Lost love is the most painful of all

[Highndry]

I am no stranger to pain. I have lost both my parents, a sibling, numerous friends and animals, but I don't think any of them hurt as much as losing the woman I love.

 

My heart is torn apart again. I know things will get better, but like many others I find myself in a pit of despair right now. What was once hope for a wonderful future has morphed into darkness, agony, and the daily struggle to just survive and weather the storm.

 

I know I am not alone, and that's why I came here. I guess I am now what's considered "middle-aged," but this just does not get easier the older I get. The days are navigable, it's the dark nights where I feel lost in a sea of hopelessness.

[Romantic_Antics]

The days are navigable, it's the dark nights where I feel lost in a sea of hopelessness.

 

Nighttime is when it hits me too. That's because I'm winding down for the day at that point and therefore have nothing to distract my mind from straying to thoughts of her. It's in those moments that I have to remind myself of why we broke up and recognize that I am only truly missing the idealized idea of her. When I find myself missing the good times and all the things that I loved about her, I make a conscious effort to refocus on what overshadowed them.

 

Hang in there. You'll pull through it, one day at a time.

[Trust666]

//I know I am not alone, and that's why I came here. I guess I am now what's considered "middle-aged," but this just does not get easier the older I get. The days are navigable, it's the dark nights where I feel lost in a sea of hopelessness.//

 

I can agree with you, the older I get the easier I thought it would get. Not the case.

 

Weekends are terrible for me, I realize it's my ego, but knowing that she is having sex and laughing with someone else really rips my heart/ego to shreds.

 

The worst times for my otherwise are the mornings, I wake up and realize all over again, I am no longer with her. It's like Eternal Sunshine meets Groundhog Day meets Momento lol.

[SevenCity]

//I know I am not alone, and that's why I came here. I guess I am now what's considered "middle-aged," but this just does not get easier the older I get. The days are navigable, it's the dark nights where I feel lost in a sea of hopelessness.//

 

I can agree with you, the older I get the easier I thought it would get. Not the case.

 

Weekends are terrible for me, I realize it's my ego, but knowing that she is having sex and laughing with someone else really rips my heart/ego to shreds.

 

The worst times for my otherwise are the mornings, I wake up and realize all over again, I am no longer with her. It's like Eternal Sunshine meets Groundhog Day meets Momento lol.

 

Middle age (which I'm getting close to) makes it that much harder. If you've applied your life lessons the woman was the best match you've ever had.

 

I agree that it is the worst pain I've ever felt. So much so I don't think I will fall for a woman quite like that again. Instead, I'm focusing on things that make me happy outside of women. Now when I date a woman I really don't care if she comes or goes as I don't revolve my life around her.

 

I remember, over a year ago when it first happened, I was a friggin hot mess. It took about 9 months to be ok with it and I'd be lying if I said I was over it completely. But, it no longer consumes my thoughts and the pain is more of an annoyance than excruciating like it was in the beginning.

 

 

If you loved her, I mean really loved her, this will change you. It's up to you to make sure these changes make you better, not worse.

 

Good luck brother.

[Highndry]

The thought of her having sex with another guy doesn't really bother me that much. After all, she had sex with men before me, so she's bound to have sex with men after me.

 

A small, vindictive side of me wants to see her try to improve on what she had with me, knowing she can't. I mean, she could find a wealthier guy, but that's about it. I feel confident in who I am, what I offer, and that it's her loss.

 

I struggle with the finality of things, the realization I could never trust her again. She ruined that. It's a bitter disappointment when somebody throws it all away chasing something that doesn't exist, because they're trying to fill a void inside them that is insatiable.

[Trust666]

//Middle age (which I'm getting close to) makes it that much harder. If you've applied your life lessons the woman was the best match you've ever had. //

 

I'm approaching that age also. I was 19 when I first dated this girl, we discovered all kinds of wonderful things together. We had to go our separate ways due to college. For the next 24 years, I searched for women with similar qualities. I never found them. I thought about her often in dark times, I battled addiction twice with 2 different substances, I lost my mother who she was close with when we were younger. I had no idea where she was or how life was for her.

 

24 years later I got a FB message from her, life had not been kind to her. 2 failed marriages due to unfaithful husbands, when we reunited we were both fragile and had some trust issues. Afraid to be vulnerable etc. We both talked about how lucky we were to have landed where we did after all we had been through. We both talked about doing right by one another.

 

She blindsided me 6 months later, she betrayed my trust and became very cold. She found another man, a man she went to high school with. A rich man nothing like me. For the 2nd and last time our chapter finally ended, I burnt every bridge. She did to me what had been done to her, and I'm still a hot mess myself....BUT at least I am still me.

 

As for the sex, it was just getting crazier and crazier. I do understand it's my ego. I've had sex a couple times since and it was pretty boring, made me feel worse. Total ego.

 

Best of luck to everyone, tough times build character...or so they say.

[MickeyBill]

I am another middle aged guy who thought it would be easier. It is not.

With all the experience we have at this age we should see the signs. But like in our teens, 20s, 30s we overlook things because of love. Things that looking back at were obvious...

 

I wonder if it is easier for the women, I thought she was "the one"

 

In fact I would say this break up is much worse than those in the past.

Previously, when a break up happened we would talk about the things that needed help. maybe a few arguments. A break up / make up, we would try to make things works and sometimes it did. But it was never so sudden, Thanks technology.

 

This one really gutted me, she found me online on a date site that I forgot about. We met and clicked. As soon as I saw her make a cute little wave from across the street I was smitten. I held out for a short time (to protect myself) but I fell hard and so did she. We had a wonderful 4-5 months.

Before leaving on a long planned yearly hardcore camping kayaking family trip she left me 2 letters about how much I meant to her.

Those letters were the best and worst thing she could have done. Due to other travel we were not in the same place for 4 out of 5 weeks. while she was gone I sent a card telling her my feelings...

 

When we got back together it was weird, and I never found out why. Pretty sure no other man, but she had hellacious schedule, little time left for me, her or us. We had a hard time getting together. To show how lost I was, I was planning to ask her to meet my family at Xmas.

 

2 weeks ago I was ghosted. By text.

I left a VM, and an email just asking to meet...

It was a particularly cruel way to end a romance.

Would I talk to her if she reached out? I'd like to say I would not, but I know that I would...

 

It never gets easier, although being the one who breaks it up is easier than being on this side.

Edited October 13, 2017 by MickeyBill
to make things clear

[Highndry]

I have never had a woman just disappear on me, so that must be hard. Sorry you're hurting, it must really be brutal. Rejection is never easy no matter what it's about.

 

I pretty much knew this breakup was coming, I guess it just hurts falling in love with somebody who is not only the wrong person, but who's really not available for anybody.

 

I miss her, and I actually feel sorry for her, but I realize she and I were doomed from the start. I had no way of knowing, though. I just wonder at my age (40's) how I'll ever find the right woman. I don't do social media, I don't drink, I really am not in the right place to meet them.

[MickeyBill]

I just wonder at my age (40's) how I'll ever find the right woman. I don't do social media, I don't drink, I really am not in the right place to meet them.

 

I think that you will. The thing is that there's some woman on another forum who is the mirror image of us. Hoping to meet decent guys. The trick is to find them LoL

 

We met thru a dating site. Not IRL. So we had no friends or co-workers in common. I think that makes it easier for her to disappear, as we won;t cross paths unless effort is made, I can't go ask her BFF what is going on with her.

I am not really a fan of online dating but it's how a lot of people meet - not many last forever but that may be true in real life.

I met my xwife on a cross country flight. So good things do happen without warning. I was around 40 y.o.

[Hoosfoos]

47 year old here. I can identify with every word written in this thread. I am almost 4 years out of the most devastating breakup I ever faced in my entire lifetime. I suffered profoundly for a very, very long time after she left.

 

I find weekends incredibly difficult. Everyone else I know have their partners, families, etc and my time is spent completely alone. I go to the gym and ride my bike, which helps a bit, but it doesn't change the fact that I ultimately return to an empty apartment.

 

What hurts even more is that my ex has found someone and is now pregnant. So she will never be alone. I wasn't doing well before she walked and our relationship was having problems, but I always clung to the hope that the 2 of us would work out. We had so much in common and my connection with her was the deepest I had with anyone else, ever. How she was able to walk away so easily I will never understand.

 

I haven't dated since. I have a new job now and am making great money and in 3 weeks I am hiring the services of an escort, just so I can put my hands all over someone.

[Zul]

I am no stranger to pain. I have lost both my parents, a sibling, numerous friends and animals, but I don't think any of them hurt as much as losing the woman I love.

 

My heart is torn apart again. I know things will get better, but like many others I find myself in a pit of despair right now. What was once hope for a wonderful future has morphed into darkness, agony, and the daily struggle to just survive and weather the storm.

 

I know I am not alone, and that's why I came here. I guess I am now what's considered "middle-aged," but this just does not get easier the older I get. The days are navigable, it's the dark nights where I feel lost in a sea of hopelessness.

 

I read your pain, and I feel your pain, too. I do not share the loneliness at night, though. I feel it during the day, night is the only time I can escape the pain of my life. From about 7PM until I wake up the next day is when I am able to enjoy my life.

 

Our pain is for us alone to endure, we are in an ocean drowning in the swell and the people on the shore are waving and clapping at us. There will be constant dissonance between us and anyone we meet or fall in love with; we are all made with different fabric, born of different families, at different moments in time at different points in the universe. We will almost never meet people who are the best for us, likely they once walked past us. While we had not the slightest knowledge they walked past us, maybe they passed away the other day, or won't be born for another 100 years. In the end, we just need more luck.

[Goodguy05]

I was that guy too alone but the one thing a

That has been a saviour for me is an app called "meetups". Try it it will change ur life for the better meet and make new friends in the same shoes best thing I ever did a lifeline

[Woodburner]

Wow,

What each of you wrote I can relate too. Just went thru it in may, 5 months out now, doing better, but still sucks. At first I didn't think I'd be this far along, so, be hopeful. It will get better!!!