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Cant accept it


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 25th October 2017, 1:15 PM   #16
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Yeah man it's hard to accept. Similar boat here, thought my ex was so into me, day of breakup she was initiating sex, telling me she loved me, making future plans etc. Knew her 25 years, but in the end she lied to me led me on broke my heart and ran away ASAP without looking back. Breakups and SOs can be pretty ****ty folks, trying to analyze it or think they made a mistake is only going to drive you nuts. Everything they ever said to you is going to be questioned, don't dwell....no good will come of it. It's also mostly ego and not love, once you realize this you move on.

Some people cannot be single, they need a backup before they move on, it hurts a lot but the alternative is you end up with someone who just needs to be with you to have an identity. You don't want that, they will always leave for others until they find the "right" one. People who can not be single are hard to have relationships with IME. They tend to be shallow, deceptive, and selfish when an opportunity presents itself, they will always hurt others.

I had an insecure girl who dated me previously and talked about how much she always loved me, left me out of the blue for her high school sweetheart, hurts like hell BUT you have to ACCEPT it and move on...they showed their true colors and your ego is bruised, other women are different. Your ex made her bed and has to sleep in it and you need to avoid her at all costs. Go live life without her and improve yourself for the next relationship. Otherwise, you end up in a cycle.

They think about it then meet someone or meet someone then think about their exit, nothing you can do but grieve, accept it and start to move on. If they come back you can control that by making it clear you are done and have moved on which only happens if you accept what happened. Keep in mind also people change and or aren't who you thought they were, be glad it happened sooner than later.

Last edited by Trust666; 25th October 2017 at 1:26 PM..
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Old 25th October 2017, 1:24 PM   #17
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Look, you can do everything right but if she gets to know you and still decides you're not what she wants, you're powerless to do anything about it. It happens to ALL of us. You have to accept that one formula isn't right for all people It's GREAT that you were trying so hard to be the good boyfriend, but if the emotional connection isn't there for her, it's just not. It isn't YOUR fault and it probably isn't her fault. It's just that everyone is different. You can't taylor yourself to fit someone. It just doesn't work. Your approach IS best, just being a good guy. One day I promise you WILL find someone who loves you for you. Don't waste any more time thinking about her. Decide to put her behind you. Good luck.
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Old 25th October 2017, 1:33 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by viatori patuit View Post
Sorry man. You got your heart broke.

It happens to everyone. And the first time is the worst. When it happened to me I lost 30 pounds in 30 days due to not eating. I slept for maybe two hours a night. It was awful. Then one day everything was fine. I didnít care anymore and that person was no longer important.

I have also broken hearts. That was worse imho. I wasnít vindictive I just outgrew that person. It is awful to inflict that on someone.

The lesson here is that

1. It can happen.
2. You will survive.

The next time it happens it is way easier. Today if it were to happen I would just get my stuff and move on.

If it is any consolation you will meet someone even more fantastic in a little bit. That is just the way this stuff works.
I hope so. I feel like I won't meet somebody as good as my ex. She was great in so many ways.
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Old 25th October 2017, 1:34 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Soccer1986 View Post
She already rounded up another guy before breaking it off with you. Of course she wasn't going to tell you about it. They have to line up other guys first before making their exit.
Indeed. Very sneaky and messed up.
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Old 25th October 2017, 1:43 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Trust666 View Post
Yeah man it's hard to accept. Similar boat here, thought my ex was so into me, day of breakup she was initiating sex, telling me she loved me, making future plans etc. Knew her 25 years, but in the end she lied to me led me on broke my heart and ran away ASAP without looking back. Breakups and SOs can be pretty ****ty folks, trying to analyze it or think they made a mistake is only going to drive you nuts. Everything they ever said to you is going to be questioned, don't dwell....no good will come of it. It's also mostly ego and not love, once you realize this you move on.

Some people cannot be single, they need a backup before they move on, it hurts a lot but the alternative is you end up with someone who just needs to be with you to have an identity. You don't want that, they will always leave for others until they find the "right" one. People who can not be single are hard to have relationships with IME. They tend to be shallow, deceptive, and selfish when an opportunity presents itself, they will always hurt others.

I had an insecure girl who dated me previously and talked about how much she always loved me, left me out of the blue for her high school sweetheart, hurts like hell BUT you have to ACCEPT it and move on...they showed their true colors and your ego is bruised, other women are different. Your ex made her bed and has to sleep in it and you need to avoid her at all costs. Go live life without her and improve yourself for the next relationship. Otherwise, you end up in a cycle.

They think about it then meet someone or meet someone then think about their exit, nothing you can do but grieve, accept it and start to move on. If they come back you can control that by making it clear you are done and have moved on which only happens if you accept what happened. Keep in mind also people change and or aren't who you thought they were, be glad it happened sooner than later.
It has been difficult for me. I love the girl with every bit I had in my heart. I have been going nuts, analyzing everything, questions everything, it's just so hypocritical. She lied straight to my face. I was betrayed.
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Old 25th October 2017, 1:45 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Look, you can do everything right but if she gets to know you and still decides you're not what she wants, you're powerless to do anything about it. It happens to ALL of us. You have to accept that one formula isn't right for all people It's GREAT that you were trying so hard to be the good boyfriend, but if the emotional connection isn't there for her, it's just not. It isn't YOUR fault and it probably isn't her fault. It's just that everyone is different. You can't taylor yourself to fit someone. It just doesn't work. Your approach IS best, just being a good guy. One day I promise you WILL find someone who loves you for you. Don't waste any more time thinking about her. Decide to put her behind you. Good luck.
We were together 3 years, we had a connection or it wouldn't have lasted that long. She must of fell out if it, even though I always loved her and looked out for her and gave her thoughtful gifts. I feel like she wanted to experience what's out there. I do hope one day someone won't leave me after all I have done for them, but it seems to good to be true. I'm trying to put her behind me, but my heart won't let me.
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Old 25th October 2017, 1:52 PM   #22
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If you've been dumped after a 3 year relationship, no one can expect you to have moved on in 2 months. That's not reasonable because you didn't see it coming and didn't want it to end. It takes months of time and distance to move on. You're still in the shock and denial phase, and we all have to go through that. It's just part of the way your emotions process things. It happens in bits and stages.
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Old 25th October 2017, 2:28 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Jxmpy View Post
It has been difficult for me. I love the girl with every bit I had in my heart. I have been going nuts, analyzing everything, questions everything, it's just so hypocritical. She lied straight to my face. I was betrayed.
That's how you move on, accept that you were betrayed. I'm working through mine, and I'm with you, it totally sucks. Lost someone I loved very much and was in my life romantically and non-romantically for 25 years, she left for someone she's known 26 lol.

Focus on the betrayal part and turn that love into something better representative than love. Never love someone who does not respect you. As I said you are in control, go NC and realize she is the next guy's problem.

I feel the same way, my ex seemed perfect and chased me for over 20 years, sex was fantastic, she was kind, beautiful, and in the end a liar and selfish, I do not love her anymore. She can go play in traffic. I'm moving on and while it feels I will never find better I am idealizing her pre betrayal. She betrayed you, learn to respect yourself and you will not love her or think there is nothing better. Better is a girl who wants you not who uses you until something "better" comes along.
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Old 25th October 2017, 3:40 PM   #24
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If you've been dumped after a 3 year relationship, no one can expect you to have moved on in 2 months. That's not reasonable because you didn't see it coming and didn't want it to end. It takes months of time and distance to move on. You're still in the shock and denial phase, and we all have to go through that. It's just part of the way your emotions process things. It happens in bits and stages.
Yes, it will take many months. The pain truly sucks and I'm trying to get by it day by day.
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Old 25th October 2017, 3:43 PM   #25
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That's how you move on, accept that you were betrayed. I'm working through mine, and I'm with you, it totally sucks. Lost someone I loved very much and was in my life romantically and non-romantically for 25 years, she left for someone she's known 26 lol.

Focus on the betrayal part and turn that love into something better representative than love. Never love someone who does not respect you. As I said you are in control, go NC and realize she is the next guy's problem.

I feel the same way, my ex seemed perfect and chased me for over 20 years, sex was fantastic, she was kind, beautiful, and in the end a liar and selfish, I do not love her anymore. She can go play in traffic. I'm moving on and while it feels I will never find better I am idealizing her pre betrayal. She betrayed you, learn to respect yourself and you will not love her or think there is nothing better. Better is a girl who wants you not who uses you until something "better" comes along.
That is well said. I'm trying to focus on the betrayal part, but my heart wants to keep forgiving her because I truly loved her. I can't make my heart feel the betrayal, only my mind can perceive it.
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Old 25th October 2017, 4:20 PM   #26
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It's hard as said above it takes some time. I still have my moments but then remember I am thinking of pre betrayal. We all deal differently, I loathe my ex which is not healthy but helps me for now.

The thing that gets me is my ex had 2 marriages fail due to cheating husbands, she was a mess. Insecure, hard with trusting people and was with me because she trusted me as we knew one another. For 6 months I was on cloud 9 again, we dated before and we each others' first serious relationship in college.

In the end she did to me what had been done to her and ran away from it, in the end she simply said she was sorry but is damaged...and I told her I understand, because now I am damaged too.

It'll take time and you'll always have some hurt from it BUT don't dwell, and try not to analyze try and find anger or something to motivate you. All you can do is move on, and she will not be all smitten and in love in the months to come and will go through some crap herself.

People are allowed to move on, it's how they end things before doing it that matters. Remember the ending not the good stuff and begin to heal. Full NC, any contact will make things worse....also don;t do what many do, hope her new relationship ends or try to figure out if it's a rebound.

You'll get there with time. Best of luck. Sorry for your pain.
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Old 25th October 2017, 4:49 PM   #27
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It's hard as said above it takes some time. I still have my moments but then remember I am thinking of pre betrayal. We all deal differently, I loathe my ex which is not healthy but helps me for now.

The thing that gets me is my ex had 2 marriages fail due to cheating husbands, she was a mess. Insecure, hard with trusting people and was with me because she trusted me as we knew one another. For 6 months I was on cloud 9 again, we dated before and we each others' first serious relationship in college.

In the end she did to me what had been done to her and ran away from it, in the end she simply said she was sorry but is damaged...and I told her I understand, because now I am damaged too.

It'll take time and you'll always have some hurt from it BUT don't dwell, and try not to analyze try and find anger or something to motivate you. All you can do is move on, and she will not be all smitten and in love in the months to come and will go through some crap herself.

People are allowed to move on, it's how they end things before doing it that matters. Remember the ending not the good stuff and begin to heal. Full NC, any contact will make things worse....also don;t do what many do, hope her new relationship ends or try to figure out if it's a rebound.

You'll get there with time. Best of luck. Sorry for your pain.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. She was damaged also when I first met her. She was cheated on, and I was the first man to show her that not all men are savages. I gave her a man to trust and love. I was the first gentleman to her. Yet she still leaves. I don't understand why they ant look at all the positives the person has died for them.
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Old 25th October 2017, 5:40 PM   #28
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Yes, it will take many months. The pain truly sucks and I'm trying to get by it day by day.
That's really the only thing you can do. Take it day by day. Eventually, those days get better, and, somewhere down the line, you end up creating a new life without her. I won't lie and tell you it's easy. A lot of it's rocky, especially in the beginning, but you will get stronger as time goes on. It's a process.

Right now, I'd focus on making sure you have a structure to each day. Make sure you have activities, so you don't sit around and stew in your emotions. Finding a new hobby is good too because it's something new that you can do apart from your relationship. A lot of people start volunteering or take up exercise goals. When I was going through my toughest times, I would force myself to get up everyday I was off from work and go exercise. It made me get out of bed, got my endorphins going, and gave me a positive goal to work towards.
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Old 25th October 2017, 5:45 PM   #29
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That's really the only thing you can do. Take it day by day. Eventually, those days get better, and, somewhere down the line, you end up creating a new life without her. I won't lie and tell you it's easy. A lot of it's rocky, especially in the beginning, but you will get stronger as time goes on. It's a process.

Right now, I'd focus on making sure you have a structure to each day. Make sure you have activities, so you don't sit around and stew in your emotions. Finding a new hobby is good too because it's something new that you can do apart from your relationship. A lot of people start volunteering or take up exercise goals. When I was going through my toughest times, I would force myself to get up everyday I was off from work and go exercise. It made me get out of bed, got my endorphins going, and gave me a positive goal to work towards.
I already have been working out before I met her. Working out Does help and the endorphins do make you feel a lot better, but on rest days is when you dwell on it. I have gotten better from the beginning, but it is a slow process. It sucks that I will go through the holidays alone from her. That's when it'll hit me again.
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Old 25th October 2017, 7:42 PM   #30
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We feel your pain OP. Most of us are in this crap together. The same feelings of betrayal. Same emptiness. Wanting to reach out to them in hopes that if we could explain how much they hurt us or convinced them to be with us, we'd get them back. "If they only understood" we think.

They know what they did and they just don't care. Plain and simple.

Like others have said, she met this guy while she was emotionally checking out of the relationship with you. By the time she collected enough strength to finally make the move and leave you, she was already a 80% over you. That's why she's cold as ice. She had a headstart in healing while you hadn't even started.

So yes, feel betrayed. I would. Out of all the people in the world, you went out on a limb and trusted this girl with your heart in untrustworthy world like this and she took that for granted and handled it like it was nothing. When we lose people, a part of us disappears with them. You'll heal but you won't be put together the same way again. So don't let her off the hook so easily. To do so would deprive you of the remorse and anger you should be feeling and you're going to need that to help you accept what happened and heal from it.

I don't know what kind of environment created these types of personalities but I know the world would be a better place without them. They are reckless and stupid with their words and emotions.

From here on, all your energy should go to detaching yourself from her. Block her off of everything and go strict no contact. She's done.

Goodluck
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Last edited by Beachead; 25th October 2017 at 8:02 PM..
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