marie25 Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 hello LS, this has been on my mind ever since he called. he called me out of the blue after a month, pouring his heart out to me telling me he loves me and wanted to work towards a future together. here is how i felt: it was such a shock bc i had already started getting over him. it’s really disorienting to go from a state of looking towards the future and focusing on myself, to thinking of our broken relationship and what it would take to mend us. ESPECIALLY with us being long distance (about a 7 hour drive, 1hr plane). i asked for some time to think about it because i wanted to really be logical about it. i expected to have a few days at least to really talk it through with myself and get advice from friends and family, but he had kept messaging me after the phone call, wanting to catch up and sending loving messages. the emotional part of me loved it, i missed him and wanted to hear how he was, but it wasn’t helping the “logical decision making process”. eventually, a day after the phone call he basically asked me how i was feeling about things. Of course i was still pretty disoriented, so i didn’t have an answer. we ended up having an emotional two hour phone call about the past, problems that we would have getting back together (family issues, my sister really doesn’t like him due to an altercation they had and i am very close to her; distance - huge factor). i know it was painful for him and myself. i got so stressed out about the mountains we have in getting back together, but also from the emotional conversation, that i said no to getting back together. every day since then ive questioned my decision and cant go half a day without crying. it’s difficult because the distance really is tough for me - i tend to be an overthinker and so the distance exacerbates that and makes it impossible for me to be happy. if I could see him in person it would be a no-brainer to get back together. i graduate and move back home (where he is) in May of next year, so really there isnt that much more time with the distance. am i making a mistake not getting back with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 I don't know if I can answer that question for you but there's two ways you can look at this. One part of me says that you know yourself and how you'll feel about things if you got back together (The distance) so you should listen to your gutt. But.. You may spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened for you two, had you said yes. If you feel like you may regret your decision, maybe you should get back together and see how it works out to end the doubts. This way, should it end, you'll walk away confident. And if it works out, well great. Otherwise, you may have trouble moving on. Also, if you are coming back next May, then you know the distance problem will solve itself. Best of luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie25 Posted October 9, 2017 Author Share Posted October 9, 2017 First off, thank you friend for your response. I’ve seriously been talking to sooo many people about this - and every one helps. I’ve thought that too of course. “What do I have to lose?” right? But I am scared of going through the makeup phase, all the emotional effort to heal us, just to wake up to crushing doubts with the distance not helping. I’ve experienced that every day of the last half of the LDR, when the distance really started wearing down on me. It wasn’t fun for me or him. If I saw him every day like a normal relationship, that would have never happened. I finally feel like I have “escaped” this terrible fate of constant overthinking and worries and doubts, especially since I never have the guts to breakup over t terrible overthinking. But it seems me and LDRs don’t mix well, or maybe me and my ex didn’t see each other often enough. I will give it more thought. I am a university student and have a huge exam on Wednesday so I have put off giving it serious thought until after that, in the meantime I have gotten this false sense of peace of putting off thinking of my decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie25 Posted October 15, 2017 Author Share Posted October 15, 2017 hello all, my ex broke up with me, then a month later asked for me back. long distance and we both still love each other but have a very very heavy past. the past weighs me down a lot - we were both growing up and learning how to love another and it ended up in us both being hurt. the “easy” thing would be to move on and fall in love with someone else that would be a blank page for me. i don’t want to get involved with my ex again and for all the painful things of the past to resurface - including potentially unhealthy behaviors. i said no to his request to get back together, but ever since have questioned my decision. i have begun moving on with my life - that is, i focus on my work, my family and have fun with friends. do all the right things like workout and meditate. but i still miss him like an ache. some people might say: why not just reach out to him? well i have an extreme hesitance to do so because we have truly gone through a lot within our relationship, and i guess i just want something “easy” right now - a love that is thoughtless. any advice ? im having a hard time moving on when i have a choice. i miss all the good memories from our relationship. i miss being in his car and just listening to music with him. another piece to keep in mind is that we would be long distance until May of next year. i don’t mind LD but i really think it was the main factor that screwed up our relationship Link to post Share on other sites
TMACalling Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 It's sounds like there is a lot of baggage in the relationship and I was thinking, I need to response and say stay sstrong and let him go. And then you said that you think LD was the main issue. Those are two totally different comments. Figure out why you broke up and what you miss. That's crucical. Only then can you decide if this is a relationship worth pursuing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marie25 Posted October 16, 2017 Author Share Posted October 16, 2017 Thank you for response You make a good point. To be honest - I haven’t been able to move on because I’m trying to figure out things. How I feel, what truly went wrong. Sometimes it’s truly hard to tell what was the main factor. I guess I could say it was both? Baggage, and then the distance made it impossible for us to heal and keep our connection. He is the type of guy that it would have been easy to move past the past had we been together in person (with the help of physical affection and time together) - but we weren’t. Maybe I should just stay strong and move on... Thank you so much because every single response helps me and eases the restless anxiety in my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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