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The regret of a dumper


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I first saw Maggie at the beginning of my senior year of high school, about a year ago. Never in my life had I been so instantly fascinated by just the sight of a girl. She had thick brown hair tied into a ponytail, bright blue eyes, and the most beautifully unique face structure I had ever seen. The way she absolutely rocked her high-top converse With her toned legs quite honestly took my breath away.

 

I had no idea what her name was, but I was already hooked. Two months went by, and I began spotting her more and more frequently. It took some effort, but I managed to find her on Instagram without even knowing her name. I followed her, and she followed me back. This led to me messaging her out of nowhere, and an eventual exchange of numbers. The new semester started in January, and I was lucky enough to get placed in a class with her. She worked late at her job, so it became routine for me to bring her Starbucks almost daily (our class was at 8 am).

 

She was a straight-A student with all of her priorities in check, while I had spent most of high school regretfully cutting class and barely staying afloat. However, she accepted me for who I was, and I felt like our differences almost added to our compatibility. One day during a trip to tropical smoothie, I noticed a flyer for a meet-and-greet with Ryan Callahan (hockey player for the lightning). We both owned jerseys, so I decided to invite her to her's signed with me. She agreed, and so our first date was set. It almost felt surreal, considering how long I had been captivated by this girl. The date went very well; we got our jerseys signed, picked up Food from Moe's, and decided to finish our day watching the sunset on the beach. This is where we shared our first kiss.

 

It lasted for almost a minute, and I consider it a high point in my life to this day. It didn't take long for us to start dating, and things were going great. I met her family, and we started spending more and more time together. We weren't going on dates, we were going on adventures. We went to hockey games, tried new food, and always offered to support to one another when we needed it. Prom night was the night when things started to change. Something about the whole night felt empty, like our spark was beginning to fade. I now attribute this to the massive amount of pot that I was smoking at the time, but back then I didn't see it that way. I graduated high school, and the relationship felt like it was starting to drag. I didn't lose feelings, but I wanted to be 18 years old and free. I began to prioritize weed over her, and in June of this year I abruptly ended the relationship.

 

It was three days before we were supposed to go to Disney World for her birthday(this will not garner me an ounce of sympathy, but I just panicked). I know that I broke her heart, something that I legitimately feel terrible for. She sent me lots of texts, and while I acknowledged them, I still just wanted to be single. Time went by, and a month after we broke up I realized that I still had feelings for her. This wasn't helped by the fact that she had just texted me saying that I made the right choice, and that she wanted to stay friends. I constantly hinted toward my feelings, and after three months I admitted that they never went away. She said that she thought it was better off that we shouldn't talk until I got over this. Although I deserved it, it hurt to the core.

 

I forced myself to leave her alone for a few weeks, but it was agonizing. I eventually broke down and embarrassingly begged for her back, promising to fix everything that had led to our downfall. She didn't want to hear it, and she revealed she had started seeing someone new. She said we needed to stop talking for good, and blocked my number when I couldn't bring myself to leave her alone. It was at this point that my true grieving process began. That was a week ago, and I have cried more times since then than I care to admit. The ache never leaves my chest, and I have had to excuse myself from college classes multiple times. It genuinely feels like I will never find someone so amazing again.

 

For being a usually logical thinker, my actions have been completely emotion driven lately. I know I'm young, but it's hard to convince myself that she isn't the girl I'm going to marry. I have accepted that we will never be together again. Regardless, acceptance doesn't do much to subside the pain. I went on a trip to Miami with friends this weekend and the thought of her made it literally impossible to enjoy.

 

This girl haunts the majority of my dreams. I don't know when this is going to end, but I hope it does soon.

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Well, my girlfriend of 7 years abruptly ended our relationship too over a text message. So since you said you abruptly ended yours, I'm going to assume that she didn't see it coming. That's one hell of an emotional roller coaster to put somebody on dude.

 

But now that she realizes you made the right choice, you're regretful. I feel like the only reason you're grieving now, is because she found her footing again and has moved on.

 

You say the relationship started to drag, but maybe you were just leaving the "honeymoon phase". That doesn't mean the relationship is going sour just because the cute part in the beginning starts to fade.

 

It's nothing wrong with wanting to be free, but dude, 3 days before her birthday? That's harsh. And I feel like if she would've stayed sad and depressed about it, YOU would be okay right now. But since she showed strength when you thought she wouldn't, you're full of regret.

 

But since you're the one who wanted to be free, maybe you should do all the things that free people do. Maybe that will help you out.

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Well, my girlfriend of 7 years abruptly ended our relationship too over a text message. So since you said you abruptly ended yours, I'm going to assume that she didn't see it coming. That's one hell of an emotional roller coaster to put somebody on dude.

 

But now that she realizes you made the right choice, you're regretful. I feel like the only reason you're grieving now, is because she found her footing again and has moved on.

 

You say the relationship started to drag, but maybe you were just leaving the "honeymoon phase". That doesn't mean the relationship is going sour just because the cute part in the beginning starts to fade.

 

It's nothing wrong with wanting to be free, but dude, 3 days before her birthday? That's harsh. And I feel like if she would've stayed sad and depressed about it, YOU would be okay right now. But since she showed strength when you thought she wouldn't, you're full of regret.

 

But since you're the one who wanted to be free, maybe you should do all the things that free people do. Maybe that will help you out.

 

First of all, thank you for sharing. Maybe not what I wanted to hear, but I do appreciate the thought. Self-hatred for what I did to her is something that I have been struggling with for months now. I like to consider myself a good person, but I am haunted pretty much constantly by the fact that I deeply hurt someone that I still love(enough to make me never touch the weed that I was so hooked on during our relationship). I try to tell myself to use this as a learning experience, but getting sober and feeling the magnitude of losing her for good is something that makes it hard to sleep through the night. I am happy to see her doing good. As much as it hurts me that it's with someone else, she is a great person who deserves a positive relationship. However, it feels like I will truly never be able to forgive myself for my actions.

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First of all, thank you for sharing. Maybe not what I wanted to hear, but I do appreciate the thought. Self-hatred for what I did to her is something that I have been struggling with for months now. I like to consider myself a good person, but I am haunted pretty much constantly by the fact that I deeply hurt someone that I still love(enough to make me never touch the weed that I was so hooked on during our relationship). I try to tell myself to use this as a learning experience, but getting sober and feeling the magnitude of losing her for good is something that makes it hard to sleep through the night. I am happy to see her doing good. As much as it hurts me that it's with someone else, she is a great person who deserves a positive relationship. However, it feels like I will truly never be able to forgive myself for my actions.

 

So, it sounds like you are not at peace with yourself about a decision that YOU made. What do you feel like you need in order to move forward? I just find it interesting when dumpers struggle emotionally after they end things.

 

What would put you at peace right now? I feel like it sounds good to say "I'm happy to see her doing well" but are you REALLY happy?

 

Sometimes, I think we tell ourselves things that we don't even 100% believe in, just for the sake of trying to comfort ourselves

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So, it sounds like you are not at peace with yourself about a decision that YOU made. What do you feel like you need in order to move forward? I just find it interesting when dumpers struggle emotionally after they end things.

 

What would put you at peace right now? I feel like it sounds good to say "I'm happy to see her doing well" but are you REALLY happy?

 

Sometimes, I think we tell ourselves things that we don't even 100% believe in, just for the sake of trying to comfort ourselves

 

At this EXACT moment, the only thing that would put me at peace would be if she called me to forgive me and offer a second chance. However, I know that will never happen. I am not the slightest bit happy that she found a new guy; that does not mean I'm not happy to see her doing well. She has a wonderful personality, and really does deserve to be happy after what I put her through. I guess part of my delayed grieveing process was the denial that we were done for good. I held on to a prolonged fantasy that we would one day find our way back to each other when the time was right. I know I don't deserve an ounce of sympathy from this girl or anyone else for that matter, but it is incredibly hard to not feel sorry for yourself when you're going through emotional hell.

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So, it sounds like you are not at peace with yourself about a decision that YOU made. What do you feel like you need in order to move forward? I just find it interesting when dumpers struggle emotionally after they end things.

 

What would put you at peace right now? I feel like it sounds good to say "I'm happy to see her doing well" but are you REALLY happy?

 

Sometimes, I think we tell ourselves things that we don't even 100% believe in, just for the sake of trying to comfort ourselves

 

I misread your question a little, so I'll add to my first response. One thing that would help me move on tremendously would be if she gave me a huge hug and told me that she thinks I'm still a good person. That sounds stupid coming from an 18 year old kid, but she cared about me so much that feeling her distaste toward me is pretty crushing. Another would be the ability to shake hands with her father, a man who didn't always care for me but started to like me more as the relationship progressed(obviously hates me now for what I did to his daughter). I still love her a lot, but this would at least help me begin the moving on process.

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At this EXACT moment, the only thing that would put me at peace would be if she called me to forgive me and offer a second chance. However, I know that will never happen. I am not the slightest bit happy that she found a new guy; that does not mean I'm not happy to see her doing well. She has a wonderful personality, and really does deserve to be happy after what I put her through. I guess part of my delayed grieveing process was the denial that we were done for good. I held on to a prolonged fantasy that we would one day find our way back to each other when the time was right. I know I don't deserve an ounce of sympathy from this girl or anyone else for that matter, but it is incredibly hard to not feel sorry for yourself when you're going through emotional hell.

 

How were you in denial about it, if you were the one that did it? That's interesting as well. I would think that she was the one that was in denial. Sorry, it's just that when it comes to being blindsided, I understand how she was feeling. I hate to take sides but I just know how it feels to be on the receiving end of an abrupt ending.

 

I do salute you for knowing that she does deserve a positive relationship, though. :cool:

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One thing that would help me move on tremendously would be if she gave me a huge hug and told me that she thinks I'm still a good person.

 

That is just total selfishness.

 

 

That would be like her coming back to you and requesting that you wind the clock back and like\respect her like you did at the start.

 

 

Breakup = two losers. Your trying to get out of this where you have lost as little as possible. This is all your ego and selfishness.

 

 

She has owned the fact she wasn't apparently good enough for you. Now, you need to own the exact same thing. You dumped her because she wasn't doing it for you.

 

 

You asked her to own that. And she did. Time for you to do the same.

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That is just total selfishness.

 

 

That would be like her coming back to you and requesting that you wind the clock back and like\respect her like you did at the start.

 

 

Breakup = two losers. Your trying to get out of this where you have lost as little as possible. This is all your ego and selfishness.

 

 

She has owned the fact she wasn't apparently good enough for you. Now, you need to own the exact same thing. You dumped her because she wasn't doing it for you.

 

 

You asked her to own that. And she did. Time for you to do the same.

 

My statement was strictly hypothetical. I have accepted that we will be in NC for most likely the rest of our lives. While it was selfish of me to beg for her back(I have since apologized and agreed to leave her alone) there is no ego involved. Other than that, I am inclined to agree with you. I made a mistake, and now I must suffer until I'm over it.

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How were you in denial about it, if you were the one that did it? That's interesting as well. I would think that she was the one that was in denial. Sorry, it's just that when it comes to being blindsided, I understand how she was feeling. I hate to take sides but I just know how it feels to be on the receiving end of an abrupt ending.

 

I do salute you for knowing that she does deserve a positive relationship, though. :cool:

 

I wasn't ready to end it in the first place, I sort of just panicked. Regardless, there's nothing I can do now but wish her the best.

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Egos are always involved especially during breakups.

 

Did you really panic? Think about it, or are you idealizing everything now that you look back?

 

Egos can really suck but we all have them.

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LivingWaterPlease

Gezalmem, I'm so sorry for what you're going through and for what your ex went through when you broke up with her. Seems as if it's a lose-lose situation from one perspective. But, I submit to you that you have the power to make it a win situation for yourself!

 

Before I explain, though, I encourage you to continue going through the grieving process until you're ready to be out of it. You are so wise not to turn to substances to comfort yourself and to face this like a man, head on!

 

And here's what I have to add for you: Eighteen-years-old is pretty young, despite it being the oldest you you've ever known!

 

In the relatively short amount of time you've been alive you've learned something that some people never learn that will make a big difference in your life going forward. And that is that when you have someone amazing you truly love, and they love you back, take care of the R.

 

Though it seems to you at this point you never will, I'd be very surprised if you don't eventually meet someone else you consider to be at least as amazing as your ex gf, and this time you'll have something to offer to a woman you didn't have to offer to your ex. That is you'll be wise enough to know that a R at some point tapers off from novelty into a more consistent type of life together and though the excitement of another type of life (being single again or cheating on your partner) may pull at you from time-to-time, you'll have the wisdom to know it's not what you really want.

 

This tough experience you're going through may actually be the thing that gives you what it takes to avoid messing up a marriage one day. It may make you a safe husband and father for a woman and the children the two of you may have and could save your future marriage!

 

I know that does nothing to assuage your grief over your situation right now. And I'm so sorry I can't do that. I genuinely hate to see you suffering. But, all is not lost! I believe you have a bright future ahead of you with someone wonderful you're going to meet and have a good life with! I wish God's richest blessings for you, friend!

Edited by LivingWaterPlease
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Egos are always involved especially during breakups.

 

Did you really panic? Think about it, or are you idealizing everything now that you look back?

 

Egos can really suck but we all have them.

 

For a long time, I thought I was painting a falsely positive picture of the past. This is what caused me to not reconcile when she still cared about me, because my douchebaggery would have been multiplied tenfold if I got her back just to let her go again. However, I now realize that I really do love her and want to be with her. Not like it matters now; life truly is a bitch to those who deserve it.

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If you truly do love her, let her go....and work on yourself so you can love someone else later on. You're young, you learned a valuable lesson as others have mentioned.

 

It's hard to see now but you will learn a lot from this and mature in that area which is valuable.

 

Oneitis is an illusion created by biochemistry.

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Gezalmem, I'm so sorry for what you're going through and for what your ex went through when you broke up with her. Seems as if it's a lose-lose situation from one perspective. But, I submit to you that you have the power to make it a win situation for yourself!

 

Before I explain, though, I encourage you to continue going through the grieving process until you're ready to be out of it. You are so wise not to turn to substances to comfort yourself and to face this like a man, head on!

 

And here's what I have to add for you: Eighteen-years-old is pretty young, despite it being the oldest you you've ever known!

 

In the relatively short amount of time you've been alive you've learned something that some people never learn that will make a big difference in your life going forward. And that is that when you have someone amazing you truly love, and they love you back, take care of the R.

 

Though it seems to you at this point you never will, I'd be very surprised if you don't eventually meet someone else you consider to be at least as amazing as your ex gf, and this time you'll have something to offer to a woman you didn't have to offer to your ex. That is you'll be wise enough to know that a R at some point tapers off from novelty into a more consistent type of life together and though the excitement of another type of life (being single again or cheating on your partner) may pull at you from time-to-time, you'll have the wisdom to know it's not what you really want.

 

This tough experience you're going through may actually be the thing that gives you what it takes to avoid messing up a marriage one day. It may make you a safe husband and father for a woman and the children the two of you may have and could save your future marriage!

 

I know that does nothing to assuage your grief over your situation right now. And I'm so sorry I can't do that. I genuinely hate to see you suffering. But, all is not lost! I believe you have a bright future ahead of you with someone wonderful you're going to meet and have a good life with! I wish God's richest blessings for you, friend!

 

First of all, I want to offer a big thank you for your insight. This is the first perspective that I've heard, including from my counselor, that didn't make me want to vomit at the thought of not having her around. A few users have been justifiably beating me up for reaching out to her, and a sympathetic response is much more helpful in my time of need. It does genuinely suck not being able to fix things, especially since I know that her past self would be extremely proud of the changes that I've strived to make. However, I will use this as a learning experience to never give up an R that I still care about just because I feel the adolescent urge to go out and have a 'good time'. If there's one thing that my father taking off taught me(I'm sure this contributes to my commitment issues), it's that time really does heal all wounds. My main concern is bringing this baggage into my next relationship, but we aren't quite there yet. For now I can do is hurt and learn

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LivingWaterPlease
First of all, I want to offer a big thank you for your insight. This is the first perspective that I've heard, including from my counselor, that didn't make me want to vomit at the thought of not having her around. A few users have been justifiably beating me up for reaching out to her, and a sympathetic response is much more helpful in my time of need. It does genuinely suck not being able to fix things, especially since I know that her past self would be extremely proud of the changes that I've strived to make. However, I will use this as a learning experience to never give up an R that I still care about just because I feel the adolescent urge to go out and have a 'good time'. If there's one thing that my father taking off taught me(I'm sure this contributes to my commitment issues), it's that time really does heal all wounds. My main concern is bringing this baggage into my next relationship, but we aren't quite there yet. For now I can do is hurt and learn

 

 

To the bolded: Yes, I'm sure she would be proud of the changes you've made and it's possible she'll learn about the changes in your life at some point in the future and respect them. Life has an interesting way of bringing things from the past back around in sometimes unique circumstances!

 

To the italicized: This insight explains so much about how you related to your ex gf in the break up. Doesn't make it easier for her or or you now, but is totally understandable given that your father took off.

 

Seems to me you're very wise in your approach to working through this thoughtfully, as evidenced by the nature of your posts, the fact that you've been to a counselor, and by the mere fact that you've searched out for help on a forum like this. Add to that the fact that you haven't turned to a substance/addiction to get through this and I think you're one in a thousand, or at least a hundred! I believe, given your background and age many men in your situation would be out drowning their sorrows in the partying lifestyle rather than involved in searching introspection such as you seem to be doing.

 

And, btw, are you happy with your counselor? I would think that would be a place where offering you hope and comfort would be a priority.

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To the bolded: Yes, I'm sure she would be proud of the changes you've made and it's possible she'll learn about the changes in your life at some point in the future and respect them. Life has an interesting way of bringing things from the past back around in sometimes unique circumstances!

 

To the italicized: This insight explains so much about how you related to your ex gf in the break up. Doesn't make it easier for her or or you now, but is totally understandable given that your father took off.

 

Seems to me you're very wise in your approach to working through this thoughtfully, as evidenced by the nature of your posts, the fact that you've been to a counselor, and by the mere fact that you've searched out for help on a forum like this. Add to that the fact that you haven't turned to a substance/addiction to get through this and I think you're one in a thousand, or at least a hundred! I believe, given your background and age many men in your situation would be out drowning their sorrows in the partying lifestyle rather than involved in searching introspection such as you seem to be doing.

 

And, btw, are you happy with your counselor? I would think that would be a place where offering you hope and comfort would be a priority.

Again, I can not thank you enough for taking your time to share your thoughts on my dilemma. Getting an outside perspective from someone like you is the main reason why I decided to join this forum. I am happy with my counselor, but he does tend to take a no-nonsense approach to many issues. This is not particularly a bad thing, because he has helped me through slumps in the past by showing me the light and making me snap out of them. I tend to be melodramatic at times, so tough love is often a blessing in disguise for me personally.

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LivingWaterPlease
Again, I can not thank you enough for taking your time to share your thoughts on my dilemma. Getting an outside perspective from someone like you is the main reason why I decided to join this forum. I am happy with my counselor, but he does tend to take a no-nonsense approach to many issues. This is not particularly a bad thing, because he has helped me through slumps in the past by showing me the light and making me snap out of them. I tend to be melodramatic at times, so tough love is often a blessing in disguise for me personally.

 

So glad I can be here to offer whatever I can, Gezalman! I know there's a lot to be said for history with a counselor! Seems to me it would be great if you had a sister, mom or aunt to share with, too, someone affectionate in a motherly way who would never be interested in a romance and could give you a female perspective. Yes, we all need tough love at times but we also all need understanding and comfort sometimes, too!

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Without knowing you personally and with only a little info...

 

you panicked, because you were afraid of what a relationship can lead to. I'm guessing you are from the U.S. While most Europeans have several relationships before they settle (if at all), it's a bit different for Americans. The looming question "is this the woman I'm going to spent my life with, have children with" is not going to disappear, you will have the same issues with your next girlfriend.

 

 

Another thing is, people are extremely afraid of loosing what they think is theirs. The partner you have is rarely as precious as the partner you're about to loose. Only after you dumped her did you realise, what a great person she actually was. Your esteem for her is retroactive. Do you think, when she thinks back to your last weeks together, that she feels valued? Probably not. For her, a man who didn't value her, dumped her and then came begging for her. In the mean time, another guy stepped into her life. Of course she didn't want you back.

 

It might sound very cold, but making a pro- and contra-list helps me making decisions, even in relationships (never show them to anyone, though :p ). Compare the good things you have with the negative things. If you value "being wild and free" more than "our good chemistry" or "a possible future together" then maybe ending the relationship would be better.

 

My advise for you is, get out meet with friends, make new friends "occupy your mind" until you get over her. Think about your career, so maybe do something about your grades. College is also a great way to meet another woman.

 

 

 

On a completely unrelated note, I'm impressed by the brand-name dropping in your original post :p

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I first saw Maggie at the beginning of my senior year of high school, about a year ago. Never in my life had I been so instantly fascinated by just the sight of a girl. She had thick brown hair tied into a ponytail, bright blue eyes, and the most beautifully unique face structure I had ever seen. The way she absolutely rocked her high-top converse With her toned legs quite honestly took my breath away.

 

I had no idea what her name was, but I was already hooked. Two months went by, and I began spotting her more and more frequently. It took some effort, but I managed to find her on Instagram without even knowing her name. I followed her, and she followed me back. This led to me messaging her out of nowhere, and an eventual exchange of numbers. The new semester started in January, and I was lucky enough to get placed in a class with her. She worked late at her job, so it became routine for me to bring her Starbucks almost daily (our class was at 8 am).

 

She was a straight-A student with all of her priorities in check, while I had spent most of high school regretfully cutting class and barely staying afloat. However, she accepted me for who I was, and I felt like our differences almost added to our compatibility. One day during a trip to tropical smoothie, I noticed a flyer for a meet-and-greet with Ryan Callahan (hockey player for the lightning). We both owned jerseys, so I decided to invite her to her's signed with me. She agreed, and so our first date was set. It almost felt surreal, considering how long I had been captivated by this girl. The date went very well; we got our jerseys signed, picked up Food from Moe's, and decided to finish our day watching the sunset on the beach. This is where we shared our first kiss.

 

It lasted for almost a minute, and I consider it a high point in my life to this day. It didn't take long for us to start dating, and things were going great. I met her family, and we started spending more and more time together. We weren't going on dates, we were going on adventures. We went to hockey games, tried new food, and always offered to support to one another when we needed it. Prom night was the night when things started to change. Something about the whole night felt empty, like our spark was beginning to fade. I now attribute this to the massive amount of pot that I was smoking at the time, but back then I didn't see it that way. I graduated high school, and the relationship felt like it was starting to drag. I didn't lose feelings, but I wanted to be 18 years old and free. I began to prioritize weed over her, and in June of this year I abruptly ended the relationship.

 

It was three days before we were supposed to go to Disney World for her birthday(this will not garner me an ounce of sympathy, but I just panicked). I know that I broke her heart, something that I legitimately feel terrible for. She sent me lots of texts, and while I acknowledged them, I still just wanted to be single. Time went by, and a month after we broke up I realized that I still had feelings for her. This wasn't helped by the fact that she had just texted me saying that I made the right choice, and that she wanted to stay friends. I constantly hinted toward my feelings, and after three months I admitted that they never went away. She said that she thought it was better off that we shouldn't talk until I got over this. Although I deserved it, it hurt to the core.

 

I forced myself to leave her alone for a few weeks, but it was agonizing. I eventually broke down and embarrassingly begged for her back, promising to fix everything that had led to our downfall. She didn't want to hear it, and she revealed she had started seeing someone new. She said we needed to stop talking for good, and blocked my number when I couldn't bring myself to leave her alone. It was at this point that my true grieving process began. That was a week ago, and I have cried more times since then than I care to admit. The ache never leaves my chest, and I have had to excuse myself from college classes multiple times. It genuinely feels like I will never find someone so amazing again.

 

For being a usually logical thinker, my actions have been completely emotion driven lately. I know I'm young, but it's hard to convince myself that she isn't the girl I'm going to marry. I have accepted that we will never be together again. Regardless, acceptance doesn't do much to subside the pain. I went on a trip to Miami with friends this weekend and the thought of her made it literally impossible to enjoy.

 

This girl haunts the majority of my dreams. I don't know when this is going to end, but I hope it does soon.

 

It’s been about 5 months since my post. While I would like to say that I have forgotten her and moved on with my life, that is far from the case. I still think about her almost daily. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to move on. I know I don’t have a chance of ever being with her again; she’s been with her new boyfriend longer than she was with me. All I know is that it has changed my life completely.

 

For years before I dated her I was very close with my best friend. However, he was the one who convinced me to break up with her (so I could party and hit on girls with him) and can’t forgive him for it. I realize that it’s my fault for dumping her and not his, but the fact he convinced me to break up with her for his own interests sort of makes me hate him.

 

I don’t want to be stuck on this girl forever. I’ve had my heart broken before and I was able to move on within a few months; there’s just something about this girl that’s different. If anyone has advice please tell me because I am lost and feeling pathetic.

Edited by Gezalmem
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Oh deary. Looks like the dumper has become the dumpee. In either case, I am sorry you are in pain but, now that she has told you she is okay with the decision there really isn't much to do but just accept it and move on, just like you expected her to.

Edited by HiCrunchy
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lericenciel

It's sad that you broke up with her, but it was the right thing to do at the time. In hindsight you might regret it, but that's the way it goes. You want what you lost/don't have.

 

I think you need to explore the reasons behind what you are doing with your life. The weed. The cutting classes. What are the issues there? Anxiety? Lack of confidence? An issue of self organisation?

 

I think you looked up to her and admired her from far away, and at the same time you despise yourself. Having successfully captured and owned her, she lost that sense ethereal unobtainability to you. You took her off the pedestal and then you lost interest. You lost interest in her because she liked you, and anything that perfect, should never be able to love something as weak as you?

 

There's a book called Essays in Love. I pulled this theory from that. Have a look into it.

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