Jump to content

Cant accept it ***Updated***


Recommended Posts

My girlfriend of 3 years left me about 2 months ago. She left because she said she was burned out. Next thing I know is that she's already interested in another guy 1 month later. I was loyal and caring to her. Never did her wrong and I always made sure she was loved. We lived 6 hour apart. I would constantly make trips to her house and spend weeks there. I always bought her nice gifts and was always there in her hard times. I never yelled at her or abused her. I'm a full time college student and we had plans to move in together. All of s sudden she just doesn't want to be with me anymore. It hurts really badly that she practically left me for another guy who has nothing on me. I'm a tall guy, worksout, and romantic. She doesnt text me at all. I've tried getting her back a couple of times and she always rejects me, talks to me as if I'm some stranger. I just can't let go if her. She was my first true love and I have always fought for her and never gave up. How can you just get rid of someone like that?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It didn't just happen one day. She fell out of love with you. She had been planning it for a while, and maybe even met the guy before she broke up with you. It hurts, but it's unfortunately the way it goes sometimes. This forum is full of tales just like yours, be it the woman or man. The worst thing to do is to keep in contact with her, trying to get her back. You should never contact her again. Reach out to anybody but her, do your best to comfort and improve yourself, and move on. Good luck.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It didn't just happen one day. She fell out of love with you. She had been planning it for a while, and maybe even met the guy before she broke up with you. It hurts, but it's unfortunately the way it goes sometimes. This forum is full of tales just like yours, be it the woman or man. The worst thing to do is to keep in contact with her, trying to get her back. You should never contact her again. Reach out to anybody but her, do your best to comfort and improve yourself, and move on. Good luck.

 

Yeah I have read a lot of posts on here. I just don't get how people can do that to someone. Also, this guy she really likes works with her at her job. I hate the feeling of losing. I'm here suffering, while she's happy and has butterflies for a new guy. It's a sense of betrayal.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

It is a betrayal. She dumped you, rejected you, cast you aside for another guy she deemed more worthy. It's always going to hurt. But you know what? Her opinion of you doesn't matter anymore. There are countless women who value you more than that other guy. All of us have lost somebody. Every end to a relationship hurts. I always thought it would get easier as I aged, but it doesn't. Love hurts, as they say. You'll survive.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It is a betrayal. She dumped you, rejected you, cast you aside for another guy she deemed more worthy. It's always going to hurt. But you know what? Her opinion of you doesn't matter anymore. There are countless women who value you more than that other guy. All of us have lost somebody. Every end to a relationship hurts. I always thought it would get easier as I aged, but it doesn't. Love hurts, as they say. You'll survive.

 

I know her opinion doesn't matter, but since I cared for her deeply, it ends up mattering. I can tell my mind to stop, but my heart won't. My heart is attached to her. Love definitely hurts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry you're going through this.

 

Her being able to move on shows that she checked out some time ago. Thing is, it's truly rare that someone leaves a relationship without there having been clues that stuff was going wrong. Perhaps you'd been having some "ups and downs". Perhaps she'd been pulling away? Perhaps she'd been tired of the distance? Perhaps there have been disagreements? Perhaps she just found that the two of you have simply grown in different directions. There are so many reasons that a relationship can end which you haven't ruled out.

 

You mentioned that it hurts that someone can be checked out for a while before they actually end it. However, think about the alternative: leaving the moment they feel something is a bit off. It makes sense to stick around for a while and make sure that the idea to leave is not a fleeting impulse. To be really sure about her decision.

 

Take some time to lick your wounds. Then move on to greener pastures.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sorry you're going through this.

 

Her being able to move on shows that she checked out some time ago. Thing is, it's truly rare that someone leaves a relationship without there having been clues that stuff was going wrong. Perhaps you'd been having some "ups and downs". Perhaps she'd been pulling away? Perhaps she'd been tired of the distance? Perhaps there have been disagreements? Perhaps she just found that the two of you have simply grown in different directions. There are so many reasons that a relationship can end which you haven't ruled out.

 

You mentioned that it hurts that someone can be checked out for a while before they actually end it. However, think about the alternative: leaving the moment they feel something is a bit off. It makes sense to stick around for a while and make sure that the idea to leave is not a fleeting impulse. To be really sure about her decision.

 

Take some time to lick your wounds. Then move on to greener pastures.

I didn't see any clues. She must of hid them well. Doesn't make sense. Just a couples days before hand she would tell me she loves me and she wouldn't trade me or anyone. Just can't believe someone can lie straight to your face. It's hard to think of greener pastures. I've been licking my wounds for 2 months and I haven't been able to sleep. She was everything to me. I don't have any motive to date other women.

Link to post
Share on other sites
What exactly is the red pill

 

A subculture of mostly sad-sack, angry men who put on airs about not really caring about women or relationships, opting to focus their efforts on dating multiple women at once and being "free."

 

Monogamous relationships aren't for everyone, but far too many red-pillers end up commodifying women rather than viewing them as actual people.

 

In short, it's a culture that inherently suggests men become emotionally unavailable so that they can't ever be hurt by some chick.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
A subculture of mostly sad-sack, angry men who put on airs about not really caring about women or relationships, opting to focus their efforts on dating multiple women at once and being "free."

 

Monogamous relationships aren't for everyone, but far too many red-pillers end up commodifying women rather than viewing them as actual people.

 

In short, it's a culture that inherently suggests men become emotionally unavailable so that they can't ever be hurt by some chick.

 

Thanks for explaninig. I think that is a bad thing to do. Women need men to be emotionally available

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
A subculture of mostly sad-sack, angry men who put on airs about not really caring about women or relationships, opting to focus their efforts on dating multiple women at once and being "free."

 

Monogamous relationships aren't for everyone, but far too many red-pillers end up commodifying women rather than viewing them as actual people.

 

In short, it's a culture that inherently suggests men become emotionally unavailable so that they can't ever be hurt by some chick.

 

That's not accurate. Some red-pilled men do shun all relationships (such as MGTOW). Some use their awareness to manipulate women such as players. Some use it to maintain a healthy long-lasting relationship.

 

Red pill is a metaphor that you understand the nature of relationship, not that bs-Disney-fanstasy crap they sold you when you're a child. What you do with that understanding is up to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
That's not accurate. Some red-pilled men do shun all relationships (such as MGTOW). Some use their awareness to manipulate women such as players. Some use it to maintain a healthy long-lasting relationship.

 

Red pill is a metaphor that you understand the nature of relationship, not that bs-Disney-fanstasy crap they sold you when you're a child. What you do with that understanding is up to you.

 

Ahh I see. I guess I need to take the red pill. The blue pill will only hurt you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
viatori patuit

Sorry man. You got your heart broke.

 

It happens to everyone. And the first time is the worst. When it happened to me I lost 30 pounds in 30 days due to not eating. I slept for maybe two hours a night. It was awful. Then one day everything was fine. I didn’t care anymore and that person was no longer important.

 

I have also broken hearts. That was worse imho. I wasn’t vindictive I just outgrew that person. It is awful to inflict that on someone.

 

The lesson here is that

 

1. It can happen.

2. You will survive.

 

The next time it happens it is way easier. Today if it were to happen I would just get my stuff and move on.

 

If it is any consolation you will meet someone even more fantastic in a little bit. That is just the way this stuff works.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She already rounded up another guy before breaking it off with you. Of course she wasn't going to tell you about it. They have to line up other guys first before making their exit.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah man it's hard to accept. Similar boat here, thought my ex was so into me, day of breakup she was initiating sex, telling me she loved me, making future plans etc. Knew her 25 years, but in the end she lied to me led me on broke my heart and ran away ASAP without looking back. Breakups and SOs can be pretty ****ty folks, trying to analyze it or think they made a mistake is only going to drive you nuts. Everything they ever said to you is going to be questioned, don't dwell....no good will come of it. It's also mostly ego and not love, once you realize this you move on.

 

Some people cannot be single, they need a backup before they move on, it hurts a lot but the alternative is you end up with someone who just needs to be with you to have an identity. You don't want that, they will always leave for others until they find the "right" one. People who can not be single are hard to have relationships with IME. They tend to be shallow, deceptive, and selfish when an opportunity presents itself, they will always hurt others.

 

I had an insecure girl who dated me previously and talked about how much she always loved me, left me out of the blue for her high school sweetheart, hurts like hell BUT you have to ACCEPT it and move on...they showed their true colors and your ego is bruised, other women are different. Your ex made her bed and has to sleep in it and you need to avoid her at all costs. Go live life without her and improve yourself for the next relationship. Otherwise, you end up in a cycle.

 

They think about it then meet someone or meet someone then think about their exit, nothing you can do but grieve, accept it and start to move on. If they come back you can control that by making it clear you are done and have moved on which only happens if you accept what happened. Keep in mind also people change and or aren't who you thought they were, be glad it happened sooner than later.

Edited by Trust666
Link to post
Share on other sites

Look, you can do everything right but if she gets to know you and still decides you're not what she wants, you're powerless to do anything about it. It happens to ALL of us. You have to accept that one formula isn't right for all people It's GREAT that you were trying so hard to be the good boyfriend, but if the emotional connection isn't there for her, it's just not. It isn't YOUR fault and it probably isn't her fault. It's just that everyone is different. You can't taylor yourself to fit someone. It just doesn't work. Your approach IS best, just being a good guy. One day I promise you WILL find someone who loves you for you. Don't waste any more time thinking about her. Decide to put her behind you. Good luck.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sorry man. You got your heart broke.

 

It happens to everyone. And the first time is the worst. When it happened to me I lost 30 pounds in 30 days due to not eating. I slept for maybe two hours a night. It was awful. Then one day everything was fine. I didn’t care anymore and that person was no longer important.

 

I have also broken hearts. That was worse imho. I wasn’t vindictive I just outgrew that person. It is awful to inflict that on someone.

 

The lesson here is that

 

1. It can happen.

2. You will survive.

 

The next time it happens it is way easier. Today if it were to happen I would just get my stuff and move on.

 

If it is any consolation you will meet someone even more fantastic in a little bit. That is just the way this stuff works.

 

I hope so. I feel like I won't meet somebody as good as my ex. She was great in so many ways.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
She already rounded up another guy before breaking it off with you. Of course she wasn't going to tell you about it. They have to line up other guys first before making their exit.

 

Indeed. Very sneaky and messed up.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yeah man it's hard to accept. Similar boat here, thought my ex was so into me, day of breakup she was initiating sex, telling me she loved me, making future plans etc. Knew her 25 years, but in the end she lied to me led me on broke my heart and ran away ASAP without looking back. Breakups and SOs can be pretty ****ty folks, trying to analyze it or think they made a mistake is only going to drive you nuts. Everything they ever said to you is going to be questioned, don't dwell....no good will come of it. It's also mostly ego and not love, once you realize this you move on.

 

Some people cannot be single, they need a backup before they move on, it hurts a lot but the alternative is you end up with someone who just needs to be with you to have an identity. You don't want that, they will always leave for others until they find the "right" one. People who can not be single are hard to have relationships with IME. They tend to be shallow, deceptive, and selfish when an opportunity presents itself, they will always hurt others.

 

I had an insecure girl who dated me previously and talked about how much she always loved me, left me out of the blue for her high school sweetheart, hurts like hell BUT you have to ACCEPT it and move on...they showed their true colors and your ego is bruised, other women are different. Your ex made her bed and has to sleep in it and you need to avoid her at all costs. Go live life without her and improve yourself for the next relationship. Otherwise, you end up in a cycle.

 

They think about it then meet someone or meet someone then think about their exit, nothing you can do but grieve, accept it and start to move on. If they come back you can control that by making it clear you are done and have moved on which only happens if you accept what happened. Keep in mind also people change and or aren't who you thought they were, be glad it happened sooner than later.

 

It has been difficult for me. I love the girl with every bit I had in my heart. I have been going nuts, analyzing everything, questions everything, it's just so hypocritical. She lied straight to my face. I was betrayed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Look, you can do everything right but if she gets to know you and still decides you're not what she wants, you're powerless to do anything about it. It happens to ALL of us. You have to accept that one formula isn't right for all people It's GREAT that you were trying so hard to be the good boyfriend, but if the emotional connection isn't there for her, it's just not. It isn't YOUR fault and it probably isn't her fault. It's just that everyone is different. You can't taylor yourself to fit someone. It just doesn't work. Your approach IS best, just being a good guy. One day I promise you WILL find someone who loves you for you. Don't waste any more time thinking about her. Decide to put her behind you. Good luck.

 

We were together 3 years, we had a connection or it wouldn't have lasted that long. She must of fell out if it, even though I always loved her and looked out for her and gave her thoughtful gifts. I feel like she wanted to experience what's out there. I do hope one day someone won't leave me after all I have done for them, but it seems to good to be true. I'm trying to put her behind me, but my heart won't let me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you've been dumped after a 3 year relationship, no one can expect you to have moved on in 2 months. That's not reasonable because you didn't see it coming and didn't want it to end. It takes months of time and distance to move on. You're still in the shock and denial phase, and we all have to go through that. It's just part of the way your emotions process things. It happens in bits and stages.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
It has been difficult for me. I love the girl with every bit I had in my heart. I have been going nuts, analyzing everything, questions everything, it's just so hypocritical. She lied straight to my face. I was betrayed.

 

That's how you move on, accept that you were betrayed. I'm working through mine, and I'm with you, it totally sucks. Lost someone I loved very much and was in my life romantically and non-romantically for 25 years, she left for someone she's known 26 lol.

 

Focus on the betrayal part and turn that love into something better representative than love. Never love someone who does not respect you. As I said you are in control, go NC and realize she is the next guy's problem.

 

I feel the same way, my ex seemed perfect and chased me for over 20 years, sex was fantastic, she was kind, beautiful, and in the end a liar and selfish, I do not love her anymore. She can go play in traffic. I'm moving on and while it feels I will never find better I am idealizing her pre betrayal. She betrayed you, learn to respect yourself and you will not love her or think there is nothing better. Better is a girl who wants you not who uses you until something "better" comes along.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
If you've been dumped after a 3 year relationship, no one can expect you to have moved on in 2 months. That's not reasonable because you didn't see it coming and didn't want it to end. It takes months of time and distance to move on. You're still in the shock and denial phase, and we all have to go through that. It's just part of the way your emotions process things. It happens in bits and stages.

Yes, it will take many months. The pain truly sucks and I'm trying to get by it day by day.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
That's how you move on, accept that you were betrayed. I'm working through mine, and I'm with you, it totally sucks. Lost someone I loved very much and was in my life romantically and non-romantically for 25 years, she left for someone she's known 26 lol.

 

Focus on the betrayal part and turn that love into something better representative than love. Never love someone who does not respect you. As I said you are in control, go NC and realize she is the next guy's problem.

 

I feel the same way, my ex seemed perfect and chased me for over 20 years, sex was fantastic, she was kind, beautiful, and in the end a liar and selfish, I do not love her anymore. She can go play in traffic. I'm moving on and while it feels I will never find better I am idealizing her pre betrayal. She betrayed you, learn to respect yourself and you will not love her or think there is nothing better. Better is a girl who wants you not who uses you until something "better" comes along.

That is well said. I'm trying to focus on the betrayal part, but my heart wants to keep forgiving her because I truly loved her. I can't make my heart feel the betrayal, only my mind can perceive it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...