adilaurentis Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Anyone ever experience a breakup with no closure? What was the longest it takes for you to get over someone you truly loved? I posted a thread on the "Dating" section here a few months back about my then boyfriend being torn about holding onto his government and army job and its conflict with dating me as a foreign national in the US. Words from his work didn't come out as we'd hoped, just when we were planning on moving in together. It was brutal to both of us and it was the first time that I felt like breaking up had to happen due to outside factors out of our control as opposed to our own issues. We've had no contact since the breakup and surprisingly I ran into him at an eastern European festival in town a few days ago. He admitted that he knew I'd probably be there so he wanted to go. Fate was really doing us a favor then because it was getting dark and so crowded everywhere and I just happened to be leaving and walking back to the subway when he was walking over as we crossed path. We immediately stopped and chatted and he teared up right way, telling me that he's still getting over this and that he thinks about me quite a bit. We walked a little bit longer as he continued to hold in his tears and eventually he said he'd better tour the festival on his own because it's just too painful seeing and being with me. We did end the whole encounter on a positive note, though, cracking up some of our old inside jokes and laughed a little. He reaffirmed that he misses me so much and will always love me and we kissed each other goodbye. I guess it was some sort of consolation for me to know that I am not the only one who's been struggling this entire time. I wanted to say that it was so hurtful that he had to give up on us because of his job and that I "hated" him for being a coward or for his lack of confidence to try a little harder. But when I saw him all that's left for me to feel was old feelings and love for him that I could not even hate him or lash out at him. I understand that he's been through unemployment before and was always scared to lose his job so he needs to hold onto what he has. At least I've been working hard to move forward with my life, despite the emotional pain. When I ran into him as we got caught up, I was able to appear confident and positive. I really wish that there's still some way for us to work this out but it just seems impossible unless he gets a different job, which he realizes. Otherwise my nationality and family background would always be a deal breaker. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 To me closure came from understanding why the break up happened & fully wrapping my head around the fact that the relationship is truly over. I have had break ups but the closure didn't come for years & often arose from something that didn't come directly from the person. Here you know why the relationship ended & why it can't be fixed. To a large extent that is your closure. The circumstances suck but unless he's willing to quit or you are willing to apply for citizenship, what other options do you have other than to accept things & move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author adilaurentis Posted October 16, 2017 Author Share Posted October 16, 2017 To me closure came from understanding why the break up happened & fully wrapping my head around the fact that the relationship is truly over. I have had break ups but the closure didn't come for years & often arose from something that didn't come directly from the person. Here you know why the relationship ended & why it can't be fixed. To a large extent that is your closure. The circumstances suck but unless he's willing to quit or you are willing to apply for citizenship, what other options do you have other than to accept things & move on? Sure, it's true. In the end we have to get closure on our own and the other person can't give it to you. Guess I'm still hoping there could be a way that we can compromise and make this work. There have been similar cases where it wasn't a problem; just need extra paperwork and such. I wouldn't mind applying for citizenship at all but it doesn't happen that easily. I still have ways to go yet toward permanent residency which requires another 5 years till citizenship. I wish it's just as easy as filling out a form or something. Plus the current political climate in the US is not really friendly toward immigration in general :/ Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 No matter how unpopular immigration is these days & how long it takes if you really want your man back, don't you think taking some action is better than wallowing in your grief? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 I knew one couple who lived on different continents, heard of more, it is do-able, just visit him or ask him come to you Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 3 months is a fairly short time if you loved someone deeply. It can take years for pain to subside. The loss of a relationship can be more painful than the death of a loved one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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