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GIGS ex texting me


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 25th October 2017, 8:42 PM   #1
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GIGS ex texting me

I've been through so much in the last 2 months so im really sorry if this post ends up being really really long..

Skip to the last 2 paragraphs for the important parts if you don't want to read everything.

Me and my ex were together for 3.5 years and she basically dumped me in early september and everything just left me so confused because of the way she did things. She told me she needed space and that it didn't mean she loved me any less. she started doing things that she wasn't doing before like going out to bars/clubs with these new friends she made and getting home really late. Sometime after the break up she also told me that she's been getting high and drinking A LOT. She told me that just wants to be single right now and do things that are fun because she's young.

2.5 weeks after she "broke up" with me i texted her after not hearing from her for 13 days and i asked for closure since i never got that and she never even told me she wanted to break up with me, she just pushed me away after saying she needed space. She was being really mean when i asked for closure and she said she didn't owe me anything and to leave her alone because she's already over me and doesn't even think about me. She told me that something really messed up happened to her involving cops but she didn't want to tell me what it was. Her tone started to change like 10 minutes later and she was being nicer and i ended that convo by telling her that i'll always be there for her.

a week later she texts me to see how i was doing and we're texting quite a lot and she opens up about the messed up thing that happened to her involving cops and i went numb when she tells me because i still obviously care about her and then i ask her if i can call and she said yes. I was just being there for her and supporting her. i will not go into details about that "messed up" thing because she told me not to tell anyone so i will respect that. we were on the phone for almost 2 hours and she at one point said this "you're one of the few friends i have that i can go to at anytime and talk about anything"

after a really painful September i start doing way better in October and i become more accepting of what has happened and what she wants so i agree to never initiate contact and just let her be. She was texting me once a week but i'm more focused on moving on and being happy and i'm not interested in talking to her as much as i was so the last 2 times she texted me i ignored her texts.

Now this is where things get weird after she threw me away like trash and moved on from me fairly quickly for the amount of time we were together. I get a text from her on sunday night like "hey are you up" and then 6 minutes later she sends another and says "I'm sorry i probably shouldn't have texted you but you said that if i ever needed a friend that i could come to you.." which is true, i did say that but i started to realize a lot and how bad she treated me while i was left confused and wanted answers and she didn't gave me much so i was just focused on healing and wanted to take care of myself before anything. i chose not to reply because talking to her hurts me. The following morning i get another text from her and she says "You're fake". I again chose not to reply to that but was thinking about a lot like how am i the one being called fake after everything she did to me. hours later after receiving that "youre fake" text, i decide to write a long message about everything i was thinking about and i emailed it to her. I respectfully talked about how recently i've realized a lot because i'm not being blind by love anymore and told her that i wasn't interested in having these casual conversations with her anymore because i just want to heal and told her that her problems aren't my problems anymore. a few hours later she replies really pissed off and she says this "So i tell you about that messed up thing that happened to me and you wanna say that my problems aren't your problems anymore. You're utterly disgusting thank god i left you. I'm such an idiot for thinking you could be a decent friend when you were a terribe boyfriend who couldn't provide sh*t for me" i then felt terrible for the messed up thing that happened to her and i told her that i was really really sorry for all of that and that she took my email wrong and that i really want no drama with her but i want to be happy and get over everything. She then tells me to stop saying sorry because i'm not and i don't care about her.. and then she goes and writes this "I was seriously so down to be friends because i thought you were a cool person but i was wrong. not gonna lie this hurts but whatever. if i learned anything these past few weeks it's that people are temporary and i have nobody but me. " i then told her to NEVER put me in that temporary category because my plans with her were meant to last forever and she was the one who threw me away..

I told her to call me so i can explain myself better and she said she'll do it after she showers. 20 minutes later i get a call from her and we start talking about everything and i first start talking about how i care about her a lot and how bad i felt about that messed up thing happening to her and then she says this "It's not even about that but i feel like you don't care about me and i at times even wish we could have worked out because i still have so much love for you and i just feel so bad about everything" while she's crying. She tells me that she checks up on me but i never check up on her and even ignore her and tells me that i don't care about her but i tell her that I'm doing all of this because of the way she treated me and how she pushed me away while i was really hurt and heart broken. She apologized for a lot and even blamed alcohol for doing most and said she stopped drinking as much because of it. She said that she knows that her life is a hot mess right now and she let her turning 21 get to her too much. I tell her that i just want to get over everything and be happy and talking to her doesn't make me happy and she continues to say sorry for everything. We then stopped talking like 10 minutes later and the following day(yesteday) i get a text from her saying this "i just had a bad dream about us ugh" and i did not reply to it.. I don't know what's going to happen next and have no idea what the hell is going on with her now but recently i felt neediness from her that i haven't felt in 2 months. Any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated
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Old 25th October 2017, 8:57 PM   #2
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She is a spoiled immature brat, if you ask me.
Perhaps even a narcissist with this attention/reaction seeking, HIGHLY MANIPULATIVE behavior ?
"Bad dream about us, ugh..." whatever ...
I would not answer her anymore, please block her ! She drains you emotionally.
She is so not worth it , she is a waste of your time ... very disrespectful.
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Old 25th October 2017, 9:41 PM   #3
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I would stay NC, no good every comes of it. Friends don't leave folks they alleged love(d) hanging for 2 weeks while they go out and party while the other is confused and could be helped with 10 minutes of breakup talk.


Sounds like you're better off.
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Old 25th October 2017, 11:19 PM   #4
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She's messed up and she messed up.

Don't engage with her anymore. It's all bait to keep you hooked in. She doesn't know what she wants. You two were together for 3.5 years and she left you but she wants a friendship and just like that you are expected to switch off and give that to her. She broke up with you and broke your heart. Her lack of acknowledgement of how difficult it is tells me her intentions are selfish. She's stringing you along using head games because quitting you cold turkey is too hard. Don't mistake that for her wanting you back. She's on her way out. I guarantee if you stick around, you'll simplify her life at the expense of yours becoming miserable. She'll use you as backup while she talks to other guys with no reason to ever come back to you.

Stick to your original plan and exit.

Goodluck.

Last edited by Beachead; 25th October 2017 at 11:29 PM..
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Old 26th October 2017, 12:46 AM   #5
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She's using you as her emotional dumping ground and for whatever else she can suck out of you. The question should be "Why am I allowing myself to be used by my ex-girlfriend who verbally abuses me and treats me with zero respect?" Have some self respect and kick this head case to the curb.
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Old 26th October 2017, 1:36 AM   #6
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She is incredibly immature and selfish.

You did the right thing putting a stop to "being there for her." That is not your role anymore, and she has zero right to throw a tantrum about it when she broke up with you. Exes can almost never be friends in the immediate aftermath of a break-up, and you're now learning why.

She is using you to help fill the gaps when she's lonely or wants attention or is bored, but notice that she is still not asking to reconcile? You will be kicking yourself for remaining her "friend" when she starts dating someone else.

Tell her to grow up and call her best friend the next time she wants to cry to someone.
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Old 26th October 2017, 2:02 AM   #7
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thank you so much everyone for the replies. I will continue NC and i will not reply when she texts..

Something i did not mention is that our relationship was a long distance relationship and we were actually together in person from july 25th-august 2nd and that trip felt perfect and we were loving each other so much. that last day, On our way to the airport she looks at me with a sad face and says this "I'm going to miss you so much, we have to make this this permanent" and even cried a couple of times before dropping me off at the airport ..and then 3 weeks later she starts doing a 180 and doing things behind my back until she finally opened up and told me she needed space. It was really a sudden break up which left me really hurt and beyond confused.

"Tell her to grow up and call her best friend the next time she wants to cry to someone."
When we were on the phone i did tell her to go talk to her friends about what she feels or to write about it since that's what i've been doing and she goes "i want to talk to you and look i already feel better after talking to you"

idk all of this has been ridiculous and i don't even know what to expect from her at this point.. but i will continue NC for sure
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Old 26th October 2017, 2:34 AM   #8
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Stop talking to her and being a friend. You don't want that. She doesn't deserve to have you be there for her. She lost that right when she decided she no longer wanted a romantic relationship with you. She wants you to be her male girlfriend. You don't want to be her bestie.
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Old 26th October 2017, 2:34 AM   #9
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"Gigs" LOL

what ever you want to call it... does not reverse its self in 2 months..
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Old 26th October 2017, 3:37 AM   #10
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You are going through a learning process, and you will eventually understand that not everything depands on what you do or say.

She wants to use you to support her mentaly, and she doesn't want to give anything back. From her point of you, your needs and feeling doesn't exist. You were born only to be there for her. that what she thinks.

Just make her history. She isn't worth your a minute of your time.
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Old 26th October 2017, 4:36 AM   #11
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Block her, stop being friendly she is using you.
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Old 26th October 2017, 3:53 PM   #12
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Quote:
When we were on the phone i did tell her to go talk to her friends about what she feels or to write about it since that's what i've been doing and she goes "i want to talk to you and look i already feel better after talking to you"
Well, isn't that wonderful for her. She doesn't appear to care how it makes you feel when she runs crying to the guy she dumped.

She is even more selfish than I initially assumed.
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Old 27th October 2017, 2:38 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
Well, isn't that wonderful for her. She doesn't appear to care how it makes you feel when she runs crying to the guy she dumped.

She is even more selfish than I initially assumed.
Yes' I'm realizing more and more everyday which is why i started ignoring her messages a couple weeks back. I'm just not interested in talking to her anymore because she made me go through the hardest time of my life yet, and i also quickly realized that talking to her brought nothing but pain.

It's also weird how one of the reasons why she ended things was because we aren't compatible(she said this A LOT), but now she's talking so high about that special friendship we had and wants me to care about her more and for us to keep talking because of that really special friendship and bond we had.. It just doesn't make much sense and she's been contradicting since she started pushing me away..
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Old 27th October 2017, 3:25 AM   #14
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All that contradictory talk about not being compatible yet having a "special bond" is her immaturity showing.

She is young and fairly inexperienced with life, and didn't know how to tell you she wants to be free and explore. That's what's really going on here.

I am sorry you're going through this, in any event. You've made the wise choice in keeping your distance from her now.
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Old 28th October 2017, 9:06 AM   #15
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update..

i got a random call from her a couple hours ago at 6:20 am eastern time(saturday morning).. She's from the west coast so it was 3:20 am where she's from .. I was awake at this time because i woke up at 5 am and couldn't fall back asleep but i did ignore the phone call. She was most likely high and drunk and on her way back home after a party/club/bar since she mentioned that she's been getting home really late like that a couple weeks back after our break up.. i really don't understand why she keeps trying to initiate contact when i'm showing her that i'm not interested and WANT my mind on other things.. but maybe me wanting my mind on other things now is why she's choosing to contact.

5-6 weeks ago, when i was still trying to contact her and check up on her, i remember texting her "good morning" one day. I saw her update her status on social media so i knew she was already up but she didn't reply. Almost 2 hours later i sent another text like this "i hope you have a good day and i hope you got a lot of rest" since she was going to be in school for like 9 hours that day. She replied 10 hours later like " thanks and i did" and then i replied like ok i'm glad to hear that .. now that might not sound like much but 2 weeks later after she initiated contact, she told me that it PISSED her off how i sent her 2 texts in less than 2 hours because "we're just friends now"(she said this)......this is one of the MANY things she did to push me away.. and now she's confused as to why i feel so hated by her and don't want to talk to her, hear from her or be around her..
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