3 months post break up. Still trying to shake the thoughts

[Downanddown]

So its been 3 months since my gf of 6 years left to go back to her ex husband.

Not only did i lose her but her 2 kids which i helped raise who i love like they are my own but my dog as well.

Thing is, the relationship had alot of problems. Tons of fighting, major trust issues on her part, pretty much toxic across the board. ( one of the reasons o never fully committed but didnt have the stones to end it becuase of the kids)

 

Anyways...losing 4 people (dog) instead of 1 is just so much harder. I never really thought about the consequences and how much i would miss the family life.

 

Im not really upset she left. Near the end it was getting pretty bad but going back to her ex on top of it all really hurt alot.

 

Just looking for some words of encourgment as i feel pretty down today and kind of used

[Marc878]

It's an adjustment and upfront it takes time to get into a new routine.

 

Not necessarily a bad thing. There's just a lot of anxiety so fill your time with stuff you want or always wanted to do.

 

The big key upfront is total no contact. Block and get rid of everything. You hang on it'll just keep you back

[Downanddown]

Thanks marc878

 

Shes tried reaching out a few times since by text i ignored the last 2 times ans deleted the messages. She even tried to use the kids against me to get a reaction.

 

Her daughter called me a few days ago which made my week. I wont lie..but at the end of it she wanted to see if she could get the bed frame they left here. Not sure if it was some sort of excuse or not. Either way. Was really nice to talk to her as i was really close to her

[rickwman]

I am sorry you had to go thru this. I feel good knowing that you are now free to establish a non-toxic relationship and start to create one based on these lessons you learned. Establish realistic expectations with the next person; creating a more firm foundation that can produce love, closeness and family. I'll stand with you in prayer that you have changed and can better see potential problems more clearly and will act to neutralize them.

[Goodguy05]

I feel ur pain bro same situation as ures bar no dog or ex but work together and watched her now date two guys in the office and nothing I can do about it can't even get another job and have to sit it out. It's over a yr now and I wish I could just switch off the feeling especially the way she's been. I won't go back she hasn't reached out I just wanna get out of this intimidating environment wish me luck

[vickyp]

It does get better with time. I'm at my 5 mths and I do feel better. There is no time limit. I also agree with the above posters. You need to fill your time by keeping busy. Good luck, you will get over this.

[Beachead]

I feel for you OP. That is brutal. Not only did you experience a loss of someone you loved for 6 years, but those people associated with her.

 

What happened between you and her was between you and her and that's it. Her children will be okay with you if they ever see you again. Just remember that. If anything, she's the one they will be upset with.

 

You said it yourself. You didn't have the stones to end it because of the kids but you knew deep down inside the relationship was falling apart. She probably knew this as well and thought long and hard about this decision and decided that returning to her husband was the best for her and her family. I think it may have been a choice based more on safety, comfort and practicality than love itself. The reason I say this is why else would she go back to an ex husband? Whatever issues they had in their marriage were bad enough for them to put their children through hell and divorce. I doubt very much either of them will be all that happy once complacency starts to settle in again. They will just return to being who they are with the same behaviors that lead to the divorce. This is not to say they will end because I think when it comes to children, the situation really does change. She will most likely remain with him for them.

 

You'll need a lot of time OP. Just let the feelings come. Anger, sadness, emptiness, numbness. You may not realize it but your head and heart are processing the entire situation little by little each day. Ups and downs. Some days are going to feel terrible and you're going to feel like crap for awhile. Just don't rush yourself. Be honest with how you feel. Treat yourself gently.

 

I would say, change your life around. Take up studies or a new hobby in something. Something that you've always wanted to do but couldn't. Or try something you've never done. Maybe change jobs. Move to a new city if you want to take it to that extreme. By killing the old routine that was associated with her and beginning a brand new and fresh one, you can reinvent yourself. Anything you want. A fresh start may be exactly what you need.

 

Hope this helped.

Edited December 15, 2017 by Beachead

[Downanddown]

Thanks beachhead, sure does.

 

I guess I struggle with the regret of not proposing earlier. This was something I was going to do in about a month which she now about. I was shopping for a ring. But deep down I do know this would not of fixed our serious problems we were facing. Maybe temporarily but not in the long run.

 

I do struggle alot with missing the kids more then anything now. I'm about 5 months post bu. I hope they will look at me as a positive impact in there lives one day when they do get a bit older.

 

It was a difficult and up and down relationship from the beginning. He left her and wanted full custody of the kids . I met her shortly after.. Not nearly enough time for her to heal properly.

 

But man, I really did a lot for her and her family. Supported her financially. Emotionally. And she had major trust issues which caused a lot of chaos.

 

But I do think you are right. I don't expect her knocking down my door. Ever. This decision was thought through for a while and they will remain together for a long time. I have no doubt.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words

[Been]

May I ask why she left her husband in the first place?

[Downanddown]

May I ask why she left her husband in the first place?

 

She didn't. He left her mostly for GIGS.