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Is it me or is this her jealously and parent issues?


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I'm almost 30 and my girlfriend(ex now) of 2 years is 45. I don't have any family around expect my mother and my 2 nieces which resides with my mother. My girlfriend has 2 children of her own.

 

My mother is all I have she was that single parent that was there for me. She is 66 and still works and I will indeed help her out if she needs anything. I also like to spend time with her when i can as well as to make sure she has things from the store so she doesn't have to walk.

 

My ex gf is upset that I have a close relationship with my mother. Sure my mother might depend on me too much and I will admit that but she think its weird. I believe she lost both of her parent before the age of 5. And didn't get the love from the family members she lived with after the death of her parents. <<I totally understand and sympathize with her on that and know it was rough. Its strange how she thinks how i treat my mother is "unhealthy"but yet she has a 14 year old that does nothing (can do but chooses not to) but she does everything for him. If he orders food, he can't give the delivery person the money she has to, he doesn't have any chores and that's okay, he can't use the microwave, stove or prepare his meals, he can't walk to the store which is 5 minutes away...and etc. So to classify me caring for my 66 year old mother as a unhealthy relationship but she caters to her 14 son when he can do things on his own.

 

Do I spend time with my mother? Yes as often as I can while still giving my ex girlfriend and her children attention as well.

 

I think she expects me to do for her and her two children and leave my family hanging. She calms that I'm a momma's boy. If helping out my elderly mother in her age and making sure the women that raised me and did what she could and more to make sure I was okay make me a momma's boy I guess I am.

 

She would get upset (crazy upset) to think about me having past relationships, same girlfriend who gets up because I helped a "female" co-worker get something from the warehouse.

 

Is it me being a momma's boy or she being crazy jealous and having to lose both parents at a young age? Last night was the first time expressing this to like that? I think she jealous of the strong relationship my mother and I have and on top of the death of her parents at an early age and not receiving much needed love as a child.

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You are not being a mamma's boy but she seems to be raising one. You are being thoughtful & kind. Don't let anybody tell you that is unhealthy.

 

When I met my now husband my parents were not in the best of health. They have since passed. I often took them to the doctor so that I could hear first hand the diagnoses & the treatment plans. On Friday nights my parents enjoyed going to dinner at their club, where I was a member too so that is what we did . . . every Friday. It was very difficult for me to get out of those plans because if I wasn't available to take them, my parents didn't get to go & that was their big social event for the week. So after a the 1st few months of dating I just started inviting my then BF, now husband, along to dinner. God Bless Him, he came more often then not. It wasn't that bad; the food is good; the people are nice; & my parents usually went home by 9 giving us the rest of the evening. After a while the BF became a member in his own right.

 

I suppose a different kind of person would have told me all of the above was bad. To me such a person would have simply been proving to me that he didn't fit in my life & that we didn't share the same values.

 

I don't think you are wrong. I do think you & her were a bad fit.

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JML, you are describing irrational jealousy and the loss of both parents before age five -- conditions which suggest that your exGF has a great fear of abandonment. You also are describing her as getting "crazy upset" over harmless events -- a behavior that suggests she has limited ability to control her own emotions. I therefore believe it may be worth your while to take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs to see if most sound very familiar. If so, and if you have any questions, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

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Thank you D0nnivain and Downtown for the advice and response. I felt like crap when she told me that. My mother doesn't get involved in my relationship.

 

She (ex) talk about her relationship problems with me with her 14 year old but I'm the weird for having a good relationship and caring for my mother. I've never discuss my problems without other only online because i would never want her to feel uncomfortable. Regardless if couples make up people will still remember the stuff said.

 

She can pick her son room, allow him not to do school work, answer the door for him because he can't, pluck his eyebrows, he can't even go the store but I'm a momma's boy because I'm kind to my mother.

 

@Downtown I've read the 18 BPD warning signs and a great deal of them matched with her.

Edited by Justmyluck
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