After a year breakup still thinking about that

[the Citadel]

Ill try to be as quick as possible, sorry for my poor english, i am italian.

So i am quite young (21y).

I was affected in all by all in what is called narcisistic disorer (and hidden homosexuality), and a mild form of autism. I disguised this sort of well resulting only sort of immature to others and, btw i was also considered very brilliant from most of people i hang out with and this helped me with women. was also sort of cute and have been an athlete since i was a kid so also outlook was not a problem. All in all i was enjoyng my life so and was sourronded by women, with whom rarely i got engaged (i always screwd up things in a way or the other, or may they detect my problems and fly away, though it was easy for me to get one or more girl at the same time for a few dates or sex). Till i find this girl and she fell in love with me. I treated her bad, destroyed her self esteem and had 12 affairs in the mean time and kissed something like 60 girls and hang out with some more. At the end, she stared hiddenly to see a boy, fell out of love, cheated on me. When i found that out i got superangry and told about all my hidden life, so she broke with me told never to talk to her again and went away with this guy. I followed a year of heavy depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. I ve been with psychiatrist and psycologist. got heavily drugged, changed over 7 works (nobody wanted me in this time) and spet over 16000€ of cures and ****. (in the mean time i also lost my scholarship). Yet i am planning to torture them both. But all i want is to get over these disorders and run a normal life. Still a year has passed, and i am pretty pissed of about still thinking about that relationship . I now have a new job and stared my uni again and have a new gf too. But these thoughts are really annoying and i also got falshbacks/allucinations. These allucinations may also occur while i am having sex and piss my partner pretty mmuch off.

Any suggestion??

Ps i refuse to take any more drugs, those things make me sleep over 16h per day and the rest of the time i am sloppy

thanks

[Cersei]

Hi. Do your best to learn from your mistakes. You are young and have lots of time to learn and grow. Focus on your schooling right now. That is very important.