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I broke NC yesterday and now I feel awful.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 30th October 2017, 4:53 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Beachead View Post
It's all relative. When they want you, you can do no wrong. When they don't, you can do no right.
In my opinion, they treat you like this when they start feeling restricted and trapped in something they don't want to be. They feel guilty for what they are feeling so they blame and make you feel like crap for what you feel. It alleviates their guilt and makes their decision to exit easier.

In my case I told her if she is feeling something towards someone else that's fine let's break up. However I told her I'd rather slapped with the truth rather than kissed with a lie and that's exactly what happened. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I don't get it.. I never restricted her and control who she talks to as long as she's within the boundaries. If one feels this way.. Why not break up and pursue whatever the **** that is they are looking for.. Why string along somebody you just don't give a damn about at the end..?
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:43 PM   #32
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In my case I told her if she is feeling something towards someone else that's fine let's break up. However I told her I'd rather slapped with the truth rather than kissed with a lie and that's exactly what happened. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I don't get it.. I never restricted her and control who she talks to as long as she's within the boundaries. If one feels this way.. Why not break up and pursue whatever the **** that is they are looking for.. Why string along somebody you just don't give a damn about at the end..?
It's insecurity. They feel unattractive when they're not with someone. They don't know how to face the unknown alone or to try at life and fail alone, pull themselves back up alone. Their identity and self-worth comes from someone else because solitude scares them. The fears motivate them to transition between relationships rather than end one, take the time to heal from it, and then date again when ready. All for the wrong reasons. You may feel like you drew the short end of the straw with that but you're far better equipped at dealing with life than she is. I wouldn't be surprised if that relationship also failed and she was the cause of it.

In any case, good on you for saying that to her because I think you had a right to feel that way. Good on the OP for saying and doing what he did too. You two handled yours far better than I did.

Last edited by Beachead; 30th October 2017 at 5:50 PM..
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Old 30th October 2017, 7:22 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by Beachead View Post
It's insecurity. They feel unattractive when they're not with someone. They don't know how to face the unknown alone or to try at life and fail alone, pull themselves back up alone. Their identity and self-worth comes from someone else because solitude scares them. The fears motivate them to transition between relationships rather than end one, take the time to heal from it, and then date again when ready. All for the wrong reasons. You may feel like you drew the short end of the straw with that but you're far better equipped at dealing with life than she is. I wouldn't be surprised if that relationship also failed and she was the cause of it.

In any case, good on you for saying that to her because I think you had a right to feel that way. Good on the OP for saying and doing what he did too. You two handled yours far better than I did.

Thus makes alot of sense. Now when she broke up with me the very first time, she started pety arguments/fights to get me to break up with her I didn't I kept on trying to improve better myself.. I really thought there is something wrong with me.. She asked for a space, I was going crazy at that time so I gave her what she wanted..

She contacted me after 20 something days and made me think she really wants to work things out.. I find out after taking her back she met with other potential mate, but all he wanted was easy lay so she came back to me and I took her but I didn't know this was going down.. I asked her but she lied to me.. Now I know better

Thank you dude and I'm sorry if I took over your thread humanmachine. I wish you nothing but the best man.. Hang in there better days are ahead
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Old 31st October 2017, 12:36 AM   #34
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When I told her of my disaproval all she could respond with was “you’re stopping me see my friends”, I tried explaining to her that there are boundaries with opposite sex friendships whilst in a relationship. Having the occasional chat and catch up? Fine. Going out for a drink? Not fine. She wasn’t having any of it, it was cut and dry to her. The potential of an old male friend miraculously popping up and asking her out for a drink was worth more than our relationship, our connection and all of our memories. There was absolutely no way of changing her mind.

I believe she’s got something going on with someone else and was using me as a backup just incase it didn’t work with the new guy. She would’ve been meeting up with her ‘old friend’ for drinks whilst with me..

She still has me blocked, I have her blocked.
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Originally Posted by Buriall View Post
I was in a similar position my ex was hanging out with this one guy "friends" at first no biggie but then suspicion got the best of me. Now these two were texting constantly, I got to a point where I began questioning things and she didn't like that.

One day I sat her down and opened up how I feel, at the end she spin the whole thing around, I never told her you have to pick him or me. She made me look like I'm the one with issues, She said "if I were to pick him or you I'd pick him" stupid me didn't get up and leave right there.. Now I look back and think what a loser I was for not leaving her right there..

In this case I agree with beached on his second option.. Let her do whatever she wants.. You do you
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachead View Post
It's all relative. When they want you, you can do no wrong. When they don't, you can do no right.
In my opinion, they treat you like this when they start feeling restricted and trapped in something they don't want to be. They feel guilty for what they are feeling so they blame and make you feel like crap for what you feel. It alleviates their guilt and makes their decision to exit easier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buriall View Post
In my case I told her if she is feeling something towards someone else that's fine let's break up. However I told her I'd rather slapped with the truth rather than kissed with a lie and that's exactly what happened. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

I don't get it.. I never restricted her and control who she talks to as long as she's within the boundaries. If one feels this way.. Why not break up and pursue whatever the **** that is they are looking for.. Why string along somebody you just don't give a damn about at the end..?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachead View Post
It's insecurity. They feel unattractive when they're not with someone. They don't know how to face the unknown alone or to try at life and fail alone, pull themselves back up alone. Their identity and self-worth comes from someone else because solitude scares them. The fears motivate them to transition between relationships rather than end one, take the time to heal from it, and then date again when ready. All for the wrong reasons. You may feel like you drew the short end of the straw with that but you're far better equipped at dealing with life than she is. I wouldn't be surprised if that relationship also failed and she was the cause of it.

In any case, good on you for saying that to her because I think you had a right to feel that way. Good on the OP for saying and doing what he did too. You two handled yours far better than I did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buriall View Post
Thus makes alot of sense. Now when she broke up with me the very first time, she started pety arguments/fights to get me to break up with her I didn't I kept on trying to improve better myself.. I really thought there is something wrong with me.. She asked for a space, I was going crazy at that time so I gave her what she wanted..

She contacted me after 20 something days and made me think she really wants to work things out.. I find out after taking her back she met with other potential mate, but all he wanted was easy lay so she came back to me and I took her but I didn't know this was going down.. I asked her but she lied to me.. Now I know better

Thank you dude and I'm sorry if I took over your thread humanmachine. I wish you nothing but the best man.. Hang in there better days are ahead
All of this stuff hits home with me. I never want to meet a woman like this again. From now on, I am running far and fast from the low self esteem crap. In hindsight my ex was essentially using me to build herself up. My needs meant nothing, and her "love" was a lie.

Last edited by Highndry; 31st October 2017 at 12:38 AM..
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Old 31st October 2017, 2:57 AM   #35
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Well guys this is officially the longest time she has refrained from contacting me since iíve known her. It has been ~48 hours.

Iíd actually be glad if she has got somebody else, saves me from ever going back there.
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Old 1st November 2017, 4:25 AM   #36
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Just checking in..

I miss her a lot this morning, I miss waking up next to her..
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:36 AM   #37
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Just checking in..

I miss her a lot this morning, I miss waking up next to her..
Okay, lets say you contact her and you two get back together. You enjoy a blissful week of happiness. Cuddling, conversation, sex. What not. You feel great. Then, one afternoon, she mentions going to out with a friend in the evening for a drink. Suspicious, you question who this friend is. She mentions a guys name. Suddenly your blissful moments end. Things feel uneasy. She steps out in the evening to spend time with him. All those crappy feelings get worse. You don't know where they went or what they're doing. What time she'll come back. So anyway, she gets back home late in the night and says nothing about what happened because she doesn't have to and even if you she did, you'll have to be okay with it. And guess what OP, you're not going to be okay with it. Not even a little bit. I don't think, anyone would be okay with it. And the moment you start to show your frustrations, she's not going to care because she already gave you the terms of being with her. It's her way or the highway.

By getting back together, you'll only be lying to yourself about being okay with this when you're not.

Last edited by Beachead; 1st November 2017 at 10:18 AM..
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Old 1st November 2017, 10:49 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by Beachead View Post
Okay, lets say you contact her and you two get back together. You enjoy a blissful week of happiness. Cuddling, conversation, sex. What not. You feel great. Then, one afternoon, she mentions going to out with a friend in the evening for a drink. Suspicious, you question who this friend is. She mentions a guys name. Suddenly your blissful moments end. Things feel uneasy. She steps out in the evening to spend time with him. All those crappy feelings get worse. You don't know where they went or what they're doing. What time she'll come back. So anyway, she gets back home late in the night and says nothing about what happened because she doesn't have to and even if you she did, you'll have to be okay with it. And guess what OP, you're not going to be okay with it. Not even a little bit. I don't think, anyone would be okay with it. And the moment you start to show your frustrations, she's not going to care because she already gave you the terms of being with her. It's her way or the highway.

By getting back together, you'll only be lying to yourself about being okay with this when you're not.
Beachead.. thank you so much for your post, it really helped.
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:16 AM   #39
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I've told all my "girls" over the years the same thing. I'm extremely progressive in that women have the right to do as they choose. Just not on the account of my happiness or self worth. In fact, I didn't get married until 30 years old. I always said, I put dogs on a leash, and when they pull to hard, I let go. Unless I get taken for a ride and hurt real bad. Same with relationships. I use the leash method. I let it out as far as it will go, but then you just have to let it go. And let her run...Saves your mind from imploding. A true loyal companion to travel life together will be by YOUR side forever. Mysterious friends showing up or not....
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Old 1st November 2017, 12:18 PM   #40
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I've told all my "girls" over the years the same thing. I'm extremely progressive in that women have the right to do as they choose. Just not on the account of my happiness or self worth. In fact, I didn't get married until 30 years old. I always said, I put dogs on a leash, and when they pull to hard, I let go. Unless I get taken for a ride and hurt real bad. Same with relationships. I use the leash method. I let it out as far as it will go, but then you just have to let it go. And let her run...Saves your mind from imploding. A true loyal companion to travel life together will be by YOUR side forever. Mysterious friends showing up or not....
Another fantastic post. Thank you.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 2:40 AM   #41
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Originally Posted by Beachead View Post
Okay, lets say you contact her and you two get back together. You enjoy a blissful week of happiness. Cuddling, conversation, sex. What not. You feel great. Then, one afternoon, she mentions going to out with a friend in the evening for a drink. Suspicious, you question who this friend is. She mentions a guys name. Suddenly your blissful moments end. Things feel uneasy. She steps out in the evening to spend time with him. All those crappy feelings get worse. You don't know where they went or what they're doing. What time she'll come back. So anyway, she gets back home late in the night and says nothing about what happened because she doesn't have to and even if you she did, you'll have to be okay with it. And guess what OP, you're not going to be okay with it. Not even a little bit. I don't think, anyone would be okay with it. And the moment you start to show your frustrations, she's not going to care because she already gave you the terms of being with her. It's her way or the highway.

By getting back together, you'll only be lying to yourself about being okay with this when you're not.

Different situation here, but thank you for this!!

I've been back and forth with my ex of 2 yrs since I ended things and left him in Ohio and went home to CA a few weeks ago. We're a whole country away from each other but I keep imagining the "what if" it worked out again. And your post laid it out. It COULD work out, but it wouldn't last!

OP whenever you're feeling like you miss her, read this! Or rewrite it for yourself! That's what I'm going to do; add my own situation in here.

It would be great...but then he'd get controlling, start an arguement and instead of trying to figure it out he'd just threaten to leave. As is his new scapegoat "well maybe this isn't working" or "if you don't change this then I don't want to do it anymore" As if our other fights weren't annoying enough, now he takes something he KNOWS is a major insecurity of mine and he USES it when he's upset with me. Threatening to bail evrrytime he is upset because he feels like he has more power now? He was head over heels for me not long ago, and as mad and mean as he got, he would've never left me. Now he's changing his whole persona and wants to use that in every arguement, because he knows I'll shy away for fear of losing him. We both admitted we're trying to move on and can't. So we keep trying to talk and "work" on stuff. But for me I actually try...he wants to do the same **** and then just throw BS at me when he isn't happy.

Sorry for the mini rant. I laid him out in a text earlier and I won't be surprised if I don't hear from him anytime soon. If you want a good distraction I'll post it for you to read LOL.

But anyways, seriously. The message above is amazing. You miss the good but you have to remember that all hat BAD is still there!! I need to remember this tooo!! We're stronger than this BS, we WILL move on and be better off!!
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Old 2nd November 2017, 5:26 AM   #42
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We must have done this 50 times since we’ve know each other, huge argument, one of us breaks NC after a day or so, sort things out, promise to change etc., one to two weeks max of getting on fine then repeat the whole process again.

We are completely wrong for each other, black and white.

I feel positive today.

Last edited by HumanMachine; 2nd November 2017 at 5:52 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2017, 9:06 AM   #43
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Different situation here, but thank you for this!!

I've been back and forth with my ex of 2 yrs since I ended things and left him in Ohio and went home to CA a few weeks ago. We're a whole country away from each other but I keep imagining the "what if" it worked out again. And your post laid it out. It COULD work out, but it wouldn't last!

OP whenever you're feeling like you miss her, read this! Or rewrite it for yourself! That's what I'm going to do; add my own situation in here.

It would be great...but then he'd get controlling, start an arguement and instead of trying to figure it out he'd just threaten to leave. As is his new scapegoat "well maybe this isn't working" or "if you don't change this then I don't want to do it anymore" As if our other fights weren't annoying enough, now he takes something he KNOWS is a major insecurity of mine and he USES it when he's upset with me. Threatening to bail evrrytime he is upset because he feels like he has more power now? He was head over heels for me not long ago, and as mad and mean as he got, he would've never left me. Now he's changing his whole persona and wants to use that in every arguement, because he knows I'll shy away for fear of losing him. We both admitted we're trying to move on and can't. So we keep trying to talk and "work" on stuff. But for me I actually try...he wants to do the same **** and then just throw BS at me when he isn't happy.

Sorry for the mini rant. I laid him out in a text earlier and I won't be surprised if I don't hear from him anytime soon. If you want a good distraction I'll post it for you to read LOL.

But anyways, seriously. The message above is amazing. You miss the good but you have to remember that all hat BAD is still there!! I need to remember this tooo!! We're stronger than this BS, we WILL move on and be better off!!
Keep it, use it. Let it help you stay strong.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 9:29 AM   #44
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We must have done this 50 times since we’ve know each other, huge argument, one of us breaks NC after a day or so, sort things out, promise to change etc., one to two weeks max of getting on fine then repeat the whole process again.

We are completely wrong for each other, black and white.

I feel positive today.
Good to hear OP.

Because you are feeling positive today, now is the best time to write out why it's not going to work out with her. Write out how you are feeling and what makes you feel positive and hopeful and keep it. Keep the scenerio I wrote out for you too. When the rain clouds come again, read them. It'll help.

Goodluck

Last edited by Beachead; 2nd November 2017 at 9:58 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2017, 12:23 PM   #45
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Iíve just had an email from her from another throwaway account.

Basically said she misses me, she wonít be able to get over me, she loves me and that she is talking to other people to try and get over me. She asked to meet up.

She then followed up 5 minutes later saying - sorry bad idea donít worry

Iím seriously considering dumping my phone, deleting my email and booking a flight to anywhere just to get away from this place. Iíve felt great all day and then I read the email and instantly the hate, anger, sadness comes back.

😒
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