Jump to content

I am breaking up with the sweetest guy i ever met


toomanyquestions123

Recommended Posts

toomanyquestions123

After dating this guy for more than 2 months, the same guy that i previously wrote about him that he is short (5 ft 3 inches ) i came to a decision thag i will stop dating him. The reason for this decision is that i am not attracted to this guy. I tried, i tried a lot to feel attracted but i think his physical height combined by my recent heartbreak from my ex-fiancé combined by the lack of chemistry from my side led me to take this decision. You will wonder why it took me time to think about this, well he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He showered me with care and gifts. He really showed me care i never even seen even from my ex-fiance & he is so into me. I thought attraction can be developed over time but last week i felt like i am doing a lot lot of efffort to feel something but i did not. Then last week i was so depressed, i was squeezing myself to even talk to him or reply to a simple message. He simply didnt make me laugh, i did not feel butterflies. Do you think attraction can be built over time and how can nreak up in the less painful way ?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

Oh man.... That's a difficult situation. Hmm. Maybe tell him the truth. You think hes an awesome guy, but you don't feel a spark/chemistry so you can't be with him. That sucks. Attraction can grow for some people, not all. I guess this is a lesson you shouldn't date people you aren't attracted to off the bat because you're not one of those people it grows for.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

You gave you time and chance, but this isn't it. There is no chemistry, and you know how important it is to build good relationship. Even if he is the best boy on the earth, he doesn't have it in oneself for you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
mortensorchid

I'm sorry this happened to you. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. If it's not happening for you, it's not happening for you. You can only hope, and this is not meant to be. Hope it won't be too bad for you when you do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine
After dating this guy for more than 2 months, the same guy that i previously wrote about him that he is short (5 ft 3 inches ) i came to a decision thag i will stop dating him. The reason for this decision is that i am not attracted to this guy. I tried, i tried a lot to feel attracted but i think his physical height combined by my recent heartbreak from my ex-fiancé combined by the lack of chemistry from my side led me to take this decision. You will wonder why it took me time to think about this, well he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He showered me with care and gifts. He really showed me care i never even seen even from my ex-fiance & he is so into me. I thought attraction can be developed over time but last week i felt like i am doing a lot lot of efffort to feel something but i did not. Then last week i was so depressed, i was squeezing myself to even talk to him or reply to a simple message. He simply didnt make me laugh, i did not feel butterflies. Do you think attraction can be built over time and how can nreak up in the less painful way ?

 

I admire that you gave the connection with this man a fair chance. Most people bail on a potential good thing much sooner than you did because there were "no sparks." It sounds like you're wondering if that is what you did. If you dated him for two months, and this is how you feel, then I'm not sure waiting around longer is going to change anything. It might, but probably not.

 

I'm only guessing that his height wasn't the real deal breaker, but the lack of tension in the connection you wanted. Many "short" guys are wildly successful with women. Sure, height is nice to have for a lot of women, but many women will pursue a man based on her feelings about him. Of course, you're still sore from your breakup as well, and that probably plays into things as well.

 

I think it's okay to stop seeing someone and then if for some reason down the road you feel more open to that person again, you can try to reconnect. There were obviously some things you liked about him, and it sounds like you have some doubts about if it was the right decision. I say it was the right decision for right now, and if down the line you decide you're curious about him again, you can try to reinitiate contact. And if not, that's fine too.

 

Again, nice job on staying open to a potential connection and giving it a fair shot. Not many people do. You're probably a mature dater and will match well with the right man when you've gotten a bit more distance from your breakup and things fall into place.

Link to post
Share on other sites
After dating this guy for more than 2 months, the same guy that i previously wrote about him that he is short (5 ft 3 inches ) i came to a decision thag i will stop dating him. The reason for this decision is that i am not attracted to this guy. I tried, i tried a lot to feel attracted but i think his physical height combined by my recent heartbreak from my ex-fiancé combined by the lack of chemistry from my side led me to take this decision. You will wonder why it took me time to think about this, well he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He showered me with care and gifts. He really showed me care i never even seen even from my ex-fiance & he is so into me. I thought attraction can be developed over time but last week i felt like i am doing a lot lot of efffort to feel something but i did not. Then last week i was so depressed, i was squeezing myself to even talk to him or reply to a simple message. He simply didnt make me laugh, i did not feel butterflies. Do you think attraction can be built over time and how can nreak up in the less painful way ?

 

Not for you my dear! Your not attracted mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually to this wonderful man! Your like the other type that doesn't act like him. You have compared both men and you prefer the other guy. Your not feeling it with this present guy like you felt with the other guy. So you tried and it failed. So move on and go after men you are attracted too you feel right with and that's wraps it up, because you can't fight the change you can't be with too nice and too good. Your not that type of woman. Your fighting with nature why of telling Nah this is not going to work I am depress and just can't cope, I just not going to even talk too him. I know what I want from a man he is just not it. Plain and simple!

Edited by coolheadal
Link to post
Share on other sites
The reason for this decision is that i am not attracted to this guy. I tried, i tried a lot to feel attracted but i think his physical height combined by my recent heartbreak from my ex-fiancé combined by the lack of chemistry from my side led me to take this decision.

 

Yeah! Unfortunately, you aren't going to have a viable relationship with ANYONE until you're over your ex.

 

You aren't remotely ready to date! Your fiance abruptly broke off your engagement 4 months ago, which by your own admission was devastating. Rather than trying to get over your ex-fiance by getting with another guy almost immediately, take a break. Heal emotionally. Spend some time being single.

 

Once your ex no longer matters to you, then you'll be ready to date. Until that happens, you're just going to leave a trail of casualties in your wake as you try to date away your pain from your breakup.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
toomanyquestions123

I think i jumped into this relationship fast because I am 27 years old and i was supposed to get married when i am 28 with my ex. When he dumped me, amd i met this guy i said i still make this plan but with another guy. Yeah thats stupid but i want to have kids before i get 30 and this saddens me a lot. Now i think that until i meet another amazing guy and click and leads to marriage god knows how much time it will take.Anyway even before this guy and after my breakup i met another guy that we dated several

Times as well. So technically i did not let my soul rest for a while & right now i cant stop comparing my ex with the current guy; how my and I used to

Laugh a lot, the chemistry between us, how smart he was and how much fun we used to have. I did not feel this a lot with the current guy. Even though he is more amazing guy than my ex-fiancé in some aspects. He really is a decent guy and i am so sad i couldnt do it. I feel like i am so excausted & i just cant do it. Today is the day, i will have to break up with him. He feels

Like its coming, yesterday he slept angrily, he told me you changed and the re is somthing going on. Mind you, i didnt change, i was feeling the samw the whole 2 months. I just cant do the effort anymore now. Its like anjob. I have to do it :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
toomanyquestions123
Yeah! Unfortunately, you aren't going to have a viable relationship with ANYONE until you're over your ex.

 

You aren't remotely ready to date! Your fiance abruptly broke off your engagement 4 months ago, which by your own admission was devastating. Rather than trying to get over your ex-fiance by getting with another guy almost immediately, take a break. Heal emotionally. Spend some time being single.

 

Once your ex no longer matters to you, then you'll be ready to date. Until that happens, you're just going to leave a trail of casualties in your wake as you try to date away your pain from your breakup.

 

I really hate the idea that my ex is still on my mind after 5 months. He deeply hurt me,Why am i still thinking about him!

Link to post
Share on other sites
I think i jumped into this relationship fast because I am 27 years old and i was supposed to get married when i am 28 with my ex. When he dumped me, amd i met this guy i said i still make this plan but with another guy. Yeah thats stupid but i want to have kids before i get 30 and this saddens me a lot. Now i think that until i meet another amazing guy and click and leads to marriage god knows how much time it will take.Anyway even before this guy and after my breakup i met another guy that we dated several

Times as well. So technically i did not let my soul rest for a while & right now i cant stop comparing my ex with the current guy; how my and I used to

Laugh a lot, the chemistry between us, how smart he was and how much fun we used to have. I did not feel this a lot with the current guy. Even though he is more amazing guy than my ex-fiancé in some aspects. He really is a decent guy and i am so sad i couldnt do it. I feel like i am so excausted & i just cant do it. Today is the day, i will have to break up with him. He feels

Like its coming, yesterday he slept angrily, he told me you changed and the re is somthing going on. Mind you, i didnt change, i was feeling the samw the whole 2 months. I just cant do the effort anymore now. Its like anjob. I have to do it :(

 

This shouldn't have gotten this far! Now he's going to be hurt. Next time if you don't feel the connection then get of of the situation fast before you hurt someone else. You can't do nice and wonderful these are not your type by nature rules. You know type you want so go after what nature has install for you!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
1966Seahorse

Hi toomanyquestions123,

 

This is so hard ... and I really do feel for you ...

 

... when you know that someone is not for you then you do need to end things asap ... not just for you but for that person too - so they can move forward as well and find someone that can give them the love they deserve ...

 

... I think maybe after two months this man will think you two are okay as a couple as that is quite a long time to keep dating someone you say you have no feelings for ... you need to sit down with him face to face and gently and kindly let him know this relationship is no more ... and expect him to be gutted ...

 

... it is such a shame, as you say "well he is the sweetest guy i ever met. He showered me with care and gifts. He really showed me care i never even seen even from my ex-fiance & he is so into me" ... a lot of women would die for someone like this ...

 

... I do feel really sorry for this kind, loving man ... however, you cannot force yourself to love someone just because that someone is nice to you - the chemistry does need to be there ...

 

... so please, do the right thing ... end this relationship asap and let him move on ...

 

... good luck xx

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
This shouldn't have gotten this far! Now he's going to be hurt. Next time if you don't feel the connection then get of of the situation fast before you hurt someone else. You can't do nice and wonderful these are not your type by nature rules. You know type you want so go after what nature has install for you!

 

Totally agree. If a woman told me after two months of seeing me that "there was no spark" I would think she was full of it and probably picked one of the other guys she was multi dating.

 

I think you know right away if there is a spark or not.

If there is, you date the person to see if you click.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I really hate the idea that my ex is still on my mind after 5 months. He deeply hurt me,Why am i still thinking about him!

 

Because five months is nothing!

 

I didn'tveven bother to install tinder for six months after my ex and I split up (needless to say I didn't go on a single date or even consider it). For the next six months I only did super casual.

 

You need time alone after any serious relationship ends.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Totally agree. If a woman told me after two months of seeing me that "there was no spark" I would think she was full of it and probably picked one of the other guys she was multi dating.

 

I think you know right away if there is a spark or not.

If there is, you date the person to see if you click.

 

Agreed. Wasting two months of a dudes time is pretty cruel. You obviously had no feelings for him and he had strong feelings for you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
She thought the attraction would grow...

 

She was wrong....

 

If after a few dates the attraction isn't growing, it almost never does. It almost never does anyway.

 

Oh and a little PSA for the dudes out there. Don't buy gifts for a women who is not your girlfriend. If she doesn't like you it won't make her like you and if she does like you, you won't need to.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think attraction can build quickly once you start talking to a person, but not over a long time. He was nice but I am getting that he was also trying too hard and showing his desperation, and that isn't ever attractive. It's tragic, but it's also true that it's important to pace yourself and keep the emoting and giving right in line with the other person's because it scares people if they see a person is getting serious when their feelings are either not as serious or whatever. If this guy had been six foot tall and acted the exact same way, do you think you would have stayed. I doubt it. But I would say you might want to introduce him to some friend of yours who might like him and do him that favor and her as well if he's that nice.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I really hate the idea that my ex is still on my mind after 5 months. He deeply hurt me,Why am i still thinking about him!

 

Because it's only been five months... I've seen my ex-wife twice in three years and she still crosses my mind from time to time. It's painful when it happens but I have accepted that it's just a fact of life. I've moved on from her but that doesn't mean that things aren't going to remind me of her and trigger bad emotions.

Link to post
Share on other sites
She thought the attraction would grow...

 

Thats why I'm not into the whole dating someone you're not attracted to initially (unless your friends and you know them on a deeper level already). In the end you will just end up hurting someone. Attraction is 50 percent the relationship.

 

 

 

 

I feel bad for this guy, it sounds like op used him as a rebound. She didn't realize it at the moment, but it happened. Just try to make a clean break, leave no breadcrumbs OP. He will be okay with time.

 

Wishing you the best in recovery OP.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Oh and a little PSA for the dudes out there. Don't buy gifts for a women who is not your girlfriend. If she doesn't like you it won't make her like you and if she does like you, you won't need to.

No. The PSA should be don't date women fresh out of broken engagements/relationships who are on the rebound. The best you'll get is heartbreak.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah! Unfortunately, you aren't going to have a viable relationship with ANYONE until you're over your ex.

 

You aren't remotely ready to date! Your fiance abruptly broke off your engagement 4 months ago, which by your own admission was devastating. Rather than trying to get over your ex-fiance by getting with another guy almost immediately, take a break. Heal emotionally. Spend some time being single.

 

Once your ex no longer matters to you, then you'll be ready to date. Until that happens, you're just going to leave a trail of casualties in your wake as you try to date away your pain from your breakup.

 

I agree with this poster.

 

I also do not want to sound harsh but this happened to me, and she devastated me. I know she may not have realized it when it first started but in the end you are going to end up not only hurting yourself but also the other person. I'm a complete mess now because of what she did. I felt betrayed and used and often ask why people can't just work through their issues before hurting a third party.

 

Again not trying to sound harsh but I find it quite selfish, we've all been guilty of it. Best of luck and sorry for all your pain, I hope you take the time to address your emotions and feelings and learn that perhaps it's best to not fill voids or hope something happens.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
toomanyquestions123

YASSS. His height was the problem at the beginning, then i thought i am being shallow i decided to give him a chance. He works abroad so he came once for 3 weeks and the other time for a weekend. I think the other issue that bothered me other than the height one, is that is an open book, available all time, not challenging, smart in his career but not street smart that i like, does not make me laugh. I enjoyed going out with him not because of his company but because he picked nice places. But i never found myself getting lost with him in conversations or when he calls i predict what we will say because i just know everything everything about him. I might have felt pressure because he wants to get married & for him he found the one already. When i told him 2 days ago maybe i cant do this because i am still broken from a previous breakup, he said he wants to stay beside me, help me heal & he understands what i am going through. But i dont really think he does. Anyway, the talk will be afternoon today, i will politely explain to him that its not him, it's just i need time alone.

 

I really need to let my bitterness from my previous breakup out of my system. AND i have learned my lesson, I will not date someone just because he is nice. The problem is that when i met my ex-fiance, i had my doubts at the beginning and he was the nice guy & attraction was not there at the very beginning. It is until he moved to my country i started loving him. Thats what i thought would happen with this guy; that if i give it time i will like him and feel something. But 2 months passed and i still did not, I even can not bare a phonecall from him; that means it is a NO NO.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Since your engagement ended 5 months, seems you need more time to grieve and probably shouldn’t be dating now.

 

As for the nice dude, it sucks but best to tell him now vs. later. At this point, you’re wasting his time. He could be finding he right girl. Just be straight up and say you don’t feel chemistry. He will probably be mad or hurt but I guess it is what is. Next time, if you don’t feel instant chemistry, let it go that moment. I have gone out with guys with limited chemistry or physically not my type, as personality is big for me. But I know the first date and if not interested by end of the date I decline another date.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I know how you feel as I have dated guys before who I so wanted to fall for but it just wasn't happening for me. It wasn't until I felt that way that I understood from the point of view of someone thinking this about me.

 

 

You've done well to get past the first step which is to have been honest with yourself about what your feelings truly are. The next step is to break-up with him which will be really difficult but at the same time, fence sitting does a lot more damage in the long run and it makes people feel even more used by the other person.

 

 

If you let him go, you let him find someone else as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...