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I broke NC yesterday and now I feel awful.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 29th October 2017, 9:10 PM   #16
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Sorry to hear about all this. We make mistakes and as mentioned above sometimes we do have to touch the fire.

My ex is dangerous to me, so in order to get over her I had to do NC and also burn every bridge possible. She was a good friend for 25 years, we dated in college then lived our lives. I trusted her with my life and she seemed so into me. In the end she betrayed me for another guy and in the end I went NC but let her know to never ever contact me again. Our chapter though 25 years long is done, forever.

Sometimes you have to burn those bridges.
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Old 30th October 2017, 1:38 AM   #17
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Maybe she likes her more than she is telling you.
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Maybe she thrives on drama. Otherwise, those sentences are in contradiction to each other.
She said if she ever ‘does something’ then she’d like to have the possibility of her admitting to it via text to her. I said I’d rather not achieve a few days NC and then have her pop up again..

Fortunately my mother isn’t very tech savvy so I’m thinking of blocking her whilst she is away from her phone.
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Old 30th October 2017, 1:39 AM   #18
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Sorry to hear about all this. We make mistakes and as mentioned above sometimes we do have to touch the fire.

My ex is dangerous to me, so in order to get over her I had to do NC and also burn every bridge possible. She was a good friend for 25 years, we dated in college then lived our lives. I trusted her with my life and she seemed so into me. In the end she betrayed me for another guy and in the end I went NC but let her know to never ever contact me again. Our chapter though 25 years long is done, forever.

Sometimes you have to burn those bridges.
Thank you. I guess I should be grateful that this painful rollercoaster of emotion lasted only 1 year in total.. feels like 10 though!
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Old 30th October 2017, 7:59 AM   #19
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Oh we weren't together for 25 years. Dated in college then again recently in our early 40s. Now she left me for her high school sweetheart. Friends for 25 years. Obviously she didn't care about being friends. She kept saying we would reconnect in better times. Due to circumstances and how she handled the breakup I told her no way. Don't ever contact me. When she has tried through friends I burnt bridges. Not a fan of betrayal or untrustworthy folks no matter how long we're friends. I'm sorry you're in pain right now.
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Old 30th October 2017, 9:03 AM   #20
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Why do I feel like I needed to hear from her that there was something else going on? It’s clear that there is but I almost need to hear it to move on..
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Old 30th October 2017, 12:06 PM   #21
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Thank you guys. The most frustrating thing about this whole scenario is that I was actually starting to feel better and enjoy my own company before she contacted me.

The extremely small issue..

She wanted to be able to go out with male friends. Now that would be fine if she had any - she doesn’t. When I quizzed her on this she replied “well if one of my old friends popped up and asked to go for a drink, i’d like to be able to say yes without you getting upset”. I was astonished by her comments, we have never had this issue when we were together. Obviously she has found somebody else and wanted to keep both of us as options until she decided. I asked her if losing me was worth the rare chance of one of your old friends popping up and asking you out for a drink? She replied I refuse to choose between you and my friends.

There is clearly something she’s not telling me so maybe not an extremely small issue..!

Actually typing and re reading this has definitely opened my eyes..
I really find it disappointing when someone who supposedly wants me, strong-arms me into being okay with a request that would understandably set anyone's alarm off and then make me feel like the bad guy for for the way I feel about it. Especially when I know they wouldn't with it okay with it if I did this to them.

How is she going to go out with other guys for drinks when she has a boyfriend? You know what this tells the opposite sex? It tells them, there are problems in your relationship and she is leaving herself open for the taking. Ofcourse what she does is up to her but she is certainly open to it. Did she acknowledge your feelings about this or did she try to spin this in a way where you look like an insecure person? Would she have been okay with you doing this while you two were together?

Personally, I don't think she's committed and I think she's trying to handle you.

You can take two routes to this.

1. Get back together with her and give her what she wants but know if she gets her way with this, she'll know she can get away with more. Who knows what else she'll ask for later on.

2. Don't bother reaching out and go NC again.
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Old 30th October 2017, 12:27 PM   #22
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I really find it disappointing when someone who supposedly wants me, strong-arms me into being okay with a request that would understandably set anyone's alarm off and then make me feel like the bad guy for for the way I feel about it. Especially when I know they wouldn't with it okay with it if I did this to them.

How is she going to go out with other guys for drinks when she has a boyfriend? You know what this tells the opposite sex? It tells them, there are problems in your relationship and she is leaving herself open for the taking. Ofcourse what she does is up to her but she is certainly open to it. Did she acknowledge your feelings about this or did she try to spin this in a way where you look like an insecure person? Would she have been okay with you doing this while you two were together?

Personally, I don't think she's committed and I think she's trying to handle you.

You can take two routes to this.

1. Get back together with her and give her what she wants but know if she gets her way with this, she'll know she can get away with more. Who knows what else she'll ask for later on.

2. Don't bother reaching out and go NC again.
When I told her of my disaproval all she could respond with was “you’re stopping me see my friends”, I tried explaining to her that there are boundaries with opposite sex friendships whilst in a relationship. Having the occasional chat and catch up? Fine. Going out for a drink? Not fine. She wasn’t having any of it, it was cut and dry to her. The potential of an old male friend miraculously popping up and asking her out for a drink was worth more than our relationship, our connection and all of our memories. There was absolutely no way of changing her mind.

I believe she’s got something going on with someone else and was using me as a backup just incase it didn’t work with the new guy. She would’ve been meeting up with her ‘old friend’ for drinks whilst with me..

She still has me blocked, I have her blocked.
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Old 30th October 2017, 12:27 PM   #23
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I was in a similar position my ex was hanging out with this one guy "friends" at first no biggie but then suspicion got the best of me. Now these two were texting constantly, I got to a point where I began questioning things and she didn't like that.

One day I sat her down and opened up how I feel, at the end she spin the whole thing around, I never told her you have to pick him or me. She made me look like I'm the one with issues, She said "if I were to pick him or you I'd pick him" stupid me didn't get up and leave right there.. Now I look back and think what a loser I was for not leaving her right there..

In this case I agree with beached on his second option.. Let her do whatever she wants.. You do you
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Old 30th October 2017, 12:39 PM   #24
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I was in a similar position my ex was hanging out with this one guy "friends" at first no biggie but then suspicion got the best of me. Now these two were texting constantly, I got to a point where I began questioning things and she didn't like that.

One day I sat her down and opened up how I feel, at the end she spin the whole thing around, I never told her you have to pick him or me. She made me look like I'm the one with issues, She said "if I were to pick him or you I'd pick him" stupid me didn't get up and leave right there.. Now I look back and think what a loser I was for not leaving her right there..

In this case I agree with beached on his second option.. Let her do whatever she wants.. You do you
Wow exactly the same almost word for word..
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Old 30th October 2017, 12:44 PM   #25
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I was in a similar position my ex was hanging out with this one guy "friends" at first no biggie but then suspicion got the best of me. Now these two were texting constantly, I got to a point where I began questioning things and she didn't like that.

One day I sat her down and opened up how I feel, at the end she spin the whole thing around, I never told her you have to pick him or me. She made me look like I'm the one with issues, She said "if I were to pick him or you I'd pick him" stupid me didn't get up and leave right there.. Now I look back and think what a loser I was for not leaving her right there..

In this case I agree with beached on his second option.. Let her do whatever she wants.. You do you
Man that hurts to read. But that's exactly why I take things like this seriously. OP I think you need to trust your gutt. She's got alterior motives.

Last edited by Beachead; 30th October 2017 at 12:50 PM..
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Old 30th October 2017, 1:03 PM   #26
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That's exactly the point here "altering motives" she gave no ****s about how I felt didn't even hear me out..

Turns out she had/has crush on this guy and she has sexual feelings towards the guy.. Yet they are "just friends" she didn't come and tell me this I had to snoop and find out.

My gut was right something wasn't right. At the end of all this, she deceived me lied to me and came out on top where as I hit rock bottom... Don't be like me
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Old 30th October 2017, 1:20 PM   #27
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This isn't very complicated at all. She's relegated you to a backup plan. In turn, you should place her solidly in the friends with benefits category at best, and realize that you are never going to have a trusting, loving relationship with this woman again. She devalued and disrespected you. Time to devalue her and move on. If you're ok being her booty call every now and then, by all means, partake, but that's exactly how you should treat her, too. Give her nothing but sex with zero emotional attachment, then make yourself busy and offer no ear whatsoever.
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Old 30th October 2017, 1:39 PM   #28
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I actually see this as a good thing. I am going through a break up myself and I think what holds me back is all the what ifs.

You went out with her, you had a good time, you talked things over and came to the realization that things between you just wouldn't work. Use that for closure. She just wasn't the one for you!

Take it one day at a time and you will be fine. We all will be!
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Old 30th October 2017, 3:14 PM   #29
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Wow exactly the same almost word for word..

It's all relative. When they want you, you can do no wrong. When they don't, you can do no right.
In my opinion, they treat you like this when they start feeling restricted and trapped in something they don't want to be. They feel guilty for what they are feeling so they blame and make you feel like crap for what you feel. It alleviates their guilt and makes their decision to exit easier.

Last edited by Beachead; 30th October 2017 at 3:30 PM..
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Old 30th October 2017, 3:34 PM   #30
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I’m almost 6 months in to my breakup, which I initiated.

Three weeks ago my ex asked my friend how I was and said how much she missed me.

I had to try so hard not to message her, because she was asking after me. I do miss her and kinda want her to message me (which won’t happen), but I know I just have to be strong and not break NC.

If I did break NC, I’m scared I would end up in the same situation at the OP.

I fee a bit low, and I’m trying to hang in there and be strong.
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