What does it mean?

[Addius]

So I’ve been with my ex for 7 months, during we were never REALLY that committed because of him wanting to take it slow, even though we weren’t seeing anyone else.

 

I started to feel like he will never commit especially after he said something like “I’m torn, I want to keep this cause it means something to me, but at the same time I don’t want to hurt you even more if it later doesn’t workout.”

 

I took this to mean that he has decided he’d never commit or it’d be over soon, am I right? Is that what men or people in general say when they’ve already made a decision about you? If I was serious about someone this line wouldn’t even occur to me.

 

I broke it off on Tuesday and haven’t talked since.

[Beachead]

So I’ve been with my ex for 7 months, during we were never REALLY that committed because of him wanting to take it slow, even though we weren’t seeing anyone else.

 

I started to feel like he will never commit especially after he said something like “I’m torn, I want to keep this cause it means something to me, but at the same time I don’t want to hurt you even more if it later doesn’t workout.”

 

I took this to mean that he has decided he’d never commit or it’d be over soon, am I right? Is that what men or people in general say when they’ve already made a decision about you? If I was serious about someone this line wouldn’t even occur to me.

 

I broke it off on Tuesday and haven’t talked since.

 

I agree with your assessment and would have taken it the same way. You two were together once, you then broke up for whatever reasons. Then you got back together and have been together for another 7 months and he is still unsure after all that. That's your time, energy, resources and love your putting in.

[Addius]

I agree with your assessment and would have taken it the same way. You two were together once, you then broke up for whatever reasons. Then you got back together and have been together for another 7 months and he is still unsure after all that. That's your time, energy, resources and love your putting in.

 

This is our first breakup actually, which makes it feel serious I guess cause neither of us ever went that far. By ex I mean newly ex bf. Feels weird to say bf now.

[Beachead]

Oops I'm sorry for the assumption.

 

I do still agree with your assessment though. I always go with my gutt. But, because this is the first time you two are together and relationships do require some work and communication, I would advise in this case to maybe talk to him about how you felt when he said what he said if you have not already. The only reason I would say that is if you exit too soon, you may have doubts about your decision that might lead to regret. You want to know you did everything you could do before you exit.

 

Goodluck

[Addius]

Oops I'm sorry for the assumption.

 

I do still agree with your assessment though. I always go with my gutt. But, because this is the first time you two are together and relationships do require some work and communication, I would advise in this case to maybe talk to him about how you felt when he said what he said if you have not already. The only reason I would say that is if you exit too soon, you may have doubts about your decision that might lead to regret. You want to know you did everything you could do before you exit.

 

Goodluck

 

Thank you! He’s been apologizing and saying it was just misspeaking and being stupid and saying things he doesn’t really mean, but it really took me by surprise when he said it. I knew we weren’t 100% committed but it felt like I was being betrayed since it came off like he already knows he’ll do something that would hurt me.

 

Can trust be salvaged? Can I go back to this knowing I could be really hurt? I could go into any relationship knowing I can get hurt, but having it spelled it out for me makes me uneasy.

[Beachead]

Thank you! He’s been apologizing and saying it was just misspeaking and being stupid and saying things he doesn’t really mean, but it really took me by surprise when he said it. I knew we weren’t 100% committed but it felt like I was being betrayed since it came off like he already knows he’ll do something that would hurt me.

 

Can trust be salvaged? Can I go back to this knowing I could be really hurt? I could go into any relationship knowing I can get hurt, but having it spelled it out for me makes me uneasy.

 

I don't blame you for feeling like that. Truth is Love, relationships..it's all a risk. You could get hurt in any relationship. I would tell you if I thought you should drop this as I have with others on this forum but I think in this particular case if it's worth it for you, give him a chance. Just make sure you settle it in your mind that no matter what happens, you won't regret the decision.

 

Goodluck.

[Steve51]

Wise up to men. We will keep you on the hook for as long as we can as long as we stand to get something from you. I used to have a main girlfriend and a few others who all thought that I might leave all the others for them. I kept them on the hook for as long as I could because each was giving me sex and great sex since they were trying to make sure that they were better than my other girlfriend. They each only knew of one other girlfriend, not the rest.

 

Not proud of what I did 50 years ago but I eventually met a girl and got engaged to her 3 weeks later. We are very happily married 45 years this month. When you know, you know and don't have to ask questions or wonder if it is right or not.