life. She too has mental problems so bad that the State took her child away from her until she got better.

You would think I know better but I married a virgin who turned out to be bi and has emotional scars from an abusive alcoholic dad. I stuck with her though and we are married for 45 years. I am the one who is on antidepressants though.

It can be difficult but not impossible. The chances are high though that she will drag you down with her. They often go off of their meds after feeling better for a few years. In fact, I do the same and my wife has to ask me to go back on my medication. Then again, many people have mental problems due to the high stress world we live in. Learning to cope with the issues is the key to a good life.
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