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Cant accept it


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 5th November 2017, 4:58 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by StephenV View Post
Stay NC. She hasn't changed her mind the past two times, so she isn't going to now.
I just feel like if I ignore her it will make her go further away.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:00 PM   #47
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Hi, bro. I was in your position 2 years ago (and somehow again nowsday). I tried to got back with my ex and I made it for about 6 months. It consumes me like hell. Worst semester of my life. Someday she was completly douche to me using an account that I allowed her to use to reach out other guy. I discoverd that said to her that I didn't think I should do this anymore (did not tell why, cause she does what she want) and she was a bigger douche than before. So, after 2 months she tell me she was missing me and we got back together for almost 4 months, then she broke up again for the same reasons, cause she changed nothing to make our relationship work.
I don't know the circumstances of your break up, but if she was aggressive or something like that, don't do it to yourself. Doesn't matter how much you improve yourself, she will be the same. The best you can do right now is go full NC, invest in yourself. If you think that is a hard thing to do, look for a therapy it will help you a lot.
There's nothing you can do right now, cause she doesn't want to be with you right now. And, man, don't put her on the pedestal. She IS NOT perfect... Neither you, neither me, neither anyone in the world... We all have issues, we all have problems, we all have shadows to deal with... And that's ok... We only need to accept the other, but we need to see our partners as real people, not an idealistic person. Take her off off the pedestal and improve yourself... It's the best you can do right now. Think that way:
- You improve yourself and she not return = You move on from her
- You improve yourself and she return = You will be a greater person then you were
- You don't improve yourself and she not return = You will be in this misery forever
- You don't improve yourself and she return = You will be need and cringe, you will be in the same spot and you have no chance to make everything work

Focus on you... You can only change yourself.
I have been focusing on myself, it's just i can't comprehend why she would do this.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:05 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by Jxmpy View Post
I just feel like if I ignore her it will make her go further away.
You're afraid to let her go. Accepting the finality and reality that someone does not want to be with you anymore is difficult.

She won't be going further away -- she's already gone and wants to be gone. Time to seek acceptance.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:07 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by Jxmpy View Post
I have been focusing on myself, it's just i can't comprehend why she would do this.
Because she's not interested right now.
She need to miss you before she want to be with you (and that could never happen), and you stay in her life only make her more sure about your break up.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:08 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by Jxmpy View Post
I just feel like if I ignore her it will make her go further away.
She's already gone, my friend.

I am sorry, as I can see you are in pain. But you aren't ignoring her if she's not reaching out to you about getting back together, anyway.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:09 PM   #51
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She may have perfect in your eyes. But you were flawed in hers. She told you that you lack drive. I don't know exactly what she means by that but I suspect it has a lot to do with your present job (or lack thereof). If you really want her back -- fix whatever she claimed was wrong: get a job, get a better job, make more money, go to school, just do something to show that you are ambitious. After you succeed at that in about 1-2 years after you have proven yourself try again. I suspect she will be in a new relationship by then but you will have also given yourself more options so it won't be so bad.

There is nothing you can do in the short term.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:11 PM   #52
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I know its difficult.

But if she is the dumper, you need to stay NC. So you can heal and be a better version of yourself.

If she wants you back eventually, she needs to make that effort.

If you chase, it just pushes her further away. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

She will probably reach out again at some point. They usually do. But you need to be in a better place when they do, so they can see you are strong and independent. If you are stuck in a rut and miserable, they sense that a mile away.

Be strong brother.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:14 PM   #53
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All of the suggestions are right here on your other thread:

Cant accept it
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:17 PM   #54
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In your other thread you said there was another guy. That is your answer. She wanted to be with him more then she wanted to be with you. Sorry
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:23 PM   #55
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Yeah Id say move on brother

This is too much damage to repair its going to take time
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:40 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by Zahara View Post
You're afraid to let her go. Accepting the finality and reality that someone does not want to be with you anymore is difficult.

She won't be going further away -- she's already gone and wants to be gone. Time to seek acceptance.
It is really difficult. It's going to take a long time.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:41 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by alterest View Post
Because she's not interested right now.
She need to miss you before she want to be with you (and that could never happen), and you stay in her life only make her more sure about your break up.
You're right. I feel like it may never happen, but I hope she realizes what she lost. I've been trying to stay out of her life.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:43 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
She's already gone, my friend.

I am sorry, as I can see you are in pain. But you aren't ignoring her if she's not reaching out to you about getting back together, anyway.
I am in a great amount of pain. That is true, I'm not ignoring her. I was the last one to send her a email telling her I'm willing to work things out.
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Old 5th November 2017, 5:45 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by trustyourself View Post
I know its difficult.

But if she is the dumper, you need to stay NC. So you can heal and be a better version of yourself.

If she wants you back eventually, she needs to make that effort.

If you chase, it just pushes her further away. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

She will probably reach out again at some point. They usually do. But you need to be in a better place when they do, so they can see you are strong and independent. If you are stuck in a rut and miserable, they sense that a mile away.

Be strong brother.
She was the dumper. You're right, she needs to make the effort. I've stopped chasing 2 weeks ago.
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Old 10th November 2017, 2:56 PM   #60
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Keep making the same mistake

I, again, tried to reconcile with my ex. I always go no contact for about 2 weeks then I end up giving in. She doesn't reply or anything. It does hurt that she doesn't, but I cannot just stop completely. I've tried every now and then the past 2 months since she left to get her back. I can't let 3 years disappear like it never happened, but she can which is heartless. Im always looking for hope. She has tried dating, but the last 2 guys she tried with ended up rejecting her. Guess it's karma? She needs to realize she has a great guy here, but she honesty won't knowing her stubborn self.
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