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I broke NC yesterday and now I feel awful.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 29th October 2017, 12:17 PM   #1
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I broke NC yesterday and now I feel awful.

I recently posted a thread about hating my ex and how the thought of her contacting me made me nauseous. Well Friday evening she contacted my mother, asking how I was and if there was a possibility of us (me and her) talking. I resisted Friday evening but woke up Saturday morning with that horrible empty/lonely feeling. I messaged her.

She apologised for some things she had previously said, and we agreed to meet up. We had a fantastic day - lunch, a long walk, back to mine for a movie and sex, then to a fairground in the evening followed by drinks in a bar. We spoke and aired our issues and tried to resolve our differences, unfortunately there was just one thing we couldnít agree on, neither of us were changing our minds and we both agreed that it was never going to work.

I left her last night on good terms, stupidly hoping we could get over this extremely small issue. We messaged back and forth this morning with her being extremely cold, she then blocked me.

I darenít tell my friends or family that I met her.

I know Iím an idiot and should have stayed away.. I just had to type it out, I deserve harsh replies and I think theyíll help me..
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:40 PM   #2
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You knew better and did it anyway.

The only one keeping you where you are is you.

You are officially a hanger on.
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:41 PM   #3
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In some ways, you can see this as closure that you might have been seeking. You now know that you are far better off moving on.

Please ask your mother to block her. She has a lot of nerve contacting your family and then going cold again.
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:49 PM   #4
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That's alright bud don't beat yourself up over it. Now you know what to do exactly, (I hope) leave her where she belongs in the past.

Also tell your fam to cut contact with her as well. Real work begins now, wish you all the best.
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:54 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HumanMachine View Post

I left her last night on good terms, stupidly hoping we could get over this extremely small issue. We messaged back and forth this morning with her being extremely cold, she then blocked me..
What is the "extremely small issue" that is obviously a deal breaker for her?
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:57 PM   #6
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What was the issue you couldn't agree on? Sounds like you both were very open and talking and having a good time. So why did you decide it won't work? And which one of you decided that? Sounds like you did and she got mad and blocked you. I didn't get the whole story.

I mean if both parties want IN and agree to talk, air things out, and work on things together then that is a good thing. That is how your post stated but then you decided not to move forward and broke up after your nice day together. why?
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:08 PM   #7
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Every relationship is unique. I don't recall the nature of yours, and I am not going to go through 270 posts to try to find out how and why it ended.

I am not sure why you feel you "deserve harsh replies." It does seem that many on this board like to chastise other people for either breaking no contact, or not adhering to their own stringent interpretations of it. We are all human, and we all make mistakes.

That being said, it's not as if you searched her out - she was reaching out to you and the two of you decided to get together which culminated in a good time and sex. Now she's decided to go back to not wanting to talk to you again which in all likelihood means you were a booty call at worst, at best she was thinking she may want you back permanently but had second thoughts.

As a man, I wouldn't feel too devastated about it. I'd just not ever initiate contact again. If she contacts you again it's up to you to set the boundaries and stick to them like glue. Only you can decide if you're ok with the friends with benefits thing. Some men are not strong enough to have a woman they love turn into an FWB. That's a decision only you can make.
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:10 PM   #8
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Thank you guys. The most frustrating thing about this whole scenario is that I was actually starting to feel better and enjoy my own company before she contacted me.

The extremely small issue..

She wanted to be able to go out with male friends. Now that would be fine if she had any - she doesnít. When I quizzed her on this she replied ďwell if one of my old friends popped up and asked to go for a drink, iíd like to be able to say yes without you getting upsetĒ. I was astonished by her comments, we have never had this issue when we were together. Obviously she has found somebody else and wanted to keep both of us as options until she decided. I asked her if losing me was worth the rare chance of one of your old friends popping up and asking you out for a drink? She replied I refuse to choose between you and my friends.

There is clearly something sheís not telling me so maybe not an extremely small issue..!

Actually typing and re reading this has definitely opened my eyes..
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:22 PM   #9
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Don't beat yourself to hard about it
I would have done the same, if my ex contaced me. At last in my current state were I miss him soooo much, more everyday and the urge to contact him grows stronger. So even if I know that it would be super bad idea, it's hard to resist.

Just to give a girls perspective for having male friends. I have two female friends, the rest is male. My ex tended to be jealous even though himself had a lot of female friends. It is hard to trust one another when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex. I have always had more male friends than female ones, most likely becasue there are almost no females in my choice of work.

In your ex case, not having any male friends and then suddenly having some, might seem a little suspisous. I don't know her so it might be what you suspect but it could also be that they are just friends.
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Old 29th October 2017, 2:36 PM   #10
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Don't beat yourself to hard about it
I would have done the same, if my ex contaced me. At last in my current state were I miss him soooo much, more everyday and the urge to contact him grows stronger. So even if I know that it would be super bad idea, it's hard to resist.

Just to give a girls perspective for having male friends. I have two female friends, the rest is male. My ex tended to be jealous even though himself had a lot of female friends. It is hard to trust one another when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex. I have always had more male friends than female ones, most likely becasue there are almost no females in my choice of work.

In your ex case, not having any male friends and then suddenly having some, might seem a little suspisous. I don't know her so it might be what you suspect but it could also be that they are just friends.
Maybe I overreacted then? She mentioned old friends before our rship..
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Old 29th October 2017, 2:47 PM   #11
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I've become a believer in the helpfulness of learning a lesson the hard way once in awhile. Touching the fire and getting burnt can serve as a tremendous teacher as long as you don't continue to do it over and over. Unless you are one of the few who can go NC without looking back, experience can be a useful teacher. It sucks what happened, but, if you can use it to strengthen your resolve to stay NC, it won't be in vain. You can learn a valuable lesson.
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Old 29th October 2017, 2:49 PM   #12
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Thank you guys. The most frustrating thing about this whole scenario is that I was actually starting to feel better and enjoy my own company before she contacted me.

You and you alone are resonsibke for NC. Block her

The extremely small issue..

She wanted to be able to go out with male friends. Now that would be fine if she had any - she doesn’t. When I quizzed her on this she replied “well if one of my old friends popped up and asked to go for a drink, i’d like to be able to say yes without you getting upset”. I was astonished by her comments, we have never had this issue when we were together. Obviously she has found somebody else and wanted to keep both of us as options until she decided. I asked her if losing me was worth the rare chance of one of your old friends popping up and asking you out for a drink? She replied I refuse to choose between you and my friends.

You are correct. She wants an open relationship for her benefit not yours.

There is clearly something she’s not telling me so maybe not an extremely small issue..!

Yep, bank on it

Actually typing and re reading this has definitely opened my eyes..
You leave yourself open for breadcrumbs and the bite when she sends one your way. I think you're better than this.
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Old 29th October 2017, 5:51 PM   #13
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Thank you guys I really appreciate your comments. Iíve blocked her again however my mother wasnít keen on doing so. Iím unsure why not, she does not like my ex at all.
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Old 29th October 2017, 6:14 PM   #14
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Iíve blocked her again however my mother wasnít keen on doing so. Iím unsure why not, she does not like my ex at all.
Maybe she thrives on drama. Otherwise, those sentences are in contradiction to each other.
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Old 29th October 2017, 6:58 PM   #15
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Iíve blocked her again however my mother wasnít keen on doing so. Iím unsure why not, she does not like my ex at all.
Maybe she likes her more than she is telling you.
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