markst Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) Hi I hate talking about this...it's driving me into a deep horrible depression. This women who I had dated has managed to really mess my self esteem up terribly. I admittedly did meet her in a psyche ward about 3 years ago now...we dated for one year. She was a mess psychologically speaking, she was constantly suicidal because of some bad reaction she had to sleeping meds. I had to listen to her day in and day out about how much she wanted to kill herself... Now I am BEING ABSOLUTELY HONEST HERE!!! I was very supportive of her, when she called, when she needed me, I was there for her constantly...other guys that dated her before me couldn't handle her **** and left her...it was taking a toll on me as well...but I was in love, it was my first real relationship and I wanted to ****ing HELP!!! Anyways, she caught me watching porn and that basically ended the relationship because of her self esteem issues. After 6 months in, she started to blame all her issues on me! Another 6 months of this had finally taken it's toll on me, she dumped me because I was too afraid to dump her because of her suicidal idealisation. So I was relieved when she did... Anyways cut to a year later and she is saying some of the most vicious things about me...this is basically what she is saying to other people: I emotionally abused her and was just a sick perverted individual. I was addicted to pornography and would use her for sex and constantly say vulgar sexual things to her. None of it is true, except the porn part but I was not addicted to it!!!...She also had this to say (sorry it is quite graphic but these are her words): Finally after a year of heart ache i left my BF a couple of months ago due to his porn addiction. He was paying for porn, had porn induced ED could not cum with me but came in 30 seconds I assume with crap he was watching. she blamed the porn on our sex life...Saying that I had porn induced ED or some ****... NO, NO, NO! the reason why I wasn't getting turned on by her was because she constantly talked about suicide!!! How the hell am I supposed to get aroused by that? Anyways the stuff that she is accusing me of has completely shattered my self esteem...she is portraying me as a monster to other people and I know it is her word against mine. She is accusing me of being manipulative, that I just used her for sex...all of this horrible, horrible ****! I am destroyed by it, why is she making this stuff up about me? Why is she doing this to me? I loved this women, I did EVERYTHING humanely possible to HELP HER!! Taking her to doctors appointments, visiting her in hospital, researching her condition... I am distraught and shattered by her perception of me... I can't contact her to confront her about this in fear of getting in trouble...I just have to live with these viscous rumours being spread about me by her... Do I just live with that and move on? Well I have been but it hurts and has shattered my self esteem...I am too afraid to get into another relationship with someone else and I have met someone else...but this has taken a massive toll on me that I can barely instigate a relationship with anyone new in fear of being rejected and have misleading claims made about myself..I don't believe all women are like this but this case hurts like hell! Edited October 18, 2017 by markst Link to post Share on other sites
A_New_Earth Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Was she diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by any chance? It's a large spectrum which contains sociopathic, psychopathic and narcissistic tendencies. If she created a 'false self' then there is a likelihood she actually believes the sh*t that she is saying about you. If she is a covert narcissist then she will just be making it up to preserve her false sense of self and laying ALL the blame at your door. I'm guessing you know that a psych ward is not a great place to pick up women and it was never going to end well? I'm not being flippant but dude, this aint Hollywood. In this day and age you really need your sh*t together to function in a healthy relationship... First off, ignore the madness she's spouting. I'm guessing that people in your area know she's a bit batsh*t crazy? Give people enough rope and they tend to hang themselves. In time, people will see through it. Obviously the odd comment from you can't hurt anything, along the lines of "Well who would you believe? Because I'm not saying anything..." Google/YouTube some videos on 'Flying Monkeys'. It's the term that is used for the 'people' BPD sufferers 'use' to make up lies about you. It's more common than you probably realise. My ex told everyone I tried to rape her on her first date together. The girl she told it to was on that first date (we went as two couples) and recalled the conversation the following day where my ex told her she thought she'd met 'the one' (me) and that she had never had such a great time! That was lucky for me, but I just let her carry on. Hardly anyone speaks to her now and I never said a bad word about her. The odd smirk here and there and a shake of the head...but that was it. Don't rise to it. Rising to it causes anger and that anger will make you look like it's all possibly true... Ignore her like she's dead. Be honest with your new love interest about ex. If she's understanding then you'll have someone you can rely on and it will strengthen your bond (I hope you didn't meet this gal in a psych ward...). Best of luck. Keep us updated. She'll be on to the next victim soon enough. And no doubt you'll recall all those 'stories' about how vile her exes were? How they mistreated her? Used her for sex? Well now you're one of those exes too and she'll be saying the same nonsense about you to her next victim. Just have a think about that. Maybe all these exes weren't so bad after all... and maybe (99% likely) it's actually her issues and lies... Peace Hi I hate talking about this...it's driving me into a deep horrible depression. This women who I had dated has managed to really mess my self esteem up terribly. I admittedly did meet her in a psyche ward about 3 years ago now...we dated for one year. She was a mess psychologically speaking, she was constantly suicidal because of some bad reaction she had to sleeping meds. I had to listen to her day in and day out about how much she wanted to kill herself... Now I am BEING ABSOLUTELY HONEST HERE!!! I was very supportive of her, when she called, when she needed me, I was there for her constantly...other guys that dated her before me couldn't handle her **** and left her...it was taking a toll on me as well...but I was in love, it was my first real relationship and I wanted to ****ing HELP!!! Anyways, she caught me watching porn and that basically ended the relationship because of her self esteem issues. After 6 months in, she started to blame all her issues on me! Another 6 months of this had finally taken it's toll on me, she dumped me because I was too afraid to dump her because of her suicidal idealisation. So I was relieved when she did... Anyways cut to a year later and she is saying some of the most vicious things about me...this is basically what she is saying to other people: None of it is true, except the porn part but I was not addicted to it!!!...She also had this to say (sorry it is quite graphic but these are her words): she blamed the porn on our sex life...Saying that I had porn induced ED or some ****... NO, NO, NO! the reason why I wasn't getting turned on by her was because she constantly talked about suicide!!! How the hell am I supposed to get aroused by that? Anyways the stuff that she is accusing me of has completely shattered my self esteem...she is portraying me as a monster to other people and I know it is her word against mine. She is accusing me of being manipulative, that I just used her for sex...all of this horrible, horrible ****! I am destroyed by it, why is she making this stuff up about me? Why is she doing this to me? I loved this women, I did EVERYTHING humanely possible to HELP HER!! Taking her to doctors appointments, visiting her in hospital, researching her condition... I am distraught and shattered by her perception of me... I can't contact her to confront her about this in fear of getting in trouble...I just have to live with these viscous rumours being spread about me by her... Do I just live with that and move on? Well I have been but it hurts and has shattered my self esteem...I am too afraid to get into another relationship with someone else and I have met someone else...but this has taken a massive toll on me that I can barely instigate a relationship with anyone new in fear of being rejected and have misleading claims made about myself..I don't believe all women are like this but this case hurts like hell! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author markst Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) i know she had her issues. I know she was not mentally stable...I know she had to have been hurt to some degree. But I truly did love her, I was completely broken about it a few months after it had ended... We shared some deep intimate moments with each other. i just don't understand how she could paint over that with this terrible persona of me...i am questioning whether that was all for show and that she never felt anything for me at all. I know she believes in what she says about me now. I have seen her out in town and I have seen the anger glaring in her eyes at me... She's moved on, she's been with more than a couple of other guys after me...I don't recall her saying anything negative about her ex partners. I am just incredibly hurt and depressed about this...how she turned me into a villain. I try to exercise everyday to get my mind off it...I have been pushing myself for the last 4 weeks but it just gets to me. Maybe I haven't moved on yet...I do get angry about it from time to time and I am seeing a therapist once a week which helps a bit. it was NOT a good introduction to love...and I am afraid I am going to be bitter about this for a while. I hope to God it gets better with time...easiest way to move I believe is to replace her but I am struggling to find interest in other women because of this issue. She also said some incredibly abusive **** to me...towards the end of our relationship. Saying that I was the ugliest c*** she had ever slept with. I mean if she wasn't attracted to me then why the **** did she go out with me for a year in the first place? It just doesn't make any sense Edited October 18, 2017 by markst 1 Link to post Share on other sites
A_New_Earth Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Okay. So, even if we leave out the crazy cake...it boils down to the fact that she's just not a very nice person. In fact, she sounds down right vile and nasty. To say such things to you like you're an ugly c**t? Wow. I'm guessing she was probably way worse than this because (usually) we have rose-tinted spectacles. If this is rose-tinted spectacles then good God man, she's Satan in dress... I think therapy is a great way to go and make sure you keep it up. When someone treats you with such a contempt...you have to find a reason as to 'why' you give them that power and even miss them at all. You should miss this girl like a cat with no neck misses licking it's own as*hole. It may well be a co-dependency issue. You can get to the bottom of it with your therapist and I would avoid relationships until you're in a better place. Time to treat this relationship as a 'lesson' of what to avoid in the future. And use it to learn about yourself. Someday soon, a girl is going to come into your life and treat you like you deserved to be treated. And when you taste that, you'll know just how 'wrong' this other 'stuff' was. Link to post Share on other sites
A_New_Earth Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 And it doesn't matter if she 'believes' the lies she's told (you said you think she does because of the look of anger in her eyes). You know yourself whether it's the truth or not. So if it is all lies, then you should be angry and actually pity her. Just don't react publicly. You've had a very lucky escape and one day, you'll see it bright and clear. Bottom line: Normal/healthy people are not capable of this behaviour. Remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
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