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Just... why?


Inlovenotinlove

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Inlovenotinlove

Now me and me now ex broke up about 3 months back... it was her decision and the following day she posted a Snapchat picture of half a man, so it drops the hint she's with a guy without actually saying it... long story short we broke up yesterday... She told me she wasn't in love anymore and said it's the hardest decision she's ever made... Now today she actually text to say she misses me, but tonight she's gone for a drink and again posted on Snapchat a picture of beers with the caption 'he's loving the vodka' now don't get me wrong I know I shouldn't be looking but she reads every one of my stories as you can see who's looked and she'll know I check hers. Why would anyone do this? The last time it happened I ignored it to be the bigger man Then when we got back together it turned out to be her Friend. So it feels like a constant test. Now I'm too old for that and she isn't a kid either so why would someone do something so insensitive? I can pretend it doesn't hurt but it's horrible. I'm now blocking her on everything but I just don't understand why someone would act like that?

 

How can people genuinely be so insensitive towards someone they love or formerly loved when the other person didn't do anything to hurt her it was simply just that she no longer was in love

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Inlovenotinlove

Thank you. The worst part was the last time it happened I kept my mouth shut which I'm guessing shocked her. We then gave it another go and it did come up in conversation once. She was saying how the break up was horrible and i said 'you can't of found it that hard you was out with a guy 2 days later' and laughed to try and show it didn't bother me even if it did. She replied 'oh god that was only a mate (names a guy from work) he's just a friend' I said why do it when you know I was looking and she made out that she didn't think. To me she knew exactly what she was doing and at the time it rang alarm bells that she's either petty or genuinely doesn't think which both are bad. I just cant believe its happened again and this time worse as kt involved beer and her out with him all night whoever it is

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Now me and me now ex broke up about 3 months back... it was her decision and the following day she posted a Snapchat picture of half a man, so it drops the hint she's with a guy without actually saying it... long story short we broke up yesterday... She told me she wasn't in love anymore and said it's the hardest decision she's ever made... Now today she actually text to say she misses me, but tonight she's gone for a drink and again posted on Snapchat a picture of beers with the caption 'he's loving the vodka' now don't get me wrong I know I shouldn't be looking but she reads every one of my stories as you can see who's looked and she'll know I check hers. Why would anyone do this? The last time it happened I ignored it to be the bigger man Then when we got back together it turned out to be her Friend. So it feels like a constant test. Now I'm too old for that and she isn't a kid either so why would someone do something so insensitive? I can pretend it doesn't hurt but it's horrible. I'm now blocking her on everything but I just don't understand why someone would act like that?

 

How can people genuinely be so insensitive towards someone they love or formerly loved when the other person didn't do anything to hurt her it was simply just that she no longer was in love

 

I think a lot of people out there use social media as a tool to soothe their insecurities or for games. They filter what they want to show and make it look like life is currently amazing. Reality is different but for the people who are paying attention to them, it looks like they are having an amazing time. And I highly stress "Looks like." For an ex boyfriend like you, this can a nightmare.

 

Who knows why she's she doing what she's doing or if it's even directed at you.

 

My advice, don't get caught up in it. Stick to the facts. Focus on what you can control which is you.

 

Fact: She broke up with you. Telling you she misses you means nothing. If she has no intention to get back together with you, this will go nowhere because you two won't be friends right now. Right now you need to heal, grieve and get over the break up.

 

What you can Control: Block her off of all social media so you don't have to see any of this crap because when you see it, your mind will be on her and you may consequently contact her. Block her number so she can't call or text you nonsense. Block her email too.

 

If you need to say anything to her before doing all this, remind her she was the one who broke up with you and that's fine. But now you need to heal, grieve and get over what happened and you require a lot of time and space to do so and she shouldn't be talking to you. After that, stick to your plan and don't break. If she really cares about you, she'll find some way to get in touch and she'll make it happen.

 

This plan isn't meant to get her back. This is meant to help you move on.

 

Goodluck

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Inlovenotinlove

Thankyou I think it is for the best now

 

 

I think a lot of people out there use social media as a tool to soothe their insecurities or for games. They filter what they want to show and make it look like life is currently amazing. Reality is different but for the people who are paying attention to them, it looks like they are having an amazing time. And I highly stress "Looks like." For an ex boyfriend like you, this can a nightmare.

 

Who knows why she's she doing what she's doing or if it's even directed at you.

 

My advice, don't get caught up in it. Stick to the facts. Focus on what you can control which is you.

 

Fact: She broke up with you. Telling you she misses you means nothing. If she has no intention to get back together with you, this will go nowhere because you two won't be friends right now. Right now you need to heal, grieve and get over the break up.

 

What you can Control: Block her off of all social media so you don't have to see any of this crap because when you see it, your mind will be on her and you may consequently contact her. Block her number so she can't call or text you nonsense. Block her email too.

 

If you need to say anything to her before doing all this, remind her she was the one who broke up with you and that's fine. But now you need to heal, grieve and get over what happened and you require a lot of time and space to do so and she shouldn't be talking to you. After that, stick to your plan and don't break. If she really cares about you, she'll find some way to get in touch and she'll make it happen.

 

This plan isn't meant to get her back. This is meant to help you move on.

 

Goodluck

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Thankyou I think it is for the best now

 

Definitely. All that can come out of continuing contact with her is more nonsense that will drive you mad and slow your healing down. She made her choice. Let her deal with the reality of it alone.

 

Good luck

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Inlovenotinlove

I think the hardest part for me was I didn't notice anything this past 3 months for me we'd been perfect even went on holiday not long ago and again was perfect. Then suddenly... doesn't love me. I've let her go I didn't even get mad when she told me j just said 'I hope it all works out for you and thanks for trying a 2nd time'. Now I sit listening to love songs and feel shocking and lonely everyday

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Does anybody have good experiences with moving away? As I'm so tempted to do what I've been debating for a few years now and restart my life somewhere totally new. But not sure if I'll be worse without friends and family around

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The old song comes to mind "I see your true colors shining through," only without the "that's why I love you" part. Run far and fast from this sadistic piece of work.

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Does anybody have good experiences with moving away? As I'm so tempted to do what I've been debating for a few years now and restart my life somewhere totally new. But not sure if I'll be worse without friends and family around

 

I recently moved out of State, but not by choice.

 

Sometimes it is good though to start anew. Doesn't mean you won't struggle at first. It's a huge transition for anyone.

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I think the hardest part for me was I didn't notice anything this past 3 months for me we'd been perfect even went on holiday not long ago and again was perfect. Then suddenly... doesn't love me. I've let her go I didn't even get mad when she told me j just said 'I hope it all works out for you and thanks for trying a 2nd time'. Now I sit listening to love songs and feel shocking and lonely everyday

 

I know man. It always feels sudden. I'll tell you why.

 

For you it was perfect. For her, it wasn't. In fact, for unknown reasons, she was probably unhappy about things for awhile and was trying figure out what she wanted to do about it. At some point, she realized she didn't want a relationship anymore but leaving you was too hard because she was attached and addicted to your presence in her life (These motivations had very little to do with romantic feelings). So you two got back together. Perhaps she wanted to give it another try to be sure but I highly doubt it. Matter of fact, I believe she must have knowingly or unknowingly used the second time around as an opportunity to continue getting over you until she got to a point where she was strong enough to end it. This time with more confidence. And when she did, she was already about 50-60% over you while you weren't over her at all. She has a head start on healing, grieving and moving on which is why she appears cold.

 

It's tough to swallow but many dumpers do this.

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She's immature but you are pain shopping.

 

You just went back for a double dose and got the same thing.

 

Don't you think it's about time you blocked her?

 

This isn't the end of the world and she's not the last woman on earth is she?

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//Does anybody have good experiences with moving away? As I'm so tempted to do what I've been debating for a few years now and restart my life somewhere totally new. But not sure if I'll be worse without friends and family around//

 

I'll find out soon enough. I just had a friend of 25 years who was actually my first serious girlfriend come back into my life for 6 months and then leave me for another man. I also was being shown things on social media, I blocked her but mutual friends were saying they saw pics of her with her new boyfriend a week later. So I insisted to her she block or unfriend the mutual friends who were my friends originally.

 

Of course, I made a rash decision, moving across the country on a whim to just start fresh. No friends, no family, in a strange city is making me anxious but who knows where it may lead me.

 

I wouldn;t suggest and I know I am being rash, I did have a job offer though so there is that. I'll b alone with a messed up head, but I have a job. Life is a journey but rash decisions aren't always good ones.

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Inlovenotinlove

I kind of feel like last night was a suttle hint to me that she's moved on. Probably adding it to Snapchat saves her having to tell me face to face as she's normally never off social media. Well, since she added the stories on her with this new stranger and added 'he loves the vodka' she hasn't appeared online on anything which for her Is strange. I think the posts above are all true, sometimes your heart is invested that much yoire blind to what a person truly is and it looks like she just isn't that nice after all. I know I'm trying to convince myself it's me being silly but deep down my gut says she's childish & insensitive. Plus, whenever we did have a disagreement when dating shed never tell me why because hated confrontation so she would under play things or just straight out lie so tjere wasn't an issue rather than tell the truth and it be an argument so why start now. I did ask.her the day we broke up if there was anyone else, she said no. I think now that there is and that's why It hasn't been hard for her to break up as when she ended it there wasn't even a tear from her.

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It is usually a better idea to wait to make big decisions for a few months after a major breakup.

 

In addition to not having family and friends around, moving is a very busy time that is also very distracting. This can mean that if you throw yourself into it without first coping with your feelings, you may be kicking the can down the road on processing the breakup. Then it can all hit much later, when you're alone and don't want the negative feelings messing around with your new life.

 

But if you're still feeling like you want to go in a few months when you're feeling a bit more balanced and like yourself again (presumably being in NC for at least that period), then by all means, a fresh start might be a great change at that point.

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